Vision Of Escaflowne Fan Fiction ❯ Bloody Hands ❯ Author's Essay ( Chapter 18 )

Maybe it's a bit scary that I devoted so much to a story that's based on, when all is said and done, a cartoon. But, this is my favorite of all my fics on ff.net, my precious lil treasure. Hopefully it won't remain my favorite and I'll continue to get better. Part of the reason it's my favorite is because I just put so much of myself into this fic. Everything from the support of homosexuality, to the child abuse, to Mercutio's personality.

I'm sure plenty of my 'readers' (can I call you 'fans'? please? ^_~) know that I do, in fact, support gay and lesbian relationships. I'm not a lesbian myself, there are just too many cute (anime bishounen) guys in the world. The way the world treats homosexual and interracial relationships breaks my heart, and it came through in the scene where Gatti's father forced him to read his journal. Everan was meant to be a character that you instantly hated. There was just no way around it. Though, I tried to make you hate him because he was a cold, insecure bastard that thought affection and homosexuality were signs of weakness instead of a drunk, hateful slob in a wife beater that released his anger out on a 13-year-old Gatti. Humiliation is the ultimate cruel and unusual punishment in my opinion, and Everan symbolizes the world's criticism of homosexuality (Gatti). The people who read the first version of 'Without Armor' are nodding... that same symbolism is shown in that fic as well.

As for the child abuse, it's an explanation of Gatti's loyalty to Dilandau in case some of you missed that. Becoming a Dragonslayer took him away from his father, and Dilandau therefore becomes a radiant savior (a.k.a The Diabolical Adonis, ha-ha). I said in the beginning that I put a lot of myself in this fic, and this part is no exception. But don't worry because Gatti had it ten zillion times worse than me ^_^. Some of his thoughts and feelings are based on mine, though.

As for Mercutio, he was molded from my very own personality! Yes, I do get that crazy sometimes. I think I have slight ADD (extremely short attention span) and maybe a little OCD (obsessive compulsive disorder). Nothing to worry about, though. Mercutio's personality is based on my slight insanities, amplified. I think everyone needs someone like Mercutio in their life. Without people like that, things are just too serious for sanity. So I guess what I'm saying is... a little insanity keeps everyone sane? Yes, that'll work.

My reasons for writing this fic are vague, even to me. At first I just wanted to give you a good scare. One that would leave you scared to open your eyes in the morning because you weren't really sure there wouldn't be a sliced open Dragonslayer hanging' over you.... But I don't think stories will ever be powerful enough to give you nightmares. I think only movies can do that with the visual stunners we have nowadays. Although, if you've read any Stephen King, just his words can be scary... The way he used 'Oz' and that Ramones song in 'Pet Semetary'... eek!

But then I thought maybe I'd take another direction (a philosophical one) and make you stay up at night thinking about Bloody Hands instead of worrying that there was a head floating in your bathtub. Well then I couldn't really call it horror could I? So I left the spaces open for thinking. 'Daddy' was a philosophical chapter that let you into my insights and emotions, but I did go back to the original 'just a good scare' motive. So I hope that's what I gave you at the very least. And if you've read this much, give yourself a pat on the back. And thank you for reading my story.