Gratification of Lust

Chapter Two

Author's Note: I know this chapter has taken longer than expected but I finally found the drafts back, so I can continue. Enjoy.

&%&%&%&

Dilandau strides through the door of the ballroom minutes after I do. This earns the arch of the eyebrow - from Yukari, of course. He jumps both Folken and I with his statement. As I watch him move easily past me through the boxes of decorations towards Folken, I realise that this is what I want. I want him. In all of his dangerous magnificence. I want everything Dilandau has to offer. And then some.

I've wanted Dilandau from the time I knew what wanting was. One could go as far as to say I love him. Maybe I do. No, I do love him. But love means a pain of a completely other kind. I don't think I want to handle that - can handle that. I'd never tell anyone that. I doubt he knows. I doubt he has the slightest inkling of a hint. In fact, I am positive he does not know. He is blind to all of my affections.

Van consumes him, obsesses him, Dilandau craves him. I have been there, here -in here- forever. This is where I shall remain.

I feel a tug on the other end of the banner I am helping with and realise that I've zoned out on Merle. She probably doesn't mind. She turns her head and looks in the direction in which I'm looking. An almost imperceptible shake of her head. She knows. We've never said anything about it. I doubt she ever will. But she knows.

Folken and Dilandau have never argued loudly. If one watches them, one could never guess that they were arguing. Only slight frowns give away the tension between them.

"WHAT THE FUCK-?" Dilandau shouts. His voice rings out and diffuses across the length of the ballroom within seconds. Everyone has turned to face him. Did I say Folken and Dilandau? I meant Folken. Dilandau's temper is his trademark.

"Don't give me that shit!" And his bad language. He does not scream this time. He already has everyone's attention. Folken murmurs something once again. Dilandau's reply, "Bull." End of discussion.

That went well.

&%&%&%&

Twenty minutes later, the door opens and everyone's heads turn in that direction. Allen steps through and holds it open. Suddenly, there is the sound of one heel against the marble floor followed by another. Wavy blonde hair tied back in a low ponytail, dressed fully in blue; tote bag slung over her shoulder, Millerna enters. There is a collective gasp from the room. What's today's date?

She smiles slightly at the gaping Hitomi and Van. Finding her motor skills, Hitomi drops the item she is holding and walks the five feet between herself and Millerna. They hug. Merle is bolting down the ladder insistent on not being left out. Everyone else in the room steps forward to greet her. Dilandau, Folken and I hang back to be the last. Allen was, of course, the first. The door then opens once again and there are two other heels on the cold marble. Medium length, straight ash-blonde hair loose, in a full black pants suit that accents all the right curves, hands in her pockets, the second Aston sister enters. Folken is, to say the least, stunned.

Eries scans the room with her eyes. Since I'm to the side of the crowd, she sees me first and smiles. She's like the elder sister I've always wanted. Hitomi and Van spot her and hug her. Before anyone else gets a chance to, she's making her way towards me. Dilandau steps out from behind Folken and smiles at her. Somehow, he's always seemed to think of her the way I do.

In a way, it's strange. Allen, who one would think would have been Dilandau's elder brother figure since I am his sister figure at the moment, is Van's instead. Folken, who is Van's true elder brother, is Dilandau's and mine. Eries, being Folken's lover, is therefore something like a sister-in-law. But there's something about her that makes us like her for her - even if Folken didn't love her.

She hugs me without a word. All we need to do is smile. Then she turns and finds herself confronted with an open-armed Dilandau, waiting for his hug. He's only teasing. I don't think I've seen him make a joke like that in months. I can't help it; I smile. But she hugs him anyways. And then he moves and she see him - Folken. He still hasn't moved.

"Folken," she says. She's always had the kind of quite yet commanding voice that is rare but beautiful. She smiles slightly. He smiles in return. Their reunion is not very touchy-feely. A small quick hug and an almost invisible peck on the cheek and it is over. She's been seen by the others who are now even more surprised. Eries hardly ever just arrives. She's not been asked to be a bridesmaid. For some reason, I don't think I could picture Eries as a bridesmaid at all. Folken is not the Best Man, he's second after Allen. Go figure.

The order has already been set. And, of course, the first dances will have to be in that order. Van and Hitomi, the Bride and Groom will dance first, then be joined by pairs: Allen and Yukari. Folken and Millerna. Dilandau and myself. Amano and Merle declined. Merle insists on being the life of the party.

When Folken and Eries slip away for a moment, Dilandau and I say nothing.

&%&%&%&

"Any requests?" calls Merle from across the room. She's brandishing a collection of CDs that's got every type of music on them and hovering over the portable CD player Van hauled in a few minutes ago at Hitomi's command. The bride-to-be pipes up from near the French windows. A request for DJ Merle: Celine Dion - I'm Alive. Not a bad choice. The first verse sounds out. Suddenly, tap on the small of my back makes me pay attention to what I'm doing.

Dilandau is currently attempting to install lights along the very edge of the ceiling. Considering how high the ceiling is it's a big risk for him to take alone. So where am I? Right up there with him, holding the insanely tangled wires out of his way. Apparently, I've given it too much slack. It's gotten in his way.

"Sorry," I mutter as I reel in the stray length. He grunts a bit in response. His mouth is full of hammer and he is trying to balance clips and nails and something else. I only need one hand for the wire so I extend my left hand and grasp the handle of the hammer that isn't between his teeth. He slowly opens his mouth and the entire weight of the hammer is in my hand. Not strange that it isn't much, it's one of those little hammers for tacks and small nails. Still, he looks grateful. I draw it away, my hand in recoil, like my heart. I grin and he turns away, back to his box.

I scan the room and listen to the music. The song is appropriate. It says what I think Hitomi would like to.

-When you call on me

When I hear you breathe

I get wings to fly

I feel that I'm alive… -

It's almost exactly what she'd say. I catch the two of them standing a little to the side of the huge reinforced glass doors that open out into the garden. They're talking quietly and she whispers something in his ear. Then he looks at her with something that has nothing to do with desire or lust or want. Only pure love; truly pure love. No matter how good an actor you are, you'll never ever be able to copy that expression. And it's beautiful because she wears it too. And they are one in their moment.

I look away. A very bad thing to do because I look directly into tormented seas of red. Seas that would cry blood for a fraction of a second in her place. The current verse washes over me.

-That I'll be the one

Standing by

Through good and through trying times -

A wave of self-pity accompanies it because I know that it's all I can do. I can only stand by and lend a shoulder to cry on -not that Dilandau cries- and be there for him always. When I can't stand it anymore, I look back to them in the hope of some kind of revival of my faith in true love. Though I know I will never be able to love another as much as I love my best friend, I still grope in the dark. And they do provide a flicker. And the song helps a bit too.

-And it's only begun

I can't wait for the

Rest of my life…-

Now I need to go home. To my home with Allen and my stuffed red dragon. I need to curl up on my bed and dry-sob a bit over the hopelessness of my situation. My knees feel weak. I think I should get down. I turn and Dilandau isn't looking anywhere but at me. His eyes are screaming that he needs to leave, that he thinks he can't stay a moment longer, that he needs to lie in my arms while I rock back and forth, that he needs me. I nod. I love him, damn it.

He climbs down and heads off to give the happy couple some excuse for both of us. I keep thinking that he needs me as a friend and that's as far as I'm ever going to get. Maybe it's because I took Valium last night on top of Nyquil and again this morning, but suddenly the last part of the song challenges me.

-I get wings to fly

God knows that

I'm alive…-

I drop the wire then lean backward off the ladder. There's a scream that could come from Hitomi, Merle, Millerna or Yukari. I hear Allen's strangled shout. Where are my wings, Dilandau? Aren't I supposed to have some? Oh yes, you don't love me! Fine. I'm going to hit anytime now. I close my eyes and wait for the impact. It never comes. I hear the ladder clatter on top of a few boxes of something that just proved its fragility. There are arms wrapped around me, tightly. They don't feel like Allen's arms.

I open my eyes and blazing red ones stare back. There's a general commotion and lots of questions before I speak.

"Dilandau?" I breathe. I guess I'm going to have to lie. It wouldn't go over well with anyone if I said I was trying to kill myself in the room Van and Hitomi's wedding is supposed to take place in. "What happened?"

"You fell, I suppose," he answers. "Come on, I'll take you home." He turns towards Allen at the choked sound he makes. I feel like I don't weigh a thing in his arms.

"Allen, don't worry, she's fine. She didn't hit a thing, did you Celena?" He's pissed, I think. He doesn't often use that tone of voice. "She'll be fine. I think they need you to finish that," he juts his chin towards the direction Allen had been working in, "before they need the lights strung. Later."

Without a backwards glance, he strides towards the door and everyone else lets him pass. Eries stops him before he's out and tells me to call Folken tonight. Dilandau says we'll drop by. Obviously, I'm not going home tonight. I hear the last of Allen's protests sputter out before the door closes. A twisted kind of smile creeps onto his face. By the time I've been deposited in the passenger's seat of his Porsche, I'm feeling nervous. He practically slams the door and storms around to the driver's side.

He gets in, turns on the engine and roars out of the driveway and down the road, heading west to Zaibach. After about ten minutes of intense silence, I venture a word.

"Dilandau?" I ask quietly, he screeches to a standstill in his parking lot and punches the steering wheel.

"Fuck! Celena, what the hell do you think you were trying to pull?" he demands. It's a rhetorical question, right? No…ok.

"I don't know, Dilandau." I can't tell him the truth. He obsessive when it comes to medication.

"You don't know? Shit. You had me scared out of my wits there and you 'don't know'? Right." He stops and breathes for a moment. I can't breathe. I'm scared I'm scared he knows. I'm afraid he knows that I love him and never want to have to live without him. Because, when Van gets married, that's exactly what I'll have to do. He won't stay. He won't stay with me. He's going to have to move. He won't be able to stay here. "Damn it, Celena, I love you."

Now I know I can't breathe even if tried to. My lungs have seized up. He continues on.

"You're practically my sister, the only person I trust. You can't just go of jumping off ladders because you don't know! How the hell am I supposed to get through the next month without you? Never try something like that again, do you understand?" I nod. I can't speak. There's a lump in my throat the size of the USSR.

"Promise?" he questions. I look down and find he's holding out his middle finger. I curl mine around his. We've always used our middle fingers. At first, it was just wickedness. After a while, it started to make sense, the middle finger is the longest and strongest of the fingers, thus the promise made lasts longest and is the strongest.

"Promise," I reply. I'm back to being his sister. Wonderful.

&%&%&%&

Up on the tenth floor, we collapse onto his sofa. I can't help it when he lands on top of me. I hold him close and sob into his neck. He comforts me. Then, half way through the second round of hot chocolate, he breaks. This time it's him with his arms wrapped around my waist and his head on my lap. He doesn't cry. I bend, stroke his hair and it's all I can do.

&%&%&%&

Author's Note: Well, this certainly changed from when it began to now. Not much to say on this except…Dilly's a bit off, but he's Dilly and was never fully switched on so it doesn't matter.

Thank you for reading. Please review. Appreciate it ^-~.

Disclaimer: "I'm Alive" by Celine Dion is from her album "A New Day Has Come" which belongs to her and the people at Sony Music. Escaflowne has never been, is not, but hopefully might be mine later on by some miracle of God. Without the occurrence of that, I don't make any profit off this. Sand3 says something about "Fair Use" laws. Check that.