Utena, Revolutionary Girl Fan Fiction / Crossover Fan Fiction ❯ Heart of Dust ❯ Beyond the Flame of Love ( Chapter 8 )

Title: Heart of Dust

Chp. 8 Beyond the Flames of Love

Rating: PG-13

**Toki Ni Ai from Adolescence Rush OST Utena

***Brightness and Darkness OST Gundam Wing operation 3

Just borrowing characters don't sue me

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**At times, a strong love wounds our hearts,

But it gives us dreams.

In the midst of courage a light will always shine

Love is strong, it causes our hearts to move**

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Brightness and darkness played upon her passenger's face as she drove along, showing the older woman's age, proving her mortality. Juri wasn't sure wanted to see Kanoe as a mere mortal. As a woman, a lover, a person how could someone called The Dragon Lady ever be anything more than an elegant force of nature, one not to be trifled or played with, because she played first. But there she was, Kanoe the great force, Kanoe the dragon, a vessel of lust and want, looking as if someone had ripped her imaginary heart from her chest…or more painful still…as if someone was slowly reconstructing it, building up the ash, and filling in the void.

Hazel eyes focused on the road ahead. She was almost to Kanoe's house and she felt like a priestess returning a fallen a god to its temple so it might rejuvenate and rise again. The older woman was watching the world go by as she sat silently, the one tear she had allowed herself to shed erased from her being, and yet it seemed to leave a stain.

"I'm getting too old for this," she whispered.

Juri nearly crashed the car. Righting it she then pulled over, turned off the engine and looked over at the other woman trying to find something she could say. But there was nothing. She didn't know how to handle the woman in this state she didn't even know her first love was capable of it. A mirthless chuckle left the dragon's throat. She still looked out her window, peering at the darkness to avoid facing the angel sitting next to her.

"I'm tired," Kanoe whispered.

"We're almost there," Juri replied not sure if an answer was needed, but she had to say something.

"Your need to keep others safe from harm will be your downfall if you're not careful," she limply glanced over dark eyes lost. "Not everyone needs saving."

Juri started the car again and soon they reached the house. She walked Kanoe to the door and waited…for an invitation in or an order to leave. She received neither.

"Do you mind if I…," she hesitated as Kanoe faced her. So lost… what could she do for her? There had to be something. "Can I come in?"

"If you like."

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***Beyond the flame of love

By the heart that was torn by darkness**

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She kept telling herself that if she had a heart it would be breaking. Juri followed her inside. If she weren't so tired she'd make an excuse to keep the angel with her. Take her to bed and spoil everything with a raw seduction, but she wasn't up to it.

She vaguely recalled the first time she ever met Juri. That horrid little eighteen and over club she was in because her boss at the time thought secretary meant babysitter. It was little favors like that though that got her career moving, and bought her positions that gave her free reign to do as she liked. It was fairly amusing though as she sat at the bar and noted with a smile that half of the supposed eighteen-year-olds were about fifteen if that. The few adults at the establishment were far, far from her standards. She had prepared herself for a dull evening. And then like a burst of angelic light there was Juri leaning against the far wall observing the masses. She remembered the tiny protests from Juri's friends, the warnings and the way the auburn haired beauty took them in and decided to go with her anyway. Perhaps it was too easy a thing but the girl had something then, still had it. There tiny regret for what she did to Juri. She knew she was the angel's first, but she had warned the girl. Over and over…"do not love me" and Juri did anyway. That made her wonderful and sad all at once.

Kanoe smiled but it was empty, as she opened the door to her room letting the memories slip away, never to be forgotten. Juri was still behind her tall and graceful, placing a gentle hand on her shoulder. And the similarity of that touch to another made the dragon break. She had been right earlier…she should never have gone out. She should have stayed home to gather her strength banish her need for something she couldn't hold on to.

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***Cry out! the feeling that was kept to yourself
Hard as you can cut through the darkness…
Now reach! --- To you, resting in the dream,
Proof of my love that will not change forever…***

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Juri wrapped her arms around Kanoe as the older woman sobbed into her chest. Ushered her over to the bed and sat there until she was finished. Even then she held on as the older woman went limp, muttering indecipherable things that the stoic angel knew she would never understand. Then a word slipped by that Juri recognized and so she stroked back Kanoe's long raven black hair and asked as softly as she could:

"Will you tell me about the lady?"

With little reluctance Kanoe nodded. And her voice was almost too soft but she related the tale. Juri sat dumbfounded by the revelation.

The lady and the dragon friends since high school, nearly inseparable until one day as sometimes will happen with friends a crush, something they called love, came between them. In the end though he proved forgettable and they tried to patch things up and ended up becoming something more. It didn't last. It couldn't because they drove each other crazy. The lady tried too hard to keep Kanoe safe. And the dragon just couldn't make the lady understand… but then they had tremendous difficulty keeping their hands off each other. Theirs was a flame that burned far too hot and fast; not to mention infuriating because they still loved each other. They dated other people… they got jealous… they decided never to speak to each other again and that plan worked as well as a square wheel. No they were doomed to be pulled to each other. In the very last of their time at school together everything broke down and their personas were brought to life. Kanoe fell hard for someone and in the end it broke down simply. She was crushed under the weight of his boots and it was a mistake because from the cinders of her heart Kanoe rose up and exacted her revenge.

"Never mistake," Kanoe said, "This is not an excuse … I'm not a kind person. I might never have been… but as I was when the lady tried to save me I ripped her in two. And there's nothing to fix us… except…" She kept the new well of tears locked tight behind her dark eyes. "Whenever we meet… whenever we part I feel this twinge and want her back."

"What keeps you from trying," Juri asked.

"Nothing but myself."

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***At the end of the faraway sky,
I can only believe in this painful longing for forever…
And if it is for your dream,
I would destroy everything…***

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"I remind you of her don't I," Juri asked.

"A bit," she'd already confessed too much. Here now, was another person who would see past the dragon to her.

"But for the lady…," Juri whispered.

She felt Kanoe grow tense.

"I never stood a chance did I, because you can't drop your moniker. We are not the titles we are given. We are only what we wish to be."

"A bit optimistic coming from you," Kanoe stated with a sigh.

The angel chuckled, "Perhaps but those aren't really my words. They're advice from someone I knew once…and so is this." She kissed the top of Kanoe's head, "Don't worry. Don't worry tomorrow you can be the dragon again…or whatever you choose."

"And you… do you follow that advice?"

"Sometimes…," was the calm reply. "Most times I forget like when I see Shiori striding towards me with a smile on her face. I worry because she gets to me…but she didn't tonight and for that I'm glad."

Kanoe pulled away and sat back, "Must be terribly difficult for you having so many exes in your life."

"Not as difficult as you think. I think I can place you in the mostly harmless category now."

The dragon frowned.

"And I know how to avoid Shiori's pretty face… and really that only leaves Dorothy but…uh… I never worry about her."

"Oh," she perked an eyebrow.

"She means me no harm… just attempts to keep me safe and sane, even if she hates when I try to do that for her."

"Sounds like you never should have broken up."

Juri shook her head and smiled, "Oh yes we should have…. We drove each other crazy."

Kanoe contained her shock as Une's words rattled through her head "I hate coincidences and history repeating its self."

"Juri?"

"Hmm?"

She shook her head. The dragon just couldn't get involved. If destiny was to play the same trick twice then there was nothing she could do. She trusted the angel would know what to do if opportunity knocked.

"Nothing… nothing," she shut her eyes. "Thank you for the ride."

"No worries… think of it as a reward for not taking advantage."

She made a move to leave stopped by the brush of Kanoe's hand against her own.

"Kanoe?"

She looked over and amid the loneliness she saw the need in the older woman's eyes, fell to it.

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***Cry out the feeling that was kept to yourself
Hard as you can cut through the darkness…
Now reach! --- To you, resting in the dream,
Proof of my love that will not change forever…***

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It was an odd feeling for her but Kanoe handed over her control letting herself be taken for the first time in ages…even in her brief interlude with Une she wouldn't give up what she saw as her control. Only at the end when she had been asked to stay did she falter…but now… it was all up to Juri. Her angel had free reign to give what she pleased and as expected she gave just what was needed, maybe more. Even in lust Juri was generously elegant, graceful to the last. And the auburn haired beauty ignored the name that was not her own as it left the dragon's lips, reacted gratefully when her name was finally whispered and tried to contain her shock when the older woman nuzzled into her embrace for something like protection.

"I could have," she whispered. "I really could have."

And it was uncertain whether Kanoe was speaking of Une or Juri but it hardly mattered at the time. As the older woman drifted to sleep in her arms Juri recalled the moment when she had told the dragon she loved her and Kanoe looked her dead in the eye and told her she shouldn't. Juri knew Kanoe was telling the truth, and she knew that now whatever Kanoe had said, whomever she was speaking to… it was the truth.

"I hate needing you," Kanoe muttered in her sleep as Juri kissed the top of her head and held her tight.

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***I believe that dreams would surely come true someday…
Until my life ends…
In love with you
Do anything for you***

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Juri left early in the morning. She wanted to stay longer but knew she was not wanted. As she pulled into her driveway she noted that Dorothy's car was parked outside. It was curious. She stalked over and was surprised to find the goddess asleep inside. She tapped on the window and the pale blonde started. Juri smiled and shook her head as Dorothy emerged from the car.

"Hey!"

"Hey…"

"Why are you sleeping out here?"

"Why aren't you sleeping in there," Dorothy asked pointing to the house.

"Someone needed me." She perked and eyebrow. "And you?"

"I thought someone would need me." She hid her hurt fairly well. "I was wrong though."

"Maybe."

"You slept with her didn't you?"

Juri nodded and watched the hurt slide from behind the goddess' well kept mask.

"Why?"

"I told you why."

"She doesn't love you Juri."

"I know that… What does it matter to you? I'm fine and in one piece. She isn't and that's why I went."

"It matters," she whispered.

"Why does it matter?"

The sun was getting brighter, hotter. Still early morning and the heat of the day was going to be unbearable.

"Why does it matter Dorothy," Juri asked again already finding the answer in the stormy eyes of the goddess before her.

"I think…," she leaned against her car.

Juri moved closer.

"I think I still love you."

To be continued……