Session Tapes

PLAY »

"Hello Ms. Hitomi, you may take a seat right over there. As you probably know, my name's Dr. Teroka, I'll be working with you today. Would you care for some water, something to drink before we start?"

"Uh… no thank you, I'll be fine."

STOP

Hitomi giggled at the sound of her childish voice. She quickly stopped the first session tape she had just start playing, her stomach now hurting from laughter.

'Uh… no thank you, I'll be fine' she mimicked, oh what a howl! 15 years old, she sounded like such a dork! All nasaly and yucky…. Ew! 'Gosh I hope I don't sound like that now…' she thought worriedly. Hitomi quickly adjusted the volume to make sure that Cathy wouldn't hear her geeky voice of years before. Then Hitomi just sat, huddled on her bed over the tape player in her room, finger slightly on the fast forward button, then rethinking it and deciding to just listen to where the tape already was.

PLAY » (entering past scenes)

"So… how are you feeling today Hitomi?" Dr. Teroka swiveled around on his black leather chair, fingers tapping his chin fringed by a crown of graying hairs.

"I'm doing okay, thank you." Hitomi smiled awkwardly aware that she was practically sinking into the patent leather of the long couch she cautiously sat in. If she wasn't careful she would lose an arm in all that cushioning. She quickly noticed a teddy bear key chain dangling from her jacket zipper. She tugged it off gripping it in her hand; something to fiddle with.

"Good, that's good to hear. Now, I'll just start off, before we say anything major, I'm going to describe this little device over here," pushing his small framed glasses higher up his nose Dr. Teroka leaned across the small desk off to the side to grip a palm sized little device directing it to Hitomi. "Do you know what this is for Hitomi?"

"Umm… my mother said something about the appointments being recorded."

"Well, yes, that's right. See, we record each and every session that I am going to have with you, onto these cassettes for future reference and study. Don't try to mind it really, it'll just be sitting there. Don't gotta worry about it recording any embarrassing noises…"

"Okay…" Hitomi laughed nervously trying to peel her eyes away from the bubbling water dispenser off to the side of the office, stupidly wondering if the tape would record those bubbly sounds as well. "Do we have to listen to them like later or something?"

"Well, that really depends. If we'll need to, then we'll use them, if not we'll just store them away in your files. Okay, anyway, enough chit chat for the day right? Let's just get down to brass tacks…." Again pushing up those ever-slipping glasses Dr. Teroka carefully brought up a small graying file folder; Hitomi's files.

"Hitomi, you do sound like you're very mature and can easily handle the situation you have at hand here. I take it you understand why you're here, or do you feel we should go over it?" He pushed the sheets aside and began staring her down the way only doctors can.

"Well…. Um…." The young Hitomi stammered quickly mind amazed with thoughts. Almost instinctively she began tweaking at the circle frame of the key chain. " I know my mother sent me here. I guess I have a feeling its all because of me being gone for so long. I think…"

"No, no, don't worry. You're absolutely correct. That is why you're here. We're going to just discuss what happened in all that 'time' so to say that you were gone. Hitomi, you do realize that you're absence for four months and 13 days is quite different? Pretty much scary right?"

"Yes, I know it was quite a shock and all, but I've been trying to explain it to my mom and she's not quite getting the picture. But that's why I'm here isn't it, I'm going to have to get you to understand what I'm going through, right?" Hitomi dreaded the thought.

"Ha, the way you make it sound, you have my profession done out a step ahead of me! But you're right, we are going to try to go through this. Don't worry about me being skeptical Hitomi, I've been trained to have an open mind." He leaned far back into his reclining office chair, plastering on that I'm-here-for-you-no-matter-what-crazy-things-you-say look.

"Are you saying that only because my mother had told you what I told her?" Hitomi couldn't help but frown.

"Well, Mrs. Kanzaki has reported a few things that you claimed had happened in that period but you know, my job is to help you out, so you are my first priority here."

"You'll have a hard time believing me," Hitomi sighed. "Everyone does."

"Aw, well now don't say that. You're entitled to your opinions, everyone is."

STOP

Hitomi stopped the tape suddenly. This was starting to get familiar now, and not in any way funny. This was serious. Just by sitting there and listening she could almost feel the exact same emotions rivet through her as it had that very day. An odd mixing feeling of confusion, fear and the weight of being misunderstood. That voice of Dr. Teroka's seemed to gnaw away at her, making her feel smaller and insignificant. She really didn't know why. The guy was trying to help her, but yet her mind seemed to reject that help more and more. The feeling of being misunderstood was just too strong. She stared hesitantly back at the tape player still unsure of what she wanted to listen to. It would help if she knew what she needed to listen to, but on that she had no clue. Sighing, she quickly fast forwarded for a few seconds, then curiously began listening again.

PLAY »

"………… are always like that. Do you feel upset at her?" He could tell he had hit a sensitive topic

"Of course I'm mad!" Hitomi had to bite her lip to keep her voice down. She couldn't help it! The whole thought got her face flushed. "Yukari's always been there for me since day one, and now when I need her most she won't listen to a word I say. She was more worried about her crush than me! What kind of friend is that?? She's just like my mom." Stubbornly Hitomi sat in the depths of that sucking couch and folded her arms angrily. What was she doing? She was overreacting to a memory of her fight with Yukari!! But the way this guy just had to analyze everything got her stirred up as well.

"Oh, I see now. It must be hard to have all your close friends and family being against you on this. I can see the situation here. I'm not going to make any assumptions on your case Hitomi. I just want you to tell me now, those very words you told them. I'm here to listen." He leaned over, finger still tapping, foot now tapping along rhythmically. If he thought that helped, he had another thing coming.

"Well, I don't see why I should waste your time Dr. Teroka." She nearly spat out the words through her gritted teeth. She really couldn't help it! She just felt mad at the moment. "It's no matter really; you will have a hard time with this, that I can guarantee you."

"Hmm…. you may say that, but remember Hitomi, I've heard all there is to hear. The many different experiences of a single human being is astounding, and no matter what it is that you went through, I can deal with it and help you through it. Its what I'm trained to do."

"Thanks, but still, it'll be hard…" He was persistent alright. Now, Hitomi would have to let down her guard.

"If its hard for you to talk about, lets just start from the beginning. When do you believe this all started, Hitomi?"

"May 3rd I think, not too long ago."

"Still quite a while though. It'd be difficult to remember it exactly… but start where you feel comfortable."

"Well, this is easy. I can't forget a day like that. Its something you don't forget." Hitomi raised her head to face him in the eyes. 'Well, here goes… another retelling of the story no one will believe'. She was getting quite choked up inside. This always happened when she tried to remember all that had happened.

"Well okay, I had been over at my school, with my best friend as you know, Yukari Uchida. I just remember her being upset about something…. Uh…. Yeah.. now I got it, she was upset because this, um, guy, Amano, well he was moving away to England, which is where he lives now." She glanced down quickly at the little teddy bear she had been fiddling with. Oh the massacre! In all her edginess in the last few minutes of her first session she had practically picked the key chain apart with her nails. It's right ear merely hung on by a thread and even sitting down she could spot its beady button eye lying helplessly on the floor by her foot, where it had fallen after being absent-mindly pulled off.

"Hmm, let me guess, Amano played an important role in your friend's life?" Nathaniel Teroka placed his over-sized coffee mug onto the desk, tracing its basic line patterns with his index finger.

Hitomi continued to squirm uneasily. They should be paying her for giving all this information to a complete stranger. "Um, I guess so. He was a good friend of both of ours, but yes, that could be taken on higher levels I guess…"

"Oh I see…. Well, sorry, go on; didn't mean to interrupt there…"

"Uh.. okay, um, she was upset, so I spent nearly the whole day trying to figure her out. Finally she just went out and told me that Amano Nekuchi was moving to a small city over in England, and she wanted me to um……… kind of um……… * coughs * tell him… how I feel….." Her voice trailed now. He didn't expect her to go on now did he?? Hitomi felt she had been perfectly clear. So she likes Amano, its not like she was going to just outright say it to the guy. He's a shrink, he'll figure it out.

"UM HUM!! UM HUM!! Don't worry, I understand…." He blinked his small blue eyes quickly, sounding kind of edgy, bobbing his head up and down like a sea buoy. "Wow, that is very noble of her, don't you agree? Didn't she feel the same way for Amano as you did?"

?? Hitomi jerked her head up quickly, disregarding her broken teddy friend. "No… at least I don't think so, or I hope not, that would've been very nice of her if its true."

"Aah, but did you ever wonder why she was so upset about him leaving?"

?? What was he getting at?? That Yukari had liked Amano? Or LIKES AMANO?? She uses five minutes to tell him a little story and now he's got things figured out better than she does??

"Well yes I did, but I just figured that she like would miss him or something; I would never have come to think she would miss him in those ways."

"No, that's true too Hitomi. I shouldn't be making assumptions, but it is something to consider, if its any importance to you now. Well, sorry again, go on." He gave her that good old fake smile. He had also discovered a pen to annoyingly tap against the side of his desk. It was driving on Hitomi's nerves. Did he ALWAYS have to tap on something? She was starting to wonder which one of them really had the 'problems'.

"It sure is something big to think about…." 'though I don't believe it,' she thought bitterly. "Anyway, we headed back to the school field where we had planned to meet him to say goodbye. And um, I love running, track is my favorite sport, so I came up with this crazy idea. I handed this pendant which I'm going to probably tell you a lot more about later, and it's funny because it manages to keep perfect time."

She drew her arms back until she could finally feel the cool latches of her necklace at the back of her neck. She carefully slipped it off and passed it on to her psychiatrist.

"Perfect time eh?" He took it carefully raising it to the window and watched as the sunlight danced through its ruby glass. What a marvel it was. Quite like a hypnotizing device when swung back and forth…

"Yes it does actually. One second per sequence, never slowing down. Basically he would use it to time me. The idea was that if I could get around the track in I think it was a minute, yes a minute, then he would have to um…. Kiss me." She let out her breath softly. She was starting to get used to this whole 'opening up' thing. Hitomi had just told him that with only feeling a tad bit uncomfortable. Progress.

"Um hum, I see. Romantic stakes at hand huh?" He nodded on with her still playing with the pendant.

She watched him laughing dryly, "Yeah, I guess you could say so."

STOP

Hitomi looked curiously at the tape. How on earth was she so forward? She was practically telling the guy her life story! Okay, yeah sure, maybe they were paying him loads of money to listen to her, but still… to tell him about her feelings towards Amano, that was just awkward! Some things should stay personal! And she wasn't liking the input he had given her either. What had he implied by that thing earlier on? That Yukari also had a crush on Amano back at the beginning of high school?? That wasn't right! Yes, Yukari, her best friend, and Amano, her fiancé, did have a little so-to-say 'history' back then, but that wasn't until Yukari and her were at least 17 or so. These tapes were two years before that!

Argh, if she wondered about it any more she'd start thinking about that eavesdropping phone call again which she was still trying to get over. If she thought about that she'd begin rethinking all the little details she had overheard. And if her mind continued to wander she'd begin suspecting things, questioning things and thinking things she'd rather not think.

She stood stretching her long arms above her head, brushing back waves of mahogany hair falling in her view. She couldn't help but notice how hard she was trying to keep from nodding off. Sleep. Oh that's what she needed. What a day!! It was looong enough to begin with. She didn't even want to bother recapping on the events.

Shoving the tape player off her bed and yawning like mad she climbed under the sheets and noticed yet another thing. She couldn't close her eyes. Her mind was buzzing although her legs already felt unconscious. She was dead tired, but there were sooo many things to think over! She lay there staring upwards and listening to the droning purr of Naria who had appeared out of no where to cuddle by her feet and fall asleep even before she could close her eyes. Even in the dark she could make out the details of the tapes on her night stand as she glanced over in that direction. Oh she was not finished with those tapes just yet. No Siree!! First thing tomorrow after work. No doubt about it. The story was just beginning.