Vision Of Escaflowne Fan Fiction ❯ Mark of a Goddess ❯ Reoccurring Dream ( Chapter 8 )

Chapter Eight

Reoccurring Dream

 

It was a while before Hitomi actually remembered to spend some of her free time reading Akira's logbook. Since she already learned how to transform into someone else, reading it hadn't exactly been a priority. At this moment though, she was all alone in the mansion, except for the servants.

 

Allen and Van were playing armed escort for Celena, who had a doctor's appointment. Selphie, Dryden, Eries and Gaddes were at Dryden's country club playing doubles tennis. That left Hitomi on her own.

 

She was lying on top of the comforter on her bed sipping a mug of cocoa when it occurred to her to go find the little purple book that was Akira's logbook. She settled herself in the pillows until she was comfortable and then she picked up the book.

 

Hitomi was surprised to find that it was written in three sections. The first section was about her family. Hitomi started reading with anxious eyes.

 

My Family Life

 

Today The Historian actually showed up on my doorstep to remind me that I need to write a logbook for her. How boring! I keep telling her that it would be easier for me if she'd just interview me and then leave, but we already had an interview. She says I wasn't very communicative and so I have to go into more detail on my own. I didn't want to do it at all, until she suggested that I could write about my life in topics rather than chronologically. So, I decided to take the plunge and do things this way, though I have a feeling she'll be disgusted with me no matter what I write.

 

When I think about my family, I only think about my sister and her oldest daughter, Hitomi. No one else really matters. My sister doesn't even really matter. She's only important in that she's Hitomi's mother. Hitomi is my dear little niece who will inherit my Tarot abilities when I die. For that reason, I feel like she's the only one who is akin to me. My life is completely tied to Hitomi's. No matter what Dominic says, as soon as Hitomi is old enough, there will be no reason for me to protect my life as religiously as I do now. It would be rough for her to become a Tarot user before she became old enough to handle it. So, as I protect myself, I protect her.

 

Years ago, I decided that I would go train little Hitomi in the ways of the Tarot. I transformed myself into a child around the same age as Hitomi. I believe she was six at the time. I may have my head in the clouds half the time, but I know how long my life needs to be for her sake. She was six. I approached her and told her I was visiting family nearby and that my name was Aya. Luckily, Hitomi accepted me as her friend.

 

I went to go visit Hitomi as often as I could after that until she was eight and a half. It was then that she started asking me serious questions about where I came from and why I visited family at such strange times. I used to smile. She didn't realize that the family I was visiting was her.

 

She was a very cute child and it was fun to pretend to be a child again. I didn't have much of a childhood, but pushing Hitomi on the swings with my little hands was a miracle to me, and like a healing spell on my soul. It was like my sad beginning was being wiped clean with every laugh and confidence I shared with Hitomi. She was my first friend who was `living', if there's such a difference between living friends and dead ones.

 

Eventually, I knew our relationship could not continue on the way that it had. Hitomi was growing up too much to accept my disguise. It was against my principles to try to extend the illusion, because I would have to lie to her in order to keep it up. I didn't want to lie to her about me. I already felt guilty about lying to her about my name.

 

Finally, the day came that I knew would be the last day I could meet with Hitomi as Aya. I came to visit her mother as Akira and after Hitomi went to bed, I snuck into her bedroom as her playmate Aya. Hitomi woke up when I came in. I told her that I wouldn't be coming back because my family was moving. I cried miserably because I felt the sorrow of what I was doing sting to my heart. Then I did what I promised myself I would do, I gave her my present - the only gift I had to give. Then I whispered goodbye to her, kissed her swollen red cheek (I know it's wrong, but I was so happy that she cried when I said I was leaving) and then I disappeared into the hallway. Saying farewell to my precious treasure Hitomi was the hardest thing I ever had to do in my life. When I walked away from their home as Akira, I felt Dominic behind me. He told me to be happy. I had at least had that one valuable experience in this world; I was that much closer to being fulfilled. He always says the right things and the sound of my solitary footfalls was so much easier to bear because he was with me. I was one step closer to being with him.

 

But, I'll never forget the time Hitomi and I spent together. We blew bubbles in the park and picked the flowers out of the city flowerbeds without permission. We lay on our backs on the hood of her parents' car and watched the clouds go by. We played tag together and all kinds of wonderful games that only little girls can play and feel completely happy. She made me run harder than I ever ran in my life. Hitomi was the one person in this world who made me want to live … and for that, I'll put aside my own wishes and protect her.

 

I'll always protect her.

 

***

 

Hitomi sat back and thought hard about what she had read. She was positive that Akira's logbook was accurate. She definitely remembered Aya. Aya had been a quiet child with a smile that couldn't be touched by other people. She was teased by the other children in the neighbourhood and Hitomi remembered defending her on more than one occasion. Aya wore shabby clothes and wouldn't tell the other kids where she was staying. She played with stray cats like they were her own and her hair was never tidy.

 

Hitomi's felt her heart throb like it would burst. She didn't know that Aya, Akira, or anyone else had loved her so much. She caught herself crying. There was someone like that in her life, and she was going to overflow at the tenderness of it. Dear Aunt Akira! Hitomi wished that she could have told her the truth and invited her into the world of Tarot users instead of hiding it. Why did everyone want to keep Tarot abilities a secret from their own kind? It made no sense to Hitomi and it angered her that a useless rule had kept her away from just one person who loved her.

 

But one thing troubled Hitomi and kept her from devoting her whole mind to mourning Akira's love. What had Akira given her that last night they met? What? Hitomi was scanning her mind furiously, but no answer was coming. A present? Hitomi didn't think it was a present. She couldn't remember Akira giving her anything. Could she have told her something instead?

 

She'd have to think about it more carefully.

 

My Tarot Life

 

I have always thought that besides my mechanic, I never would have earned more than a light appraisal from an ordinary man. Besides street racing, which is my favourite thing in the world, I don't really enjoy talking to people. I don't do things to draw attention to myself and when I talk to people I try to end the conversation as quickly as possible. No one who knows me can ever understand why I am constantly being stalked by a score of single men. There is nothing interesting about me at all. My most defining feature is my witch green eyes and my personality is dull at best when I'm not going a hundred and forty clicks an hour. I am always so withdrawn and bored with the slowness of the social scene that nothing could interest me. I never used to smile and I never used to attract anything but flies when I went out … unless there was going to be a Tarot user there.

 

Unfortunately, not a lot of woman Tarot users were born in my generation, so any male Tarot user who wanted a Tarot user mate would definitely seek me out and try to win me over. Some proposed marriage, but all proposed contracts. Of course, I turned them down. The irritating part was that their attention always used to draw `other' attention with it. I'd have a Tarot suitor who repelled me and his chasing me always attracted regular guys. I kind of enjoyed the attention when I was a teenager, but by the time I was twenty five, I was ripping mad. It was like winning my love was a competition, and not just a game, but a battle to the death. And I got so bored with it. Sometimes, if I thought one of the guys wasn't so bad then I'd go out of my way to tell them that I wasn't interested, but if they really made me angry, I'd leave and let all my suitors kill each other.

 

I was dedicated to Dominic and none of them could ever touch him for style, sophistication, attitude, sexiness, or deportment. They were all dogs compared to him.

 

Except for one.

 

I mention this one because he left the biggest impression on me. He was a Tarot user. The thing that was different about him was that he was actually able to convince me that he was in love with me. He made me believe that he wasn't interested in me because I was also a Tarot user. It was a miracle. There were even a few occasions where I wished that I could return his feelings.

 

It was the year I was turning forty. Because of my relationship with ghosts and my specific Tarot user abilities (the ability to choose what age I wanted to appear), I always choose to look young, like I am in my early twenties. All ghosts look like young adults no matter how old or young they were when they died. So, I looked like I was twenty-two when I met Folken Fanel. This is the story of my relationship with him - the only other Tarot user I could stand.

 

I was only graced with one element as a Tarot user - lightning. Lightning is an all consuming element because it vibrates in every single cell in your body before you use it. It's not just calling forth flashes of light in the sky, but about reflexes and a daredevil attitude that makes you behave like you're a stunt double for yourself. I always felt like I was invincible when I had a good charge racing through my veins, even though it was obvious that it wasn't true - I was constantly surrounded by dead spirits, but all the same - the element was a major part of my personality.

 

I liked to street race. I drove a turbo charged Vauxhall VX220. The front end was just high enough that I didn't feel bad putting him on the road. My cars were always men. I NEVER had a car that behaved like a sissy girl - all my cars were striplings. But the Vauxhall was the one I was driving this occasion - the night I met Folken.

 

I used to race kids. Well, maybe they weren't kids, but they were too stupid to keep the bottle out of their mouths before they raced. It hardly felt like it was worth the trouble when I was racing someone who was partly drunk - especially if we ended up running from the Okami. These specific kids were part of a gang called `The Devil's Minions'. I had raced them every Saturday night for the past six weeks and none of them came close to beating me. The seventh Saturday night, I showed up in my Vauxhall and prepared myself for a yawning victory - they were pretty boring, but their cars were hot. Seemed to have been purchased with mobster money, but there were just twerps. The seventh week they brought their big brother out to play.

 

I pulled up in front of the crowd and lazily opened the door to my ride. The kids were crowded around a black monster of a car. It was a Jaguar XK convertible, but unless it had been supped up, there was no way it could beat me. Well, I'd learned never to underestimate what might be under the hood.

 

I clicked my keys in my hands and went to go meet the driver. He was leaning against the car - not drinking - unlike the other kids hanging off him like he was a rock star. He was wearing a black muscle shirt, and his arms were well carved. He looked older than the others, by quite a bit. At least he didn't look like he had to leave a note on his pillow for when his parents found his bed empty. His hair was long and he had an earring on one side. Very handsome - I was impressed.

 

His eyes were dark in the sparkling black of the city light, and he was looking at me carefully. It was good to see someone seriously evaluate me instead of just passing me off as a snippety little girl who had daddy in her pocket.

 

“You're the girl who's been beating these monkeys?” Folken asked me when I came closer.

 

I nodded - not even inclined to speak about my favourite topic. As far as I was concerned he was doing far too much talking, I wanted to get to the racing.

 

He outlined the track and let me know that we'd be going half a kilometer further than usual. I agreed and moved to get back into my car.

 

“Wait!” he shouted when I turned my back on him. “Don't you want to introduce yourself, or at least hear my name?”

 

I turned my head and said shortly, “If you beat me, we can exchange pleasantries.” Then I swung my hair over my shoulder and got behind the wheel. I put on my driving gloves and waited for the signal.

 

Folken was cute enough to try to race me when none of those little pukes could touch me, and he was way more determined than most people I've raced. As soon as he hit the gas, it was clear that his wheels had not been supped. He was driving a Jag with only the factory installments. I had well over two seconds faster acceleration and to me - that's a lot. There was no way he could beat me, but he was good. It was clear his experience was more in the `running someone off the road' then beating them fairly. He didn't seem to mind overly if his body got beat up either. He seemed mostly interested in keeping on my tail and not letting me disappear. But if he made one scratch to my paint job for spite, I wouldn't forgive him - no matter how different a racer he was.

 

When we were way past the end of the designated track, I pulled over at the side of the road, and he came up behind me and stopped. I got out of the car and went over to him. That might not have seemed like the best move from a `lost little girl' perspective, but I sometimes accidentally give myself electric shocks after a good race. I wasn't in any danger.

 

“Normally at this point, you acknowledge that you're a loser and you go home, Loser,” I said coldly. If he couldn't race well, then I didn't want to know him. “Bring someone better next Saturday, kay? And get your ride worked on if you're going to do this,” I said pushing his chest with my fingers and moving away from him.

 

He caught my wrist in a tight grasp and said, “I know I didn't win, but I'd like to introduce myself anyway. I'm Folken Fanel. I'm a Tarot user.”

 

He really seemed to think that telling me he had Tarot abilities was going to win points with me, but it didn't. I didn't care about any of that. “So?” I asked blandly. I was completely disinterested.

 

Folken looked confused.

 

“I don't care about any of that,” I said, wrenching my wrist free. I turned my back on him.

 

He sighed, “I guess that's why they call you `The Hermit', eh?”

 

His words made me stop and straighten my back. “Where did you hear that?” I asked quietly.

 

“I came here to meet you. I wanted to meet the woman who's been called `The Hermit' by jilted lovers. You're younger than I thought.”

 

From this point on, I let Folken talk to me and tell me about himself. I thought he might be an interesting friend for me. He said his symbol was the crow and his title was `The Sorcerer'. Folken was twenty-seven, and he came to find me because he said he was interested in meeting the most powerful man-eater of all time. I guessed that he had heard about my Tarot paintings being vandalized with the words `The Hermit' carved into the frame. I believed that he was only curious. His manner was so casual, that it didn't even occur to me that he might harbour romantic designs even from that early moment, so I really let him into my life.

 

As I said before, Folken was really handsome and he displayed an interesting talent at being good at protecting me from `unwelcome' company. He took me places a crazy girl like me would want to go, like the speedway and even a grave yard. He'd bring me flowers and pay my unpaid bills (I had a lot of unpaid bills because of my racing). He stopped me from starving a few times and filled my house with groceries, because I hardly remember to feed myself. I can't even remember all the ways he noticed me and helped me. I realize now that he wanted to find a way to draw me into the real world.

 

He invited me to his apartment one evening and persuaded me to stay and read a book with him. Not just any book. I wasn't interested in ordinary books. This was a book written specifically on the power of Lightning as a Tarot element and the different applications of it. I had never seen it before and for me it was like holding a new cook book in front of a master chief. That's how interested I was.

 

It wasn't until I was cuddled up on his couch that I realized that Folken's arm was resting behind me and Dominic was no where to be seen. It was dense of me, but Folken's attitude had always been very disarming and I hadn't realized that he liked me like that.

 

I asked him, “Why do you have your arm around me?”

 

“Because I like to,” he answered, and turned the page of the book like it was nothing.

 

“Are you saying you like me?” I asked.

 

“Of course I like you, Akira,” he said, using my name so freely.

 

I was suddenly angry. If that was what he was after then he'd better think again, because I was perfect at giving rejection speeches. It didn't even occur to me or bother me how much I'd come to depend on him - not just for financial support but for human interaction. It had been ages since I'd given Hitomi up and I was still lonely at heart without her. I felt like this bad situation had snuck up on me and I had to put a stop to it now before it got worse. So, I got up and told him to save his breath. I picked up my jacket and headed for the door.

 

Folken slammed the book shut and beat me to the door. He stood with both his hands on either side of the entryway hall and looked me straight in the eye. I'll never forget what he said. He said, “Akira, I have been very gentle with you thus far, and even now my admitting that I like you shouldn't have startled you. Why would I go out of my way to see you if I didn't like you?”

 

“You had your arm around me! That indicates more than friendship!”

 

“You're right. I want more than friendship!” he said.

 

I tried to shove my way past him, but he grabbed my arm and stopped me.

 

“But I never would have demanded more,” he said, his face so close to mine that I could feel his breath. I had never been close enough to any man to feel his breath. I felt like my space had been invaded, but he went on before I could protest. “Why can't I love you? Even if you don't love me back, even if you're in love with a man who's been dead for a couple hundred years, why can't I love you? My love for you won't hurt you. I can only support you and help you, even if you don't return my feelings,” he said, and the look in his eyes was pure and earnest. He was making my knees buckle.

 

“How can you love me?” I wailed, overcome by my own feelings. Dominic was one thing, but to have a real, live, breathing man confess honest love for me was difficult to accept. My face was on fire and I couldn't believe what he was telling me. “I'm practically a corpse,” I finished.

 

“A corpse?” he asked incredulously. “You're vibrant! You're the only perfectly gorgeous person I've ever seen in my life.”

 

“That won't float with me. I don't really even look like this. I'm thirty-nine years old. I don't look like this at all.”

 

I was expecting some change to come across his face, but none came. He looked just as serious as before. He didn't even blink an eyelash. “I know,” he said. “Does it look like that bothers me?”

 

“If you really saw me, you'd take that back!”

 

“Try me,” Folken said, not flinching from his conviction.

 

I took him back into the living room and was tempted to transform myself into a fifty year-old just to freak him out, but I felt like I needed to be honest. So, I changed into my real age and turned around to meet his eyes.

 

“See?” I said, knowing how different I looked. When I looked my true age, my skin was much paler, and my freckles across my nose stood out more. There were lines by my mouth and none by my eyes - I had no laugh lines. My hair was thinner and limper. The skin below my chin sagged terribly. At least it seemed to me that it sagged when I compared myself to my twenty-something body. “How could you love me like this?”

 

He clasped me in his arms, and looked into my eyes like I was a magical creature. “You look even more beautiful than I imagined,” he murmured, “like a goddess.”

 

I hesitated and looked into his eyes. His body was so warm and his touch so real. I wasn't thinking straight and he drew my eyes up to his and he began kissing me. Despite everything that had happened I had never been kissed before … and it was absolutely glorious. With Folken, it was everything I had ever dreamed about and I had spent a lot of time dreaming about kissing. So, I didn't move. I just let him kiss me and I was totally mystified by his touch, his breath, and the passion he had for me that was practically radiating from him. I was lightheaded and dizzy, and I felt that I was completely under his spell. That is, until his tongue slipped between my lips. It was so light and breezy because of the space he left for me to breathe as we kissed. I thought that it felt as though I were being kissed by a ghost - Dominic. Remembering him snapped me out of my trance. I thought that I might lose control of myself and so I forced myself to back away from Folken. His arms were tight, but I was insistent.

 

“You love me?” I asked him once he let me go.

 

“I love you,” Folken said seriously, looking like a man a hundred times more experienced than me.

 

“I believe you,” I said to him. “I just need some time to think.”

 

Folken walked me to the door and held it open for me like he was tortured at the idea that I was leaving. His eyes were so persuasive. They seemed to beg me to stay. It was hard for me to go as well, but I felt like I needed to make up my mind before I let our relationship progress. I was very conscious of the idea that I might betray Dominic without thinking if I didn't get out of Folken's apartment. I suppose that was the real reason I left.

 

***

 

Hitomi gulped when she heard mention of Folken.

 

And the story that continued from there was amazing. Hitomi could hardly believe that Folken was capable of being so tender and … sweet. All this was just reaffirming her idea that Folken must not be such a bad person. Van had to be wrong about him.

 

Hitomi wanted to know what was going to happen next, so she continued onto the next section.

 

My Real Life

 

I was a lonely child. I was separated from people because of my distant temperament and it was only accentuated when I became a Tarot user. People ask me sometimes how I got my symbol. My family was visiting my grandmother in the country, and I went on a walk by myself in the prairie when my Tarot abilities hit me. I fell backwards onto the ground and when I opened my eyes I saw a lavender coloured butterfly with yellow markings. It was so close to my eyes that I blinked. When I opened my eyes again, the butterfly was gone and the most brilliantly attractive man was leaning over me and looking into my eyes. His eyes were amazing. They were deep violet with gold flecks. That was a life changing moment for me.

 

He was gazing at me and then he asked me in the most alluring voice I've ever heard, “Are you okay?”

 

I blushed and nodded, far too shy to be forward. Also, I had no idea where he'd come from. I hadn't seen anyone on my walk. I stood up and brushed myself off. “Where did you come from?” I asked him, but when I looked at him I saw that he was in black and white, only his eyes were coloured. At first I thought something was wrong with my sight and I rubbed my eyes to clear them, but when I looked at him again, I saw that I wasn't dreaming. The fact that he was in black and white was only one of the strange things about him. His hair was long and tied back in a ponytail. His clothing was unusual as well. He was wearing a suit coat with coattails and a cravat. His shoes had heels and buckles and there was lace at his cuffs.

 

“Who are you?” I asked.

 

He said that his name was Dominic Raulph and that he was very happy to meet me. “I hoped you'd see me,” he said brightly.

 

I didn't realize it at the time, but years later I realized that he was the butterfly I saw. Ghosts sometimes appear as butterflies to humans in this world. My Tarot abilities gave me the ability to see and talk to ghosts. Dominic was the first ghost I met and that was how we first saw each other and how we became close friends. Although it was never possible for us to truly become lovers I have dreamed my whole life of the day that I would die and he could hold me in his arms for the first time.

 

First, I'll have to explain how beautiful Dominic is. He is easily the handsomest man anyone has ever seen in their lives. He's beautiful no matter what way you look at him. For one of my art classes in high school I slaved over a painting of him. When it was finished, I didn't feel that I'd come anywhere near to describing how totally gorgeous he was. Dominic was good too, because he sat very still while I painted him. Afterwards, my art teacher came up to me and told me I had quite the imagination. “No one is that beautiful,” she said, actually laughing. I didn't have the heart to tell her that there was someone that good looking and that he was a person I knew.

 

When I left home to live with my aunt when I was ten, I realized right away that I was not there to learn how to be a Tarot user, but I was there to help my aunt communicate with my Uncle Minami who had died. So, for me, it was like I sat with my aunt and uncle at the breakfast table while she asked him questions and I repeated everything he said to her. I was being used - horribly used. Neither of them really even liked me, but I could talk to Dominic all I liked, like he was literally with me because my aunt understood that I wasn't talking to no one. She knew all about Dominic and as long as I helped her communicate with her husband, living with her wasn't truly terrible. All I had to do was stay out of her way. It wasn't so bad, but I see now that it encouraged me to spend more time with people who were dead rather than people who were living.

 

I want to describe my romance with Dominic, but it's impossible to describe. Maybe it was how he loved our relationship that drew me to him. He was an unhappy ghost because of things that happened in his life, and he hadn't quite given up on this world. In many ways, he was like a poster on my wall that spoke to me, because he could never touch me. Spirits have bodies too, but their bodies are so slight and vague that living humans can't touch them. I never felt his breath or his touch though I have always been in love with him.

 

Perhaps this was the reason I was so attracted by Folken's offer. Even though I had dreamt and imagined what physical love must be like - I had never experienced it.

 

When I came back from meeting with Folken, I couldn't find Dominic anywhere. I searched every where for him. I finally found him in the cemetery. He was lying on the top of one of the larger monuments with his head hanging down one side.

 

“Dominic,” I called to him when I saw him. “What are you doing here?”

 

He saw me, but he turned and jumped to the ground when I approached. It looked like he was going to disappear without speaking to me.

 

“Dominic, don't go!” I yelled. I couldn't reach out with my hand to stop him from leaving, so my voice would have to be good enough. I had changed and become young again, so I would match with him.

 

He turned around and his eyes, his marvelous eyes, shone a pure dark purple. The yellow was completely clouded out by his anger. “Look, I saw you. You don't have to try anymore for my sake. I'm dead.”

 

I stopped. This was the first time Dominic ever raised his voice to me. Normally, he and I acted like we were both dead and that nothing that happened in my life really mattered because of course my real life was with him.

 

“You should go be with him and live your life fully, and even get my blessing as long as you promise …”

 

“As long as I promise what?” I asked. I was confused as to why he was going to give up on our twenty-nine year courtship so easily.

 

“As long as you promise that once you die, you're mine - not his or anyone else's, but mine. Then I'll let you do whatever you want with him, and I'll give you my blessing, even though, I wanted to be your first.”

 

That was what Dominic said.

 

I was tortured by his words.

 

“So, you'd just hand me over to him now, and then you'll just brush me off when I die like I'm all clean” I demanded, actually meeting Dominic's anger with anger of my own. “If you force me into this - you'll lose my love. It'll all go to him instead.”

 

“… Someday …” Dominic said distantly. “… Someday I always knew that you'd have to make a choice like this. I can't satisfy you. I expected that one day you'd want a living lover, and this way you have the chance to have children … and … damn it … there are too many reasons why you should go to him … Folken … whatever!”

 

Dominic always looked pretty as a picture, but as he said these words he looked ruffled. He never looked ruffled. If Dominic was emotional then I knew I could beat him. It is when his emotions are not provoked that matching wits with him is impossible. His feeling always cloud his judgment.

 

“I am thirty-nine years old,” I reminded him hotly. “Or have you forgotten? Do you really think that I should be giving birth? No doctor would say that it was a good idea.”

 

“It wouldn't kill you,” was all he said.

 

“You bastard!” I yelled at him. “You never once told me the truth when you said you were in love with me if you are willing to turn me over to him without a fight.”

 

“That's not true,” he retorted. “I'm dead. You're living and he's … not like the other Tarot users who have chased you. He looks at you the way I look at you. He's obviously in love with you and you submitted to his kisses. Just go back to him Akira and live a happy life and … I'll wait for you.”

 

With that he disappeared.

 

And he stayed away … for weeks … for months.

 

I'd like to say that eventually he came back and we made up, but that's not what happened. He really stayed away. It was his way of forcing me to spend time with Folken, and I did. I was weak and lonely and I spent my time with Folken. I thought that Dominic would come back and ask me to promise that I would be his when I died, but he didn't. He didn't come.

 

So, my relationship with Folken progressed, but I stayed looking like a young woman. I wanted to match Dominic if he ever came back. Folken never asked me to appear one way or the other - he seemed to like me no matter how I looked.

 

I made out with Folken in alleyways and he let me drive his car recklessly to places where he was singing. Folken sang really well and listening to him sing always made me want to forget Dominic entirely and just live happily with Folken. This half-life went on for a couple months before it was clear that Folken wanted a contract between us. He was always patient with me, but as I said, months were passing and our relationship was reaching its climax. The choice finally needed to be made. I wasn't sure if Dominic was ever going to come back, so the choice was Folken … or myself … by myself.

 

I didn't think Folken knew how to make me choose him, but I was wrong. Folken was wiser than I knew. One night of recklessness is all that a Tarot user requires to make someone contract bound.

 

He knew that I liked to be kissed and that I liked speeding in fast cars - something to do with lightning being my element. One evening he took me to a track in an empty stadium and put me on a dirt bike. I like riding in or on anything that has an engine - something that gets the wind in my hair. It was the perfect way to get me to think his way. He put me at the end of the straightaway and walked to the other end. He told me to ride as fast as I could towards him and he'd show me a trick. He told me not to worry about crashing into the wall - if I would trust him, it would be all right. It was insane, but this was the sort of gamble I live for so I went ahead. I was going faster and faster and at the exact moment I was going to pass Folken on the racetrack, his arms went around me and he pulled me clean off the bike and tossed me onto a huge mound of dirt. The bike crashed into the wall and caught on fire. Folken pinned me on the ground and bent down and lip to lip - he kissed me. I never suspected that he had been holding back when we made out before, but know I knew that he was. It was my inexperience that led me to believe that he had already shown me the best stuff, but his lips were lips that meant business this time. He meant to make me contract bound that night. There was no one in the stadium - we were all alone. He was spreading my legs with his knee and his breath was hot in my ear.

 

Then I heard a voice yelling my name, “No Akira! Don't do it! Please fight him off. I don't want you to do this. I never wanted you to do this! Please stop!”

 

I opened my eyes. Dominic was standing in front of the burning motorcycle.

 

“Folken,” I whispered, trying to think of an excuse to put him off. “Shouldn't you put that fire out?”

 

He looked at it. “No - I'm busy,” he said, returning to devour my throat.

 

I turned my head. Dominic was freaking out. I had never seen him like that. He came up behind Folken. “Stop!” he shouted, but he couldn't do anything. “Get off of her!”

 

I looked up at Dominic, I was so helpless and weak, and totally turned on by Folken's trick that I couldn't stir my body more than an inch to oppose him.

 

Then the most amazing thing happened. Dominic changed before my eyes. He went from black and white to colour and he grabbed hold of Folken's shoulders and pulled him off of me.

 

“Stay away from her!” Dominic shouted. He bent down and took hold of my hand. He brought me to my feet and ran holding onto my hand to the exit.

 

I only saw one glimpse of Folken as I ran out the door with Dominic. Seeing Dominic's coattails was enough to paralyze him for long enough for the two of us to get away. And I ran hard, like when I was with Hitomi and a little girl again. I was so happy and I felt so free.

 

Once we were out of the building, Dominic pinned me against the outer wall. Very quickly his hands were at my waist and his lips were on mine. He smelled like sea water and musk. His breath was on my face and at that moment - I knew I could never go back to Folken. I was being kissed by my long time love Dominic.

 

In case you didn't know, I just wanted to tell the story of how I got to kiss Dominic for the first time. It was like everything that happened in my life only happened to lead up to that moment. That kiss ended with me kissing air. Dominic had turned black and white again. But we stood together leaning against the wall, panting like wet seals, exhilarated. A part of our relationship had become complete.

 

Dominic said later, “It turned out I wasn't able to turn you over to him. You were right, it would have meant losing your love, and I can't lose your love Akira. I can't.”

 

I think that's why he was able to become solid - if only for a few minutes. His emotions were provoked.

 

As for Folken, I asked him to give up on me, and he went very quietly with the deepest wounds I've ever inflicted. Even though things ended the way they did, I really liked Folken's style of loving. If there was no Dominic by my side, I would definitely want a Folken.

 

But, that doesn't mean that I'm sorry for my decision - nothing could be further from the truth. Since that day, I've never seen Dominic go solid. It was sort of a one time thing, but now I have the memory of it and I can dream about it - as many times as I want. It's my reoccurring dream.

 

***

 

Hitomi took a deep sigh as she put the book down. It was a good thing that she didn't really need Akira's help to turn into someone else, because Akira's logbook was totally useless as a Tarot artifact. Hitomi was also trying to remember what Aya had said that night in her bedroom. Argh! It was hopeless. Hitomi couldn't remember at all!

 

She put her thumb in her mouth and tenderly bit down on her flesh. She was having mixed feelings about what she'd learned by reading Akira's account. Given the situation, Hitomi couldn't understand why Akira had chosen Dominic in the end. Hitomi thought that she probably didn't understand Akira and Dominic's relationship well enough to make that call, but if Hitomi had been in Akira's shoes, she felt certain that she would have chosen Folken instead of Dominic. A lover who couldn't touch you … Hitomi knew how hard those months Van had been away from her had been, and she didn't think she would be able to live like that.

 

But Folken … Akira's thoughts raised some new questions about him …