Utena, Revolutionary Girl Fan Fiction ❯ Andromeda's Lament ❯ Chapter 1

[ Y - Young Adult: Not suitable for readers under 16 ]

Andromeda's Lament
A Shoujo Kakumei Utena fanfic.


In the way of fairytales, the princess finds a handsome
prince and lives happily ever after.

How I wish I were not a princess. Surely those in less
exalted states are free to be happier.

No, I must be happy. I have no other fate.

I tried once to shake off my fate. Not willingly, I must
admit. I saw that sable flower, that sharp stem pointed
like a dagger. After dredging up everything within me I
hated and despised, faced with the dark beauty of it all, I
knew how wrong it was. I wanted to run, but it was forced
onto me, like everything else.

That time seems as a dream. Only in the deepest of my
dreams do I see myself as the champion of the dark rose,
standing against the would-be prince. She didn't save me.

No one can.

I am just another in a world of princesses, just another to
be used in a greater scheme of things. How I wish I could
tear my heart from my chest! How I wish that dark rose had
killed any feeling I have; how I wish everything was numb
and insensate.

I stare up at the doors that guard the way up to the
planetarium room. He's up there again, surrounded by the
illusions of the pristine night sky he seems overly fond of.
As always, he comes to me only when he needs something, or
when I complain enough. Otherwise, I'm just a pretty little
decoration, the trophy that he must put up with in order to
be assured of his place here.

I want to storm up there and demand the attention I deserve.
I want to stay here, dreading what I would find should I
give in to temptation. I tried once before, and failed.
Like the whisper of a forgotten dream, I fleetingly recall
when I had power, power that was given to me only to have it
burn fast and bright and to no effect.

Princesses have no power, truly. We have only what we are
given by those around us. We hold the key to power to be
seized by others. We cannot wield it ourselves.

Slowly, I lift a hand and press the button. Without a
sound, the doorway splits and slides apart, revealing the
elevator up to the highest room in the tower. From there,
you can see over the entire campus. It had been my father's
room, before he became too ill to oversee the running of
Ohtori Academy. I recall it being a happier, brighter place
then, when I used to wander about as a little girl, asking
of my father with that curiosity youth has. He took the
time to answer, to set aside what he was doing and show me
something, to make for me the time I wanted.

I miss him. Ever since that... *witch* showed up, he's been
very ill, removed from the academy he loved so well, kept
away in a hospital bed. Mother keeps an eye on things, but
it's truly my prince, my dear Akio, that runs the day-to-day
business of the school.

He makes time for Mother. He makes time for that creepy
little sister of his. He makes time for that tomboy Utena
Tenjou. He makes time for Touga Kiryuu. He makes time for
*everyone* save me.

I step past the silent, twin sentinels of the doorway, those
rose-decorated panels that had hidden the elevator away.
Slowly, I turn around, my feet dragging as I do so, waiting
for the doors to slide shut again. As the compartment shuts
me in, preparing to take me up to the place my fiancée has
claimed as his own, my mind turns again to the thoughts that
plague me. Why am I not enough? I've done everything in my
power to make him happy, yet I can see it in his gorgeous
emerald eyes. I'm just a means to an end. Maybe there's a
part of him that truly cares, but it cares about everyone
else and I'm just a drop in an endless sea. I stay quiet,
usually. It's my place to just accept, and yet... Why must
I give up everything for his sake? Why can't I be given
what I need, what I want as well? What's the use of
compromising, of giving up and giving in, of doing
everything I think he wants when what I get is ignored. I
have no special place. All that matters is what I can give
him.

I feel the floor move under me...

I'm on my way...

Closer and closer to the zenith of the campus I get, to that
room that oversees everything that goes on in this world of
the academy. My father's pride and joy, though he always
had a spot in his heart that I alone held, ruled now by
another of his choosing. I should respect my father's
choice; Akio certainly does keep things flowing smoothly.
I'll give him that much. Father at least judged that part
of his character well. But is it worth my unhappiness?
Somehow, I don't think Father would approve.

I feel another twinge of anger. Somehow, Mother thinks
there's nothing wrong. I confided in her my
dissatisfaction; she assured me that she would see to it
that Akio gave me the attention I deserved. One
conversation with my beloved prince up in the room that even
now awaits my slow climb within the elevator and she's
suddenly averring that all's well, that I must be imagining
things. Worst of all, Mother seem to show little concern
for the length of Father's illness...

The vehicle stops with a little jolt, one that echoes the
lurch within my heart. Then the doors slide apart.

I take a breath, feeling a sudden frission of fear. I step
forward, into the shadowed darkness. "Akio?"

No answer.

I take a few more steps, toward the white couch. I see him,
his back to me, that gorgeous mane of pale lavender hair
crowning him and spilling over the back of the couch. The
planetarium is on, the illusion of a night sky shining down
on me, on this room that is the highest one in all of
Ohtori.

I do my best to still my pounding heart. I close the
distance between us swiftly, wanting to get it over with.
If there's something to this feeling of dread, I'd rather
face it now.

Dark skin. Long, unbound, dark purple hair, dark hair
twining with hair of a far paler shade...

I want to scream, but nothing comes out. The betrayal...

But I should have known. I was never anything special. All
that was special was what I could give him.

Damn it all. Even seeing *this*, I still love him. I
should *hate* him, as much as I hate that witch that lies
there with him.

He shifts slightly, smirking up at me. How sure of himself
he seems. He knows how much I need him, how much I've come
to depend on him and what little scraps of attention he
gives me. Even *this* doesn't make me want to turn and run
near as much as facing the sharp dagger of that black rose
had made me feel.

That witch of a sister moves, getting off him, even as he
sits up straighter. Akio reaches forward, grabbing me by
the wrist, tugging me down. I don't resist; I'm still too
stunned to really do anything at all. I feel myself
falling, coming to rest sitting next to him, aware of the
heat of him, of the heat of his sister on the other side of
me.

"Come now, my love, my princess. I can make your greatest
desire come true," he purrs next to my ear. Just as his
words register, coming to me through my shocked daze, I feel
his strong hand on my jaw, pressing open my mouth. Other
hands move at the edge of my vision, and I feel something
being slipped between my lips, tasting of apple and
bitterness, promising a type of oblivion.

I sit there and accept this. Yes, he knows what I truly
want. He's always known, hasn't he? I eat the drugged
apple, knowing that -- finally -- I'll feel no more.

I love you, Akio. I'll do anything for you, even this...