Twilight Fan Fiction ❯ When the bough breaks - R18 (MA) Will contain mature themes later on ❯ When all is lost ( Chapter 1 )

[ Y - Young Adult: Not suitable for readers under 16 ]

LPOV
Why oh why does God hate me!!! I was running my usual patrols around our section of La Push. With great difficulty me and my dearest Alpha managed to convince the rest of the pack to go back to school. Jacob tried convincing me to go to College and I of course told him that I'd go to college when he graduated. Stupid Alpha! He's just so stubborn then again so am I. Maybe that's why I fell in love with a taken man. It's been 2 months since those Italian mafia vamps came; Renestard looks almost 5 now soon she'll be mature enough for Jacob and then they'll sail of into the sunset while I'm left alone again! I really think god was high on crack when he wrote my destiny, scratch that - our ancestors were on crack when they came up with this imprinting bull shit. Me and Jacob would have been perfect together but no Bella-slut needed to get knocked up and our high and mighty Alpha imprinted on her little mutant. The only person who understands me is Rosalie sure she thinks I'm mentally unstable for loving Jacob Black but then again there are worse options out there namely Sam Uley and of course Paul. Today is the day Sam and my cousin Emily tie the knot - mind you she's 7 months prego - who gets married looking like a whale! I graciously declined their invite telling Sam I'd happily gorge my eyes out and have an orgy with the Cullen boys before that happened - of course the Cullen boys in question were within ear shot when I made that statement so every time I go to check in with my dearest Alpha Emmett comes out holding 3 gas masks and hand cuffs asking if I'm ready for that orgy - sick demented perverted vampire, sick demented pedophilic Alpha. So with everyone gone to Sam and Emily's wedding I can have time on my own thinking about Jacob Black. Jacob Black I feel the blood rush up to my face even in my wolf form I feel so light and elated when he's around, when he smiles my heart begins to flutter and I start to stutter, I've been avoiding him for the past month since I realized that I Leah Clearwater am hopelessly and irrevocably in love with Jacob Black. Just thinking of him gives me butterflies - I feel like singing.
I've got sunshine on a cloudy day
When it's cold outside I've got-
Leah Clearwater singing -that to on Sam's wedding day I think hell is about to freeze over.
Can it Black! Crap crap crap CRAP! Oh no oh no OH NO! Come on think Leah think! Um, butterflies… birds… cherry flavored candy… the smurfs… leprechauns…. Midgets…
Didn't know you had a thing for miniature men Jacob teased
Don't you have someone else to annoy Black? Isn't your little imprint looking for you? You should run along back, god forbid she lose out 2 seconds with her Jacob! Her Jacob! That's when I lost it. I phased back into my human form so Jacob couldn't catch my thoughts. I lay naked in the mud against a tree as tears streamed down my face as the hollow space in my heart began to ache - he was her Jacob, he would never be my Jacob, I felt my heart break a thousand times over the pain more excruciating than what I experienced with Sam. I brought my knees to my chest and sobbed loudly knowing everyone was too busy with their own lives to be bothered about me. “What have I done wrong?” I screamed up at the sky. “I was the perfect student! The perfect daughter, I had the perfect life! Why did you take it all away from me?” I banged my head against the tree in frustration “first you take Sam from me, then my dad, you turn me into a monster and rob me of my future, I wanted to be a doctor, I wanted to save lives” I was on my knees now banging the ground. “I can't even have children… WHY THE FUCK DO YOU HATE ME!” I screamed up into the sky. At that moment I wished for death to embrace me. A sparkle on the ground caught my eye a shard of glass - was this the solution to end the conundrum that is the life of Leah Clearwater? I picked the shard and put it to my wrist hoping I don't heal before I bleed to death, as I put the sharp piece of glass to my wrist something cold and hard knocks me into a tree, I turn around to see Rosalie watching me, anger emblazoned on her face.
“What the hell do you think you're doing Leah? How stupid are you? You want to end your life for the mutt!” I was consumed by shame, I was too defeated to reply, defeated by love, defeated by life no one will ever know the pain behind these hazel eyes, I began shaking as I sobbed, I brought my knees up to my chest again not caring about my nakedness. I felt cool arms embrace me as I sobbed. “Stupid woman!” she admonished me as she lifted me up.
RPOV
Leah was a total mess when I found her, all thanks to that stupid, stupid mutt, imprinting is a curse, anything that robs a person of choice is a curse like this life I'm leading where I can't bear the fruit of my love for the man that I love. I would be the best mother but this life has screwed me out of mother hood. I thought I could have a child albeit vicariously through Bella with Nessie but after the Volturi left Bella told me to distance myself from Renesmee as she was her mother - not me. To think I actually started liking Bella. In the past two months she's started to cause friction between us in our family, Edward is almost never around, when he does come by it's because he managed to sneak away from his needy co dependent wife. I looked down at the broken girl in my arms she had a vacant look in her eyes; my dead heart broke to see this strong courageous woman this way. She cried silent tears as I ran to the Cullen mansion with her in my arms thankfully Alice and Esme were the only ones home. Before I could reach the door Alice opened it bouncing in the door way probably excited about the shopping trip I was now going to cancel. Her bouncing stopped as she assessed the girl in my arms. “What happened to her?”
“She tried to kill herself” I answered as I carried Leah to one of our bathrooms. Esme appeared at my side within seconds “Why would she do that?” Esme asked in a pained tone. Esme had taken quite a liking to Leah over the past 2 months when Leah finally let her guard down. “Why do you think?” I asked my mother. “Jacob” Alice and Esme said in unison. Everyone could see that Leah was in love with Jacob, even my oaf of a husband. Only the mighty Alpha mutt couldn't see it and he calls me dumb! Esme sent me out to prepare the guest room for Leah - there was no way in hell we would send her out like that especially in her frame of mind. We need Edward; at least he can get into her mind and tell us what's happening. Esme cleaned up Leah, Alice dressed her and I tucked her into bed. Carlisle returned from the hospital and checked up on Leah whilst the rest of the boys returned from hunting. Esme sat with Leah whilst the rest of us adjourned to the lounge. Carlisle was perplexed. “This girl has lost the will to live!” He said in a frustrated tone. If there's one thing Carlisle hates it's not being able to assist. He pinched the bridge of his nose using Edwards's signature pose -Edward I felt a flinch of pain shoot through me as I thought of my least favorite sibling. He hasn't been with us in the past month. Bella accused Esme, Alice and myself of being jealous of her since she had Nessie, she told us that she was Nessie's mother and we should deal with it and we haven't seen her since. Jacob and Seth came here often enough - they didn't even notice the tension in our family - he only had eyes for Nessie screw the rest of the world. “We need Edward” I said in exasperation. “Miss me sister” there he was in all his glory with his signature crooked grin, Alice, Emmett and myself practically jumped him when we embraced. He then hugged Carlisle and smiled at Jasper. “How did you know we needed you son” Carlisle asked “I heard Rose's thoughts as she ran through the forest with Leah, Bella was out so she didn't have her shield around me therefore I could hear the pain from Leah's mind” Esme rushed down stairs at vampire speed nearly breaking Edwards bones in the process. “I missed you too mom” he smiled
“So what excuse are you going to use on your dear wife?” Esme asked. Edward had a pained expression on his face as if someone smacked him.
“I'm sorry for Bella's behavior, I'm sure she'll snap out of it soon and then we can put this behind us” My brother is so naïve, one look at Alice's face confirmed that Bella would never snap out of it. I was about to ask Edward to help with Leah when Seth and his retarded Alpha walked in.
“Dude I don't know why I ever allowed your sister in my pack! Seriously she needs to build a bridge and get over herself. She's been all weird this past month!”
“SHUT UP YOU MORON” I shouted!
“Leah is upstairs; she tried to commit suicide for your information though I doubt you care!” I said each word slowly lacing it with as much venom as I could. If anything happened to Leah Jacob Black would die!
I left Jacob with his stupid look of shock on his face, Seth looked at us nervously. I gave him a comforting smile. “Edward she won't talk, we need you to tell us what's going on in her mind” Carlisle requested with a ghost of hope in his voice
“She's in so much pain” Edwards face changed and Jasper cringed
“She's thinking of all the ways to end her life, she wants to be with the only man who never hurt her, she wants her father” She still blames herself for his death
“I didn't think Sam's wedding would affect her this bad, I thought she was over that” How stupid is he!
“She needs to put on her big girl panties and deal with it” Jacob said coldly
I snapped and my hand made contact with the mutts face as I slapped him.
“Don't you ever think of anyone except yourself and Renesmee? If you did you'd see you're the cause of her pain!” I want to kill him!
“You told her to jump of a cliff!” Edward gave Jacob a murderous glare
“It was a long time ago-“
“NO LEAH DON'T!” Edward shouted as we heard glass shatter upstairs.
LPOV
I heard them bicker downstairs, and a cracking sound as Rose probably smacked Jacob. It's my fault she slapped him. He'd be better of without me. I remembered the time just before he ran off when he told me to jump of a cliff. Maybe that's were my end lies. Thank you Jacob. I jumped through the window desperate to hit the lush green of the forest and phase before gloriously ending my miserable life. I felt those all too familiar ripples run down my back as the heat began to take over. Then I heard it…. A baby's cry…