Vision Of Escaflowne Fan Fiction ❯ Piece of Her Wings ~Untouched~ ❯ The Curse that is in My Heart ( Chapter 3 )

[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]

By: sadamex

Chapter Three:
The Curse that is in My Heart

Void. Nothingness. Black.

She woke up in complete darkness.

How could this be? She thought. It seemed to her that there was no real difference whether her eyes were closed or not. She could only see the darkness that loomed large and heavy before her. She couldn't even see her arms outstretched before her. Taking a few faltering steps forward, she strained her arms in a desperate attempt to reach something—anything—but to no avail. There was nothing before her but the cold emptiness. It was as if she had slipped into a black hole where no kind of light could ever penetrate, where the emptiness were as vast as the same hollow space she quite clearly feels in her soul.

Is this what it's like to... die?

Dumbly, she collapsed to what she believed was the floor. She couldn't really be sure; even the surface that stretched underneath her is as dark as midnight. She just sat there on the cold floor, alone and numb from the pain she endures. A single tear trickled down her pale cheek as she hugged her knees like a child, and a weary hand wiped it away. Bleary, wide-eyed and haggard, she rocked herself back and forth, her mind awash with disconnected incomprehensible memories of what used to be a perfectly happy life. She had never felt such sadness... she had never felt more alone. She spitefully pitied herself; a tragic excuse as the saddest existence ever created in the whole planet. She couldn't even understand it; why everything had been taken away from her. Her happiness, her love, her past... she didn't know, and it frustrated her so. Bitterly, she laughed at her pathetic little existence, being quite surprised that she could do it all the same. After she had laughed at herself, she loosened up a bit. She realized just how comforting being alone in the cold darkness is.

Hell, maybe it's not so bad.

But drop after drop of great big tears began to well up and spilled uncontrollably on her cheeks. Her lips trembled and her eyes got all blurry as she suddenly felt a terrible wrenching feeling in her stomach. She hung her head limply and embraced herself a little bit tighter. Who was she kidding? She still loves Allen. She still yearns for him even now. She still dreams about him every night, and she sorely misses him everyday. His face is still there wherever she turns, and he still occupies her mind for every waking moment. To put it very bluntly, she was still very much in love, still very much helpless.

Helplessly in love.

Having acknowledged such thoughts that ran across her foggy mind, she burrowed her head in her knees and cried her little torn heart out, trembling in every muscle until she had finally exhausted the tears that flowed. She lifted her head, resting it upon her arms, her eyes all red and puffy and stinging her from crying. She visibly winced as one hand touched her breast.

It still hurts.

Indeed, she can still feel pain. And for Marlene, the sharp pang that she endures, like steely knives stabbing her, twisting and writhing deep inside of her is a thousand times worse than sheer, numbing physical pain.

Sometimes even more cruel than death itself.

But she knows, in the deepest, darkest depths of that sore, bruised heart, still beats a feeling so pure and innocent like no other. Even though she had been hurt many times, even though she had cried for so many times, even though the memories escaped from her still, that unyielding emotion, that clandestine unconditional love in her being, still remains the same as it has always been.

Somehow, she knew that that feeling remains unchanged. She believed that she had felt this kind of love even before she knew it was love. She believed that this emotion she holds in her heart is so strong, so pure, that it surpassed all her troubles and transcended the very threads of time itself.

Without knowing how, Marlene was convinced that she had loved someone even before she woke up to Allen's icy blue gaze.

"It is a curse," said a deep, but oddly gentle voice from behind her.

She suddenly stood up and whirled around. "Who's there?" she asked.

"It is a curse," came back the ghostly reply.

Marlene swiveled her head about, unable to discern anything in the pitch-black darkness. "Where are you? Let me see you." She shot out.

"I am with you, without you knowing." He answered from a distance behind her. She spun around and saw a blurry grayish fog somewhere in that impossible void. She gathered up her strength and ran on sturdy legs towards the eddying fog, growing brighter and brighter as she came closer.

Suddenly, within reaching a few feet from the slowly brightening mist, it exploded into an incandescent blinding white light. The light that now emanated from it was so bright that Marlene had to close and avert her eyes.

Squinting, she shaded her eyes with one hand and dared a glance at the blazing aura.

Feathers. Snowy white feathers drifted like puffs of clouds around the distinct figure of a tall young man. It was foolish to think so, but she was thoroughly convinced that the feathers were even whiter than the light itself. Marlene squinted so far that her eyes were no more than slits, and dared to look into that blazing aura once more to see his face. But even though she was straining very hard, she could not see his face. The light from the aura emanating from behind him was too blinding, but she could clearly etch out the edges of his wings that flowed out gracefully behind him.

"Are you an angel?" she finally blurted out.

He didn't reply to her question. "Remember that you once wished to free yourself? Remember that you once longed to find your peace?" he asked.

"Free? I don't..." she started.

The young angel stretched out his hand. "Then come with me. I shall free you from the suffering that you endure in your heart."

"Suffering? How... what suffering?" she muttered confusedly.

"The curse that is in your heart."

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Marlene woke up amidst all the shouting and the hoarse commands that echoed through the forest. She opened her eyes but did not move, trusting that the concealment of her camp would not give her position away. She merely lay there, motionless as she listened to the cacophony of voices that rudely interrupted her dreams.

"Has anybody seen any trace of her yet?" asked a very familiar voice that made her heart jump.

She quickly rolled over onto her stomach and crouched to peer through the thick underbrush.

"No, Allen, we haven't found any tracks."

They've finally caught up with me! She thought. There, just a few meters away from her secluded vantage point, stood the man she had loved ever since she first saw him. His hair ruffled, his face disheveled, his eyes swollen and lacking sleep, Allen stood amidst a fair number of the men from the village, holding torches up high as they scoured around the deep forest.

The curse that is in my heart. She thought silently.

Allen passed a weary hand over his eyes. "She can't just have disappeared," he sighed tersely. "Surely she left tracks... signs that she's gone through here!" the blond man hotly exclaimed.

"Allen, we've been searching for three days," a man patiently pointed out. "She must be miles away by now."

Allen stared intently at the tired villager, his eyes tightening. "And just what are you implying?" he curtly asked.

None of them dared an answer.

Marlene willed herself to shrink even smaller as she peered in the clearing. She didn't want to be found. Sure, she loves Allen, but she couldn't bear the idea of returning to the village. Not only is that shameful, degrading and embarrassing, she also couldn't bear the thought of staying there and bleed forever knowing Allen's true feelings.

They all heard the soft footsteps that drew closer and closer to the clearing, and Marlene saw a ruddy orange glow from a torch that was approaching. Allen and the men turned to see a tall beautiful lady with wavy blond hair step into the small clearing. "Allen," a puffy-eyed Millerna sadly said. "Let's stop this already."

Allen clenched his fist and a look of irritation showed in his face. "No!" he angrily hissed. "She still must be out there!"

Millerna came up to him and touched his arm. "Allen, be reasonable," she pleaded. "You do not expect the villagers to search for nothing every night, do you?"

"Damn it, Millerna!" he uncharacteristically swore. "We can't just give up and leave her alone in there! Not like this!"

The tall blond lady bit her lip. "Maybe she's not there anymore, Allen... maybe we're just wasting our time." She whispered.

Allen floundered about, not believing the things he's hearing right now. He can't believe that they're willing to give up this easily! "Millerna, don't you even care about your sister at all?" he unthinkingly blurted out.

Millerna's eyes hardened, and Allen cursed himself silently for the mistake he's made. "You need not remind me, Allen," she hollowly said. "That I have lost both Marlenes in this forest. So please don't accuse me that I do not care about her, when I have been carrying my unfound sister's gravestone in my heart for as long as I can remember."

Allen's transparent look of guilt softened Millerna again. She looked around at the exhausted and weary searchers and addressed them. "I'm very sorry for the trouble, everyone," she apologized. "I think we can all go home now, as it is quite obvious that Marlene..." her voice trailed off. "...will never come back." Tears of gentle regret flowed from her eyes.

Allen quickly came beside her and wrapped his arms about her shoulders to steady her, a look of sadness and concern very evident in his face. He gravely nodded to the men about him and gently guided Millerna out of the forest, and from Marlene's life forever.

Watching them until they finally disappeared from her sight, Marlene turned around and sighed a bit petulantly. Had Allen persuaded the men to continue searching a bit farther, they'd have found her camp, and she would be inevitably returned to the village. If that was what happened, she'd have emotionally run out from her concealment towards Allen. Foolishness and love is a very deleterious combination, and at this point in time, Marlene believed she still had both.

Well... maybe it's better this way.

She just had to laugh out loud. She couldn't understand why she needed to console herself so much.

Marlene brushed off an offending lock of hair and thought about Millerna. She said that her sister disappeared in the forest, too. She had never known the real Marlene. For all she knew, Millerna accepted her like she was the real one. An almost overwhelming wave of pity came over her. She felt sorry for Millerna... she realized that underneath that chirpy, sunny exterior shielded a bleeding heart searching for answers that were never found.

She gazed up at the starlit sky. A couple of them fell like teardrops in the heavens. Marlene was thinking... She and Millerna were alike in some ways. The reason that they were so close to each other was because they were both searching for answers that evaded them, just like the sun evades the touch of the moon. They were two lonely, hapless souls searching for a destination, a purpose, a meaning. And all this time, they had been needing each other's company to ease the suffering their unanswerable questions gave them for so long.

But it's all going to change now. Soon, Millerna will forget about the pain, and Allen shall help her heal her wounds, as she will help heal his own suffering as well. Allen shall take her place in Millerna's heart, and their life will go on... just like her own sad little life will go on. At least, she can have solace in the fact that these two people very close to her heart shall someday find true happiness in each other's arms.

She sighed a bit miserably. Millerna and Allen's story is nearly over now. But what about her story? She doesn't even know how it began, how can she possibly know how will it end? How could she possibly complete it without even starting?

How can I complete myself when I don't know who I am?

She sighed once more and stared at the ground. She needed to move away again now. Marlene knew Allen to be stubborn enough to come and search by himself a few more times, or until Millerna tells him off again. So, packing all her belongings in her little canvas bag, she carefully put out the fire she dug out, and piled a mound of small rocks and pebbles over it. She looked for two straight, slightly-thick twigs and carefully tied them together with some dried vines in the center to form a small cross, and stuck it in the middle of the mound. And then, choosing a flat piece of stone with a sharp, pointy edge, she carefully etched a writing on a polished boulder that stood not far from the rock pile:

To Marlene

Who gently came one day

And silently left one night

I wish you, too, have found your happiness. She silently prayed. Marlene cleaned up afterwards, sweeping the uneven floor around the little gravestone with care. Sometime after she had rested, she had picked a few wildflowers and placed it around the marker in an aesthetically pleasing arrangement. When she had finished, she stood before the gravestone for a while, her thoughts unknown. At least, Millerna can have something tangible to hold on to now. Having done what is proper, Marlene turned around and walked on toward the mountains, all the while asking the silent stars if she herself will someday find happiness.

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Sometime during his peaceful sleep, the Ancient Angel grew restless and opened his troubled eyes. He sat up on his bed and stayed quiet like that for a while, listening to the silent whispers the stars conveyed to him. He stood and walked towards the balcony of his palace, leaning against the marble balustrades. The countless stars in the heavens winked at him in greeting as they drifted along their vast highway in an endless and unfathomable journey.

He looked up and carefully noted that some of the stars he had been watching over have changed their courses. "She hath begun to remember," he mumbled to himself.

And indeed, she has. He didn't need to read the stars to know it, for he can already sense it. Her awareness was like a hungry lion just awakened, looming very large and ominous for the Elder. It was a yet unconscious force that is getting more pronounced and stronger every second it approaches its rightful place.

The Elder suddenly felt a certain unfamiliar emotion bubbling from the pit of his stomach. Is this... fear? But surely it's not. He isn't prepared to deal with fear. How could he, the Ancient Angel, immortal and unassailable, be afraid of this foolish, powerless mortal?

"Ancient One," echoed a melodious voice from a tall muscular man at his door. "Thy Angels art about to return."

He quickly pushed aside his musings and turned to face the winged messenger. "I suspect that everything went well, young one?" he asked, his eyes calculating in the darkness.

"Yes, Ancient One." The angel replied. "He put up quite a struggle, but the deed thy asked for hath been done."

"A legion of angels," the Elder murmured reflectively. "And yet he still managed to put up a fight." His lips curved into a faint smile. "I hath wrought a masterpiece."

A moment of silence passed between them, then the Elder slowly walked out into the balcony again. "Go thou, young one, and open the gates for thy brothers." He simply instructed.

The winged messenger bowed deeply, turned, and quietly walked out the door.

The Ancient Angel stood under the pale luminescence of the moon, gazing at the lush scenery before him that was Paradise. A warm breeze rose up, filling his nostrils and ruffling his long curly hair.

He thought deeply. "She hath begun to remember. But he hath already forgotten." His eyes wrinkled in thought. "And now, my son, thou art chained in thy foolishness in the filthy earth below, where thou shall suffer and strive for thy vengeance till the end of days."

A curious smile formed in his lips. "I cannot wait."

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Marlene gently scooped the lake water in her cupped hands and washed her face deeply. Walking in the level lands of the forest is one thing, but trekking in the mountains is another story. She let out a big breath and plopped unceremoniously on the grassy earth, her fingers groping for the knots which kept her sandals in place.

She lowered her aching feet and submerged them in the cool water. "Aah..." she sighed, relieved of a bit of pain the forming blisters in her toes gave her. "I'm never ever doing this again." She muttered darkly to herself.

Marlene just sat there, listening contently to the noises around her, her feet swishing and splashing about in the icy water. A smile was present in her lips, and she might not have noticed it, but in a way, her feelings have changed. The pain of rejection she had felt sharply a few days before had somehow melted a little. The time she spent walking and sulking all by her lonesome self had lessened the pain. She hadn't realized it by now, but there was an alien feeling of peace inside of her, a peace that grew more definite as she walked deeper and higher in the secluded mountains.

Sometimes, solitude does that to people. By opting herself to be alone in the peaceful mountains, she had unknowingly helped heal her wounded heart and made herself grow.

Idly she placed one hand on her breast.

Does it still hurt?

Marlene was abruptly interrupted when she heard a rather odd rustling coming from somewhere among the trees above her. "Who's there?" she shot out as she snatched her hand back.

There was no answer, but it wasn't like she expected it to. She stood up and walked a ways, looking to and fro to search for the intruder. Hand clutching a dried piece of thick branch, she carefully looked around and above her, as if anticipating an attack any minute.

And then she heard a twig snapped. It was all the answer she needed. "Come out here!" she challenged, her heart pounding in a mixture of fear and alertness. "I know where you are!" she shouted as she rushed under the tree from where she heard the sound.

"If you're not coming down, then I'm coming up!" she threatened, her hand tightly coiled around her makeshift club. Hastily she grabbed at the massive tree trunk, getting a solid foothold and climbed slowly, puffing great mouthfuls of air as her adrenaline rushed in her blood. "I'm coming!" she shot out. "So you better show up!"

And then, she saw him. It was only for a split-second, but she was sure of what she had seen. A blur of white whooshed above her in what she saw as a pair of snowy pristine wings. The soft feathers that drifted about left a trail that stood out in the dark canopy background.

Her eyes widened in disbelief, and her head swiveled to the direction of where the blur was heading. "Wait!" she shouted, jumping to the ground with a soft thud. She tried to follow, but quickly realized that she had her sandals off. Muttering curses under her breath, she hastily tied it back on, and was soon on a dead run after the fascinating creature that came by so close to her.

Was that... an angel?

She ran as fast as she could, ignoring the fact that her blisters hurt really bad. But Marlene was a fast runner, and was quickly eating up the distance between them. Spotting the angel soaring above the moonlit sky just a bit farther, she pushed herself forward a little bit more. "Wait!" she panted, not realizing that she was near to her limit. "Please, wait!"

The pale creature soared high above her, past the obscuring cliff, veering upwards and disappearing behind the stark mountain.

Marlene slowed her run as her lungs were about to explode. "I said... wait..." she panted heavily, her hands resting on her knees. She wiped the sweat that was trickling down her forehead, wetting her now-unruly sandy hair. Her chest heaved in effort, her legs were shaking, and her blisters were like little knives stabbing her toes.

She looked up. "He must be at the top of this cliff," she mumbled when she saw the rocky crag looming before her. He? Did she just say he? She wasn't sure why she said that. It's not like she got a clear look of the angel's face or anything, but she felt rather warm inside when she saw him, like she was being protected by someone so strong.

Marlene took a deep breath, rubbed her hands together and started climbing the crag. She ascended as carefully and as quickly as she could manage, making sure her holds were secure. She was heaving again; the cliff was high, and she was in the mountains. Sweat formed and trickled down her eyes, temporarily stinging her, while the warm breeze tousled her hair into her face, blocking her vision even more. "Oh, great." She irritably muttered as she gritted her teeth and climbed on.

At last, she grabbed a boulder and pulled herself up into a wide, level grassland that stopped bleakly before a deep ravine. She stood there for a second, breathing heavily. The pale moon rose large above her, illuminating each blade of grass and the trees surrounding her like she was in a ghostly painting. The stars twinkled merrily in the cloudless sky, its midnight blue color embracing the whole world she was in.

Marlene looked around, but the angel was gone. Or maybe... there wasn't an angel in the first place. Maybe it was just a snowy owl out hunting in the mountains. But even so, she felt a vast loss in her heart when she found that the creature was gone.

I am with you, without you knowing.

Just then, a lone, white downy feather drifted from above, gently brushing her hair and tickling her nose. Marlene glanced up, and she saw that the feather was not alone. More of the snowy things swirled and drifted down upon her, like a white rain purer and softer than snow. Then she heard a soft flutter of sound, growing louder and louder each moment.

Marlene turned her head and gasped, her eyes widening at what she perceived.

There were hundreds of them. No, thousands. Thousands and thousands of snowy white wings flapped and fluttered and soared among the stars in the dark sky. Their majestic flight echoed like a marching army throughout the mountain. Feathers were raining upon her, swirling and eddying as the legion of angels stirred the winds as they circled upwards. Marlene stood there silently, wide-eyed and mouth agape with wonder and amazement at this sheer miracle she was witnessing.

And then, she saw the massive golden gates open, sparkling in the moonlight. The glorious angels circled upwards, soaring above her in what seemed like a mystical and wondrous dance to the Gods. Marlene glanced at what was inside those gates, and a terrible chill ran down her spine.

Her lips quivered as if trying to hold back her words, as a long-forgotten memory flooded her mind. "Paradise," she whispered.

"What's wrong?" he asked, concern in his voice.

"I can't take this anymore," she sobbed, burying her face in her hands. "This is just too much to bear... I want it to end!"

He sadly gazed at her, helpless and unaware of what to do with her when she's like this.

She burst out. "I wish I could die and be free from this damnlife!"

He held her tightly then, running his fingers through her sandy hair. She burrowed her face in his broad chest, wetting his shirt with her tears as she exploded with all her frustrations with her life.

Gently he untangled her from his embrace and wiped the tears from her cheeks. He smiled at her and held out his hand. "Then come with me. I shall free you from the suffering that you endure in your heart."

She sniffed and brushed away a lock of her hair. "Come? Where?"

"To Paradise."

She blinked in surprise. "Are you crazy? You know very well that I can't enter Paradise. We'll be punished for sure! Paradise may as well be destroyed."

He shrugged. "I don't care if they destroy it. Paradise doesn't mean anything to me without you, you know."

"That's really very sweet, but that's not what I want." She pouted stubbornly. "I want to die right now."

He frowned. "Death wouldn't make a difference to your problems." He patiently told her.

"So's running away from it," she quipped. "Besides, you're not entirely sure that I'll forget everything upon reaching Paradise. I just might be as miserable there as I am here. But if I die right now, then everything will finally end!" she said, clapping her hands like a child.

"Dear one..." he pleaded. "Please be reasonable."

"I don't wantto be reasonable." She sulked. "I want to dieand be free.”

And then, he impulsively kissed her. A gentle, comforting kiss full on the lips, and was so sudden that her surprise was quite obvious. Her misty eyes softened and her cheeks blushed at his gesture, and she closed her eyes and wrapped her arms about his neck. His kiss lingered for a while, and he pulled her closer to him as they stayed like that for quite some time.

Again, she was amazed at how much this heavenly creature could alter her mood in a moment.

He gently disengaged from her. "Why'd you do that?" she sheepishly asked, her cheeks with a pinkish glow.

He traced her tender lips with his fingertips and smiled. "Now you're back to your normal lovely self, dearest."

She blushed, instinctively glancing away. But after a while, she laughed and hugged him close.

He held out his hand once more when she pulled away from her embrace. "Come with me. I shall free you from the curse that is in your heart."

Her eyes trembled, her mind unsure. She looked tenderly at his amber depths, and a whole world of their would-be life in Paradise flashed before her eyes. "Paradise..."

Marlene stood there, a look of terror in her emerald green eyes. Her heart was pounding loudly, deafening her ears. The vision of paradise had given her a collage of emotions inside. Her knees trembled, and her tongue stayed still and denied her words. She couldn't understand why she was feeling so; she was amazed, frightened and eager at the same time.

And then her right foot took a step forward. Then the left. Then the right advanced once more. Faster and faster, her feet led her blindly towards the floating gates where the swirling legion of angels ascended towards their destination. She was so confused; she couldn't control her entire body. It was as if something is leading her, as if something is moving her body on its own, guiding her, calling her...

It all became clear. Dreams. Voices. Paradise.

The curse that is in her heart.

Marlene was walking faster now, and she felt truly terrified for the first time. She couldn't even stop her legs as they advanced towards her death. She pulled with all her strength, but her feet kept moving forward. Her mind tried to shout, but all that it could muster was a silent scream...

She was crying in fear now. Only a few meters stretched before her and the ravine. And yet, her legs didn't stop, nor her foolish longing for the Paradise that wished to kill her. The eagerness in her heart grew more and more as she walked closer to those golden gates. Dimly, she understood why she's always felt so restless. She now understood... she now remembers...

Literally inches away from the cliff's edge, her feet stopped abruptly. Marlene heaved a sigh of relief. Thank God it stopped in time! She fervently thought. But... why am I still scared? She asked, her pulse beating a little bit faster. She glanced at the gates above the ravine, and a horrible premonition came upon her ashen face. Save me! She silently screamed.

And Marlene took a step that sent her falling down the deep ravine.

Tsuzuku

She sighed a bit miserably. Millerna and Allen's story is nearly over now. But what about herstory? She doesn't even know how it began, how can she possibly know how will it end? How could she possibly complete it without even starting?