Vision Of Escaflowne Fan Fiction ❯ Awakening ❯ THREE: VAN--...is you... ( Chapter 3 )

DISCLAIMER: ::sigh:: must we always play this game? The story is mine, original characters are not. Kapish? Read on.

*~*~*AWAKENING*~*~*

"In real love, you want the other person's good. In romantic love, you want the other person."

--Margaret Anderson

THREE: VAN-- …is you…

I sighed with relief as I walked out of the late running council meeting. Those old brutes work my last nerve. There were only really three people of the seven on the council that I could tolerate with equanimity. As for the rest, I could swear they were sent to me as a cruel test of my patience. They would debate and argue about the most obscure subjects. To top it all off, they insisted I be there to hear them argue back and forth with each other about why or why not something should or should not be done. I appreciate that they would want my input, but there was only so much I could stand and still keep my sanity. Today they had been 'discussing' the last details of Fanelia's anniversary festival. Every year there were two major festivals: one during the winter season to celebrate the anniversary of the country's birth (called the Birth Festival), and another one during the summer season to celebrate the end of the Great War as well as the rebirth of Fanelia (called The Moondance Festival). This year, the Birth Festival was special, since rulers and dignitaries from all over Gaea had been invited to celebrate Fanelia's two-hundredth year. For this reason the council had been feistier than usual.

I walked down the main corridor of the castle. It was too late to find Allen to have a sparring match. He had just arrived in Fanelia a couple of hours ago (or so a messenger told me) and so I assume he must be asleep. Allen had been living in Fanelia for just about five years because Serena enjoyed it so much, and Allen would do anything for Serena. Since he was staying here, I asked him to be my swords master, to which he agreed. Princess Millerna nearly had a fit when she found out that her beloved Calei Knight would be living in Fanelia. King Aston, on the other hand, was only too happy to finally have Allen out of his hair, gave the Knight his blessing and even gave his an honorable leave from the Calei Knights. So, Allen and Serena became citizens of Fanelia and I insisted that they live in the palace itself.

I might not know much about women, but it doesn't take much to figure out the Millerna has a thing for Allen. Since the moment I met her, I thought she was a reasonable sort of girl, perhaps a precious little above the spoiled princesses I had known in my short life. But as soon as she plastered herself all over the blonde knight, I lost all respect for her right then. I don't understand why a person like Millerna who has a royal position, intelligence enough to study medicine, and a man who is willing to drag himself through the mud for her, can still vainly reach for a relationship with someone who would no longer give her the time of day.

It was rather amusing, actually. Merle and Serena (who had, to my relief, become inseparable) had made a bit of a sport of watching Allen do all he could to avoid Millerna, and Millerna do everything she could to stay close to him. I didn't need to ask him twice to come to Fanelia.

I had truly come to appreciate his friendship, especially lately, when I've felt so depressed about Hitomi. Now more than ever, I feel that my friends have really come through for me.

How is it that one person can insight such strong feelings of love and delight, loneliness and despair at the same time? How is it that in less than a season, my heart, which I thought could never be touched, would be consumed by love for a girl that I hardly knew?

I heard someone say once: "Matters of the heart never listen to reason."

~*~*~

I ran down the steps leading to the private gardens. One of the perks of being king was that I got to demand some privacy under penalty of death.

I headed the small space where Escaflowne rested, mighty and peaceful, just as my brother had always envisioned it to be. I came here often since here were the graves of my family, and also it was the place I had last seen the only woman I've ever loved. For some reason, I could still feel her aura here, as if a part of her had stayed in this sacred place. I took a deep breath of the cold night air and I let my senses loose. I felt the stress and all the aggravation I'd kept in all day slowly flee from my body and mind. All that was left now was the overwhelming loneliness that always threatened to eat me alive every time I was alone. My arms ached to hold her once more, I would have given years of my life for just another minute with her. I looked up at the bare trees all around me and the starry sky just beyond.

This sorrow is probably the worst feeling that could ever exist.

~*~*~

"I knew that I would find you here," a voice said in the darkness.

I was walking back to the castle a little while later, and half way there, I saw a figure leaning against a tree.

He pushed himself up and took a step towards me, the moonlight reflecting on his blonde mane, a smirk playing on his lips.

"Why didn't you wake me up?" my best friend asked.

"Why would I?" I asked, trying to sound irritated, though I was very glad to see him again.

"Oh, I don't know," Allen said, moving his cloak to pull his sword out of its sheath. He examined his sword while he continued, "I just thought it was more challenging to spar with a partner."

"Who says I came out here to spar?" I asked, though I knew he was teasing me.

Allen brought his blue gaze up to me. "Van, I've known you for years. I know you're upset, I know what you're upset about, and I know what you do when you're upset. Why do you think I left the girls so early?"

Duke Chid, along with Merle, Princess Millerna and Serena and Allen had gone to Zaibach to aid with the construction of a large orphanage that was being built there.

"I thought it was so you wouldn't have to spend another two weeks with Millerna," I said as I pulled out my own sword. It was only fair that I could tease him too.

I could tell he was fighting the urge to roll his eyes. "You should really appreciate the things I do for you," he continued, ignoring my comment, "I was planning to spend some quality time with my son."

I knew that it filled Allen with pride to be able to say that, even if it was only to me.

When Chid turned ten, Allen decided that Chid was old enough to understand the situation and so Allen built up enough courage to not only tell the young Duke of his origins, but let the rest of his close friends in on the whole thing too. Chid had been shaken for a while but then gladly accepted the truth that the man whom he had idolized all of his life was also his procreator. As happy as that situation could have been, Allen and Chid could never really share a true family relationship because if it was ever proved that Chid was an illegitimate child, there may be problems with the people of Freid. So rather than risk Chid losing the throne, he and Allen agreed that they would keep their relationship as it was before. I respected and admired Allen for being so honorable and selfless.

"Well, then I want you to know that, even though it was unnecessary, I appreciate your being here," I told him.

Allen's face grew serious, "I know you miss her, Van. I can't tell you how much I miss her too."

I looked down at the ground as a twinge of an old feeling resurfaced. I couldn't help but feel jealous of Allen. Hitomi had fallen all over herself for him, given him her adoration, her devotion, her first kiss…Allen had had Hitomi in almost everyway I wanted to have her.

I quickly pushed those feelings aside. They weren't going to make things any better.

"Common," I said raising my sword, "I think a couple of sparring matches would do us both good."

~*~*~

I sank back in the bathing pool, letting the hot water relax my limbs. Though the winter nights in Fanelia were raw and cold, the sparring had raised my body temperature so high I was sweating. I chuckled to myself as I thought about how I was getting really good. Allen himself admitted that I might even become better than he was, especially after I beat him during our first match. However, he didn't take long to remind me that I still had much to learn if I was to surpass him when he quickly unarmed me during the second match.

I closed my eyes and sighed. Apparently I still had a lot to learn about a lot of things…like how to continue with my life with all this pain and guilt bottled up inside me. It was one thing for me to lose my parents and my brother and then lose most of my kingdom during a surprise enemy attack. Even though the grief and loneliness that comes with losing one's family is still something I often suffered from, in my heart I knew that there was nothing I could have done to prevent their leaving me. What really got to me was how I had the opportunity to reclaim a family and quite possibly the happiness that comes along with loving someone who loves you back. I rubbed my hands over my face with the warm water, a growl forming from the base of my throat.

How the hell could I have been so stupid?!

If I had told her that I loved her, if I let her know that I wanted her to stay by my side forever. She had said she wanted to stay! But no, I had to be the responsible one for the first time in my life. What had I said to her?

'We can see each other whenever we want. We just have to share a common thought.'

I selected a choice curse as I got out of the pool and dressed. I haven't the slightest idea what possessed me to say something like that and not, 'I love you. Stay with me and I swear I'll love you forever.'

Nope. I had to be an idiot and send her home. What's worse is that what I told her didn't even turn out to be true. I hadn't been able to speak to her in five years, which made everything much more irritating.

The dark part of my mind often considered the possibility that she might have forgotten al about me and moved on with her life. She was probably already married, maybe even going to have a child or something. After all, she had no real way of knowing how I feel about her. Why? Because I was stupid.

I still hope that maybe, somehow, Hitomi would come back to me and things would be as they should have been from the beginning. I've been waiting forever for some kind of miracle to occur. I kept repeating to myself a phrase I had heard Hitomi use: "Good things come to those who wait."

I walked into my bedroom and threw myself into bed face first.

I was tired of waiting.

Something needed to happen for me now. I needed to know that Hitomi and I had a future.

"You always were impatient," a deep voice spoke.

I lifted my head up from the fortress of my pillows to glance at my brother who was half sitting on a table in the middle of my room.

I wasn't surprised to see him.

Folken would often make random appearances. His spirit was there when I felt that I needed him the most, almost as if he was making up for the brother he hadn't been those ten years he was gone. I actually felt closer to him now that he was dead than when he was alive.

"Don't you think I've been waiting a long time?" I ask him, sitting up.

"It's only been six years, Van," he replied coolly, crossing his arms over his chest.

"Only six years? How could you say that? These have been the longest six years of my life!"

Folken raised an eyebrow questioningly at me. "Really? Don't you mean the longest two years of your life?"

I was about to protest when I realized what Folken was talking about.

Hitomi had been my constant thought for only two years. The four years before that, my mind had been completely full of other things.

It had taken most of my energy to rebuild Fanelia after the destruction caused by Zaibach. Not only that, but there was also the rest of Gaea to deal with. I'm actually very proud of the important part Fanelia played in the creation of the Gaean Alliance that united the greater part of Gaea after the war. Since the crippled Zaibach was to form part of the Alliance, they were sent some of the most brilliant minds to restructure Zaibach and aid to its recovery from Donkirk's lunacy. Despite this, Zaibach's technology was well beyond anything we had ever seen before and hopefully they would be able to distribute it for the greater good soon.

All of that, and helping my people rebuild our country made me physically and mentally exhausted.

Thankfully, things had begun to fall into place about two years ago, and since then I've had a lot more time to myself.

Actually, it was more like I've had time to remind myself how alone I really was. Sure I had friends, but friends can never fill that space in your life where you have someone that is just for you, made to be by your side. Sometimes the hard truth was too much to bear.

That might have been one of the reasons I had allowed the council to convince me to court several noblewomen and princesses. Hitomi was just an adolescent infatuation, they had said, and I owed it to my people to give them an heir. I knew that being king meant personal sacrifices, so I tried for a year to find someone I could let into my heart, even if was just for Fanelia's sake. Unfortunately I fell into a rather annoying habit of comparing everyone I met to the woman I had on a pedestal. This one was to quiet, that one was too loud, too sensitive, too compliant, not caring enough. In short, it went on and on. By that time I had come to realize that no one else could ever be in heart because it was already occupied by Hitomi. She was my soulmate and I resolved that if I ever saw her again, she would be the one I would marry.

I sighed, getting out of bed and walking over to the window to look out into the city. It was almost completely dark except for the light of the moon washing over everything.

"You've got to stop doing this to yourself Van," my brother addressed me again, "You'll see Hitomi again when the time comes."

"How can you be so sure?" I ask.

"Because…it's what is meant to be."

I looked over to where he was only to find him gone. I turned my attention back to the sky. There was a soft breeze that blew into my room just then, the air seeming to carry a faint whisper of sound.

………I love you………

~*~*~

TBC…

Youjibaracuda here. So that's the end of the second chappie. Wanna make something of it?

REVIEW!!!! ….or else….*gives Crawford glare*

October 2002