Vision Of Escaflowne Fan Fiction ❯ Uncle Dornkirk's Chibi Daycare Center ❯ One-Shot

Uncle Dornkirk's Chibi Daycare Center

Author's Note: I had this idea one night when I was lying in bed and thought it was hilarious. Funny how my best ideas always seem to come to me just before I fall a sleep. I don't not own Escaflowne, and never will. I also do not own Pull ups or the Teletubbies. My grammar and punctuation is not so hot, I'm already quite aware so please don't not flame me about it. Thank you for taking the time to read this and enjoy.

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Ages from youngest to oldest:

Merle: New born

Van, Hitomi, Millerna and Dilandau: 9 months

Allen and Dryden: 1 year and a half

Folken: 2

Allen and Dilandau are brothers and Merle is Van and Folken's adopted sister. Now I know a baby at nine months cannot talk or really even walk, but this is my fic and I say they can.

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It was a usual day at Uncle Dornkirk's Daycare. Hitomi, Van and Allen were watching Teletubbies on the big screen, Dilandau was setting fire to the toys, Millerna was making faces and playing patty cakes with Merle, Dryden was looking at picture books, and Folken who had decided to kick of his shorts was now just strutting around in his pull ups diaper and a little tank top that said "BEEF CAKE!" on it. Uncle Dornkirk mean while was sitting in his recliner just trying to stay alive.

After finally becoming bored with the TV, Van toddled over to where Dryden was, falling numerous times on the way and plopped down on the floor grabbing a book.

Van: "Bwoder!"

Folkie: "What?"

Van: "Bwoder wead me tis stowy."

Folken: "Okay! (Walks over and sits next to Van taking the book from him. Opens book to first page). Once upon a time there was a widdle girl name Widdle Wed Widing Hood".

Van: "Fowkie! This is the Thwee Widdle Pigs, wead it wight!"

Folken: "Well I don't know how to wead Vannie! Get Uncky Dorny to wead to you!"

Van: (eyes grow very big) "Fowkie he can't wead his eyes are to old he can't see the words. You know that! Besides he smells funny."

Folken: (sighs) "Yeah he sucks he can't do anyting, he can't even bweath (looks over at Dornkirk who sounds like he's having an assma attack)."

Dryden: "I'll wead to you Van!"

Folkie: "Don't be tilly you can't wead Dwyden!"

Dryden: "Yes I can!"

Folken: "No you can't!"

Dryden: "Yes I can!'

Folkie: "No you can't!"

Dryden: (sniff) Yes I can! (Starts rubbing his eyes with his chubby little hands).

Van: (looks down at what his bwoder is wearing) "Bwoder! Where are your sorts?"

Folkie: "I took em off cause I was hot!"

Van: "Liar you just wanna show off your big boy diappy!"

Folken: "It's not a diappy Van. It's big boy underwear just like Daddy wears."

Van: "Well mommy will be mad when she sees you wost your sorts."

Folken: "I didn't woose tem, tey're in my cubby."

Dilandau: "Oh no tere not!"

Everyone looks at Dilandau who is wearing a red sleeper with the words "Demon Seed" across the front and is holding up a pair of flaming blue shorts.

Folken: "MY SORTS WAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! I'm telling on you Diwy!" (Runs over to Dornkirk). "Uncky Dorny, Dilandau burned my sorts!"

Dornkirk: (looks at Folken) "Folken the Dragon still blocks our ideal future!"

Folken: (rolls eyes) "Oy! Here we go again!"

Dornkirk: "If the Dragon slips through our fingers there is no telling just how….."

Dilandau: "SUT UP DORNY!" (Lights Dornkirk's beard on fire).

Dornkirk: "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!" (Jumps out of chair but can't support his own weight and collapses on the floor). "OH FU** HELP!!!!"

No one makes a move to help they're flaming sitter although a few do grab marshmallows.

Dornkirk: "YOU LITTLE SPAWNS OF SATAN, I'LL GET YOU FOR THIS!!!" (Slowly burns until he's nothing more but a pile of ashes).

Dilandau: "Cool! Dorny burned"

Allen: "Pawns of Tatan! Tat's what daddy aways calls Diwy."

Van: "Bwoder what does fu** mean?"

Folken: "I don't know, but I tell ya I won't miss him. All he ever talked about was hat tilly dwagon."

Hitomi: (suddenly notices the weird looking diaper that Folken's wearing) "Folkie what tat?" (Points at his diaper).

Van: "Tat's his big boy diappy!"

Folken: "It's not a diappy! It's a pull up!"

Millerna: "What's a pull up?"

Van: "A big boy diappy!"

Folken: "It's not a diappy!"

Dryden: "Yes it is!"

Folken: "No it's not! Only babies wear diappys and I'm not a baby, (starts crying into his chubby little hands) I'm a big boy."

Allen: "They look like big boy underwear…"

Folken: "And they feel like big boy underwear too!"

Allen: "They must be big boy underwear then!"

Dryden: "No tupid! Tey can't be big boy underwear cause no one here wears big boy underwear. Eberyone here wears a diappy even Dorny wore a diappy."

Hitomi: "Yeah I got to agwee with Dwyden!"

Millerna: "Well I agwee with Fowkie!"

Hitomi: "That's just cause Awen agwees with Fowkie!"

Millerna: "Is not!"

Hitomi: "Is too!"

Dilandau: Well I agwee with killing Vannie! I will kill you for what you're going to do to my bootiful face!"

Folkie: "Killing Vannie! Nobody said anyting about killing Vannie, Diwy!"

Dilandau: (eye twitches) "Chicku!"

Hitomi: "What about Merle?"

Van: "Merle just a baby, she don't have a say."

Merle: "Goo goo ga ga! (Translation "I do so have a say bit**!")

Dryden: "Well I'm telling you Fowkie, tat is a diappy."

Folken: "Is not! I don't need a diappy anymore, I use the potty cause I'm a big boy."

Hitomi: "How big are you Fowkie?"

Folkie: "Two!" (Holds up three fingers).

Millerna: "Wow tat is big!"

Folkie: "See! Now why would mommy put me in a diappy when I don't need one?"

Vannie: "Cause you keep pee peeing in your pants."

Folkie: "Sut up Vannie (slaps Van's arm).

Vannie: (bottom lip starts to tremble) "Wahhhhhhhhhhhh!!!! (Curls up on the floor holding his arm) "My arm, he bwoke my arm".

Dilandau: (eyes shine with gleam) "YAY FOWKIE WAHOO!!!"

Hitomi: "I'm going to tell your mommy you hit Vannie, Fowkie."

Folkie: "Well he was bad first."

Vannie: "No I wasn't!"

Folkie: "Yes you were!"

Millerna: Top it! Folkie you hug Vannie and tell him your torry!"

Folkie: "No! He was bad first!"

Vannie: "No I wasn't!"

Allen: Top! Do you smell tat?

Hitomi: "What?"

Allen: "Smells like smoke" (looks around the room before settling his gaze on Dilandau). " DIWY WHAT ARE YOU DOING???"

Dilandau has set fire to the toy box and it is starting to spread through out the room.

Dilandau: "I set fire to toy box Awen!"

Dryden: "You idiot!"

Dilandau: (not listening) "Ooww pwetty, pwetty fire!"

Folken: "We gotta get out of here!"

Hitomi: "Save me Vannie, Awen!"

Vannie: "Ahh save yourself!"

Allen: "Yeah evwy baby for temself!"

Folken: "I'M NOT A BABY!"

Millerna: "What about Merle? She can't walk!"

Merle: "Ga goo ga" (translation: "No but I can squirm bit**!).

Vannie: "Widdle sister we can't weave her" (starts crying).

Folkie: "I'll carwy Merle. (picks Merle up out of baby seat) Nnnggg what mommy been feeding you?"

Merle: "Ga goo goo!" (Translation: "Was that a shot you bit**?").

Dryden: "I'll open the door" (rushes over to door but can't reach). "Awen give me a boost!"

Allen: "Okay!" (Rushes over to Dryden).

Dryden: "Bend down!"

Allen: "Okay!" (Bends over so Dryden can climb up him).

Dryden then struggles to climb up Allen's back.

Allen: OW! Dwyden you pulling my hair!"

Dryden: "Well if you didn't gwow it so wong you wouldn't have tat probwem."

Dryden finally reaches the knob and turns it, before pushing the door open.

Allen: (chubbing little legs are trembling under Dryden's weight) "Got it yet?"

Dryden: "Got it!"

Allen: "Good!" (Collapses on the floor bring Dryden down with him).

Dryden: "OUCH! Awen!"

Allen: "Torry!"

Everyone else is just staring at the two.

Folkie: "Next time you might wanna use a chair!"

Dryden: "Hey good idea wonder why I didn't tink of tat!"

Allen: "Oooowwww!"

Vannie: "Wet's get outta here!"

Allen: "Come on Diwy!"

Dilandau: "No! Pwetty fire!"

Hitomi: "Diwy fire burns wemember?"

Dilly: (eyes dilate) "Burn, burn, burn, burn!"

Folkie: "Fire burn Diwy!"

Dilanadu: "Burn, bur- No! Fire no burn Diwy!"

Folkie: "Better get out ten!"

Suddenly something goes zipping past the others and all that can be heard is "No burn Diwy, no burn Diwy, Diwy to bootiful to die, kill Vannie not Diwy!"

Dwyden: "What was tat?"

Hitomi: (snickers) "Our bewoved pywo wunning fwom the fire."

Van: "Well ya don't tee that evwy day!"

Millerna: "Come on guys!"

Everyone scampers out of the building.

Hitomi: "Safe at west!"

Folken: "Did evwyone get out?" (Starts to count heads) One, two, five, eleven, nine, three… Where's Diwy? (Spots Dilandau setting fire to an anthill) Eight! Yep evwyone's here."

Van: "Bwoder when's Mommy coming?"

Folken: "I don't know bwoder! I can't tell time."

Dryden: "Well what do we do until tey come?"

Folken: "I don't know! Why does evwyone always ask me?"

Allen: "Cause you're te biggest!"

Folken: "Well I didn't ask to be te biggest! (Sighs) I guess we just stay here and pway till tey come."

Dryden: "Sounds like a pwan, to me!"

Sirens are suddenly heard off in the distance.

Millerna: "What's tat?"

Allen: "Look it's a fire twuck!"

Dilandau: (ears perk up at the word fire) "FIRE! Did you say fire?"

Folken: "Yes Diwy! Look, see tose twucks or called fire twucks."

Dilandau looks at the three giant red trucks zooming towards the daycare center.

Dilandau: (drools) "Those twucks our a hot wed colour, hot like fire (drools) and tey have fire in tem! Tat my kind of twuck."

The trucks pull up in front of the daycare center and immediately the fireman began to spray the building with hoses.

Dilandau: (eyes grow to the size of water melons at the site of the water) "NOOOOO!!!! WHAT ARE TEY DOING?"

Folken: "Putting out the fire Diwy, what did you tink tey were going to do?"

Dilandau: "I though tey was bwinging me fire! You said tat was a fire twuck, not a water twuck!"

Folken: (sweat drop)"You scare me."

A fireman comes running over to the group of eight.

Fireman: "My god, are you all okay? (Picks up Merle) Are any of you hurt?"

Hitomi: "No we're okay."

Fireman: "How'd you get out?"

Dryden: (shrugs) "We just walked."

Folkie: "And I cawied Merle."

Fire man: "Where's your sitter?"

All look over at Dilandau who has his arms cross and is rocking back and forth with a huge scowl on his face.

Folken: (scratches head) "Umm… he died."

Dryden: "He was old."

Millerna: "Very old."

Van: "Very, very old, evwen older then Grandpa."

Fire man: "Uh… okay. Well don't you worry little ones. We'll get you all checked out, call your parents and don't you worry we won't let the bad FIRE hurt you."

Dilandau: (eyes Dilate) "MAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!"

Everyone turns to Dilandau again.

Fireman: "Are you alright? Are you hurt little one?"

Dilandau: "Don't call me widdle and don't say fire is bad."

Fireman: "Excuse me?"

Dilandau: "Fire is not bad, fire makes te world go wound. Fire is a pywos best fwiend. Dada aways says fire is as fire does."

Allen: "No he doesn't. Your tinking of Mama."

Dilandau: "SUT UP ALLEN!!!" (Pulls out a little fisher price flamethrower and gives Allen the tiniest of burns on his arm).

Allen: (looks at the little red mark on his arm and begins to tremble before throwing himself screaming on the ground) "WAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!"

Dilandau: (blows smoke from his flamethrower) "Terves him wight."

Fireman: (looks on in astonishment) "Oh my god! What have you done? Give me that" (grabs the flamethrower out of Dilandau's hands).

Dilandau: (eyes grow to melon size) "My flamethower."

Folken: "Uh-oh!"

Dilandau clutches his hands together, while his face turns a beat red colour.

Van: "Uh-oh he's going to blow, wun for it."

Everyone runs for cover except the fireman who just stands there looking at Dilandau. But instead of losing his cool, Dilandau just smiles sweetly and let's his face return to its original colour and before reaching into his pocket.

Fireman: "What are you doing?"

Dilandau: "I wanna give you a present."

Fireman: "You don't have to give me a present."

Dilandau: "but I wanna."

Dilandau pulls out a box of matches and lights one of the matches grinning evilly much to the fireman's horror.

Fireman: "What are you going to do with that?"

Dilandau: "Tis!" (Throws the match into the fireman face who immediately drops Dilandau's flamethrower).

Fireman: "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!"

Dilandau catches his flamethrower and turns it to maximum.

Dilandau: "DDDIIIEEE!!! MOERO, MOERO!!!"

Dilandau fries the fireman until he is nothing more then ashes. Before taking off after all the other firemen who jump in their trucks and drive away for their lives, while the craze pyro toddler chases them down the street.

Van: "Well tat was weird."

Allen: "I tink my widdle bwoder has issues."

Folkie: "You tink?"

Hitomi: "You guys tink he's coming back?"

Dryden: "Sure after he kills all te fireman."

Millerna: "What do we do now?"

Folken: "What I said eawier pway till our mommies come."

So for the next hour all the chibi cast minus Dilandau who still hasn't returned from his rampage are playing in the yard. Until there parents showed up.

Aston: "What the hell happened here?"

Meidan: "The whole building is burned."

Leon: "Oh Dilandau no. Where is that insane son of mine?"

Varie: "My babies, my babies."

Folken: "Ma we're over here."

Varie: "Oh thank god" (rushes over and picks Merle up in her arms and hugs her).

Aston: (picks up Millerna) "What happened?"

Millerna: "First Diwy burned Unky Dorny…"

Dryden: (in Meidan's arms) "Ten he burned down te house."

Aston: "LEON YOUR SON IS THE DEVIL!!!"

Leon: "I'm already aware of that. Allen where is your brother?"

Allen: "He wan down the stweet twying to kill te firemen."

Leon: (sweat drop) "Gee what a shock."

Varie: (Squishes Folken, Van and Merle in a huge hug) "Thank god my babies are alright."

Folken: "Ma… ma I can't bweath… ma Vannie turning bue."

Varie: (drops them) "Sorry!"

Dilandau suddenly comes walking up the street covered in soot and looking quite pleased with him self.

Dilandau: "I just burned all te firemen."

Leon: "DEMON SEED GET OVER HERE!!!"

Dilandau walks cheerfully over.

Leon: "Just what the hell have you been doing?"

Dilandau: "Burning and killing."

Leon: (eye twitches) "WHY?"

Dilandau: "Cause I'm evil."

Leon's eye twitches again before he grabs Dilandau and forces him into his mini straight jacket.

Leon: "What did I do to deserve this? I had one good son, why did the next have to be evil?"

Dilandau: "Just lucky I guess."

Leon: (eye continues to twitch) "Yeah well you can just forget about matches, your lighter, your flamethrower or anything to do with fire for the next three weeks."

Dilandau: (Eyes grow huge) "NO DADDY NO!!!"

Leon: "Now this is going to hurt me a lot more than it will you."

Dilandau: "WAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!"

Leon: "Honestly I don't know where he gets it from."

Encia: (from the car) "LEON LET'S GO!!! MOERO, MOERO!!!"

Leon: "Coming dear."

Picks up Allen and walks back towards the car dragging a still sobbing Dilandau. Aston and Meidan are also heading to there cars.

Aston: "Great now where are we going to find another sitter?"

Meidan: "Well I here the Crusade is starting a center."

Mean while…

Varie: "Folken where are your shorts?"

Folken: "Diwy tore tem off me and burned them."

Van: "No he didn't."

Folken: "Yes he did."

Van: "Uh-uh you took tem off yourself."

Folken: "I hate you."

Van: "Wuv you to bwoder."

Varie: "Folken what did I tell you the last time you took off your shorts?"

Folken: "Don't do it agan cause Diwy will burn tem."

Varie: "Right."

Folken: "But it wasn't my fault I was hot."

Van: "No you weren't you just wanted to show off your big boy…"

Folken: "It is vewy portant to te well being of your future you do not finish tat tentence."

Van: "Whatevwer. Hey mama."

Varie: "Yes?"

Van: "What does fu** mean?"

Varie passes out.

The End

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AN: I hoped you all enjoyed this and please review. ^_^

~Charlotte~