Vision Of Escaflowne Fan Fiction ❯ Pathetic ❯ Hitomi's reflection ( Chapter 1 )

Hi! And thanks to the few braves enough to read the stuff of the newbie I am in writing fanfiction. Comments are more than welcome, constructive comments but please hide the flame-thrower: it took me practically two years to get the nerves of attempting writing and post something of my own.

Also if there's problem with my writing (either spelling or syntax) feel free to tell me so that I can correct my self: I'm a poor French Canadian who's trying to write in a language who's not her maternal one, so mistakes are bound to happen.

Disclaimer - I don't own Escaflowne (of course)

Earth

Hi. The name's Hitomi Konsaki. I'm a healthy 20 years old woman with good grades, great friends and family and I'm absolutely truly pathetic. Let me explain my self

The origins of this all take place in the evens of 5 years ago. You all know of my story onto Gaea so I won't go into this. Let's just say that after I came back it took me some time to adjust to my normal life. I had difficulty to regain contact with reality. It was as if I had cut myself from the world: I cared about nothing and no one seamed to be able to reach within the bulb I had created around myself. I used to cry myself to sleep at night and I know that even if the haven't said a thing about it, I had by family and friends worried for a while. But how could I explain to them what was going on within me? Gaea at changed me and it was hard to a normal high school student again.

Don't get me wrong. I have no regrets regarding Gaea. Every girl that age dreams to live such an incredible adventure and I was no different. But dream is the important word here. None of them actually live them. If I was to tell anyone about Gaea, the would had look at me as thought I was loosing it and I wouldn't have blame them. So I kept my secret to myself. None even Yukari knows about Gaea. I didn't wanted to risk our friendship over this. Therefore, I have no one to talk about it in a corner of the park on breaks or in the secrecy of my room at home. And with no one to talk about it and my desire to fit in again, I started forgetting about Gaea. I became the old Hitomi. The one of before Gaea. Before Van.

My parents seemed relieved, to say the least, when I start behaving as my cheerful self once again. They thought I had been going through one of those phase of teenage hold, have proposed to talk about it. I assure them everything was fine and they took my words. Life was good.

Amano left soon after. Yukari promised him that we'd write to let him know of what was going on in here. Dear Yukari, trying to hook me up with him while she had feelings for him herself, just to cheer me up. We did write him letters together for a while. I stopped after six or seven months and let Yukari continue on her own. It had continued like this for some time, and one day, about a year after I stopped, she came to me all red and excited after my practice with the tract team. Amano saying in his latest letter he wanted a relationship with her. I couldn't be happier for her. Yukari's a great person and truly deserve to be happy. I didn't know if this long-distance relationship was gonna work in the end, but as of now she was happy and I was for her, for both of them.

Live when by pretty easily after that. We both worked hard to school, Yukari so Amano would be proud of her and me because school have always been important to me, even more in my latest years. So we coach each other and the results were great.

Amano and Yukari see each other on summer breaks. During those few months it's unlikely to see one without the other and I see quite less of my best friend, but it's ok with me. It does give me more time for my practice run and since starting my part-time job I do have less of time for her myself: so who I am to deny the pleasure to be with the one she so obviously love?

We still have our girl nights every Friday. We go for ice cream at the parlour down her street and end up at one's house watching bad movies and laughing about nothing, or I just listen to her talking about her relationship with Amano. She always gets this look in her eyes when speaking of him…

Maybe that's why I'm here today on a lonely Saturday night looking by my window with nothing else to do but gaze at the moon, since… yes, I have to admit it : since I can't see Gaea. Pathetic as I've said. How many woman my age would willingly sit alone in the dark at night and feel… can I say jealousy over their best friend love life? It's not that I've never been asked out. There's guys that have seemed attracted to me in the latest years and some that have make the move. But I never go for any of them. And tonight I wonder why. Why I am here at 20 with no boyfriend? Worse, how come I never had one? I do which to have a man taking me in his arms and send spiders down my spine just because his breathing would be tickling me ear. I want the commitment, the romance and even the frustration that comes along with it. Every time Yukari has a fight with Amano (which I'll admit doesn't happen often) she comes to me in a fury, yells about him even, but makes up with him in a matter of 2-3 days in the worst. The fights come inevitably along with a true and durable commitment, that I understand. Yukari called me crazy for saying once that I wanted to yell like this about someone, that she didn't understand the chance she had to have Amano who makes her feel so, so… alive shall I say.

I've run. Just before locking my self in my room tonight. Running have always made me feel free. When you run, nothing else matter. There's just you and the wind blowing in your face, the ground disappearing under you feet and a clear mind focussed on the path you chose. Maybe that's what I wanted: a clear mind. Not think about my love life or more like my lack of one.

I sometimes ask my self, when I allow my self to think about it, if I really loved Van. We were after all, two teens alone in a world going chaos. Was it truly love? Or was it the circumstances? Didn't we just hold on each other like two drowning persons? And even if it was love, things have changed so much… The fifteen years old teen I was might have loved Van. But could the woman I've become still loves that scrawny teen? I'm a woman and I want a man, not a teen a man. Is that so wrong? I know I've made a promise to Van when I left. But the teen I promised to is no more. Just like I changed, so must he had. I still think about him once in a while, a lot less frequently as the time pass, but I still do. Van have became a shadow in my mind. Kinda like the sweet memory of a first love that is gone.

So here I am. I think it's time for me to put the past behind for good this time. But I'm so unsure. What if I'm wrong? Should I or shouldn't I let go of my memory of him? I want a normal life. I want to be in love. I think it's time for me to open up once more.

Still, I wonder how he's like now…

To many thoughts are going through my mind. I feed the need to get up and run again, but I'm too tired for that. I'll sleep. Maybe the sleep will take my thoughts away. Maybe everything will be clearer in the morning. Maybe I'll just forget everything.

So? What do you think? Should I make a sequel or not?

Review please!