Voltron Fan Fiction ❯ And they lived happily ever after... ❯ Step One: Separation Anxiety ( Chapter 1 )

All standard disclaimers apply. Voltron characters belong to WEP, storyline premise based on Devil's Due Comics, original characters are mine. Certain events in the story are imitated from real life but grossly exaggerated to hide the identities of the real life persons and parties involved otherwise the author will be killed… in a very slow and painful manner. Keith's history that's not stated in the Devil's Due profiles as well as the actual plot are all just figments of my strange and convoluted imagination.

 

Rating G

 

VERY IMPORTANT ACKNOWLEDGEMENT: This fic would not have been made possible without the patience, assistance, insight and support of the very lovely Sheila Bliss.

 

February 18, 2007

 

And They Lived Happily Ever After

(a.k.a. If the Monster in the Closet Doesn't Get You First)

By Ina-chan

 

Step One: Separation Anxiety

 

In the twelve years that I've been alive, I learned four truths.

 

First, there are no such things as happy endings and make-believe fairytale are exactly what they are - make-believe. Endings are never happy because all things only come to an end when everything stops existing. That's never happy.

 

In spite of that truth, people still dream, struggle, and fight their way to get that happy ending. Mom and Dad weren't an exception. I don't know anybody else who fought really hard for a happy ending. But their efforts were pretty useless. In the end, they only found a burning wreckage of twisted plastic and metal.

 

Second, I learned that the dark isn't always scary. When I was little, I wasn't any different from anybody else. I found the dark scary. You can't see in the dark. You hear strange noises in the dark. It's the things that you don't see and don't know that scare you. So your imagination makes up for what your senses can't provide. That's why I used to believe that monsters waited and lurked in the dark.

 

Then I got older and I realized that like happy endings, monsters in closets don't exist either. The monsters that lurked in the dark aren't the ones that you should be scared of. Real monsters lurk in the light and in plain view. You don't even realize that those monsters are right in front of you, waiting for the right moment to get you. That's what makes them scarier than the monsters hiding in the dark.

 

So it's actually safer to be in the dark because no one can see you in the dark, even the monsters lurking in there. Nobody would even know you're there. You can act scared all you want and nobody would know. You can cry all you want and nobody would know. You can be weak all you want and nobody would know.

 

Nobody would know.

 

“To be quite honest, Mrs. Powell, I don't understand why you are continuing to hinder this process. If you really want what's best for him, you'd let us do our job.”

 

“To be quite honest, Mr. Ishida, I don't understand why you were hired in the first place. For the past twelve years, that woman has never shown any interest on my sister's son. Why start now?”

 

“Akira-sama is---”

 

“Keith.”

 

“Excuse me?”

 

“My nephew's name is Keith.”

 

“Correct me if I'm wrong, Mrs. Powell. But isn't Akira Kogane the boy's name?”

 

“Akira Kogane is not my nephew. Akira Kogane is the former Master of the Kogane Family. It's true that my sister and brother-in-law named their son after his grandfather, a futile effort to make peace with the family. But `Keith' is the name they have chosen to use.”

 

“I see… nonetheless, Mrs. Powell… Keith-sama… is now the Kogane Family heir. While there had been problems in the past with the Kogane's youngest son… there is no reason to deprive Keith-sama of his birth right.”

 

“You mean that now that the Kogane family's eldest son is dead, my nephew conveniently has a birth right.”

 

“Mrs. Powell, please. I understand that you feel bitter about what happened in the past. But we can't ignore the fact that Kogane blood runs in that boy's veins. As the last male direct descendant from the Kogane Main House, Keith-sama will be the future Head of the Kogane Family.”

 

“I'm aware of that Mr. Ishida. I am also aware of the fact that the Kogane Family is very proud of their traditions to the point of fanaticism. Because of that pride, my brother-in-law was disowned for marrying a girl who is… `not up to the family's standards'. You can't deny the fact that in their eyes, the Kogane blood that runs in my nephew's veins is `tainted'. With that in mind, do you honestly believe that family's `not-so-direct-descendants' will accept a Chinese half-breed to become their Master?”

 

“Mrs. Powell, again, I understand your concerns. But the Kogane Family has nothing but their best interest for Keith-sama.”

 

“No, Mr. Ishida, I don't believe you do. How do you expect me to believe your employer's sincerity about my nephew's welfare when she sent her lawyer to pick up her grandson instead of coming here to get him herself?”

 

“………”

 

“Mr. Ishida, let me be direct and to the point. I know how rich and powerful my brother-in-law's family is. I'm not delusional. But I'm never handing my nephew over to a prideful old woman who would only acknowledge his existence out of necessity. Now, if you don't mind, please leave.”

 

“Mrs. Powell, please don't make a big mistake deciding out of whim. We should talk this over…”

 

“If you wish to talk further, then please make an appointment with my lawyer, Mr. Ishida. This conversation is over and you are now trespassing on my property. Please leave before I call the authorities.”

 

“……… Very well, Mrs. Powell. You shall be hearing from us soon.”

 

The dark shows things that you won't normally see in the light. Sometimes they are things that other people probably wouldn't have wanted you to know. Sometimes they are things that you, yourself, probably wouldn't have wanted to know.

 

“Hey, kiddo? Are you hiding in there again?”

 

She seems to be doing that a lot lately, trying to coax me out of the dark. Aunt Fay. Before she came to the U.S. she was known as Li Fei-mei. Then she married Uncle Raymond and became Fay Powell.

 

I'm the same, though I was too young to remember. The name written on my birth certificate from Hong Kong was Kogane Akira. It seemed like a completely different person. But my mother had it legally changed to Keith Kogane when we came here. I never thought about it before. Why she decided to change it. I always figured that's the way it was. After all, the other Chinese kids I knew had a Chinese and an American name.

 

I've never seen Aunt Fay like that. Angry. I mean, really, really angry. She used to yell at Mom a lot. They would fight like cats and dogs at one moment, then be the best of friends the next. They were weird. But I know Mom loved my Aunt Fay a lot. Aunt Fay's twelve years older than Mom. My grandmother died when Mom was born, so Aunt Fay ended up acting more like a mother than an older sister to Mom. When Aunt Fay was twenty-eight, she married an American soldier then moved away from Hong Kong.

 

Mom and Dad met then eloped two years after that. Dad's family didn't like Mom, and Aunt Fay wasn't there to stop her. Not that there was anything Aunt Fay could have done to stop them. When I was three, we left Hong Kong and followed Aunt Fay.

 

“So you heard all of that, huh? Let's not mention what happened to your uncle, okay? He'll be upset as it is when he finds out I met with that man without telling him.”

 

Aunt Fay is a free-lance journalist, novelist, and as what Mom called… a fearless hopeless idealistic dreamer. Uncle Raymond rose up the ranks and in the process became a military lawyer. Their jobs caused them to travel from all over. Aunt Fay used to say that it would be cruel to raise children with the lifestyle they led. She always said that she wouldn't have children, even if she had a choice.

 

I was too young to remember this too, but I know the story. I suppose anyone who knows Aunt Fay is bound to know. Aunt Fay even wrote a book about it. Aunt Fay was very very sick then. So Mom decided to come to America to be by Aunt Fay's side. Aunt Fay survived, but her treatment made it impossible for her to have children afterwards. In a way, I've become Aunt Fay's surrogate kid. Mom used to get mad at her for spoiling me rotten. But Aunt Fay could be as every inch as strict as Mom whenever I'd get into trouble. But still…

 

She's not Mom.

 

“Hey, come on Kiddo. Come out of the broom closet. Isn't it a bit cramped in there?”

 

Mom and Dad died in the accident two months ago. I've been with Aunt Fay and Uncle Raymond ever since. It was weird. I never had to spend time with Aunt Fay longer than a week before. Now I'm going to be living with them all the time. It's funny. I used to think that it would be cool to live with Aunt Fay instead. `Specially during those times when Mom punished me over something that was clearly not my fault. Now… I just want to get out of here and go home.

 

Aunt Fay keeps telling me that it's okay to cry and to spill my guts and that she's there to listen. But I don't want that. I don't want to cry. I don't even feel like crying. I don't want to spill out my guts. I just want her to leave me alone. I just want to stay here in the dark, where nobody can bother me.

 

To be honest, I don't understand why Aunt Fay said those things to my grandmother's lawyer. I know she felt responsible for what happened. The only reason why she took me in is out of obligation in the first place.

 

Obligation. It's a big word, isn't it? You wouldn't think that a twelve year old would really understand what it means. But I do. Aunt Fay only took me in because of her obligation to her sister. My grandmother only searched for me because of her obligation to produce an heir to her family. Mom left Hong Kong because of her obligation to be by her dying sister's side. Dad sacrificed his career to go with Mom because of his obligation to be a good husband. Mom and Dad didn't get divorced right away because of their obligation to be good parents.

 

I told you. The darkness shows you a lot of things.

 

“I know. Why don't we go out for a drive? Just the two of us. It'll be fun. We'll go get a couple of those game thingies you like. Gorge ourselves with ice cream. And get that horrible man out of our minds for a while, eh? What do you say?”

 

Dad used to do that too. Whenever he and Mom started fighting, he'll take me out. We'd go drive somewhere far… like the park or the lake. And he would teach me a new technique, or a new kata. Mom used to call him irresponsible. I suppose she was right. Dad would rather give in or run away than be in any sort of fight with her.

 

They really tried hard for a fairytale happy ending. They never told. At least not directly. Sometimes, when Aunt Fay and Mom fought, they blurted out things in Cantonese. When Mom and Aunt Fay fought in Chinese, that's when I knew that it was something serious and something that they didn't want me to hear. I didn't understand everything. But I understood enough to be able to figure out things on my own. After all in this day and age, information, gossip, scandals… they're all available at anyone's finger tips. All you have to do is turn on a computer. People like airing other people's dirty laundry, especially if those people are like Dad's family.

 

The Kogane Family just happened to control a third of Japan's medical industry… hospitals, medical equipment, pharmaceutical research. You don't even need to be older than twelve to put two and two together. What happened between Aunt Fay and that lawyer only confirmed what I already know.

 

I knew Dad's story too. Dad sometimes gets a bit too tipsy for his own good. `Specially after a really bad fight with Mom. Dad likes to cry and spill out his guts when he's drunk. He would always tell me not to grow up like him. A disappointment, a failure, a coward… He compared himself with Grandfather and his older brother, Uncle Hiroyuki. He moaned how he failed to get into the best schools and failed to hold on with his jobs. That's why Kenpo was so important to him. The Chinese Martial Art was the only thing he was really good at. His life revolved around it to the point that he ran away from home to follow a foolish dream of finding a great teacher in China to help his path to become a great Kenpo Master. He only ended up failing miserably with that too.

 

Dad never got to Mainland China. He only got as far as Hong Kong. My grandparents figured that Dad would eventually just give up his foolishness and come home with his tail between his legs. Then Dad met Mom. When my grandparents found out about Mom, they forced Dad to make a choice: Come back home and forget about her, or forget about being part of the Kogane Family.

 

Dad married Mom.

 

And his parents disowned him.

 

I suppose Dad's parents hated Mom because she took Dad away from the family. Mom and Dad really fought hard for a fairytale happy ending. To the very end, they were trying to work things out one last time during that one last holiday.

 

It's just too bad that there's no such thing as happy endings.

 

“Hey Kiddo, are you listening?”

 

Aunt Fay always hated my grandparents after what they did to Mom. I know she only said those things because she wanted to give my grandmother a hard time. I also know that in the end, she's going to give me away. She said so herself that she didn't want children.

 

I know about what my grandmother really wanted too. It was all over the news, about Uncle Hiroyuki's heart attack. It was a complete uproar when he died because it left the Kogane Main House without an heir and a major part of the country's economy unstable. There were talks of power struggles and take-overs that I didn't really understand completely. I may just be a kid and don't understand a lot of things, but I'm not stupid. I'm not so naïve as to think that my grandmother just suddenly wanted to get to know me better. She only wanted me now because she didn't really have a choice, which brings us to the third truth…

 

Adults lie.

 

They go around pretending what they're doing is for the greater good or something. But they're really just using children for their own purposes. Adults go around thinking that children are not smart enough to figure things out on their own, and lie about the existence of happy endings.

 

“*sigh* I'm sorry, Keith. I know what I did was selfish. But I had to see it for myself.”

 

I wish that she would just go away and leave me alone in the dark.

 

“You know, your mom didn't want to name you after your grandfather. She only agreed because it meant a lot to your dad.”

 

That was rare. It wasn't a secret that Mom always got her way. Dad always gave in to her. Dad usually only got to do what he wanted because Mom let him. The only thing that Dad wouldn't allow her to have her way on was the divorce.

 

“When you came here, she wanted a new start for you. But she didn't want to give you a Chinese name either. That's why she gave you an English name and insisted that you be called by it. She wanted you to choose your own way on neutral ground. She didn't want you to be forced to choose between the two worlds you came from.”

 

Mom was the one who always thought of everything. Mom was cynical of fairytales and happy endings even though she admitted hoping that it would somehow be true. Mom was the one who always told things as they were. So when she said that she would see me when they got back from their trip… I believed her.

 

I forgot that she was an adult too.

 

“And yeah, I agreed to see Mr. Ishida because of my selfishness. That must have made you feel really anxious, didn't it? I'm sorry.”

 

Why won't she go away? Why won't she leave me alone? Why can't the dark swallow up sound like it swallows up light? I don't want to hear this anymore. I don't want to listen to her talk about these stupid things just to win over my sympathy.

 

“I know that you probably would have been better off with your grandmother. She'll be able to give you things and opportunities that I could probably only dream of and… a stable family. I was prepared to give you up.”

 

I'm tired. I'm tired of people assuming I don't know any better. I'm tired of people thinking that they're doing what's best for me by doing what they think what's best for me. And I'm tired of her trying to coax me out of the dark.

 

“But before I did that, I wanted to see with my own eyes what kind of people they were.”

 

I don't care. Go away.

 

“That's why I'm sorry Keith. I'm sorry for being so selfish. But after seeing how they really are, I realized that if I did give you up to them…”

 

I don't…

 

“…they'll never let me see you again.”

 

………

 

“I'm sorry I made that decision without thinking about your feelings. All I really want is for you to be happy, Kiddo.”

 

…don't…

 

“But if you are going to be happier with your grandmother…”

 

Her voice, then, disappeared in the darkness. I couldn't even hear her move from the other side of the door. There was no other noise than the sound of my own breathing. And I finally got what I wanted…

 

But… I realized for the first time what it really means to be in the dark. Not seeing or hearing or feeling doesn't make the bad feelings go away. Somehow, knowing that no one will see you... find you… feels a hundred times scarier than the make-believe monsters that lurk in the dark. The air gets heavier and it gets harder to breathe. And nobody knows…

 

Nobody knows.

 

I remember reaching for the door and pushing it with all my strength. I remember the door banging loudly as it hit the wall. I remember feeling suddenly blinded by the room's white light. I remember seeing Aunt Fay's tiny frame. She was sitting not too far from the closet door, hugging her knees. I remember staring back at the startled almond shaped brown eyes of her tear streaked face. And I remember hearing a small and pathetic voice as I struggled against the painful lump in my throat.

 

“Aunt Fay… please… don't give me away…”

 

The next thing I remember was feeling the wind knocked out of me, as Aunt Fay engulfed me in a tight embrace. I remember closing my eyes and relishing the feeling of her warmth. It was then, for the first time since Mom and Dad died, that I felt the bad feelings melting away. It felt so safe and warm that I didn't mind it at all if Aunt Fay thought I was a coward and weak. I didn't even mind crying. It was also the first time, despite the cruelty of the truth, I wanted to believe.

 

Happy endings can happen.

 

 

*************

End of Step One

Continued on Step Two: Thixophobia

 

Author's squawk:

 

And with sweaty hands and a pounding heart… I release my newest baby to the world. This is my first Voltron fic, despite being a fan of the series since I was nine years old… And making up stories and fantasies about Keith... yes I was a strange nine-year-old. But now, I'm older. And can justify my fantasies by claiming that they are beautiful pieces of prose! As you can tell, this is based on the Devil's Due storyline. Unfinished stories have so much fanfic potential… and this is my contribution to the fandom. Though, I still think it would have been more drama if DD made Keith half-Korean and half-Japanese. AGH! Keith's father's ancestors will roll in their graves! And the fanfic drama resulting from it!

 

I hope you enjoy reading it, as much as I enjoyed writing it (and Sheila enjoyed being my guinea pi---er beta reader).

 

Comments, criticisms, sacrificial offerings to the muses… to ina_chan[at]yahoo[dot]com