Twilight Fan Fiction ❯ Top Fifty-Five Ways to Annoy the Hell Out of And Get A Guaranteed Death Warrant from Edward Cullen!! ❯ Ways to Annoy Edward Cullen ( One-Shot )
[ Y - Young Adult: Not suitable for readers under 16 ]
By: Moonlight Angel 
Yeah, I got bored one day and decided to come up with various ways to irritate and serverely piss off Edward because I hate his character so much. Anyway I hope you guys enjoy my evil sense of humor as much as I enjoyed writing it!!;)
Non Anime: Twilight Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Comedy | Type: Other | Uploaded On: 10.10.2008 | Pages: 2 | Words: 1.3K | Visits: 2.1K | Status: Completed
Yeah, I got bored one day and decided to come up with various ways to irritate and serverely piss off Edward because I hate his character so much. Anyway I hope you guys enjoy my evil sense of humor as much as I enjoyed writing it!!;)
Non Anime: Twilight Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Comedy | Type: Other | Uploaded On: 10.10.2008 | Pages: 2 | Words: 1.3K | Visits: 2.1K | Status: Completed
Disclaimer: Yay! I’m baaaacccckkk!! Any who, Edward Cullen belongs to Stephenie Meyer and not I. I’m just borrowing him for my own twisted devices, like torturing the hell out of him!
A/n: Yes people. It’s another one of those irritating, “Ten/Twenty/Thirty/Forty/Fifty ways to annoy the hell out of so-and-so.” If you don’t like it, don’t read it, but those of you who like to know what kind of devious ways/ things we can do to harrass poor Eddy Pooh and drive him to the brink of insanity, drive right in! Okay, actually, I was bored one day and decided to write this for the heck of it. I really got a kick out of it and I hope you guys do too!! Enjoy!!
Top Fifty-fifty Ways To Annoy The Hell Out of and Get A Guaranteed Death Warrant From Edward Cullen.
1. Sing annoyingly loud inside your head whenever he’s near. Preferably the songs, “If you were gay,” “Internet is for porn”, or the “Barbie Song.”
2. Scream in his ear for no apparent reason whenever he’s caught daydreaming.
3. Think how nice his ass is and how you want to pinch it every five minutes.
4. …keeping doing it until he glares at you and say, “Who the hell are you glaring at, homo potato?”
5. Beat the living daylights out of Bella; when confronted say, “That crazy vampire lady made me do it!”
6. Pinch his cheek and exclaim really loud, “There’s my cutesy wustsy wittle vampire. Who’s my freak of nature? Who’s my freak of nature?”, then run!!!!
7. Constantly question his sexual preference.
8. Bawl every time he as so much as steals a glance at you.
9. Paint his silver Volvo pink; bright neon pink!!
10. Pay all the vampire crazy fan girls in school to go mug his house.
11. Ask him where he got his neat contacts and if he’s as blind as a bat without them.
12. Declare yourself to be a werewolf and that Edward Cullen is your natural enemy… then flee as fast as you can!! O-O
13. Ask him if thinking of Bella gives him a erection.
14. Ask him if vampires even get erections…
15. Peg him repetitively with heavy textbooks; pray he doesn’t rip them apart when he finally snaps.
16. Tell him, “Bella’s a weak whiny whore who belongs in a funny house.”
17. Stick him in a cramped room full of werewolves. Make sure to a have a mini camera hidden somewhere in the room. Pop a bag of popcorn and sit back and enjoy the fun.
18. Run up to Bella at the end of the day, make sure he’s around and bitch-slap her.
19. Scare away his prey when he’s hunting by screaming bloody murder and then say, “Oops, my bad. It was only the wind.”
20. Force-feed him Viagra pills, but don’t tell him they’re Viagra. Say it’s a science project to see how vampires react to human medicine. Check for any noticeable bulges when he’s not looking.
21. Invite Jacob Black over and tell him that Eddy boy is going to rape Bella. Make sure to be miles away when the vampire finally recovers.
22. Tell him you’ll see him at Bella’s funeral.
23. Laugh uncontrollably at every important thing he has to say.
24. Tell him that James and him would make such a cute couple… Run like hell when he goes after you.
25. Spray garlic spray in his face and shout, “That stuff always works in the movies!”
26. Poke him repeatedly with a stick/pencil/pen/butter knife/steak knife/ruler… etc.
27. While poking him with said object say tauntingly, “I’m tormenting you. Torment! Torment!” over and over again.
28. Give him a buzz cut
29. Tell Alice Edward wants her to give him a makeover. Tell her he’s going for a 1920’s fruit tart.
30. Steal his car keys, steal his car, put the thing into reverse and watch the sucker drop off a cliff.
31. Laugh maniacally for no reason when he asks you a question.
32. Tell him to go fuck a werewolf.
33. Hire Alice and Rosalie to help paint his room pink with girly looking flower curtains and hearts and teddy bears everywhere.
34. Scream, “Edward Cullen is a stripper. I saw him doing a strip tease at a gay bar!” during lunch. Afterwards hide in the girl’s bathroom until he leaves school grounds.
35. Attack him out of the blue and demand a piggyback ride until he gives in. Do this about every other week.
36. Cover the outside of his locker with porn.
37. During class with him think how retarded he is and how Miss Bella No Brains should have ended up with Jacob in the end.
38. Come up and randomly slap him. Then run….
39. Replace all his Cds with Barney’s top hit songs throughout the centuries…
40. Flip off him for no particular reason every time you see him and say that you hope he burns in hell for eternity and that you're sure the devil will take good care of him.
41. Sing the song, “I’m the only gay Eskimo ” loudly inside your head whenever he’s around.
42. Write a Edward/Jacob Yaoi fan fiction and then post it on the front page of the school website.
43. Belch right in his face when he asks you a question.
44. Shove a steak down his pants and sick a hungry werewolf on him.
45. Try kicking him in the balls to see if he doesn’t sing soprano afterwards.
46. The night before you come to school, eat two double stuffed bean burritos, a pound of beef, a dozen deviled eggs, and a whole onion. Go to school the next day and let them rip!! Make sure he’s up wind of you!
47. Replace all his designer clothes with fancy girly dresses
48. During gym go down to the boy’s locker room, steal his underwear (if you could find out his locker combination) and sell them on eBay!!
49. Tell Mike Newton, Edward Cullen has the hotts for him.
50. Make him listen to heavy metal on the ride home from school.
51. …make sure his hands are super glued to the steering wheel, so he doesn’t strangle you or the poor radio.
52. Sneak up behind him and slap his ass and say, “ Nice ass by the way. I like a man with buns of steel.” Do this about twice week to see how long it takes for him to snap, then run for Mexico!!
53. Trick him into dressing like a French maid on Halloween, and take a picture and send it to all your friends. When he tries to kill you, threaten to black mail the pants off of him!
54. Walk over to his table and randomly say, “Your mother plays card games in hell.” (It’s from the Yu-Gi-Oh the abridged Series; totally wicked cool by the way!!)Make sure run to like hell afterwards.
55. Attach a pipe bomb to Bella’s truck and a note that reads, “I’m watching you! ~Love Victoria.”
Warning for those who fancy their lives: DON’T SHOW HIM THIS LIST!!!!!!!!!
No really… Don’t!!
A/n: Yes people. It’s another one of those irritating, “Ten/Twenty/Thirty/Forty/Fifty ways to annoy the hell out of so-and-so.” If you don’t like it, don’t read it, but those of you who like to know what kind of devious ways/ things we can do to harrass poor Eddy Pooh and drive him to the brink of insanity, drive right in! Okay, actually, I was bored one day and decided to write this for the heck of it. I really got a kick out of it and I hope you guys do too!! Enjoy!!
Top Fifty-fifty Ways To Annoy The Hell Out of and Get A Guaranteed Death Warrant From Edward Cullen.
1. Sing annoyingly loud inside your head whenever he’s near. Preferably the songs, “If you were gay,” “Internet is for porn”, or the “Barbie Song.”
2. Scream in his ear for no apparent reason whenever he’s caught daydreaming.
3. Think how nice his ass is and how you want to pinch it every five minutes.
4. …keeping doing it until he glares at you and say, “Who the hell are you glaring at, homo potato?”
5. Beat the living daylights out of Bella; when confronted say, “That crazy vampire lady made me do it!”
6. Pinch his cheek and exclaim really loud, “There’s my cutesy wustsy wittle vampire. Who’s my freak of nature? Who’s my freak of nature?”, then run!!!!
7. Constantly question his sexual preference.
8. Bawl every time he as so much as steals a glance at you.
9. Paint his silver Volvo pink; bright neon pink!!
10. Pay all the vampire crazy fan girls in school to go mug his house.
11. Ask him where he got his neat contacts and if he’s as blind as a bat without them.
12. Declare yourself to be a werewolf and that Edward Cullen is your natural enemy… then flee as fast as you can!! O-O
13. Ask him if thinking of Bella gives him a erection.
14. Ask him if vampires even get erections…
15. Peg him repetitively with heavy textbooks; pray he doesn’t rip them apart when he finally snaps.
16. Tell him, “Bella’s a weak whiny whore who belongs in a funny house.”
17. Stick him in a cramped room full of werewolves. Make sure to a have a mini camera hidden somewhere in the room. Pop a bag of popcorn and sit back and enjoy the fun.
18. Run up to Bella at the end of the day, make sure he’s around and bitch-slap her.
19. Scare away his prey when he’s hunting by screaming bloody murder and then say, “Oops, my bad. It was only the wind.”
20. Force-feed him Viagra pills, but don’t tell him they’re Viagra. Say it’s a science project to see how vampires react to human medicine. Check for any noticeable bulges when he’s not looking.
21. Invite Jacob Black over and tell him that Eddy boy is going to rape Bella. Make sure to be miles away when the vampire finally recovers.
22. Tell him you’ll see him at Bella’s funeral.
23. Laugh uncontrollably at every important thing he has to say.
24. Tell him that James and him would make such a cute couple… Run like hell when he goes after you.
25. Spray garlic spray in his face and shout, “That stuff always works in the movies!”
26. Poke him repeatedly with a stick/pencil/pen/butter knife/steak knife/ruler… etc.
27. While poking him with said object say tauntingly, “I’m tormenting you. Torment! Torment!” over and over again.
28. Give him a buzz cut
29. Tell Alice Edward wants her to give him a makeover. Tell her he’s going for a 1920’s fruit tart.
30. Steal his car keys, steal his car, put the thing into reverse and watch the sucker drop off a cliff.
31. Laugh maniacally for no reason when he asks you a question.
32. Tell him to go fuck a werewolf.
33. Hire Alice and Rosalie to help paint his room pink with girly looking flower curtains and hearts and teddy bears everywhere.
34. Scream, “Edward Cullen is a stripper. I saw him doing a strip tease at a gay bar!” during lunch. Afterwards hide in the girl’s bathroom until he leaves school grounds.
35. Attack him out of the blue and demand a piggyback ride until he gives in. Do this about every other week.
36. Cover the outside of his locker with porn.
37. During class with him think how retarded he is and how Miss Bella No Brains should have ended up with Jacob in the end.
38. Come up and randomly slap him. Then run….
39. Replace all his Cds with Barney’s top hit songs throughout the centuries…
40. Flip off him for no particular reason every time you see him and say that you hope he burns in hell for eternity and that you're sure the devil will take good care of him.
41. Sing the song, “I’m the only gay Eskimo ” loudly inside your head whenever he’s around.
42. Write a Edward/Jacob Yaoi fan fiction and then post it on the front page of the school website.
43. Belch right in his face when he asks you a question.
44. Shove a steak down his pants and sick a hungry werewolf on him.
45. Try kicking him in the balls to see if he doesn’t sing soprano afterwards.
46. The night before you come to school, eat two double stuffed bean burritos, a pound of beef, a dozen deviled eggs, and a whole onion. Go to school the next day and let them rip!! Make sure he’s up wind of you!
47. Replace all his designer clothes with fancy girly dresses
48. During gym go down to the boy’s locker room, steal his underwear (if you could find out his locker combination) and sell them on eBay!!
49. Tell Mike Newton, Edward Cullen has the hotts for him.
50. Make him listen to heavy metal on the ride home from school.
51. …make sure his hands are super glued to the steering wheel, so he doesn’t strangle you or the poor radio.
52. Sneak up behind him and slap his ass and say, “ Nice ass by the way. I like a man with buns of steel.” Do this about twice week to see how long it takes for him to snap, then run for Mexico!!
53. Trick him into dressing like a French maid on Halloween, and take a picture and send it to all your friends. When he tries to kill you, threaten to black mail the pants off of him!
54. Walk over to his table and randomly say, “Your mother plays card games in hell.” (It’s from the Yu-Gi-Oh the abridged Series; totally wicked cool by the way!!)Make sure run to like hell afterwards.
55. Attach a pipe bomb to Bella’s truck and a note that reads, “I’m watching you! ~Love Victoria.”
Warning for those who fancy their lives: DON’T SHOW HIM THIS LIST!!!!!!!!!
No really… Don’t!!