Vision Of Escaflowne Fan Fiction ❯ No Need To Promise ❯ Breakfast on the Balcony ( Chapter 6 )

"I... I love you.

I'm gazing at you with my heart.

I... I believe in you.

Even on the coldest night."

"NO NEED TO PROMISE"

VISION OF ESCAFLOWNE

At one level, I couldn't believe how well I had slept. I suppose it was the knowledge that Gaddes had been there with me, in my own bed, loving me as I would never let another. I lay, stretched out underneath my rumpled sheets, staring wistfully at the colorful tiles of my mosaic ceiling. Closing my eyes lazily, I recalled with vivid detail the warm tanginess of his kisses, the salty taste of his dark skin, the masculine, heady scent of his hair and body.

How I longed to just roll over and find him there beside me, as he should be, perhaps with his broad, muscular back to me. I imagined nestling against him, resting my cheek against his shoulder, and draping my arm over his side to gently run my fingers through his chest hair. I sighed a happy, dreamy little sigh, my eyes still lightly shut, daydreaming about how Gaddes would react.

Of course, he'd wake up and roll over, only to trap me, giggling beneath him, and cover me with playful, sloppy kisses. A little smile tugged on my lips as I thought about what I would most want him to do - I had often contemplated how blissfully erotic it would be if he were to kiss the same sensitive, delicate, intimate place he had touched me the night before.

I doubted he would ever actually do that, but all of humanity is allowed his or her dirty little fantasies. And I, princess or not, was no exception. However, I would be more than thrilled if, next time we met privately, he were to pick up where he had left off. I gave a pleasurable little shudder just thinking about it - Gaddes had never touched me that way before, stroking me between my legs. He had been so sure of himself, had known exactly where and how to move his fingers, causing me to cry out and writhe beneath his hands, silently begging for more.

Absently, I wondered where he had learned to do that. How had he known that rubbing his fingers into me, caressing my womanhood, would take me to entirely new and thrilling heights of unspeakable pleasure? I frowned slightly at the thought - there was only one conclusion I could conceive.

But immediately as I felt the frown turn down the corners of my mouth, I banished any thoughts of jealousy. I couldn't fault him for turning to other women in my absence - how could he have known that we would be together again? To build myself into a blindingly foolish rage over something so trivial would be nothing short of hypocritical. I knew myself that I had eyed many men in the past nine years; if it hadn't been for my station in life, I would have bedded each and every one that had caught my fancy.

And anyway, I mused with a wry smile. Something quite nice came out of his sexual liaisons; he might not have picked up on that little trick if he had otherwise abstained.

Furthermore, I knew in my heart that Gaddes' having been with other women wasn't personal. Every time I had gazed lustfully on a fetching masculine form, thoughts and memories of Gaddes had always been lurking in the back of my mind. I had no reason to doubt that it hadn't been the same way with him - he had never forgotten me, last night had proved that.

Opening my eyes, I rolled over onto my side and blinked owlishly in the morning light pouring through the gossamer curtains of my windows. Stifling a yawn, I listened to the quiet, distant twittering of early morning birds, fluttering about outside, an occasional dark, darting form framed against the sunlight as they darted past my balcony.

A few, muffled shouts drifted up to me from the courtyard - the palace was slowly awakening. I knew that Mare would soon come knocking on my door, poking her cheerful head into my room and rousing me from my bed. I smiled; Gaddes' charming older sister was such a blessing to me. Always cheerful, always eager to serve, and always quietly sympathetic to my swinging moods.

But this morning, I decided not to wait for her tapping knuckles on the wood of my door. I sat up quickly and swung my feet out over the side of my bed - I was too awake to lie still. My mind was racing and I could never sit still when there were so many thoughts to be thought.

I located my corset easily enough, draped over the cushioned seat of a nearby chair. But as soon as I had pressed it up against my breasts and belly, I realized that I was being too eager for my own good. I'd never be able to tie the damned thing without someone else's help. After all, some genius of a man had designed the fucking laces to be in the back.

I scowled and tossed the corset disdainfully aside, wrapping my silk robe around the contours of my naked body. I laughed quietly to myself as I thought of the astonishment of many of my acquaintances if they had heard the un-ladylike words I had uttered within the safe confines of my minds. Words that I had learned from a young stable boy, who I prayed always stayed so wonderfully rough around his handsome edges.

I padded across the cold marble tiles of my room, toward the ceiling-to-floor length mirror that had once belonged to my mother. The sides were gilded in gold and a fancy design of roses and cupids were etched into the glittering metal. I stood in front of it, my hands on my hips, critically viewing my reflection. I had been half-afraid (as I always was) that signs of my secret, forbidden lovemaking would cover me from head to toe.

I nearly shrieked when I realized that this time, for the first time, the signs were there for anyone to read.

I clapped a horrified hand over my gaping mouth, staring in stunned disapproval at myself. It was everywhere - my cheeks, my neck, my stomach, my shoulders, and my breasts.

Gaddes' bad habit of neglecting his soap and razor had always been an enormous turn-on for me. I thought he looked so damned sexy, his cheeks and jaw covered with a day's worth of stubble. But I now suddenly realized, for the first time, that it could cause an awkward - and even embarrassing - problem.

Whisker burns.

They were everywhere that he had kissed me, rubbing his rough, lower face against my smooth, sensitive skin. I touched one of the red streaks on my neck - it didn't hurt and even looked no more incriminating than a rash. But the problem was: how the hell would I explain getting such a rash?

The burns on my stomach, shoulders, and breasts didn't particularly bother me - no more than the affectionate nip Gaddes had given me that was now bruising at the base of my right breast. I could hide those easily enough with the frivolous lace and silk of my dresses. Even those on my neck could be hid, since I had a penchant for wearing high-necked clothes that covered every inch of my body from the bottom of my chin to the soles of my feet.

But how was I going to explain the unnatural, red flush blazoned across my cheeks? And worst of all, how was I going to explain to Mare what had happened? She was the one person who would see most of my "rash", since she always helped me get into my cumbersome clothes every morning. I knew Gaddes hadn't told her about the two of us and somehow, I felt it would be wrong for me to tell her. It simply wasn't my place.

Just when I thought my panic couldn't increase any further, I heard a demure rapping on my bedroom door. That just threw me into a proverbial tizzy; I glanced frantically around the room, wrapping my robe even more firmly around my body, and wondering if the bed looked a bit too rumpled.

I hesitantly approached the door, since I knew that Mare's entrance was inevitable. Several scenarios raced through my mind - I could hide behind the door! But that wouldn't result in anything except getting my nose smashed in when Mare opened it and she was certain to find me within a matter of time. Then, of course, she would wonder what on earth I was doing, cowering behind the door like a guilty child - that would only make me look more suspicious.

How about climbing down the rose trellis?

I squashed that idea the instant it entered my mind. For one thing, how would I explain clambering about along the palace walls like some kind of tomboy? I knew there were guards and servants outside whose tongues would be certain to wag. Furthermore, I wasn't wearing anything underneath my robe and I didn't feel the pressing need to flash the unsuspecting gardener, who I knew pruned the roses every morning at this time, as punctual as a church's clock.

Finally, I considered dashing over to my bed and ramming one of my pillowcases down over my head, since my face was the only exposed "rashed" part of my body at the moment. Of course, though, that would be silly, I decided, since Mare would simply wonder if her princess had finally gone mad.

Another knock - I knew I'd either have to open it or tell Mare to come in as I usually did. I hopped back onto the bed, pulling the covers up around my chin, deciding to do the latter. But when I opened my mouth, nothing except an inarticulate squeak came out.

"Eires? Are you awake?" a questioning voice stopped me from making a further fool of myself and I sighed in relief.

"Millerna?" I demanded, throwing off my blankets and swinging my feet over the side of the bed. "Is that you?"

"Yes," was my sister's plaintive reply.

"Come in! Come in," I urged, standing to my feet and moving toward the door.

She opened it and stepped cautiously inside, regarding me with wide, concerned eyes.

"Are you all right?" she demanded almost immediately.

"Never been better," I countered cheerfully, surprising even myself at how bright and chipper I sounded.

Gaddes would be proud, I thought wistfully. I'm beginning to sound like my old self.

"Really…" Millerna's voice trailed off, unbelievingly.

She gazed at me with a critical, doctor's eye. I squirmed beneath her stare - I wasn't used to being around Millerna, much less inviting her into my private chambers. But there she was, looking me up and down as if I were a clinical case.

"What happened to you?" she frowned; I snorted.

"You know very well what `happened' to me!" I crossed my arms defensively over my chest…and then it hit me.

She was asking about the embarrassing red rash creeping up my throat and onto my face. I could feel myself blush, which, I was sure, made me look even worse.

"I'm talking about your face," Millerna shook her head, giving me a jaundiced eye. "And your throat…what happened?"

"Um…Gaddes'…er…whiskers…?" I explained lamely.

Millerna looked at me hard for several seconds and then a bright smile broke out across her pretty features.

"Whisker burns, huh?" she chuckled, even though I personally didn't find anything amusing about the current situation.

"Yes," I snapped, feeling a little vexed. "And it's embarrassing - what the hell am I going to do?"

Millerna stopped laughing and stared at me, wide-eyed. Then her infernal giggling began again; she was beginning to get on my nerves.

"Would you stop snickering like a silly schoolgirl?" I barked, shifting uncomfortably on my feet. "There's nothing amusing about this!"

"I know…I'm sorry, Eires," Millerna stopped almost immediately and firmly rearranged her face so that she was the epitome of sobriety.

I knew better, though. There was still an ear-to-ear grin reflected in her blue eyes.

"Did you come in here to help me, or to be a bothersome little sister?" I demanded curtly. "And where's Mare?"

"I intercepted her in the hallway a few minutes ago," Millerna explained, her eyes immediately sobering. "I figured you might not want her around, given last night's…er…activities."

I nodded mutely in approval - Millerna was certainly more sensible than many people (including myself) gave her credit.

"And yes, I did come here to help," she continued meekly. "I'm sorry if I've gotten on your nerves."

"That's all right," I sighed, padding up to her and placing an awkward arm over her shoulders. "I'm just not used to being around other people."

"Would you prefer that I leave?" Millerna was looking properly abashed.

"Heavens, no!" I protested vehemently. "I want to be around you more, Millerna, and get to know you better. I've…I've been too distant while you were growing up. I haven't really been much in the way of a `big' sister to you and I want to fix that, if I can. I do really love you, you know."

"Do you, Eires?" Millerna lifted her head and fixed me with a solemn stare. "Do you mean that?"

"With all my heart," I nodded passionately.

"Then…why did you try to keep me away from Allen?"

There - it was out. I had sensed something had been bothering her ever since I had told her that day to stay away from Allen and stay home. For the past two years, I had guessed that that was the real problem, but now I knew. And I finally understood what had perhaps been the one, most defining experience that had created the enormous canyon between our hearts.

"I told you that, Millerna, because I do love you - I loved you then. I was…I was afraid for you," I admitted slowly.

"'Afraid' for me?" she frowned, puzzled.

"I was afraid of what he would do to your heart. I didn't want you to repeat Marlene's mistake - I didn't want your heart to get broken," I sighed deeply.

Millerna was silent for several minutes, seeming to think over what I had said. Then she impulsively threw her arms around my neck and hugged me.

"Maybe if I had know that, Eires, I would have listened to you," she whispered, her voice cracking with emotion. "But…I didn't. I just thought you were playing Father's games, trying to keep me here against my will and marry me off to Dryden. Maybe if I had listened, things would have been different."

"But even so, Millerna, you made the right choice," I patted her comfortingly on her back. "You were brave, true to your heart, and made all the right decisions. Perhaps others might not think so, but I do, and I know Allen and the others think the same. And I don't think even Dryden faults you for what you've done - you were only doing what any true woman would have done in your place. You can't, after all, help whom you love.

"At least you have more of a chance than Marlene had, or that I have with Gaddes," I added softly, a bit sadly. "You've been far braver than either Marlene or I - you haven't been afraid to let the whole world know who you hold dear to your heart."

"Thank you," Millerna drew away, wiping a hand across her eyes. "You think Allen will ever notice that I exist?"

"I think so," I nodded thoughtfully. "Just keep trying."

Which reminds me…Delores! I frowned slightly at the thought, but thankfully, Millerna didn't notice.

"Say…would you like to have breakfast here?" Millerna gracefully changed the subject, moving toward the balcony window.

"If you'd like," I shrugged, but secretly, I was thrilled with the idea.

I never liked attending breakfast - or any other meal, for that matter - underneath Father's critical eye, or his sharp tongue. Especially today, of all days, I wanted to be alone, with my thoughts, my memories…and my whisker burns.

"We can sit on the balcony," my sister suggested hopefully, pulling the curtains back and throwing open the wide bay windows. "It's a lovely morning."

Why not? I mused. It would give me a chance to be with Millerna and I wouldn't have to worry about answering any embarrassing questions.

"I think that's a wonderful idea," I murmured demurely. "Shall I call for the cook?"

"No…I'll do it!" Millerna offered brightly. "You just stay here and put something on…oh, wait…you need some help with your corset?" her keen eyes fell onto the distasteful, hated contraption, lying ungracefully on the floor beside my bed.

"Do you wear those things?" I suddenly blurted, eyeing Millerna's pale, frilly pink blouse and black leotards.

"Not one like this, no," she shook her head, bending down and picking up my corset. "It's not made out whalebone, for one thing, and it laces in the front."

"And where, pray tell, did you get such a marvelous thing?" I cocked an eyebrow - I didn't recall ever seeing any of that description lying about in the possession of the Royal Tailor.

"I bought it at the City Market," was the obvious reply - I could have slapped myself.

Naturally! Millerna does get out more often than I do, I sighed inwardly.

"I'll tell you what," Millerna adopted her I'm-going-to-make-a-proposition voice. "I have several corsets - you can have one or two of them, if you'd like."

"Would you be willing to do that?" I tried to keep my cool, but despite myself, I still sounded like an eager child about to get presents at the Winter Solstice Festival.

"Of course!" Millerna smiled winningly at me. "We're sisters, after all. I remember you and Marlene used to swap clothes all the time."

"We did, in fact," I nodded distantly, thinking back to older, better times.

"I'll be back in a minute, then," Millerna announced, setting aside my hideous implement of torture and heading resolutely for the door. "With breakfast and something more comfortable for you to wear!"

I watched her go, silently marveling at the wondrous turn of events. Ever since Gaddes had come abruptly back into my life, things were suddenly taking a turn for the better. I was in love once again, I was forging a long-neglected relationship with my sister, and I was happier than I had been in years.

I sighed with the grandeur of it all - good things always did happen when my Gaddes was somehow involved. Knowing that he was back, that he was somewhere on the palace grounds, somewhere within my hungry arms' reach, made my outlook on life so much brighter.

Moving out onto the balcony, I began to hum quietly to myself. I busied my hands and passed the time by dragging a small, round table and two chairs from my adjourning "sitting room." After that was accomplished, I firmly tied my robe around my waist and settled comfortably down in the plush confines of the chair nearest to the balcony railing, where I could easily look down into the gardens.

Millerna was right. It was a lovely day, full of promise, life, and light. But, of course, such things couldn't always stay that way long with my pragmatic mind. As soon as I had leaned back into my chair and was just starting to enjoy the expansive, colorful view below me, a nagging, inner voice burst my blissful little bubble.

Dark memories flooded my mind. Images of the horrible fate that had befallen Gaddes and me as a result of our young, forbidden love.

The first thing I thought of was the tiny, perfect little form of my daughter. I had barely turned fifteen when it had happened - I had taken that awful medicine, naively believing that it would help my morning sickness. What a fool I had been! It had cured my morning sickness, all right. It had killed the fragile life I had nurtured so lovingly within my womb.

I had felt so violated, so…robbed…after that had happened. My child - Gaddes' daughter - had been so heartlessly killed. Murdered by her grandfather's hand. Oh, of course, Father hadn't personally offered me the bitter, herbal drink, but he had been behind the whole scheme. He and my former "friend," Aisia.

I could only feel bitterness when I thought of the woman. At the time, I had thought her the best friend I had ever had - best female friend that was. Gaddes had never liked her, but I had always defended her honor, insisting to him what a wonderful, caring confidant she was. When I had initially discovered my pregnancy, I had kept it secret, telling only Gaddes about what had taken place within me. But as it became harder and harder to hide the weight I was rapidly gaining and the telltale swelling of my stomach, I knew I would have to tell someone.

That someone, logically, was Aisia. I had thought that she would understand my situation, that she would sympathize with me and help me discover some crafty way to continue keeping my pregnancy secret until I had finally given birth to my daughter. But, instead, Aisia had betrayed my trust, going behind my back to Father and telling him about my "indecency."

And, of course, Father would never allow the "bastard" child of a Commoner fill his precious palace walls with her laughter. His title, prestige, and the fake "honor" of his crown, was more important than the sanctity of life, or the happiness of his daughter. Tradition had clouded his mind, his heart, and his reason.

And I had suffered unspeakably for it. There's nothing more devastating in the world than for a mother to loose her child, to hold her daughter's limp, lifeless little body in her arms before she was cruelly snatched away to a tiny, unmarked, pauper's grave. I would never forgive Father for what he had done and I would never again trust someone other than my own sister.

I knew that Millerna, of all people, wasn't like Father or Aisia. Like Marlene before her, Millerna would keep my secret safe within her heart and shield me, if the need arose, from further scandal.

I sighed and played with a tassel at the end of my robe's belt.

How I miss Marlene, I scowled, trying to keep the tears at bay.

Marlene had known about Gaddes and me and she had been more than thrilled for the both of us. But then she had gone away, shortly after I had given myself to my lover for the first time, before I knew that I was pregnant. She had left suddenly, sent off by Father to cover the first of the scandals that would rock his family life and his precious throne.

It wasn't until about three or four years later that I learned about Marlene's passionate affair with Allen and Chid's subsequent birth. I had been shocked, but it was mostly because of the great similarity between my sister and I. There were two major differences, however.

Allen was a Noble, as disgraced and outcast as his family might have been - Gaddes was bred, born, and raised a Commoner's son. Furthermore, Marlene had been allowed to have her child and the Duke had lovingly adopted Chid as his own. Those outside of our immediate family never dreamed that the young Prince of Freid was of a completely different lineage than that which his "father" offered.

And Father didn't have to contend with the worry of Chid someday becoming king of Asturia. Marlene had been married off to a foreigner, therefore abdicating her right to succession. But I, on the other hand, had been the next successor and any child of mine would have ascended the throne.

The gods forbid that a Commoner's child - a child born of love, not Tradition - ascend the loveless throne of Asturia. How dare I try to taint the pure family bloodline that traced back generations to the first king of our country, Lord Rufus I! Never mind that King Rufus had been born a fishmonger's son and had spent the majority of his youth as a foot soldier. All that mattered was that over the generations, the Astons had become "Royalty" and "Royalty" Father was determined that we would remain.

My thoughts next drifted to what had happened shortly after Gaddes had learned that I was pregnant.

I had felt so betrayed when I had learned that he had left suddenly during the night, leaving naught behind him but a simple note on his pillow, proclaiming his intentions to seek his fortunes on the sea. But Mr. Connemara had kindly taken me aside and explained the situation from his more rational, older, wiser point of view.

Once it was discovered by others that I was pregnant, an all out hunt would ensue for the father's identity. Gaddes' life would be placed in jeopardy and he would face a very real threat of dying. He had left because he had wanted to spare me the agony of watching him die by my father's hand. At least, if he left, there was the hope that someday he would come back, after Father had died, and we could try to piece our lives back together again.

I had seen the wisdom in Mr. Connemara's words and Gaddes' seemingly rash and irresponsible decision. It was perhaps the most responsible thing Gaddes had done in his young life - he wasn't abandoning me, but merely making it easier for me to protect both him and myself.

Of course, Father hadn't been pleased when I had refused to name my lover's identity. In a furious rage, he removed me from the line of succession (telling the court that it was because I refused to marry the man he had chosen for me) and banished me to the life of a social exile. I was cut off - and my whole world changed.

As a child and a young woman, I had been an even greater socialite than Marlene. I had loved mingling with people, impressing them with my witty conversation, my smart mind, and my charming ways. But after Father "banished" me, I became withdrawn, depressed, and morose. Only fading memories and the hope that maybe someday Gaddes would come back, kept me going day after day.

I had often wondered if that was how Marlene had felt, after being all but forced to marry Duke Freid and leaving her homeland, never to return again. There had been many times when I had contemplated suicide. But just when the knife had been poised above my wrists, Gaddes' laughing eyes had flashed before me and I lost the will to die. Things got a bit easier to bear when Father finally consented to my quite pleas and allowed me to appoint Mare as my next maid.

Her quiet, cheerful ways helped me make it through each dreadful day and depressingly lingering week. Without even knowing it, she gave me some of her own strength - I had known that she, too, had mourned the loss of her brother, though she hadn't known why he had left.

Then, tragedy struck. We had all learned of the horrible mutiny against Iago, my one-time suitor and fiancée, in which he had been brutally killed. But then our horror had increased when the Connemaras and I learned that the mutiny had been lead by none other than Gaddes. All those in the mutiny had been hanged, or so we had been told.

I wondered briefly how Gaddes had managed to get off so easily, since he had headed the rebellion. But for almost seven years, I had believed him dead - killed by the noose after all. None of us had known that he had managed to escape the authorities and flee to the border, where he had joined the army and had made Fort Castelo his home.

In a way, it was one of the great ironies of life. Gaddes and Allen - commander and sergeant. Friends. United by their love of two sisters; I chuckled dryly, realizing that neither of them probably knew that about the other. Gaddes had never been one to "air his dirty laundry," even to a close friend, and I wasn't certain if Allen would have been so open to admit his liaisons with his king's eldest daughter.

I remembered the pain, the sorrow, the suffering, and the depression. The last nine years had been difficult on my heart, transforming my very personality and my view on life. But now, Gaddes was back - a seemingly impossible answer to my prayers.

But what good can possibly come out of it? I wondered darkly. Will it just lead to a repeat of what happened before?

I liked to think that we were older and wiser now. But I knew better - love is blind and stupid, after all. Gaddes and I simply couldn't stay away from each other, especially now that we knew that there was the possibility - however slim - that we could be together. And if I were to become pregnant again…I shuddered at the thought and the implications thereof.

"What are you so glum about?" Millerna's concerned voice broke my reverie.

I started and glanced up. She was standing across from me, in the middle of the windows' frame, carefully balancing a large silver tray in one hand and gripping a pale blue corset by its laces in the other. Her brow was furrowed and she was gazing at me with sisterly worry.

"Here, let me take that for you," I avoided her question, stood up, and gently took the tray from her.

"I…I'll go put this on your bed," she held the corset up briefly, before turning hastily and depositing it on top of my bed's rumpled comforter.

When she returned, I had uncovered the tray, revealing a small, but adequate morning repast. In the center of the silver platter was a small china bowl, filled with freshly cut fruit - peaches, berries, bananas, and melon - diced into careful, identical cubes and glazed lightly in honey. Arranged around the fruit dish were two blueberry muffins, a plate of fluffy scrambled eggs and cheese, and two steaming cups of tea.

I carefully set our places, gallantly trying to ignore my younger sister's pointed, searching gaze. But it was no use; as soon as she sat down and we quietly began our breakfast, she broke the silence with an inescapable question.

"Would you please tell me what's bothering you?"

And for the first time in nine, agonizingly long years, I opened up to another. In a rushed tumble of words and phrases, I poured my soul out into Millerna's keeping. All of my fears, my hopes, my secret dreams, my longings, and my frustrations - everything that I had been thinking of before she had reappeared - slowly seeped out of me with each sentence I concluded. When I was finally finished, I sighed deeply and slumped down in my chair, certain that she would throw all that I had said back into my face.

My fears, of course, were completely unfounded. For several, century-long moments, Millerna was silent, thoughtfully studying her melon slices. But then she looked up and our eyes met; I saw with a start that she was crying.

For me.

No one had ever cried for me.

And I suddenly realized that nothing needed to be said between us. Millerna understood the pain I had been through and was presently experiencing. The joy that I felt at such a revelation coursed through my body like shock waves.

She understands! She understands! my mind chanted, overjoyed.

Our eyes met again and our thoughts passed, unbidden, between us. I had finally found a friend and a true confidant. And Millerna, apparently, had finally found her "lost" sister.

Almost simultaneously, we began to smile, and our smiles quickly voiced themselves as laughs. Honest-to-goodness laughs which were straight from the heart. We were sisters.

And we talked as we finished our breakfast. Millerna confided in me, telling me about her longing to have her affections returned by her handsome, gallant knight. She told me, in great detail, about the many adventures and feelings that she had overcome while searching for Atlantis two years prior with Allen, King Van, the others, and that strange, winsome girl from the Mystic Moon.

As Millerna spoke, I gained a new respect for her. She had really matured - her past experiences had molded her into a remarkable young woman. A young woman for whom I had the deepest respect.

"Do you think…do you think I'll ever marry?" Millerna cut into my brief reverie.

"Of course," I nodded, pouring myself another cup of tea.

I offered her some more, but she shook her head, gracefully declining.

"Why wouldn't you marry?" I continued, glancing about until I finally spied the sugar.

"I don't know," Millerna shrugged slowly, fiddling with the handle of her fork. "I just…wouldn't want to marry if…" her voice trailed away, but I knew where she had been headed.

"If you can't have Allen," I finished for her.

She nodded, miserably. My heart went out to her.

"I think," I spoke slowly, carefully placing my words. "That of us three Aston sisters, your dreams are the most likely to come true. Allen will come around, I'm sure of it - just give him time."

And the riddance of that abominable Delores - damn her! I added mentally.

"I certainly pray and hope that you're right," Millerna sighed deeply and glanced up at me. "And I pray, for your sake, that your dream will come true, too."

"I think it's hopeless sometimes," I shook my head dejectedly. "After all, who ever heard of a princess marrying a stable boy?"

"At least the `stable boy' loves you," Millerna said wistfully, cupping her chin in her hand. "And when I become queen, Eires, you'll be free to do as you please."

I didn't reply - what could I say? I could only hope, along with Millerna, that what she said would someday be true. How I longed to be Gaddes' wife, without fear of angering Father or bringing supposed "shame" on the crown. When Millerna became queen, then I knew that everything would be all right, even though that may have sounded a bit idealistic.

And if Millerna married Allen - oh, what a happy day! The two of them would bring new blood to the stiff Aston line. And we would no longer be Astons - the Schezars, long social outcasts, would rule the nation. The old aristocracy would be replaced by a newer, more vibrant move toward equality. Millerna would see to that and I knew that Allen would support her. He wasn't a man hung up on his station in life; I knew by his friendship with Gaddes that the young knight didn't see himself as any better or any worse than any other man.

Perhaps then, Gaddes and I would be free to wed, just as Millerna promised.

That is, if Allen doesn't break her heart, I sighed. Which reminds me…

"Millerna, would you be so kind as to run a message to Gaddes for me?" I wondered. "That is, if you see him any time today."

"I'd be glad to!" she nodded enthusiastically, her eyes sparkling.

"It's not a love letter, you little ninny!" I laughed and then paused sheepishly. "Well…not entirely."

Millerna howled with laughter - it made me smile, being able to bring joy into another person's life. I chuckled a moment or two myself as I stepped inside the cool confines of my bedroom and rooted about for a piece of parchment, an inkwell, and a quill.

"Oh…I suppose you haven't heard the news," Millerna quickly sobered as I deftly wrote down a note to Gaddes that was quickly becoming longer than I had anticipated.

"What news?" I glanced up, not overly alarmed, but a bit curious.

"Allen's leaving for his estates today," Millerna gathered our empty dishes and stacked them onto the tray.

"He's leaving?" I stopped writing and repeated her words dully, the implications of what she was saying slowly sinking in.

No Allen, no Gaddes.

"He'll be living out there from now on," Millerna continued slowly; she, too, knew what this news meant to me.

"Will…will Gaddes be there with him?" I simply had to know.

"Yes - Allen's appointing him Head Steward."

I breathed an inward sigh of relief. Gaddes would no longer be on the palace grounds; in a way, that was a good thing. And he wouldn't be so very far away…though

I couldn't possibly imagine how we would meet again.

To be so close and yet so far, I mused.

But the distance would be a blessing in disguise. No trouble could come to us if we were apart; still, several different emotions churned within me. Elation, disappointment, practicality, idealism - I didn't know how to even begin making heads or tails of the situation.

So I didn't. I reverted back to a thoughtful silence and concentrated on finishing my letter.

Millerna, apparently, didn't quite know what to make of my silence, so she, too, fell quiet. Only after I carefully folded my letter and handed it to her, did she speak.

"Would you like me to help you get dressed?" she offered.

"No, that's all right," I shook my head with a small smile. "I think I can manage your corset. However…you wouldn't happen to have any brilliant solution for my…er…little problem?" I touched the whisker burns on my cheeks in a silent plea for help.

"I don't imagine anyone will notice, if you stay here all day," Millerna tapped the end of her nose thoughtfully.

I nodded - I didn't often leave my rooms, anyway. Certainly nothing suspiciously unusual there.

"And if, for some reason, someone notices and word gets back to Father, I'll tell him you had an allergic reaction to the mutton last night," Millerna offered.

I couldn't help but chuckle at her suggestion - I was touched, but I marveled that I hadn't thought of that myself. An allergic reaction; what could be more innocent than that? And it certainly looked as if I did have an outbreak of some sort, Millerna pointed out. Nothing more than a rash.

"And it should be gone by tomorrow, or, at the very latest, the day after that," she concluded, standing up and placing the lid back onto the tray.

"Leaving so soon?" I smiled up at her.

"Well…I was planning on going into the city this morning," Millerna admitted sheepishly. "You don't mind?"

"Of course not!" I laughed. "Go have some fun - enjoy yourself!"

She left shortly thereafter, taking my letter and the tray with her. I was left to my thoughts, but that didn't last very long when I caught sight of an intriguing couple strolling through the gardens below.

I recognized Dryden's tall, slightly stoop-shouldered form, but I did a double take when I saw the young woman walking beside him, chattering animatedly away.

Mare. Mare was flirting with Dryden Fassa!

I was completely floored.

Now I know I've seen it all! I exclaimed inwardly, watching the two carefully from my vantage point.

Both seemed to be enjoying the other's company; that much was obvious. Dryden was smiling happily, his eyes fairly glued onto Mare - I couldn't blame him for being enchanted with her company. I had never seen that side of her before; she was outgoing, talkative, and acting outrageously coy.

And both looked blissfully content. I had never seen Mare so happy…or Dryden, for that matter. Truth be told, they made a rather handsome couple, walking along the garden path, perhaps a bit too close for modesty's sake, but who cared? No one else was in view and I certainly wasn't about to grudge Mare for her infatuation. No, indeed.

Dryden paused, just beneath my balcony; I ducked instinctively. The last thing I wanted was for Mare to see me - I knew she would be mortified if she caught me playing "peeping Tom" on her.

I watched, though, as the young merchant broke off a rose - a red one, no less - and handed it to Mare with a gallant flourish. She giggled, a bit uncertainly, but accepted his gift.

Then, he took her hand in his and kissed it!

I was beside myself - the world had just turned a little crazier. Dryden wasn't royalty, but he was clearly high above Mare's "station." Not that I minded that, either - I knew all too well what it was like to fall in love with one that Tradition forbade.

Maybe it's something in the water, I thought lamely of the only excuse I could think of for the bizarre loves that seemed to happen within the old palace walls.

The two drifted away, still in each other's company, completely unaware that anyone had seen them.

Things just get stranger and stranger, I shook my head in wonder. What will happen next?