Vision Of Escaflowne Fan Fiction ❯ No Need To Promise ❯ For the Sake of Love ( Chapter 9 )

"I call out to you now with my eyes.

I don't need promises or such things.

I reach out to you now with my eyes,

Even on the coldest night."

"NO NEED TO PROMISE"

VISION OF ESCAFLOWNE

It started off like all the days before it. Nothing special, nothing new. I never dreamed that it would be the day that changed Asturia forever.

Never mind my own life.

"Gaddes!" Serena called cheerfully, skipping along the brand new, platter-sized stepping stones made of multi-colored pebbles which cut a carefully planned swath through the mansion gardens.

"Yeah?" I turned my head, trying to crane my head and see over the withered stalks of a peony patch.

I was squatting down beside a scowling Oruto, trying to point out the fine particulars of gardening - or, at least, what little I could remember. Working in any garden, but especially this one, reminded me of my mother. Despite my dim memories of her, I could still recall her beautiful, smiling face, bright green eyes, and auburn hair. Eyes and hair that she had passed on to Konik, an eerie image of Mum, just I was Da's mirror replica.

She had loved gardening - the best (and pretty much only) memories I that had of her, involved the small garden behind our house. After giving birth to Konik, she had fallen prey to an illness, which only worsened with time, finally taking her away from us all the day of my tenth birthday. I had often been recruited to stay home with her on certain days and help her in the garden, pulling out weeds and doing all of the backbreaking work that she could no longer perform. It hadn't been something I had been especially fond of; as a true Connemara at heart, I would have much preferred being with Da in the stables. But I had loved Mum with every passionate fiber of my small being and so suffered in silence for her gentle sake.

Those memories came flooding back to me, for no apparent reason. Maybe it was the way my boot heels dug into the soft earth beneath me; maybe it was the smell of the slowly awakening earth, welcoming spring's slow advent; maybe it was the familiar feel of a leaf between my forefinger and thumb as I tried (unsuccessfully, it seemed) explaining to Oruto the difference between a crocus and a dandelion. For whatever reason, I couldn't push the thoughts of Mum, or the image of her smiling face, from my mind.

Until I heard Serena calling, that is.

With a sigh, I clapped Oruto on his wiry shoulder and told him to go take a break and get something warm into him. With a sniff, I stood up and watched Serena skipping across the stepping-stones like some sort of flora faery.

Wish I could go drink some tea and eat some soup, I thought with another miserable sniff.

I could feel myself coming down with all the classic makings of the flu, but I stubbornly refused to give into them. Nevertheless, the symptoms persisted and I felt shaky, dry-mouthed, feverish, and slightly groggy. Running the back of my gloved hand across my forehead, I tugged at the collar of my shirt with the other. Even though the subtle warmth of spring was wafting through the air, I felt chill and clammy.

But nobody noticed - I didn't want them to. I hated being fussed over like an invalid and I rarely got sick; it surprised me, to some extent, that I was sick now.

Guess nobody can have a perfect record, I reasoned as Serena waltzed up.

I secretly marveled at her suddenly fluctuating moods. When I had seen her earlier in the morning, she had been moping about, followed closely behind by her sputtering brother, whom I knew was probably the cause of her bad mood. But around me, her attitude changed dramatically - it was almost as if she were a different person. Now, as she usually was in my presence, her eyes were bright, alert, and sparkling, and a cute, impish smile curled around the edges of her full mouth.

"Gaddes," she fairly chirped my name as she came to a stop in front of me. "Allen wants to see you."

"Does he now?" I murmured faintly - my voice sounded a bit muffled and thick.

All that goddamned phlegm, I coughed, trying to clear my throat, but only succeeding in making my nose run even more.

"Yep," Serena apparently didn't notice anything wrong and she continued to gaze at me with her pretty smile.

"Guess I'd better go, then," I patted her absently on the shoulder before walking brusquely down the path, leaving her to her own devices.

Maybe it was just the flu and the dark affect it was having on my general outlook on the day. But I couldn't rid myself of a distinctly ominous feeling - a feeling that had been eating away at the back of my soul ever since the night that Eires and I had made love. I prayed to the gods that Fate hadn't played us for the fools again.

* * *

I simply couldn't stop crying.

I locked myself into my bedroom, refused to open the door even for Mare, and sat huddled in the center of my bed, bawling my heart and soul out into one of Millerna's pink handkerchiefs.

How could we have been so foolish? I wailed inwardly. This can't be happening - not again!

I only cried harder. All the fear, all the anger, all the anxiety, oozed out of me in the form of tiny, salty trickles of liquid which rolled miserably down the smooth skin of my cheeks. But a tiny, tiny part of me, deep within my heart, wondered if I was truly as repentant and disenchanted as I tried to convince myself.

I wasn't sorry for what I had done, not really. I wasn't sorry for carrying the rapidly forming form of Gaddes' child - no, indeed. That was the highest honor that could ever be bestowed upon me in my lifetime. But I feared for our child and for him; I couldn't bear to loose another daughter - or son, if chance would have it - and I would never be able to bear Gaddes' loss.

My life would be shattered without the one and empty without the other.

But as I sat on my bed, trying futilely to cut myself off from the world, I knew that it was only a matter of time before my world came crashing down around me. My fleeting happiness would be stolen from me once again.

Protectively, I pressed my hand over the barely perceptible bugle in my stomach.

I will see you into the world, little one, I vowed. Even if it means my life, I'll give you a chance at yours. I can't lose you - not another part of me! Not another!

* * *

I could feel the tension in the air as soon as I opened the door.

Millerna was sitting in the same chair that Allen had slumped into the first night that we had all spent within the shabby walls of the old mansion. My blond-haired friend was sitting stiffly behind his desk, with a puzzled expression on his face. I could see immediately that the tension wasn't exactly between him and Millerna, as it usually was. Instead, it seemed to exude from within the princess herself, sitting with her head bowed over her lap, her hands wringing nervously.

"Allen, Princess," I nodded toward them both, acknowledging their presence and wondering if they acknowledged mine.

"Gaddes," Allen finally tore his eyes away from Millerna, long enough to look me questioningly in the face. "Princess Millerna has come from the palace with an urgent message for you."

"Princess?" I turned toward her, fear constricting in my throat.

"Would you like me to leave the room?" Allen stood up, his hands resting hesitantly on the smooth top of his desk.

"No…no, I think you should hear this too, Allen," Millerna didn't lift her head, but her soft voice held us both at rigid attention. "I think it's time you knew."

Knew what? the fear in my throat moved down to knot uncertainly in the pit of my stomach.

"She's pregnant, Gaddes," Millerna suddenly lifted her head, gazing piteously at me with unshed tears shining in her expressive eyes.

I suddenly had no more breath to breathe. My heart twisted inside of my chest with a painful intensity. My soul cried out in disbelief.

It couldn't be true! It couldn't! I wouldn't believe it, even though Millerna's words echoed dimly through my flu-dulled senses.

"She's pregnant, Gaddes…"

* * *

I callously ignored Mare's concerned, hesitant tapping on my bedroom door. I didn't even deign to answer when her soft voice reached my ears.

"Princess? Princess Eires? Is something wrong?"

I felt like laughing - if only she knew! If only she knew what was so terribly, terribly wrong! And then I felt like crying once again; my brief bid for a lifetime of happiness was slowly unraveling.

Only a few more weeks! Only a few more weeks and all would have been well! I screamed inwardly.

Father had suffered a severe stroke just a month before, restricting him to his bed. Over the days and weeks, his conditioned had worsened and even the best physicians in the land could do nothing more for him. Father was slipping away from us - his family and his nation. It was only a matter of time before he was laid to rest with our forefathers and Millerna was crowned queen.

I knew that it was wicked of me to wish such, but I wanted Father to slip quietly away, even as I sat amid the ruins of my hopes and dreams. If he found out…I shuddered to think.

Ruined hopes and dreams could be rebuilt with time, love, and care. But if Father found out about my pregnancy, those hopes and dreams would be swept away for good. Because Gaddes would leave, as he had done the first time. He would have no choice and I wouldn't fault him for it; but I would have nothing to live for, except my child. And there was reasonable doubt concerning my being allowed to give birth to our child. Even if I did give birth, I would never be allowed to keep the bastard child of a Common-born man.

And my dreams would go the way of lovers' promises. Like delicate ashes before a driving wind.

* * *

I suddenly turned on my heel and threw the door open so violently that the knob left an audible dent in the wood.

"Gaddes!" Allen and Millerna cried in unison, but I didn't once stop or falter.

I could hear Millerna's chair scrape across the floor as she leapt to her feet and Allen's firm tread thundering toward the door.

"Gaddes!" I heard him calling down hall, but I refused to listen. "Where are you going?"

I didn't reply and Millerna's soft pleas for me to stop fell on deaf ears.

"Kio! Pyle! Stop him!" Millerna screamed; I saw my two men pause and glance at me as I hastened past them.

"Do as she says!" Allen fumed. "She is the crowned princess!"

"H…hey, Sarge?" I heard as Pyle turned his expansive girth and stared blankly at my back as I retreated down the hall, toward the stairs.

"Sarge!" Kio bellowed; his heavy boots thudded into the plush carpet as he ran towards me.

I ran faster, grabbing hold of the banisters and sliding down it sideways as if I were a little boy once again, sneaking a guilty practice along the length of the palace's smooth, ivory railings. Kio lumbered as quickly as he could down the stairs, but his armor and his weight were foursquare against him. I was a smaller, more limber man and he had no chance of catching me - which is what I wanted.

No one was going to stop me. I had to be with her. Now!

"Would someone please tell me what's going on?" Allen's exasperated voice drifted down the stairs after me, only causing me to run more quickly.

I nearly ran over Serena, who was standing in the doorway, holding it open with her shoulder. She jumped nimbly out of my way, staring at me as if I had gone mad.

"Gaddes…?" she asked hesitantly as I brushed passed her.

I felt bad for the hurt look that came over her face, but I couldn't stop. I wouldn't be caught.

"There's no time to explain anything, Allen," Millerna's voice sounded distant as I sprinted through the gardens, around the house, and toward the stables. "He needs to be stopped!"

Maybe it was the flu. Maybe my fevered mind was incapable of reasonable, rational thought. Maybe I was overreacting and I truly needed to be stopped. But whatever the reasons, I wasn't going to let Eires go through this alone again. It was my fault and somehow, I would set it right.

How I was going to do that, I didn't have the damnedest clue. All I knew was that I wanted to be with her.

I won't run away this time, I vowed. I can't hurt her again.

And so, I slipped a pair of reigns on the first horse I saw - a strong, black brute that I had bought just days before. I wasn't even certain if the high-spirited stallion was broken in yet. It didn't matter; with the skill and speed that only one of my blood could accomplish, I wrestled the bit into his stubborn mouth, tightened the buckles, and leapt onto his bare back.

With a firm kick of my heels, he reared, and then burst through the stable doors with all the breathtaking power of his fiery heart. Bent almost completely over his whipping mane, I ignored the sting of the long, straight hairs as they beat against my cheek in the cold air. I saw Kio skid to a halt, staring at me in slack-jawed amazement. Millerna and Allen dashed past him, toward the stables to saddle horses of their own, in order to better pursue me.

I kicked the stallion one more time, holding firmly onto the reigns, refusing to let him fight for his own way. Sensing this, the beautiful horse responded to my urging and effortlessly increased the speed of his galloping gate - the wind pounded into my face with a pain that brought tears to my eyes. But even the wind couldn't bring me to my senses…

For the first time in nine, long years, I ran toward the object of my love, the rhythm of my heart's blood pounding like the urgent signal of a drum deep within my ears. If needs be, I would fight for her. If needs be, I would die for her.

But for the sake of our love, I would never willingly leave her again.

* * *

Mare's startled scream brought me to my feet, my heart throbbing to a standstill as my chambers' doors where thrown open in an explosion of splintering wood.

"Gaddes…!"

It can't be! I gasped, bringing a shaking hand to my mouth.

My bedroom door burst open.

It could be.

It was.

He hadn't left me.

* * *

I stood momentarily in the middle of the room, panting slightly as I tried to catch my breath. My mad dash through the palace had attracted the attention of several, highly puzzled guards, but I was beyond giving a damn.

Eires stared at me, her mouth agape, and for the first time, I began to feel incredibly foolish.

Maybe I should have been a little more discreet about entering the palace, I mused ruefully.

Being Allen Schezar's second-in-command, one of the heroes of the Atlantian Quest, did have its advantages. I was allowed virtually anywhere inside the palace walls, but that not withstanding, it didn't look good when I practically kicked down the doors of the eldest living princess of the land. I could feel my ears growing red with embarrassment.

But then Eires' eyes filled with fresh tears and she launched herself into my arms.

"Gaddes!" she whispered, wrapping her arms around my waist and settling her familiar, warm weight comfortably against my body. "You came…"

"What did you expect me to do?" I growled softly, forgetting that my own sister was watching me with something akin to incredulous disbelief.

"I expected…you…" Eires paused, as if confused, and then suddenly pulled away.

I wouldn't let her, though. I grabbed hold of her wrists and held her tight, refusing to let go, to allow her to drift away from me.

"You need to leave, Gaddes!" she urged passionately; I couldn't believe what I was hearing. "You shouldn't be here! Leave! Now! Before Father -"

But I cut her off. My mind, too, was made up.

"Yeah, I should leave," I nodded, my face set stubbornly as I gripped her wrists more firmly. "And I plan to - but not without you."

* * *

"But not without you."

His words echoed in my ears, tearing through my shocked mind like a typhoon. In the wake of his words, my own failed me. What could I possibly say to him? How could I refuse? But I did, if only out of habit.

"But…but -"

His lips cut off my protest.

I had meant to tell him that I was a princess, for the love of the gods! That I couldn't possibly leave with him. There were guards everywhere and they would certainly wonder about a scruffy sergeant dragging their royalty away. Not that I would be kicking and screaming - most certainly not. Visions of being whisked out the palace gates on a wild stallion, clasped firmly in Gaddes' arms, never to return again, flickered briefly though my mind.

With a wistful little whimper in the back of my throat, I reached up and clasped my arms tightly around my lover's neck. Threading my fingers through his thick hair, we deepened our kiss, and with it, our resolve.

I'll be his! my heart sang. I can finally be his wife! We can put our pasts to rest! I can live my life as a Commoner - as his!

But then the driving wind blew through, sweeping away the delicate ashes of my lover's dreams.

* * *

"Gaddes!" Mare's panicked voice startled me and I abruptly let go of Eires.

Whirling around, I acted on instinct, catching my sister's unconscious form as she fainted, slumping rapidly toward the floor.

"Mare?" I wondered - she had never been the one to faint.

As I knelt beside her, easing her inert body gently against the doorpost, I suddenly noticed that the room had become ghastly silent. Then, Eires' shaking hand pressed against my back, alerting me that something was terribly wrong. Lifting my head slowly, dreading what I would see, I tore my eyes away from Mare's pale face.

King Aston stood before me, his face livid with red, blinding rage. And standing next to the weakened king, as he leaned against her for support, was the smirking form of Delores Orleans.

"You'll regret this, Gaddes Connemara…I'm not through with you!"

Oh, shit.

* * *

"Eires," Father finally spoke, his voice rasping and low. "What is the meaning of this?"

His voice shook, as did his whole body. Whether that was from shock, anger, or his illness, I would never know. All I knew was that the charade had come to a screeching, horribly wrong end.

"I have nothing to say, Father," I tried to act braver than I felt, lifting my chin defiantly, as I had done when a willful child.

But Father didn't notice. His eyes were locked solely on Gaddes, wide in disbelief.

"Who is this man?"

"Hunter Gaddes Connemara II," Gaddes stood up to his full, impressive height, as if shielding me from my father's wrath.

"The Stable Master's son?" Father whispered faintly; Gaddes nodded grimly.

"So you were him!" Father suddenly exploded, his wrath finally bubbling over in a fury of bitten words. "Your lover!" he turned his eyes towards me, spitting out "lover" as if it were the foulest word known to man. "It was him all along, wasn't it, Daughter?"

Mockery. He was mocking me, taunting me, daring me to assert myself and defy him to his face. I trembled, reaching uncertainly for Gaddes, even though Father was watching my every move with thinly veiled contempt.

But even now, with my "sins" exposed for all of Gaea to see, I still kept my silence. I refused to confirm my Father's words, even though we both knew that he now knew the truth - he had seen Gaddes and me kissing.

Gaddes answered for me. Reaching behind his back, he grabbed my hand, turned sideways, and clasped me defiantly to him. I responded to his touch, pressing my body tightly - and, I'll admit, a bit immodestly - against his, placing my hands firmly on his heaving chest, and laying my head possessively against his shoulder.

I could see our reflection in Father's eyes. Oh, what a rebellious, defiant pair we made. But how could we deny the truth? To deny that we weren't lovers, that Gaddes hadn't fathered the daughter cruelly taken from me years before, would be high treason to the honesty, devotion, and unselfish love between us. I closed my eyes and buried my face against Gaddes' neck, breathing in the wild, fresh, slightly musky scent of his skin, which seemed strangely clammy against my cheek.

Even though the situation was absurdly hopeless, I gained a sort of quiet strength from the comfort of Gaddes' arms. A comfort that would have been denied me, had he left. The reasonable, pragmatic side of my mind cursed my lover for being such a fool - this would have never happened if he hadn't come storming through the palace. Our affair would have never been discovered; his identity would have stayed safely locked away in the confines of my soul. But he had chosen instead to step boldly out of the shadows and claim me as his own.

And now, I was claiming him. And I would never let him go.

But Father had different ideas - I could see them reflected in the fire raging within his eyes and the stubborn set of his jaw.

"Step away from him, Eires," he commanded, his hoarse voice as cold as ice.

I only tightened my grip on Gaddes in response.

"Eires - do as I say," Father's voice was ominously level and low.

"Never," I whispered; Gaddes' own arms tightened around me and I found a sudden strength that I had never known. "I'll never let go of this man," I turned my face and looked straight at Father, even though the murderous look in his eye made my blood run cold.

"You forget your duty, Eires," Father snapped.

"What duty?" I spat out bitterly. "Is it my `duty' to sit in my rooms, locked away from my own family?"

A slight, pink movement caught my eye and I glanced toward the other end of the room. Millerna was standing in the doorway, her fingers pressed against her mouth, tears streaming down her cheeks. Standing next to her was a very scandalized Allen, who was staring blankly at Gaddes as if he had never seen him before in his life.

"Tell me, Father, what's my duty?" I continued, glancing back at him, though my heart ached for the grief and devastation Millerna must have been feeling.

Her trepidation was nothing, though, compared to the erratic pounding of my heart. It was nothing compared to the fear that gripped my soul in its iron grasp, threatening to squeeze all rational thought from my mind. It was nothing compared to the undaunted love that ran like a liquid inferno through my veins, threading its tough, time-tested roots through the very core of my being.

I would not back down - not with my love clasped in my arms. Not as I felt his heart thrash riotously beneath my palm.

"You…you're a Princess of Asturia," Father sputtered, clearly taken aback by my question and the uncharacteristic rebellion etched across my fingers.

Rebellion that had been uncharacteristic for the last nine years, that is. Nine years during which I had suffered the ignominy of his vindictive ostracizing. But the last half-year had changed me - my old, stubborn, willful, fiery self was back. And the old me had been a force to reckon with.

"'A Princess of Asturia'," I echoed Father's words, mimicking his callous, yet fumbling tone. "Yes…I'm a princess of a soulless country who puts more stock in its damned traditions than love."

If the situation hadn't been so serious, I would have giggled at the look that crossed Father's face at hearing such words from his daughter. Even Gaddes stiffened in surprise beneath my clinging fingers - he hadn't known that I had learned well from his rough tongue. The thought made me smirk smugly inside, though not an inch of that was reflected on my outward expressions.

"I'm a princess who's father would willingly marry her off to the first available foreign bachelor, just so he could gain a few more thousand acres of land, or more military might, or more strategically placed allies, or more natural resources. Don't preach to me about a princess' duties, Father," the words dripped bitterly off of my tongue. "A princess' duty is to the well-being of her country - better duty and honor, than love and happiness, right?"

"Don't you dare presume to teach me!" Father puffed his chest out indignantly; I felt like laughing at the pathetic sight.

"Know this, too, Father," I continued bravely. "Above all else, I'm a woman - a woman who craves love, devotion, affection, and the comfort of the man she loves at her side."

I glanced up at Gaddes, as if to gain the strength to continue on. His expression was hard to read, but he stroked a slightly unsteady hand down the length of my unbound locks, encouraging me to continue.

"Silence!" Father roared, his voice cracking with the strain of his volume. "And you -" he turned fiercely toward Gaddes.

"Get your filthy hands off of her, you bastard!"

"Since when were you ever concerned about my welfare, Father?" I all but sneered.

His face turned a strange shade of mottled red and purple. The part of me that was still his "little girl" and a loyal subject, wondered with great alarm if he would have a stroke right then and there.

"If you don't step away from him, Eires," spit flew from his mouth with the force of his words. "I'll personally tear you away."

"You always did resort to force," I shot back, the painful memories of my miscarriage flashing through my mind. "You tore my child out of my body, too."

I knew as soon as I had said it, that I would have been better suited to keeping my mouth shut. Nevertheless, if I hadn't known any better, I would have sworn that Father flinched at those words. In fact, he turned rather pale - but perhaps it was just my heightened state of nervousness that caused me to view things askew. Father was never one to regret, or show regret, over his past actions. I didn't expect him to start now.

"Seize him! Seize him!" he sputtered, his face flushing bright red, pointing his fat, bejeweled finger at Gaddes. "And put him under lock and key!"

The palace guards who had gathered behind Allen and Millerna in the hallway obediently trotted in, their swords rattling ominously in their scabbards. One of the soldiers - Albuis - apologetically looked from me to Gaddes, before placing a weathered hand firmly on my lover's shoulder. The look in the older man's eyes clearly said "I'm sorry" and I forgave him. Albuis was an old friend; when Gaddes and I were children, he used to put me on his knee and bounce me, while telling Gaddes hair-raising stories of his army days, shouting to have his words heard over my contagious laughter. Albuis had also covered for me many, many times when I had snuck out of the palace in the evenings to "play" with Gaddes - he had never asked what the two of us had done, but I think, at one level, his old, wise, gray head knew that we had both been "up to no good."

All those old memories passed between the three of us with a look and a touch. I could feel the defiance in Gaddes ooze out of him; suddenly, he seemed very, very tired. I gazed up at him in concern, before a blinding fury gripped my senses. As Albuis carefully and gradually pulled Gaddes away from my arms, I rounded viciously on Father.

"And know this, Father," I drew my little speech to an end and gathered a large intake of breath for the shattering finale. "I hold life within my womb once again - and you won't take it from me!"

I expected Father to scream, to rant, and to rave. I expected him to leap forward and wrestle me out of Gaddes' arms. I even expected him to grab Gaddes' sword from his sheath and run him through with it. But I never anticipated what came next.

All the blood seemed to rush out of his face and he opened his mouth as if he were going to speak - but all that came out was a faint, croaking, terrifying gasp.

And then, with a sickening crash, Father lost his grip on the smirking Delores and collapsed to the floor, clutching his chest and gasping strangely for breath. Millerna leapt across the room and I sank to my knees on the floor, forgetting Gaddes, forgetting my child, forgetting all but the unthinkable that I had precipitated.

Was my father dying? And had I caused it? I hung my head, hiding my face in my hands.

I didn't even notice when Albuis quietly removed my stunned lover from the room. My whole world was falling down around my ears and I was helpless to stop it.

How could things go so wrong? I screamed inwardly at the injustice of it all. Why!? Answer me this, oh heavens - why?!

But the heavens didn't answer. As if mocking my hopeless cry, their only answer was the racking sound of my own tears.

* * *

My head throbbed and the whole dank, dark, murky world around me seemed to careen drunkenly before my eyes. With a sigh that was part groan, I laid my throbbing head against the cold stones behind me. Now that the "excitement" was over, I felt drained, incredibly tired, and a bit foolish.

Why the hell did I do that? I wondered, silently cursing myself for being such an idiot. Did I really think that Eires and I could just leave? What the hell was I thinking?

Quite simply put, I hadn't been thinking at all. I had simply acted like the impulsive, hotheaded, love-struck youth that I had once been. But yet, I couldn't fault myself too harshly - the look of unspeakable delight that had crossed Eires' face when I had claimed I wouldn't leave her, that look had been enough compensation for the idiocy I had committed in the sacred name of love.

But what good will any of this be, if I'm sitting down here, rotting away in prison? And what good will my promise be to her, if I'm dead? I should have just left, I berated myself. I should have just walked away, like Da told me when I was a boy. So much for thinking that "seizing the moment" would solve anything.

I sighed once again and closed my eyes to the darkness around me. The black shadows of my prison cell were nothing compared to the darkness in my heart. But just as a tiny, grey streak of sunlight struggled through a chink in the stony mortar, so a minuscule strip of hope fought its way into the murky depths of my soul.

Well, perhaps it wasn't hope, but it was a sort of rebellious pride. For the first time, I had finally acted like a true man and not the boy I had been trying to run away from all my adult life. I had seized the moment, tiring of standing in the shadows, watching helplessly as the woman I loved fought her battles - both against herself and others - alone. I had finally stepped forward boldly to claim her and my unborn child as my own; something I should have done years before.

Still, what good was any of this, if Eires was only going to lose me again - for good this time? If anything, I had only made her situation worse. Now she would have to watch me die; there was no doubt in my mind that King Aston's dying deed would be see me to my grave before he reached his. But, perhaps, in a way, the best had come out of the whole ordeal.

King Aston didn't have long, not after the massive stroke we had all witnessed in Eires' bedroom. And even if I died, he wouldn't be far behind, leaving Millerna in control of the throne. I knew from what Eires had said about her younger sister, that Millerna would let her older sibling live the remainder of her life in peace - and most importantly, she would allow the birth of our child. Eires' future was most certainly set, though it wasn't the future either of us had wanted.

I smiled wryly in the darkness.

Things never turn out the way we dream, I mused. In a strange, painful way, perhaps I did the right thing after all - I've certainly aided in furthering the King toward his grave, and almost ensuring, in the process, that Eires will be relatively happy.

Of course, I knew that Eires would never be happy without me at her side, but this time around, things had the potential of being a lot different. At least she wouldn't have to worry about me, or where I was, or why I had deserted her again. At least that part of her past she wouldn't have to relive - perhaps, my death was for the best. With me out of the picture, perhaps Eires could face that I was gone and she could finally have closure on the past years of her life, enabling her to finally move on to a better future, even if it wasn't the one that we had dreamed of together.

I could no longer think - my temples pulsed with the atrocious migraine that seemed to be splitting my head in half. My entire body felt drained and weak; I had no more fight left in me. Straining languidly against the chains that bound my wrists to the wall above my head, I leaned forward and opened my eyes.

Since I couldn't see anything, I reasoned I was better off just keeping my eyes closed and surrendering to the darkness around me. But every time I closed my eyes, the faces of all the people I had loved and lost danced mockingly in front of me.

Da - looking at him was like looking into a mirror that projected my physical features twenty years down the road. Twenty years that I would never see. There were streaks of dignified grey along the sides of his black hair, wrinkles lining the skin around his dark blue eyes and a mouth that had always smiled at the world around him. With broad shoulders, arms of a blacksmith, a deep, rumbling voice, and a formidable bearing, Da had always been a man to command instantaneous respect. Though a Common-blood man, he had always carried himself with the air of a Noble of the highest rank. Proud, stubborn, reliable, friendly, and honest - that had been Da.

Mum - I didn't remember much of her, but I remembered her beauty and charm. The way that she had moved, even after succumbing to her illness, had possessed all the fluid grace and beauty of a horse. I had heard it whispered in family gatherings that several generations back, both Mum and Da had a horse Junin ancestor. The idea had always intrigued me since human and Junin couplings were rare to the point of never-been-heard-of, but I could also see how the family rumors might be true. The untamable spirit of the Connemaras was testament enough, as well as Mum's grace, and the almost uncanny skill and empathy my father's family had always had toward horses. And in a way, whenever I thought of Mum, I thought of a roan mare, with all the poise and elegance of a champion blue blood. She had been meek, mild, and soft-spoken, but had possessed a touch of fire in her green eyes.

Eires - her face always brought a sad smile to my lips. I had always touched her with something akin to awe - at one level I had always been ashamed of my rougher nature, always afraid that I would somehow hurt her when we made love. I longed for the touch of her cool, soft hand on my forehead, for the lingering smell of her vanilla-scented body. All I wanted at that moment was to run my fingers slowly through her silky blond hair and run my hand down her smooth skin. I had always enjoyed lying beside her, our bodies pressed together, noting the stark contrast in our skin tones. Eires' was pale, almost delicate, with a light spattering of freckles in various places. Mine was dark and tanned, with a definite olive tint, courtesy of Da's Freidian mother.

We were both so very different, but I think it were those differences that had formed the base of our love and attraction. To most people, I'm sure our love would have seemed impossible because of our differences in appearance, life-styles, upbringing, and stations. But from an early age, we had seen through those superficial obstacles, using them to foster a deep love instead of hatred.

I shouldn't think about us - about her, I scolded myself, leaning back against the rough stonewall. It only makes matters worse.

Yet there was nothing else for me to dwell on, as I slipped deeper and deeper into a despairing gloom. Eventually, my tired body could no longer deprive itself of sleep and I drifted off into a fevered, fretful slumber, plagued with dreams of what I could never call my own.

* * *

I spent a sleepless, tear-filled night, haunted with fear. The light of morning had only made my mood darker - I didn't want to leave the confines of my room and face a life without Gaddes. But an insistent tapping on my bedroom door had forced me to get up.

It had been Mare; her black hair only seemed to accentuate the pallor of her skin. Her eyes had been red and puffy and I could tell that I hadn't been the only one to cry that night.

But at least she had someone's shoulder to cry on, I had thought enviously of Konik. Where was Millerna last night? Why didn't she come?

Even if she had come, I knew that it would have been a waste of her time. I refused to be comforted; the pain in my heart was too fresh, too raw.

"You're wanted," Mare spoke before I could prompt her, her voice expressionless. "In the Throne Room."

"Now?" I frowned slightly, a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach.

"Yes, ma'am," she nodded without expression.

"Mare…" I sighed.

I wanted to comfort her, to tell her how torn I felt. But I couldn't escape the overwhelming feeling that I had somehow slighted her by not telling her about her brother and me. I reached out to touch her shoulder, but Mare skittered away, reminding me for all the world like a frightened filly.

"Don't, Princess," she shook her head, turning her back to me.

My jaw dropped - I had never seen this unforgiving, cold side to the warm, caring woman I had come to love as a sister.

"Nothing needs to be said," she added, biting the words spitefully over her shoulder. "But tell me this, Princess Eires - did you ever think that Gaddes' entire family may suffer because of your indiscretion?"

I shook my head in disbelief - Father wouldn't dare punish those who had no hand in our affair. But a nagging little voice inside of me told me that Mare's words were all too true.

"I suspect this will be the last time I serve you as your maid," Mare's voice suddenly became thick with emotion. "Not only have you hurt yourself, Princess, but you've disgraced our family's name as well. You and Gaddes both -," she whirled around as tears streamed down her face and anger burned in her eyes. "Should I forgive you for that? You should know by now that we Connemaras may be nothing more than poor Commoners, but we have honor and pride, too. Or we did, anyway."

I was rendered speechless.

I never meant to hurt you, Mare, I thought now, as I sat in my spot at Father's left hand.

Or, what would have been Father's left hand. His stroke had been extremely severe, robbing him of his speech and his ability to move. But he had summoned enough strength to write a badly scrawled message to Meiden Fassa, instructing his Chief Advisor to pronounce Gaddes' final judgment.

We were all gathered now, waiting for the condemned to be brought in, escorted by Albuis and one of his guards. My heart broke as I gazed at those gathered.

Konik and Mare stood in a corner of the room; Mare was sobbing quietly into the front of her younger brother's tunic. Konik caught my eye - there wasn't any anger or condemnation in his face, but rather, a sort of resigned despair. Allen stood at the foot of the dais with his hands clasped behind his back as he solemnly contemplated the tips of his boots. I couldn't see his face because of his long hair, but I knew what a devastating blow it must be to him. Gaddes was his Head Steward, his most trusted subordinate…his best friend. Allen was losing the one man in his life that he had counted as a brother - losing him to a situation that I knew must remind the Caeli all too strongly of his secret disgrace with Marlene.

My eyes flickered across the room to Dryden, who was standing quietly beside his father. A sort of dazed, uncomprehending look was in his eyes - Dryden, also, had been one of Gaddes' childhood friends. I remembered well the days when Dryden, Marlene, and I would play hide-and-seek about the palace grounds, often including Gaddes in our games. We would all three fight and bicker over who would be paired with Gaddes, who had a knack for finding the most unlikely (and therefore, the best) hiding spots. With a sad, inward smile, I recalled how I had usually been the one to win such arguments, due in large to my forceful nature and pervasive BS.

Finally, there was Millerna, who sat across from me on the right side of Father's vacant throne. I had learned that my sister had been forbidden to visit me last night and even now, wasn't allowed to speak to me. But she had snuck me a note as I had passed her, entering the throne room, explaining her situation to me and begging my forgiveness.

Of course I forgive you, I communicated to her through my eyes; she understood.

And even though she couldn't speak to me, she tried to comfort me, giving me strength to face the devastation before me. Sneaking me empathetic glances, Millerna communicated her distress at the entire situation; this was a sad day for us all.

With an abruptness that startled all gathered, the doors to the throne room burst open and Albuis strode in, his face dark and solemn. Behind him shuffled a shackled form that caused my heart to break - Gaddes was chained, hand and foot, escorted none too kindly by a pair of guards.

As the sad procession clanked and rattled to a stop in front of the throne, I was reminded strongly of that fateful day seven months before, when my love had appeared out of the blue. How my heart had raced, when I had glanced up from my folded hands and had seen him hovering uncertainly at the edge of the carpet as Allen bowed to my father. The world had stood still then, but it had been a wonderful, thrilling still - now the room was filled with the choking, stifling presence of fear, dread, and revenge.

Gaddes did not bow, nor did he stoop dejectedly beneath his bonds. My heart was proud as he stood boldly and bravely before Meiden, who now stood on the carpeted step just below Father's throne. I marveled at how stoically Gaddes faced his fate - between Meiden and Father, he could expect no mercy.

A tear rolled treacherously down my cheek as I gazed at the object of my love, his clothes rumpled and disheveled, his jaw dark with unshaved stubble, dark bags underneath his dark eyes. I frowned slightly as I eyed Gaddes - something was physically wrong with him. His eyes were darker than usual, but not from fear or apprehension.

Oh, the gods be beseeched! I stifled a cry. He's ill!

I remembered suddenly how clammy his skin had felt beneath my touch yesterday. I could only imagine the suffering he had endured, sitting overnight in the dark, cold dungeons without even a blanket to ease his discomfort. And surely the stress placed on him from the events of the last 24 hours didn't help matters any; as I watched him, I could see the struggle waging within him to keep standing, much less with his shoulder back and his head lifted proudly, showing no fear.

My heart went out to him and the only prayer left to pray whispered through my heart.

Please…let his sentence be swift and painless.

I should have known better.

* * *

I only half-listened as Meiden droned on and on about my crimes. I knew what I was there for - I was under sentence for illegally loving the King's second eldest daughter. For impregnating her. For daring to defy tradition and "forget" my station in life.

In other words, for being an "immoral" bastard, I felt like laughing in Meiden's smug face.

It was difficult for me to keep my mind anchored in the present. I felt detached from the whole world, as if I were watching the proceedings from some point outside of my body. The only thing that kept me on my feet was my will; I would stand proud and tall for the sake of my family and for Eires. Inwardly, however, I was mortally afraid, and exhausted from the emotional struggles and the fever that burned inside of me.

I listened distantly as Meiden brought up my past crimes of mutiny and murder - crimes that I should have hung for, had I not escaped. Those were added to my tally of sins, the only ones that I was truly repentant for. As for loving Eires and "forgetting" my place, I would never be sorry for that. If given the chance, I would do it all over again.

My eyes flickered about the room. Konik, Allen, Millerna, Dryden, and Mare refused to look at me and I fought the temptation to hang my head in shame. Delores, on the other hand, met my brief gaze with a triumphant smirk - she looked as if she were attending a child's christening, not a man's death sentencing.

I suddenly remembered a small detail that I had forgotten in the rush of all that had taken place. Yesterday, when I had been sprinting through the part of the palace set aside for the King and his family, I remembered knocking a woman over. Not giving it much thought at the time, I had scurried off, thinking her only to be a maid. I closed my eyes, mentally kicking myself - I should have known better.

But how the hell was I supposed to know that Delores Orleans would have been lurking about in such close proximity to the King's quarters?

Still, I reasoned, I should probably have been more careful.

But then again, subtly had never been one of my particular talents. Especially not when I had set a goal - I'd do anything and everything legally possible (and sometimes illegal, if I knew that I could get away with it), to obtain said goal. Sure, it was disgustingly Machiavellian, but, as Mare had teased me about that one night, I had never been one overly concerned with honor.

I absently noticed that the room had become unusually silent - Meiden had paused and was glaring at me, his eyes twinkling maliciously. I wondered then, as I had always, how the hell a bastard like Meiden could have such a jovial, pleasant son like Dryden.

My thoughts were sharply focused, however, when the King's foul merchant-advisor opened his mouth to pronounce my judgment. But he didn't start with mine.

"Be it known, from this day forth, that the Connemara family has forfeited their birthright," his voice cut through the air with a startling acidity.

My eyes flickered, alarmed, toward Konik and Mare. Both looked as if the rug had been pulled out from under them; Konik's eyes were stunned and unfocused.

"They no longer claim the right to the Royal Stables. Furthermore, they are to be exiled from Asturia."

Mare clasped shaking fingers over her mouth and Konik's jaw sagged.

Oh, gods! No! I shook my head in disbelief.

The Connemaras had honorably served the Astons for over two hundred years. Our claim to the Royal Stables and the oldest male's birthright as Stable Master had been the pride of our family through the generations. In effect, the King was stripping us of our dignity; not only that, but he was casting us off. We were no longer Asturians - we had lost our honor completely.

"No!" I suddenly bellowed, my voice hoarse and sore. "You can't do that!"

"Silence!" Meiden thundered, his eyes flashing.

Before Albuis could stop them, the soldier on my left struck me hard across the mouth with his chain-link gloves. My ears rang alarmingly and my head was driven back; my jaw throbbed from the pain and I could taste blood filling my mouth. Almost on top of that onslaught, the soldier on my right rammed the end of his spear into my gut. With an excruciating exhale of breath, I involuntarily doubled over from the sharp, shooting ache in my stomach, collapsing to my knees with a grunt.

"How dare you contradict what the King has ordered!" Meiden lectured me, his nasal voice grating against my sensitive nerves. "I can assure you his judgment concerning your family is light, compared to what he has sentenced you."

The still in the room was broken by Mare's sobs. A trickle of blood escaped from the side of my mouth, staining the cold marble floor beneath my bowed head. I thought my head would explode from the added pain of my day-old migraine and the solid backhand I had just received.

"Hunter Gaddes Connemara II - King Torkin Aston of Asturia sentences you to this:

"For dishonoring the crown, for mutiny against one of Noble blood, for murdering said Noble, for bribery, for forging military papers, for seducing the second daughter of Asturia, Princess Eires, this nation finds you guilty. And in payment of your crimes…"

Even Mare silenced her sobs; the whole room seemed to hang, suspended in Fate's balance. But with a sudden rush, the scales tipped and all the demons of hell were unleashed.

"Fifty lashes."

* * *

I couldn't speak, I couldn't cry, I couldn't scream.

None of us could.

The sentence my father had passed on Gaddes was neither quick, nor painless; rather, it was probably the most sadistic way of killing man short of the rack, or the stake.

I squeezed my eyes shut, my body shuddering from the horror of it. The whole room was filled with a stunned silence - to one unfamiliar with Asturian customs of capitol punishment, Father's pronouncement may have sounded rather lenient. But Gaddes was to be flogged with no ordinary whip; the cat o' nine tails was the reserved implement of death in such cases. Once again, that may not have sounded so bad…except that few men survived the customary thirty-four (given, usually, to lesser criminals; if they survived, they were either paralyzed for life, or had a very painful incentive never to break the law again). But fifty - that was a sure, bloody, and agonizing death sentence.

I watched with unshed tears in my eyes as Gaddes struggled to his feet. His face had suddenly turned alarmingly pale and the unhealthy, red flush in his cheeks only pronounced his illness. But his eyes flashed stubbornly and he gazed each person gathered, full in the eye.

When our eyes met, I thought that my heart would break. I knew that I would be required to watch him die - that was my punishment for the "fornication" that I had committed. But as I searched his dark blue eyes, I knew that he wasn't ashamed of what he had done. Nothing in this world - no punishment, no principality, and no deity - could shame him into renouncing his love for me.

You fool, my heart whispered. You should have just left me - you wouldn't have to face death, or pain, or my tears. Why didn't you leave?

But I knew the answer - he hadn't left because he had loved me.

And now he was paying the ultimate sacrifice on Tradition's alter.

His fate was set - his blood and his life would pay for his refusal to stifle love's desires for the sake of man's foolish rules.

And now, as rebel lovers, we were both paying the price of defiance. He with his life and me with my heart; like delicate ashes before a driving wind.

* * *

My emotions were frozen inside of me. I could honestly say that I felt nothing as I was practically dragged outside the palace gates and into the Middle Square of Palas' Market District. I was too bewildered, too stunned, to think or even grasp the reality of what was taking place around me - taking place to me.

But then it all came crashing down around me as the executioner ripped off my vest and shirt. Reality struck as my sword was thrown, clattering, to the ground and I was pushed up against a thick wooden pole in the center of the Hangman's Green. A curious crowd gathered - I quickly looked away when my wandering eyes caught sight of an incredulous Reeden.

I remembered sending him out into the city earlier that morning. It was Market Day and I always sent my little sidekick out for supplies twice every week, when the city was bustling with venders and merchants, and cheap sales could easily be made. Beside him stood a slack-jawed Kio; I squeezed my eyes shut in shame when I realized that Reeden - who, despite his foul-mouthed bravado, hero-worshipped me - would watch with puzzled horror as my upper torso was ripped open and I bled to unconscious death.

The middle of the gathering crowd parted as a contingent of soldiers staked off a square; in the middle stood Eires, Dryden, Konik, and Mare. Allen wrapped his arms around Eires; I absently wondered where Millerna was, while at the same time longing that I could be the one to offer my love a shoulder to cry on. My brother and sister clung to each other and Dryden stood awkwardly on the side, patting Mare absently on the back from time to time as she sobbed into Konik's chest.

My heart felt as if it were being physically wrenched from my chest as I gazed on the pathetic group. My eyes lingered on the sunlight that shone off of Allen's hair, enveloping his head in an angelic halo.

Who's going to tell Serena why her "brother" didn't come home today? I wondered, even though I knew the answer. At least she'll have Allen to comfort her.

But I knew that Allen wasn't what Serena wanted, or particularly needed, at this stage in her life. And I would no longer be there for her - she would have to struggle along blindly on her own.

What a fool I've been, I finally allowed despair to grip my heart. Trying to play the gallant hero - all I've caused is pain. Pain in the lives of everyone I love.

The executioner's dull voice droned in my ears as he pronounced my sentence, just as Meiden had in the Throne Room. I was allowed no defense and no mercy. The crowd suddenly broke out in surprised, astonished, incredulous whispers when it was proclaimed that I had "seduced the second daughter of Asturia."

Bull shit, I thought, pressing my cheek against the rough wood of the post. We gave ourselves to each other willingly - there was no "seduction" involved. Not unless true love is to be equated on such base terms.

Something sharp pricked into my skin; as I pulled my face away from the post and shifted my weight, I realized that a splinter had dug itself cruelly into my cheek.

Damn!

I soon had other matters to concentrate on - matters far more painful than a simple splinter.

With a start, I realized that the executioner had finished reading my sentence and an uncomfortable still hung in the air. The soft cries of women momentarily distracted me.

Mare, forgive me, sister… I glanced at her bowed head, guilt shredding away at my soul. Eires…

I looked into her tear-streaked face. She was trying hard not to cry - for my sake, no doubt - but the tears kept trickling slowly down her face. She was the only one in the crowd who dared to meet my gaze. For several agonizing, heart-breaking moments, we said our goodbyes, if only with our eyes.

And then something hard, heavy, and sharp dug into the shivering flesh of my bare back. I arched my body against the post, clenching my bound fists, clamping my jaw tightly to keep back a cry of pain. For mere seconds, the whip bit into my skin, then, with an agonizing wrench, the embedded metal and leather was ripped away, leaving me bloodied, wracked with indescribable pain, and struggling to keep a still tongue.

Pride alone kept me from pleading for my life. And only pride kept me from screaming out Eires' name.

* * *

With a sort of ghastly fascination, I couldn't tear my eyes away from Gaddes. A sob hiccupped through me each time Gaddes' body flinched beneath the cruel lashes that curled around his back, chest, and shoulders, laying them open, raw and bleeding. I clung to Allen, digging my nails into the fabric of his blue Caeli uniform, shaking with the screams and wailing cries that I kept firmly suppressed.

I couldn't even begin to imagine the pain Gaddes was so silently enduring.

"What bravery," Allen whispered, almost in awe.

Not once did Gaddes cry out. Most men would have been screaming, vocalizing their agony in chilling shrieks. At one level, I wondered if my lover had passed out, even though he was only five lashes into the beating.

He's so quiet, I marveled, eyeing the muscles in his jaw, which were firmly steeled, making his pleasant features hard and stern.

His brows were knitted together, no doubt in concentration, to keep from crying out. His hands were clenched into fists; I noticed with a jolt that blood trickled down his wrists and down what of his chin I could see.

He must be biting his lip, my eyes narrowed in empathy with his pain. And digging his fingernails into his palm - that's sure to leave scars.

I could have kicked myself for that thought. It wouldn't matter if scars were left in his hands or not. He wouldn't be alive after this horror was over, for it to matter.

Suddenly, for the briefest of minutes, Gaddes' eyes flickered open - he was staring right at me. I gazed back, trying to give him strength to go on, to endure, if only for a little while longer. His pupils were dilated and dark with anguish; then he closed them again, jerking his head back roughly as the whip laid into him.

I gripped tightly onto Allen, wishing desperately that Millerna were with me. Allen was a good friend, but the years had been long since those carefree days of adolescence and he simply couldn't compare to my sister. But I made due with what I had - Millerna had been called away to Father's rooms just after Meiden had announced Gaddes' sentence.

Where is she? What's taking her so long? I couldn't watch anymore and I closed my eyes, turning my head and crying, unrestrained, into Allen's shoulder. She said she would be here for me! She said she'd be right beside me!

The thudding sound of the whip's leather tearing into Gaddes' skin was making me ill to my stomach. I risked one last peak - I could see that Gaddes was loosing his grip. The part of his stomach and chest that I could see around the wooden post reminded me all too strongly of ground meat. Blood poured down him, staining his grey pants a sick shade of rusty brown, and drenching the grass beneath him a glistening red. I had lost count of the lashes - all I knew was that I wanted them to stop. I wanted Gaddes' suffering to end.

Then, two things happened at once. With one, hoarse, blood-chilling cry, Gaddes' will was broken; his knees buckled and he sagged lifelessly against the ropes and the post. At that exact moment, before the black-hooded executioner could deliver another blow, Millerna's voice shouted through the crowd.

"Stop! We command you to stop!"

The executioner did stop, but only for a confused moment. He glanced up at my sister as we all turned around - she was sitting astride her horse, standing up in the stirrups, scowling down darkly at the bloody proceedings.

"Only the King can command this to end," he growled and pulled back his thickly muscled arm for another lash.

"Asturia!" Meiden appeared, his face ashen and clearly shaken, urging his horse up beside my sister's mare. "King Aston is dead!"

I thought I would faint with relief. An astonished silence gripped the crowd and the executioner's arm dropped limply to his side.

"All hail Queen Millerna!" Albuis appeared as well, flanking Millerna's other side, raising high our nation's crested flag.

Of one accord, all of us in the crowd - including myself - dropped to our knees in homage to the newly appointed ruler. The cat o' nine tails, bloodied by Gaddes' life, fell into the grass with a soft thud.

"As our first act as queen, we command that Hunter Gaddes Connemara II be pardoned of his crimes and released!" Millerna's voice rang out clearly and majestically.

For the first time in my life, I fainted.

* * *

I heard her voice calling me, urging me from my long journey through a long, dark tunnel.

"…Gaddes…Gaddes…"

I turned my head, letting it roll weakly against the soft pillow beneath me. With a groan, I tried to tense my muscles and move - pain tore through every fiber of my body, eliciting a gasping scream from my lips.

"Don't move, love," something cool and soft pressed against my forehead.

It was a struggle to open my eyes, but I finally managed. At first, everything around me was nothing more than indistinct, blurred shadows, but after several minutes, the world around me focused.

I was laying on my stomach, in a large bed that seemed filled with goose down pillows, and nothing more than a thin silken sheet covered my naked body. Sunlight poured through a nearby window, filling the room with disgustingly cheerful light, making my temples throb.

"Close the damn shades," I grumbled, my voice rasping in my throat, which felt strangely raw and hoarse.

"My - aren't we in a bad mood," her gentle voice teased.

The incredibly soft mattress beneath me shifted as a weight was removed from the edge of the bed. I turned my head to watch her move across the room, but the sunlight nearly blinded me and with a grunt, I closed my eyes until a cooling shade caressed my eyelids. Only then did I open them and I saw her, smiling above me.

"Gaddes," she breathed, running her fingers gently through my hair.

"Eires…?" I gasped.

Could this be heaven? I wondered and then changed my mind when I tried to move. Shit! If this were heaven, I wouldn't feel like hell!

"Is that you?" I croaked, coming to terms with the fact that I couldn't move.

"How…how did I get here? What…happened?"

* * *

My heart almost broke as his dark eyes gazed mildly up at me. Carefully, I sat back down on the bed, continuing to stroke his hair, which I knew brought his aching body some small amount of pleasure.

"You're in the palace," I replied softly. "You've been here for almost three weeks."

"Three weeks?" he croaked, his face darkening with puzzlement. "What happened?"

Then it all seemed to come back to him and he groaned.

"Shit…how did I get here? I…I…I thought I was gonna'…die…" his voice drifted off and he closed his eyes against the painful memories.

"Just after you passed out, Millerna came charging through. Father had died and she was queen - she had the power to stop your execution," I explained as simply as possible.

There was no reason to go into all the details right now. All he needed to know was that he was safe, alive, and healing.

"Thank the gods," Gaddes groaned.

"Your wounds are healing remarkably well, thanks mostly to Millerna," I chuckled softly. "She won't let any of the other doctors attend to you…and neither will I, for that matter."

Gaddes didn't say anything, but with considerable effort, his hand searched for mine. When he found it, he curled his fingers around my own, squeezing my palm gently. I gazed down at his bandaged hand and tearfully covered it with my other hand.

"Hey," his voice broke with emotion. "Don't cry."

"You tell me not to cry and yet you are, too," I laughed, despite my tears.

I reached out and brushed away the tears that squeezed out of the corners of his tightly shut eyes.

"So everything'll be all right," he said it as if it were a statement and not a question.

"Yes," I whispered, my heart thrilling to hear that word.

Yes! `Everything'll be all right!'

It looked as if my dream were finally coming true. The stars had given us the last of their power and guided us through moments so dark that it had seemed as if there were no tomorrow.

"Now, you just rest," I drew the sheet up, which had slid a little bit when he had tried to move, back around his shoulders. "You still have a lot of recovering to do - for a while, we were all afraid you wouldn't make it. Not only had you sustained a considerable loss of blood, but you had to fight off the flu, too. The fever only broke a few hours ago."

"And I've been unconscious all this time? Three weeks?" he opened his eyes and stared at me in frank astonishment.

"Yes," I nodded, brushing a lock of his dark hair out of his eyes. "And I've been here for you every minute."

"I can tell," a tiny smile tugged on the corners of his mouth. "You look tired."

"I'll be all right," I protested weakly, though I felt like I would fall over in exhaustion at any minute.

I had slept hardly at all during Gaddes' struggle for survival, causing Millerna a considerable amount of alarm.

"You have the baby to think of, too!" she had protested - which had been the only reason why I had kept eating in the past weeks.

Wordlessly, Gaddes grabbed my wrist and pulled me gently down beside him.

"Lay with me for a little," he whispered into my ear and I willingly - but carefully - snuggled against his bandaged side.

I was hesitant to touch him, knowing that his wounds were still very tender. The scabs hadn't quite yet hardened, and I was a little saddened at the thought that his smooth body would now be rough with scars. But, I was grateful - better be scarred, than lost to me forever.

Even though I was loath to wrap my arms around him, Gaddes moved, biting the inside of his cheek with the effort, ignoring my protests for him to stay put. He was only satisfied until I lie partially beneath him, his head nestled between my breasts, his right arm slung possessively around my waist.

"Now go to sleep," he stroked my cheek softly with his fingers as my eyelids drooped. "I'll be here when you wake up."

27