Utena, Revolutionary Girl Fan Fiction ❯ When the Castle Comes Down ❯ Chapter 1 ( Chapter 1 )

When the Castle Comes Down

Five minutes to eleven. Saionji glared up at the clock, willing it to move faster. Financial Accounting was the most boring class he had ever been in. Normally, if Touga was there, at least he would have remained even mildly entertained, but the red head's chair was empty.

"Screw this," thought Saionji, and raised his hand.

"Yes, Saionji-san?" the teacher paused, glaring at him.

"Uh…can I go to the bathroom?" he asked.

"Is it an emergency?"

"Yes," Saionji lied smoothly. He shifted in his seat a bit, trying to look like he really did have to go.

"All right," the teacher sighed. "Make it quick."

There were a few muted snickers as he got p and left the class, but Saionji ignored them. The June warmth in the hallways felt great after the overly-air conditioned classroom.

For a few minutes he just walked through the hall, content to be out of class. He never knew what made him actually go in the bathroom. He didn't have to go, but still there was an undeniable urge to go in.

So he did.

He stood around for moment or two, wondering just why he was there.

Then he saw a thin trickle of blood roll out from under a stall.

Saionji coughed nervously. "Umm…is everything all right in there?" he asked, tapping on the door.

"Go away, Saionji!"

"Touga! What the hell?!"

"Go away!"

"No! Open the door!"

"Leave me alone!"

"No!" Saionji quickly weighed his options. There was limited space in the stalls, and he didn't want to hurt Touga more than he already seemingly was.

Bracing one foot against the door jamb, he pulled on the door with all his strength. With a CRACK, the flimsy plastic door came free.

Touga was huddled on the ground, blood staining his white uniform, turning it red.

"Oh my God," he breathed, kneeling down. Touga slumped weakly into his arms.

"Touga…what have you done?"

The seitokaicho looked up weakly. "Remember that glen we used to practice kendo in? Bury me there, okay?"

"What the hell have you done?

Touga grew heavy; he had passed out. Saionji carefully laid him down on the bathroom floor and got up. He burst out the door and turned to the nearest person.

"You! Have you got a cellphone?"

She nodded dumbly. Belatedly, he realized his uniform was covered in blood.

"Call the emergency number! NOW!" he roared when she wasn't moving fast enough.

Saionji tried to stay calm and not panic. He turned back into the bathroom. Touga had lost a lot more blood.

His wrist was cut.

Saionji swore loudly. Recalling basic first aid training, he knew he had to stop the bleeding. That should have been the first thing he did.

On sudden, inspiration, he yanked the green cord off his uniform. He tied it around the pale wrist as hard as he could, feeling the bones shift and constrict as he made the tourniquet. The blood flow lessened slightly.

The door banged open and two paramedics burst in.

"What happened?" one asked breathlessly.

"He's hurt," Saionji said weakly, unable to believe that Touga really had been trying to commit suicide.

"You see it happen?"

"N-no…I found him."

To his complete surprise, Saionji found himself near tears. He didn't know why.

They gently lifted the unconscious red head. One noted the green rope tied around the bloody arm, and the marks on Saionji's uniform where it had obviously been torn off.

"Good work, son," he said sagely, and then they were gone.

He sniffed past the lump in his throat. He noticed something glinting in the florescent light and went to retrieve it.

It was a dagger he had seen Nanami use sometimes in the dojo. Right now, it was covered in blood.

Saionji held it, feeling rage welling up inside him. Why did this happen? Touga had everything. What did he know about being miserable? With a yell, he plunged the dagger into the brick wall above the toilet.

A shuddering breath. *If I didn't come in when I did…If the timing was off by even a few minutes….Touga would have….

He still might…

I have to get back to class*

Numb, he walked out of the bathroom. People stared at him, but he ignored them. They hadn't seen their best friend die before their very eyes. For that was it, he was convinced that Touga was dead. No one lost that much blood and lived. No one.

The teacher screamed when she saw him. He looked down and realized he was still had blood all over him. Touga's blood.

"There was an accident…" he explained.

"Saionji-san! Are you hurt?"

"No…not me…"

"Good…well, you can't come in here like that. Go get changed, you're excused from class."

He nodded once and left. The warm hallways, which had once felt so good, were now stifling, making the blood smell. Saionji took off his uniform jacket so he was just in his T Shirt. Blood had spattered his pants, too, but there was nothing he could really do about that, unless he wanted to walk around in his underwear. Saionji was fairly sure that wouldn't let him do that, Student Council or not.

He began walking out toward the parking lot. Touga's motorcycle was there; he had driven them both to class that morning. Saionji gave it an angry glare, then a kick for good measure. He began to walk, past the main buildings, past the tower, past the dojo, past the residences until finally after almost an hour and a half of walking he was at the doors of the clinic.

Stepping inside, he was glad of the cool breeze of air conditioning. The secretary looked up, then recoiled at the sight of his bloody, sweaty appearance.

"Are you in need of assistance?" she asked.

"Yeah…Kiryuu Touga…is he…okay?" he couldn't think of a better way to phrase it.

"I don't really know. Why don't you sit down and I'll page someone who does."

Saionji nodded once. After about fifteen minutes of waiting, a thin, nervous looking man in a white lab coat came out.

"Are you family?" he asked.

Saionji paused for moment, hoping the doctor wouldn't know. "Yeah. He's my brother. Can I see him?"

The doctor stared at Saionji's wavy, emerald green hair for a second, most likely wondering how they could possibly be related. Saionji drew himself up and stared down at the smaller man, daring him to doubt his claim.

"Of course. Right this way," he said, lading him down a white hallway that smelled of antiseptic and soap.

"Kiryuu-san, has your brother been…depressed at all?"

With a start, Saionji realized the doctor was talking to him. "Ah…no, no he hasn't. This was quite a surprise. How is he?"

A pause. "Well, I'm not going to lie to you, Kiryuu-san. Your brother lost a lot of blood. He went into shock and his heart nearly stopped. "

"But he's okay now?" Saionji could practically hear his heart in his ears.

"Yes, he's stable now. Unfortunately, he has not yet woken. Ah. Here we are." He pushed open the door to the clinic's approximation of an intensive care unit.

"Oh, God," Saionji murmured. He moved closer. The sunlight streaming in the windows seemed to accentuate the paleness of Touga's skin and the hollows in his cheeks.

Lightly he traced Touga's jawline, like a lover, careful to avoid the oxygen tubing.

"What have you done?" he murmured, once again feeling unexplainable tears well up in his eyes.

As if on cue, Touga stirred under his fingers. He mumbled something incoherent and went still.

"Touga-kun? Can you hear me?" Saionji asked hopefully. "C'mon, wake up, you can't die on me!"

Touga stirred a little. Slowly his eyelids lifted and he stared up at Saionji as if waking from a deep, heavy sleep.

"Saionji-kun…"

"I'm here…what the hell do you think you were doing?"

Touga was smiling, he eyes showing pure joy. "You saved me, Saionji-kun…my prince."

Saionji stiffened at the word prince. "No…no…I'm not your prince. Touga-kun…why did you do this?"

"Yes you are?" Touga insisted. "You saved me from drowning."

Saionji shivered, though he didn't know why. "No, not drowning. You slashed your wrist! Don't you remember?"

Touga blinked hard, once, then looked around. He took in the sight of the hospital room, the bag of blood that was transfusing into his body, his heavily bandaged wrist.

"I did this?" he asked.

"Yes." Saionji grit his teeth in frustration. "You scared the hell out of me! What's wrong with you?"

"I….I…." Touga blinked a couple of times, and Saionji realized that he was probably pretty heavily drugged. "I don't remember," he said at last, helplessly.

"Hey, uh, its okay," Saionji reassured, patting his shoulder. "Get some rest, okay?" What he really wanted to was strangle some sense into him, but seeing as the doctor was still in the room, that probably wasn't such a good idea.

Touga nodded silently and closed his eyes. Saionji moved away from the bed.

"When will he be better?" he asked roughly of the doctor who had never left the room.

"I don't know, Kiryuu-san. He lost a LOT of blood. And there's always the chance…that after he heals, he may try it again."

Saionji blinked. "Again?"

The doctor sighed. "Statistics show that most people who attempt suicide and survive usually attempt it again…and succeed."

Dead silence settled over the room.

"Again," he said.

"Yes."

"And there's nothing we can do about it."

"Oh sure there's thing you can do about it, but someone who's sunk so far into depression as to try to take their own life, they often don't want to be helped and will resist all attempts.

Saionji knew Touga would do that. Touga hated being seen as weak or incapable. That he had done this was testimony as to how bad he must think his life was.

Then again, mused Saionji, why do I really care? Touga was a bastard and he deserved to die. His behaviour toward Utena was reprehensible. He had no morals.

"Why do I care so damn much?"

He had known Touga from childhood. He couldn't give up on him that easily. As much as he wanted to, he couldn't. He and Touga might as well have been real brothers for the bond between them. Possibly only one person was closer…

"Onii-sama!"

…And here she was. Nanami flew into the room, intent on 'comforting' her brother. She caught one look at Saionji and stopped dead.

"What are YOU doing here?" she asked.

"Leaving," he snapped back, and turned on his heel.

He could hear Nanami crying and cajoling behind him and rolled his eyes.

"What happened?"

He blinked. Juri and Miki had seemingly materialized out of nowhere.

"There are rumors flying all over the school, Saionji-sempai," Miki said breathlessly. "Did you really stab him again?"

"Quiet, runt!" barked Saionji. Miki looked hurt. "Touga…"

"What happened, Saionji?"

"Touga…he…I didn't stab him. He did it himself."

"What?"

"I told you!" Saionji growled. "He did it himself."

"Are you sure?"

"I found him!" he snapped. "I'm sure." He turned away and started to walk back toward the dorms.

"Saionji-kun."

He ignored Miki's gentle call, kicking a small rock as hard as he could to get the point across: he wanted to be left alone. He could hear their voices fading into the background as he walked.

"I want to forget about this. I'm not coming back. I'm not going to see how he's doing. I did my duty saving his life. My part's done now."

He kept trying to convince himself of this all the way home. He got out of bloodstained pants, threw them and the jacket into the wash. The laundry chute door banged shut with an empty clang, as if finalizing the whole sordid matter. It was over.

"What the hell was that all about?" he wondered as he flopped down in front of the small television. He wanted to lose himself in some meaningless sitcom or soap opera, to forget for half an hour. He didn't turn it on, though. He knew he wouldn't be able to focus.

"What the hell was so bad that there was no way out? Stupid rich kid. What does he know about misery and despair? All those times I lay alone at night, dreaming of Anthy and knowing I'd never have her back, I never once though of cutting my wrists or eating rat poison, or sitting in an enclosed space in Akio's car with the engine running, or accidentally overdosing on sleeping pills.

Just proves I'm stronger than him.

Heh.

A hiccuping sob escaped before he even realized he was crying. Saionji reached up to wipe at his face, just as three more tears fell. He hadn't cried in years, and couldn't really explain why he was doing it now, except that it seemed like the right thing to do. More than the right thing--if he didn't, he knew he'd go mental.

"As mental as….

"No. I will NOT think that way.

He couldn't put out of his mind the sight of the lifeblood pooled on the floor, warm, sticky, every once of it lost forever.

Still sniffling quietly, Saionji pulled the blanket down from the back of the couch and wrapped himself up in it. The blanket had been made by his grandmother just before he'd left for Ohtori, and it was one of his favourite things in the world. He had spent countless long, lonely nights curled up under it, wishing he was back home with his grandmother, that he had never come to Ohtori in the first place.

I wish he died.

The thought came out of nowhere, startling him with its intensity.

I wish he died because then it would be over and we wouldn't have to do anything else. We could just put him in the ground and cry a little and be sad and then it would be over.

Almost unconsciously he began having a one sided conversation with his friend.

You didn't hear what the doctor said, you were asleep, but its likely that even if you get better you'll do it again and actually do it right. As much as I want to forget about you, I can't. We've been best friends for a long time. You don't be friends with someone that long without caring about them at least a little. Just a little, ne? I don't want to wonder if you're going to show up for school each morning of if you're dead. I don't even want to be a part of this.

But I am.

Like it or not, I am.