Vision Of Escaflowne Fan Fiction ❯ Voyager ❯ To a Place Called Awareness ( Chapter 2 )

[ Y - Young Adult: Not suitable for readers under 16 ]

By: raven91

Voyager

Chapter 2 - To A Place Called Awareness

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If there was one thing I did not expect, it was for the end to start a beginning. Suddenly, I remembered the tarot card "Death". How ironic that I died only in order to start living. I fell from the sky with that thought in my mind. I knew that I should have been afraid - I had no parachute or wing suit to assure a safe landing. I felt very much apathetic even at the thought of my body being torn to pieces on the sharp razor-like peaks of a mountain. I did not recognize the mountain range below me; I did not remember ever seeing the snowy peaks of hills and trees. Because I did not recognize those things and because I did not understand what I was suddenly doing in the sky, I assumed that the place I was in was Gaia. Was I in therapy again? Had they managed to revive me and take me back to that dreadful prison? I didn't want to know. I didn't want to think that there was a chance that all of this was just another dream.

As I was falling, I felt giddy and lightheaded. For a while, I assumed it was the rapid change in elevation. Soon, I was proven wrong. Something wet slapped against my cheek; as it spread from the force of the wind to touch my lips, I realized that I was tasting blood. I was suddenly more than a little alarmed, I fought against the pressure of the air to bring my hand into my line of vision. The cut was glaring red against my pale skin, droplets of blood pouring out at an alarming speed. I recognized the injuries; the time that I had cut them into my skin was an eternity ago; it had happened in a past life. Now, seeing them again in such an unfitting environment was like a blast of cold water in my face. Unexpectedly, I felt just how cold the wind was - how tears were streaming from eyes as the ground loomed closer and closer with every encroaching second. My heart dropped into my stomach; if I wasn't falling, I probably would have felt my skin going clammy from fear. If I had been religious, I would have prayed to God now for salvation. Because I wasn't and because I had already decided that I wouldn't give a damn even if I was damned, I had no words of pleading to offer up to the sky. Just I was thinking that falling to one's death would be a most unpleasant way to pass, something pulled at my neck.

I nearly choked at the unexpected sensation. My vision went black for a moment; I was disoriented and dizzy. When I could open my eyes again, I saw light filtering through a metalic grate. The metal rubbing against my skin was so cold, I was certain that what surrounded me was the deep, dark Atlantic Ocean - where the waters were often colder than the icebergs that graced their surface. I shuddered and shivered violently before my surroundings shifter sharply; my body was thrown so hard against the metal, that I felt the impact nearly crack my skull. At last I noticed that I was quite naked - about as much a newborn seal. At any other time, my feminine modesty would have protested against such an outrage, but my head was currently occupied with the more pressing matter of staying in one piece. The smell of steam and aged leather wafted to my nose. My mind recalled something familiar; something just like this that had happened in another life. Yet, as hard as I tried to remember, I could not. Oblivious to my confusion and discomfort, the machine continued its heaving and lurching until my stomach could hardly take it. All the while, my body was chucked around in the limited space, hitting against every possible thing until I felt like a tennis ball trapped between two skillful players. I wanted so much to just pass out. The pain was unbearable.

Then, when I seriously began to believe that nothing would be left of me but tenderized meat, the machine gave a great hiss and came to a halt. By now, I was so exhausted that I didn't bother peering through the grate to see my surroundings. Honestly, I couldn't quite bring myself to care. Well, that was until a sound similar to cracking bones scared me so much that I yelped. Before I could finish the pathetic sound, the metal dropped out from under my back. I was tossed heedlessly towards what I assumed was the ground. Instead of the bruising dirt and rocks that I expected, I landed into the arms of a man. Wine-like ruby eyes met my own; trouseled black hair; a stern brow. I recognized my savior immediately. Apparently, he did as well. For a few moments, we just looked at each other without a word. I couldn't believe my eyes. That I should see him again was a fantasy I had not dared to indulge in since I'd been thrown from this world. That's when I finally remembered how I'd come to this land in the first place; how Escaflowne's cockpit had dropped me just like this into the arms of a much younger boy. The situation was quite similar now, only the boy I remembered was no longer so. The man that held my body with unrelenting strength had a slight shadow of a beard on his jaw. He wore a loose, white shirt, his shoulders graced by a flowing maroon cape. Around those same shoulders, deadly pauldrons of steel were crowned with thick fur. It made him look so much more frightening than I remembered. Judging by the scrutinizing way in which he was studying my own face, I knew that he could see the signs of time that had passed me by as well.

I wanted to whisper his name, much like I had in the moment before my death. But my lips were sealed shut. My teeth were clenched together, pain slashing across my wrists and my ribs. My temples were throbbing. There was so much I wanted to tell him. So much that I wanted to reveal. But everything was stolen from me by the blood that was slowly leaking out of me. Behind me, I heard the telltale sound of vapor that signaled Escaflowne's disappearance. My forehead grew hot; it was the feeling I might have experienced if a cigarette had been pushed into my skin while it was burning. The man looked surprised. I wondered what he was thinking as he held me. I knew that I should be screaming; I was naked for Pete's sake. Yet I couldn't even gather the strength to try and push away from him. Was that because I didn't want to? Or was it because I truly couldn't? I decided that it was a little bit of both. After being apart from for so long, after all the agony I had endured at the fault of his memory, I couldn't just let him go. I had suffered too much, had wished too much to somehow end up in this moment once again. Even if this was all a dream; even if the pain I felt was just another crazy hallucination, I was past trying to fight it. This man had made me feel as if I was wanted, as if I had a purpose. Hadn't we made a promise once? Hadn't we sworn that we would never leave each other alone again? Why had Gaia tossed me away? Why had the fates chosen for me to walk a path of torture and despair?

"Hitomi..." When he whispered my name like that - like a man to his lover - I momentarily forgot all about those months of insanity. When he brought me up against his chest and pressed his lips against mine, all of my doubts melted away. There was only this man now; only him. He was all that was left for me to live for. My time in the world known as Earth was over. At last, it was time for me to start truly living. Perhaps that was why that fates had shown me Earth again. Perhaps they wanted me to understand where I belonged. When I lost consciousness, his worried gaze followed me into the abyss.

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I awakened in pieces. A few times, I could make out shapes and even blurred sounds. With each return of my consciousness, I was less and less aware of where I was. Through it all, I could hear voices hurriedly speaking in clusters of unfamiliar words. For a while, I thought that I was waking up after therapy again. Sometimes, I even tried to fight off whatever - or whoever - came close to me. Not again - never again would I let those freaks touch me. The thought became a litany. My body hurt so much that I didn't doubt for a moment that I was being put through the same horrible tortures that the doctors insisted I needed. Those belts were chafing my skin, cold metal was pressing against my face. Any moment now, the electricity would shoot through my muscles, my veins, my capillaries, my pores! My mouth opened and despite everything that I had vowed not to do, I screamed - screams that came from my center, my soul. Screams of anguish, screams of terror, screams of helplessness that I had withheld for so long.

I was shivering again, huddled in the corner of my room. The nurse was walking through the air-sealed door. The smile on her face was forced, fake, a blasphemy to the notion of true sympathy. She seemed to take pleasure in the way I shrank from her, in the way I strained against the bonds of my jacket. You haven't been eating, she was saying. Of course I haven't! - I wanted to shout. Who in their right mind could have an appetite living the way I was? Then a hysterical laugh welled up in my throat. That's right - who in their right mind? My high pitched laughter caused the nurse to frown. She couldn't understand what it was that I found so funny. Ha! Naturally! Because she was still sane! Then she was lifting her radio, calling in the other, faceless, tormentors that would hold me down while the nurse gave me more "medication". I screamed and screamed, burning my throat until I was hoarse. Even then I continued screaming, the pain in my body intensifying until everything crashed down on me like a tsunami and I started crying. Sob after desperate sob shook my frame. She needs more sedatives, doctor... that hated voice whispered. I retreated from myself, deep into the darkness. Thoughts were calling to me - forget, just forget. Yes, I wanted to forget.

Again, I drifted upwards from bone-deep weariness. What had I been so upset about? There were shapes in white, blending together. Their image caused fear yet that feeling was blurred, muted somehow. My eyes protested heavily as the veil of my eyelids exposed them to a bright glare of light. Sunlight - the word drifted to me unexpectedly. For some reason that I couldn't quite justify, I felt that I hadn't seen it in ages. I tried moving my muscles and was rewarded with the knowledge that my entire form weighed as much as lead. I moved my shoulders experimentally and panicked when I felt them firmly tied down with something. No! Adrenaline kicked into my head and I began to struggle earnestly against my bonds. I could tangibly feel my face draining of color; the blood was rushing to my head. I was tied down! Why? My limbs shook in terror, my breathing excelerating as I began to recall my nightmare. Those white shapes were in front of me again. Run! Run away!

I my intelligence was suddenly no more complicated than a rabbit's in a chase. With the help of monstrous adrenaline I managed to tear one side of my bindings and sit up. I didn't feel any of the pain from my injuries. Hell, I couldn't even comprihend that I might have been injured in the first place. The only thing that I was now was fear. My muscles were moving without my command, ripping, tearing my nails against the other ropes in a futile attempt to rend them into shreds. Once my chest was free, I pulled my legs out of their bindings, heedless that I was tearing my skin. The door! The door was there! I sprinted forward, my legs recalling those days when I used to run. Slipping on something wet but only stumbling briefly I dashed into a wide hallway. The cold marble burned - cold and icy - into my bare feet. Heels slapping against the cream and ruby floor, I ran as far and as far as I could. When I saw a door, I ran through it. Did I even know where I was going? Certainly, I didn't care. The only thing my broken mind could clearly put together was a mantra - not again not again not again not again!

"Hitomi! Stop!"

I don't know how long I would have been able to keep running if that command hadn't reached my ears. My breathing was so harsh that it sounded high pitched even to me. I ran into something cold and solid; a wall, I realized. His voice seemed to echo everywhere. Looking around wildly, I tried to get my eyes to catch up to what my sixth sense was already telling me but failed until he finally stepped into view. He made up everything that my hallucinations had embodied. Beautiful, powerful, engrossing, terrifying.

“Hitomi…it's alright…calm down…”

Calm down? Calm down? Calm down? How the hell did this man expect me to do that? He was going to capture me! He was going to tie me down again! No!

“Stay away!” Shocking how my voice echoed against the high ceilings. “You won't stick me with that thing again! I won't let you!” As he came closer and closer I could feel his aura reaching out to me. How could that be? Was I imagining again? Hadn't I told myself I wouldn't indulge in those fantasies anymore? But…when? When had I promised myself that? Why was I so terrified? The ground tilted precariously under me - an unruly stallion that struggled desperately to throw off its would-be rider. My muscles gave a powerful shudder. The adrenaline was slowly ebbing away.

“Hitomi…no one will harm you …just please…”

That voice was so achingly familiar. Why couldn't I recall that beautiful face? Why was I only seeing a God? A God that was wreaking havoc and killing so many people. The pain slammed into me so unexpectedly that I wavered on my feet. I looked at my hands and saw bandages everywhere. Two, thin, vertical lines were blooming on my wrists. Fascinated, I watched that red become more and more fierce with every second. Blood - again, a random word popped into my head. Blood? Was it mine? Why was it mine? What had happened? Helpless to stop myself, I looked at the stranger in hopes of gaining some sort of insight, but before I could my body gave a single, unrelenting throb of agony. I felt my eyes rolling back into my head. The image of the beautiful man tilted sharply and I spiraled once again into the abyss.