Weiss Kreuz Fan Fiction ❯ Brief Encounter ❯ Part V ( Chapter 5 )

Author's Note: Yes! The finale to `Brief Encounters' ^_^ How very fitting that I wrote this for my university and that now I am just a couple weeks away from graduating ^_~ I finally finish it…..although I am sad its finished, at least I can get back to `Coincidences' now and stop receiving death threats ^_~

Thank you to *takes deep breath* : enervate, Lady Gackt, Koji-chan, Trinity Bennett, Thorne, Pershephone, faceless, Dani B, Uma, Talyssa, nekojita-chan, Lyra, Jackie, babaca, Amy the Yu….all for helping out with my little fic project ^_^

Usual warnings and disclaimers apply.

I hope everyone likes it! Enjoy!

***

It was the soft musical pelt of raindrops that first disturbed his ear, ears that were so sensitive they could pick out a stray note in a full orchestra. The second was the unfamiliar sound of hushed breathing that he didn't recognise as his own.

His eyelids slowly fluttered open and he found himself looking at the smooth expanse of Aya's back, his reclining form only partially covered by the fluffy white duvet which was rucked up around his waist. In the watery blue-gray light, the redhead's skin took on an almost ghostly iridescence, his toned muscles silhouetted sharply against its pale background revealing a build that was certainly more substantial than the drummer's own.

Yawning softly to himself he ran a hand down his side and grimaced as he felt every curve and bump of his ribs beneath the skin, but then he had no one to blame but himself for that.

As his vision began to clear and detail became sharper he came to realise that Aya's body was far from flawless, various nicks and scratches marring the smooth surface along with a single tattoo.

Yoshi's forehead furrowed slightly as he tilted his head further into his pillow. The tattoo itself was fine, a cross with wings with a curving banner along the top done in black ink, but it was placed a little oddly. Shoulder tattoos were usually situated right in the middle of a shoulder blade, but Aya had his slightly lower and closer to his spine.

Leaning closer, he kissed the slightly raised design and felt the warm skin hum beneath his lips. It was then Yoshi realised the reason for the strange placing, it was right behind Aya's heart.

Desire drove him to do more than just touch. Extending his tongue, he ran it over the surface before drawing it in and sucking and nipping at the soft flesh. The redhead tasted warm with a slight salty tinge to his skin that made Yoshi's body start to harden. As he felt Aya start to stir he proceeded to move lower, trailing his tongue down the shallow groove of his spine, over the erogenous zone that was the small of his back, stopping only when he reached the top curve of his ass.

He pushed the duvet completely off the bed, instead just letting the night air cocoon their bare bodies. Aya emitted a low sound of pleasure as he felt it tickle his body with its warm fingers. Placing his hand on the hollow of Aya's hip, Yoshi slowly turned him over on his back until he came face to face with his semi-hard shaft.

Aya just arched his back as he felt the drummer's cinnamon hair lightly brush the sensitive skin around his groin. Taking note of that, Yoshi gave a slight smile as he grasped the base of the redhead's penis and bent his head allowing the jagged ends of his hair to sweep across the sheer skin, his warm breath wafting across the surface of his thighs. Aya felt his toes curl at the barrage of sensations that ranged from ticklish to wickedly pleasurable.

`Stop…,' he gasped but in the same breath said, `…more…'

Yoshi's smirk in response to this was one of pure self-satisfaction. Parting his lips, he let his tongue circle the head of Aya's cock, lingering on the more sensitive spots before opening his throat and taking in the hard length inch by inch until his nose was touching the base of red pubic hair. Once he had adjusted to the intrusion he slowly started to move, drawing his head back and forth along his length the salty taste of pre-cum filling his mouth. By now, Aya was thrashing about so much Yoshi had to forcefully hold down his pelvis to stop from being choked.

Never at any point did the drummer stop to think about what he was actually doing. All his previous tangles with male lovers had been fast and brutal with the release of sexual tension being the only goal but all his relationships in the past had been with women. But with Aya, the only thought that came to him was how…natural this felt. Not the act itself but the very idea of bringing him pleasure.

When he had started this search for his mysterious stranger, he really hadn't a clue what to expect, playing things as it would seem by ear. Persisting even when faced with Aya's cold personality because he refused to believe that the person he saw that night whose eyes were so full of emotion could appear to be so heartless. But what he had ended up finding, what had melted in his embrace just a few hours before was better than any fantasy he could conjure.

`Yo…i! Aya cried as he came long and hard in the drummer's mouth, tangling his hands in his hair as his voice cracked on the middle syllable. Yoshi swallowed every creamy pulse, the taste not completely pleasant but bitter smooth on his tongue.

He felt the tenseness leave Aya's body but his own mind was churning as he wiped the cum from his lips. Whose name was it actually that the redhead had called out? It sounded like his but he couldn't be absolutely sure and it bothered him more than a little.

Completely awake now, Aya opened his eyes to the incredibly sexy sight of the gorgeous drummer kneeling between his spread leg, his soft cock slipping from his mouth and felt his insides turn to butter. However there was an unsure look in those teak coloured eyes that made Aya frown a little.

Thinking that it was because of what had just happened, Aya quickly pulled him upward by his shoulders so that they were facing each other. After gently lapping up a spot of cum that was at the corner of his mouth, he drew him closer so that he could kiss him, deliberately slipping his tongue into his mouth so that he could taste himself.

`That was nice Yoshi,' he murmured and felt the drummer immediately relax beneath his hands. Aya was glad; the last thing he wanted was for Yoshi to regret what he had just done. `My turn,' he said huskily, rolling him over so that he was now the one on top. Leaving Yoshi half propped up against his pillow, he playfully sucked on one tawny nipple and felt the drummer's chest tremble as he twisted the other with his finger.

Aya continued placing kisses down Yoshi's ridiculously slender form until he reached his fully hard cock. He roughly kissed the susceptible spot at the tip before lavishing down the delicate underseam with long licks of his tongue, a gesture that made Yoshi groan.

`Ah fuck!.….Don't tease…now!' he panted trying to make it sound like an order, he wouldn't allow himself to be topped so easily.

Aya smiled knowingly but complied anyway, taking him fully into his mouth and letting him slide in an out in full strokes at his own pace while one hand massaged his balls. He rasped his tongue over the velvety soft surface, humming when he felt the head nudge at the back of his throat. Yoshi squirmed against the sheets and moaned loudly when he felt Aya release him and slowly straddle his body.

`Take me Yoshiki,' he drew out the last syllable of his name in a deep seductive purr as he deliberately rubbed his hardening cock against his thigh that caused Yoshi's breathing to hitch. He placed one more kiss on his lips before spooning the drummer's body with his, so that his back brushed against Yoshi's oversensitive nipples. Yoshi rummaged around for the discarded baby oil when Aya caught his hand.

`Its ok,' he whispered, lifting his leg to wrap backwards around Yoshi's thigh, unconsciously licking his lips as he felt the tip of the drummer's erection press at his opening. Combing Aya's red bangs from his face so that he could clearly see his indigo eyes, Yoshi feathered his lips over the curve of his cheekbone before taking his own fingers into his mouth, wetting them and using them to part the cheeks of the redhead's ass. He traced the circumference of that puckered ring with those damp digits finding it still lubricated from their earlier encounter.

`Oh God..fuck me,' he demanded as he felt a fingertip force its way inside. That did it, Yoshi closed his eyes, hearing Aya plead like that was an incredible turn on. Removing his hand, Yoshi used Aya's waist an anchor pushing upwards in one strong stroke until he was fully seated inside his body. Aya threw his head back at the sensation of being taken in the most satisfying of ways and moaned as Yoshi partially withdrew only to slam back in.

`Don't stop…don't stop….Yoshi,' he groaned through gritted teeth and he placed his hand on the headrest, trying to impale himself further on the drummer's stiff cock. Yoshi reached around to pump his shaft with his long fingers while one hand ruthlessly tormented his pale pink nipples.

He felt Aya reach behind to pull his hair so he could tug him closer for another kiss, burying his teeth just hard enough into his bottom lip. He kept relentlessly pounding into Aya as he felt spikes of pleasure spear his blood causing him to bite into Aya's shoulder when it all became too much.

His thrust became more and more erratic until he felt something inside him give and he forced his cock in as deep as it would ago accidentally causing Aya's head to bang against the headboard. Aya gave a trailing groan as he too climaxed creamy ribbons of his seed streaking the covers.

Both of them collapsed against and lay there in silence taking deep breaths of air as they came down from their mutual high. Eventually, Yoshi moved so that he was no longer inside the redhead but sill as close he could possibly be. He nuzzled the delicate hollow at the base of his skull, just above the nape of his neck breathing in the earthy scent of faded shampoo and tea tree oil. He surveyed the crescent shaped purple love bite that now decorated Aya's shoulder and gently soothed the bruised flesh with his lips, wordlessly apologising for hurting him.

It struck him again how right this felt, the tenderness that came so easily and was so apparent behind the blind desire. It had been awhile since he had been able to connect with someone in this way, even his last relationship of three years seemed to wane in comparison. He felt sated but he still yearned for more.

`I think…. I think I'm falling for you,' he said against the redhead's back, his voice not breaking a whisper.

`Did you say something Yoshi?' Aya asked, turning around so that he could lean into his arms but Yoshi could hear the drowsy note in his voice.

`Ill tell you later,' he said softly, brushing the stubborn wisps of crimson hair off his face. `Sleep for now.'

Aya gave an imperceptible nod in return before snuggling closer. Yoshi saw his features become serene and his breathing become regular and just watched him sleep. Hours passed before he too finally closed his eyes and slept.

*

For Aya, the horror always came with waking. That split second of tranquil limbo that occurred in between being awake and realising you awake, that exact moment before he remembered and felt the weight of past memories come back to crush upon his shoulders once more.

But today, he felt nothing….no feeling of despair or helplessness….not even anything that could simply be described as contentment. Just a blissful calm that seemed to permeate the room along with the morning sun.

The first thing he saw the minute he opened his eyes were a blurred pair of almond shaped eyes, warmly regarding him with an almost curious affection as if he were a kitten found curled up on a cushion.

`Good morning,' Yoshi said his voice throatier than usual but with that half smile tugging at the corners of his mouth.

`Morning,' Aya replied, stifling a yawn as he tried to rub away the last remnants of sleep from his eyes with the heel of his hand. Yoshi frowned and caught his wrist.

`Don't do that,' he admonished lightly, `didn't anyone tell you that that will ruin your eyesight?' Even so, he couldn't stop himself from gently brushing his thumb over one velvet eyelash. `Sleep well?'

Aya nodded but his dazed, sleepy expression quickly became one of puzzlement.

`Were you watching me sleep?' he asked.

`No, I just got up myself.' An obvious lie, his hazel eyes were too lucid, too alert to have just woken up. But before Aya could comment, Yoshi pulled himself up into a sitting position.

`Now, although I loathe to admit this, I am dying for a smoke and my cigarettes are downstairs.' However the unrepentant smile he gave Aya over his shoulder gave lie to his words. He pulled on the first article of clothing within reach which happened to be a well-worn pair of white track pants with a broad red stripe decorating the side, the loose elastic just barely holding below the delicate jut of his hipbones.

Aya propped himself up on his elbows, a flicker of disapproval creasing his handsome features.

`Those things will kill you,' he said matter-of-factly although truthfully he wouldn't have minded a smoke himself.

At his statement, Yoshi turned so that Aya could see the hint of wickedness his smile now carried.

`I never planned on living this long anyway,' he said flippantly. Aya opened his mouth to retaliate but felt a jolt go through him and his blood suddenly run cold as Yoshi's reply triggered an unwanted memory.

`I need a smoke…' Same words, but the voice saying it was raspier with a clear self-mocking note.

`Those things will kill you….' The bed was different, narrower and smelt of musky cologne.

`I never planned on living this long anyway…..' A glimpse of tanned skin, followed by a flash of emerald green eyes framed by soft blonde hair.

`Aya?' Yoshi placed a hand on his shoulder, concerned at how silent the redhead had become. `Are you ok? Sorry it was just a joke.' Aya's head jerked up.

`Coffee…would be nice Yoshi,' Aya said abruptly, trying to sound normal. Even so, Yoshi felt as if he had just been rebuked.

`Sure…I'll bring it up,' he leaned over so that he could kiss Aya on the forehead. Half of Aya wanted to lean into the affectionate gesture while the other half wanted to flinch and pull away. In the end, he just sat there ramrod stiff as Yoshi brushed his lips over his temple.

Once the drummer was gone, Aya slowly got out of bed wincing a little as his body protested to a long forgotten soreness. Yet, along with it a pleasant ache that made his nerves hum. However what really disturbed him was the lack of any kind of mental anguish. Usually `morning after' territory always came with a small pricking of guilt but Aya felt nothing….no remorse….no regret. Even his many doubts were quelled by the overriding feeling of how…..right last night had felt….the date….everything.

Taking a deep breath, he started to make his way to the bathroom when he happened to catch sight of a large purple bruise marking the ridge of his shoulder in the dressing table mirror. This made him stop in his tracks and he found himself being drawn to his reflection like a magnet. Here the sunlight was stronger and he could see the angry reddish whisker burn at the base of this throat where Yoshi had nuzzled to hard.

Aya felt a wave of revulsion rise inside him, as under the unforgiving glare he was able to detect many other similar marks on his skin. A dark, delicate love bite on his chin….purple and red finger marks on his waist….all silent witnesses to what he had done.

Bile seemed to collect at the back of his throat as he fell onto the dressing table. How could he? How could he have let another person……no, another man get close enough to make those kind of marks on him. What's worse, he had enjoyed it. He felt sick as he remembered how he writhed beneath the rock star, how he had begged him to take him harder.

Didn't he have any respect for Yohji? Didn't he have any for himself?

Swallowing hard, he set his mouth in a grim line as he proceeded to gather up his scattered clothes. He quickly shrugged on his pants and buttoned up his shirt but ignored the tight top that he had worn underneath. Instead, he just viciously kicked it under the bed, the very sight of it making him feel nauseous all over again.

He had betrayed Yohji once….he wasn't going to let it happen ever again.

Unaware of the tempest brewing just above him, Yoshi clicked the Pyrex coffee jug into place and switched the percolator on. As the coffee began to drip down in a slow steady stream, he hummed a quiet tune to himself as he rummaged around for a breakfast tray. The tune was the one he had heard in passing at the club the night before and although not his usual kind of thing, he thought he could find a way to make it work. If this had been any other day, he would have rushed to the piano to write it down but the only thing on his mind was Aya. For once, he thought ruefully to himself, his music came second to something else.

His peaceful musings were rudely interrupted though by the sound of the upstairs door slamming. He hurried out of the kitchen and was startled to find Aya halfway to the door.

`Aya, where are you going? Has something happened?' Yoshi asked but the clear concern in his voice just made Aya feel worse.

`No, its nothing like that,' Aya said flatly, `I just wanted to save you the embarrassment of ending this one night stand. Thank you for the very pleasant evening, have a nice life.' The words came out hurried, as if Aya couldn't wait to get out of there.

`A one night stand? What the hell are you talking about?' Yoshi just stared at the redhead in disbelief, `how could you even think that?'

`Oh come off it Yoshi,' Aya snapped. `I won't tell the tabloids, so you can drop the act.'

`Act?' Yoshi said incredulous, not believing what he was hearing. `Aya, I've had more one night stands than I care to remember…'

Aya felt an unwanted stab of jealously at the drummer's admission but kept his cold expression.

`But I never had to pursue them. Usually I would tell them who I was and they would happily tumble into bed with me no questions asked,' Yoshi continued relentlessly, giving it to the redhead straight now. `I never took them to dinner, I certainly never let them see my professional life let alone my private one.'

`Perhaps it was the challenge you liked,' Aya sneered, not completely convinced of Yoshi's sincerity.

`Believe me, I never meant for it to go this far this fast although you might think that that is bullshit. But I never lied to you.'

Just like the night before, Yoshi took a slow step towards him but this time Aya moved as well.

`I meant every word I said Aya and I was right about you,' Yoshi reached out to touch him, desperate to make him see that he was telling the truth. `Aya….as crazy as it sounds…. I think I'm in ….'

Aya squeezed his eyes shut.

`Did I ever tell you that you look like him?' Aya said, his voice stone cold although on the inside it was almost killing him to be doing this to the drummer.

Yoshi froze and was stunned into silence, which gave Aya the opening he needed.

`Yohji, my ex-lover. You really do look like him Yoshiki,' Aya deliberately used his full name, knowing that it would affect him. `You have his hair colour…his build..'

Aya took a deep mental breath and braced himself to say his next words.

`You even felt like him,' he said with almost frightening casualness, `underneath…'

`Stop Aya,' Yoshi said harshly allowing Aya to hear the barely controlled anger in his voice. `I know what you're doing. Don't say anything you can't take back later.'

`Think what you want Yoshi,' Aya turned around and looked straight into his eyes. `Truth is….you were just a cheap replacement.'

Yoshi felt something inside him snap, and before he knew what he was doing he had wrapped the younger man's collar around his hands. He raised a fist to hit him, the urge to hurt him almost vicious in its intensity.

But when he looked into those violet eyes, he was startled to find no defiance, no coldness. Instead all he saw was acquiescence……it was as if Aya wanted him to hit him…..to hurt him. That looked jarred him back to sanity and he slowly released his grip.

`Your lying,' he said quietly, taking a step back and letting his arm fall to his side. Surprise flickered across Aya's face but he quickly covered it up.

`Your delusional Yoshi,' he pushed himself away. Yoshi could nothing except just stand there helplessly as he walked away.

`Don't end it like this Aya,' he said softly.

His impassioned words made Aya stop at the doorway and he felt his heart give a small leap of hope. Yoshi held his breath as Aya slowly turned around, allowing him a glimpse of dark lavender eyes that seemed to waver as if full of remorse for what he had done. For a minute he thought he had gotten through to him but then he saw those dark lashes sweep down, almost as if he were saying….I'm sorry.

And just like that….he walked out.

*

The first thing Aya did the minute he reached home was to head straight for the shower. He had even pushed aside Aya-chan and her many inevitable questions, so intent was he on removing Yoshi's imprint from his body. He had scrubbed and scrubbed until his skin began to sting and feel raw under the blisteringly hot water. However, he remained in the glass cubicle long after the water had started to run cold, getting out only when his teeth began to chatter.

Clad in coarse linen trousers with his towel around his shoulders, he stood in front of the fogged mirror and gave himself a long hard look. He was relieved to see that he had managed to camouflage most of the burns and that the lighter bruises were already gone. However, the one on his shoulder was still vividly apparent.

Muttering angrily under his breath, he stormed out of the bathroom only to collide headfirst with Omi who happened to be standing in the hallway.

`Aya-kun! What were you doing in there so long?' Omi asked worried, `are you alright?'

`Leave me alone Omi,' Aya said curtly as he brushed past him to get into his room. Omi however chose not to heed his warning and followed him.

`Don't you have somewhere else to be instead of hovering around me,' Aya snapped as he shoved his clothes into the laundry hamper with more force than was needed.

`Aya-chan called me this morning. She said you didn't come home last night or called, so she was understandably anxious,' Omi said making Aya feel guilty all over again. The blonde inhaled sharply as he spied the mark on the redhead's shoulder.

`Were you attacked?' he asked bluntly.

`What?' Aya said baffled, `What do you mean…' He trailed off as he saw Omi looking at his shoulder and against his will, felt his skin flush. `No, I wasn't,' he added hurriedly turning away to pull a black T-shirt over his head.

The way the redhead was acting along with that unintentional blush made something click inside Omi's head.

`You spent the night with him….didn't you?' he said, his voice neutral but to Aya it still sounded like an accusation.

`Aya…that's wonderful,' he said gently. Aya started and angrily turned.

`What do you mean…wonderful? Are you mad? How could you think that….after all Yohji's done for you? How could you think it wonderful that I acted like some cheap whore,' he spat. Omi took a step back.

`Oh Aya….don't tell me you really believe that,' Omi said sadly.

`Sorry, I forgot you are a fan,' Aya sniped maliciously. But Omi didn't back down and drew himself up to his full height.

`Aya….I've seen you bury yourself in sorrow for close to three years. Three whole years of you feeling as if any kind of happiness was a sin against Yohji-kun,' his cornflower blue eyes softened, `I loved him to you know but I also love you Aya. You're my friend and it hurts me to see you like this. The only time you've even seemed slightly normal was when this whole thing with Yoshi started. Aya….he could be the bloody Pope and I'd still tell you not to push him away if he makes you happy.'

`Omi,' this time it was Aya's turn to take a step back, so startled was he by Omi's speech.

`But he isn't the Pope, is he Aya?' Omi said quietly, `he is an apparently a wonderful guy who happens to think the same off you.'

`Omi is right,' something inside him said. `No!' another voice shouted as Aya dug his fingers into the soft flesh of his forearm. He tried to muster up all the guilt he had felt earlier and felt his internal scales tip.

`You don't understand!' he said in a strangled voice. `No one understands…' He roughly shoved Omi out of the way as he bolted for the garage.

There was only one person who would understand…..and it was him Aya needed to see.

Omi didn't even try to follow him knowing that to do so would be pointless. He just sighed heavily as he heard the almost angry rev of Aya's Porsche.

`Omi,' he looked up to see Aya-chan with a look of despair on her face. `You've got to do something, Ran can't keep doing this to himself.'

Omi opened his mouth to console her but stopped as an idea suddenly came to him. Aya-chan's words had struck a chord in his memory and his forehead knitted together as he pensively chewed his knuckle, thinking.

`Maybe….just maybe there's something Aya-chan,' Omi reached for the phone and quickly dialed a familiar number.

`Moshi moshi.'

`Nagi, its me,' Omi said simply,

`Omi,' Nagi sat up at his boyfriend's unusual tone, `what's up?'

`Do you remember your Godfather, the American? What was his name….Crawson…Crawfield…'

`Crawford, Brad Crawford,' Nagi corrected, `what about him?'

`I remember you telling me that he had a German lover with a very…uh….special ability,' Omi paced by the phone.

`Yeah, Schuldig,' Nagi frowned, `Omi, what is this about?'

`I need you to ask them a favour,' Omi chewed his bottom lip, `the thing is, we don't have much time..'

`Just tell me what you need,' Nagi said. Omi exhaled slowly, his lover's calm tone bringing him a small measure of relief.

`It's a little unusual, but if I'm right, it will help Aya get over Yohji. You know I wouldn't normally ask you to do something like this,' Omi said but Nagi was quick to reassure him that it was all right.

`I know koi.'

`I'll explain everything later…do you have a pen?'

As Omi heard Nagi rummage around his desk, he gripped the handset of the phone tighter wondering if he were doing the right thing.

But deep inside he knew that if Aya were to get over Yohji, he would have to hear it from Yohji himself.

*

It was a freakishly warm afternoon considering it was the peak of winter. Even so, Aya found himself burying his nose into the collar of his gray cashmere coat every time the sun ducked behind a cloud. The gravel crunched beneath his feet as he walked the all-familiar narrow path from the parking lot to Yohji's grave. It was easy enough to remember which one it was it was the only one along the path that was opposite a wrought iron bench shielded by an orange blossom tree.

The cemetery he had chosen was small, no more than a blip in the road, located bizarrely at where it curved to meet the main highway. Although it took him on average over an hour to get here, for Aya that was a small compromise for such a peaceful resting place. There were less than a hundred souls buried in its grounds, which were carefully tended to by an old man and his family.

As was his custom, Aya placed a small bouquet of cattleya orchids at the base of the granite slab before bowing his head in a short prayer. When he had finished, he lit a couple of sticks of lavender incense before stooping slightly to absently trace the carved letters that decorated the top of the headstone. The flowing script spelt out Yohji's name in kanji; the grainy grooves a contrast to the glossy marble surface.

`Hi Yohji,' he said softly dropping to his knees beside it, `I know it's not my usual day to visit but…I needed to see you.' He clasped his trembling hands together and took a deep breath. `I'm here to ask you….what I mean is, I need to tell you….'

But his voice quavered and gave out, the words seemed to stick in his throat making it impossible for him to continue. He knew what he wanted to say but inside he was deeply ashamed to have to admit his dalliance to his absent lover. Aya pressed his fingers to his temples, last night's weariness suddenly coming back to him in a flood causing his shoulders to slump.

So instead he just sighed and dragged himself to the nearby bench, shifting on the hard wood seat until he felt comfortable. He tilted his head back so that the sun could dance across his face, its golden warmth acting almost like an analgesic on his senses lulling him into a kind of daze.

He sat like that until the sound of a twig snapping made him sit up with a start. It sounded close and he looked around suspiciously but the only other person besides him was the bent old caretaker raking up leaves a good distance away.

Frowning, he leaned back into the seat and inhaled deeply to calm his nerves, the sweet scent of orange blossom registering at the back of his mind.

His eyes flew open. Wait a minute…..trees didn't bloom in the winter. And now along with it, he detected the smell of burnt cinnamon and sandalwood, the marriage of scents familiar enough to raise the hairs at the back of his neck.

`Yo…Yohji?' he hazarded out loud.

`Hey Aya,' a familiar smoke roughened voice made itself known to him. Aya slowly turned to his side and found himself staring into deep forest green eyes.

Aya let loose something that was half between a yelp and a curse and he scrambled to get away only to be stopped by a pair of firm and very solid hands.

`Aya, sit down….your making a scene,' Yohji said, sounding a tad uncomfortable.

`I'm making a scene?!' Aya said incredulous feeling as if he had just walked into some sort of farcical comedy. `You're the one who's dead!'

`And I still am, don't rub it in,' Yohji said miffed letting go. That familiar expression of long suffering annoyance made Aya slowly sit back down.

`Yohji,' he said, his earlier fear absent now from his voice replaced instead by disbelief and wonder. He reached his hand out slowly towards the blonde expecting to touch nothing but air, but when he felt the soft texture of worn denim and cotton beneath his fingertips it finally hit home for him that this wasn't a mirage….. that it was actually Yohji sitting there in front of him.

`Yohji!' he cried before throwing his arms around the blonde, `I'd thought I'd never see you again,' he choked out, his throat scratchy with tears.

`Aya,' he whispered and closed his eyes, fighting the urge to bury his face in his crimson hair not wanting to make this any harder on the both of them. So he had to be content with just stroking the silky strands, holding him as close as he possibly could while Aya cried quietly into his shoulder. Only when the sobs had subsided did he speak.

`What are you doing here Aya?' he asked gently. Aya pulled away abruptly, his eyes downcast not meeting the blonde's.

`To…apologise,' he said brushing away his tears, sounding more the like stern Aya Yohji had known. `To say I'm sorry and ask for your forgiveness.'

`For what?' Yohji asked in surprise. `Aya, what happened to me… it wasn't your fault….there was nothing you could have done to stop it.'

`I refuse to believe that,' he looked up, his eyes blazing. `There must have been….something I could have done…if I had caught it sooner….or if I hadn't been so stubborn..'

`It would have bought me a few months, nothing more,' Yohji said honestly.

`At least that would have been something,' Aya said desperately. `Also I'm sorry for betraying you,' he looked at his former lover square in the eye, `for being so weak and disappointing you, for not being able to protect your trust in me.' He bent his head almost as if he were expecting Yohji to punish him.

However the blonde did nothing of the sort, he just reached out and lovingly tucked an eartail behind one pale ear.

`I assume you are talking about Yoshiki,' he said softly, his tone never changing. Aya's eyes widened.

`How did you….oh…stupid question,' Aya finished, his cheeks burning at the thought of Yohji actually seeing what had transpired between him and the drummer.

`Why are you sorry? If you don't mind me asking?' Yohji said.

`Because…because I gave in so easily. That I came to care so quickly, and that I lead him on and I was forced to hurt him the way I did,' Aya replied. Yohji just stared at him, an unreadable look in his emerald eyes.

`Aya…not to be funny or anything…but it sounds like you're apologising to him more than to me,' Yohji said delicately. Aya turned to face the blonde clearly outraged at the suggestion.

`I'm doing nothing of the sort!' he answered vehemently. `Are you trying to make me feel worse than I already do?' Aya dejectedly pressed his fists to his eyes.

`Aya,' Yohji slowly lowered the redhead's hands away from his face so that they were once more eye to eye.

`I know he's not me…but then, who else could possibly compare to me,' Yohji smirked his expression smug. `But I did try…it was hard you know, trying to find someone who was special enough for you.'

`What are you..' Aya started to ask but Yohji just continued talking.

`He is gorgeous though…if I were alive, I would definitely try for him myself…'

`Yohji,' Aya said in a tone of voice that Yohji had nicknamed his `Death Threat' voice, `could you please tell me what the hell are you talking about?'

Instead of giving the redhead a straight answer, Yohji just sighed and brushed his knuckles along Aya's jaw in a tender gesture of affection.

`Aya ….who do you think lead him to you,' Yohji breathed gently, playfully tapping the tip of his nose with his forefinger. `Think…whose benefit was it in aid off were you at, when he first saw you.'

`I …I don't understand.'

`He's not meant to be a replacement for me. He is very much his own person,' Yohji wrinkled his nose, `although I am glad to see that I am a much better singer than he is.'

`Yohji,' the blonde looked up to see his former lover's face awash with confusion, `but… but why?'

Yohji just smiled sadly at him.

`I love you Aya…. I don't think I ever loved someone as much as I loved you,' he passed his thumb over those soft lips, `I am so sorry that I left you….that I hurt you….that I still am hurting you.'

`I just….don't want to forget you that's all,' Aya said under his breath.

`I'm not asking you to forget me. I'm asking you to let someone else love you. To let someone make you as happy as you made me,' Yohji said simply.

`Shouldn't I have a say in how I feel,' Aya said hotly, his stubborn streak suddenly flaring up. Yohji shrugged.

`Alright then…how do you feel Aya?' Yohji called his bluff, catching Aya unawares.

`I…well…,' but Aya didn't need to say it, Yohji could see his feelings reflected in his eyes and felt relieved that he had made the right choice in coming. But his happiness for the redhead was tempered by an almost bittersweet sorrow, as he knew that this would be the last time he'd get to see Aya for a long while. It was the price he had to pay for being able to talk to him like this.

`Nothing will make me stop loving you Aya,' he said seriously, cupping the redhead's chin, `not even death.'

Aya opened his mouth to protest; still wanting to disagree with what the blonde had said but nothing came out. He couldn't deny how much lighter his heart at felt at Yohji's revelation and he knew Yohji could see it in his eyes. For the first time in a long time, he felt able to breathe.

He wrapped his arms around Yohji's neck and just like that, he stopped fighting.

`Thank you Yohji, for everything,' Aya moved closer and caressed the blonde's cheek with his lips, glad that he had gotten a second chance to tell him. `For always being there for me….For allowing me the privilege of loving you.'

Yohji smiled as he turned his head to kiss him. This simple gesture stole his breath as Aya committed to memory the taste and the feel of him and felt warmth and hope infuse his body. Even so, he tried to hold on for just a little bit longer but he felt like he was trying to hold on to handful of sand.

The next thing he knew, he felt himself getting roughly shaken by the shoulders.

`Mister…mister you cant sleep here,' the gruff tones of the caretaker rousing him from his daydream. Aya blinked a couple of times and found himself staring at a lined face which was looking at him with disapproval.

`I was…asleep?' Aya said still a little disorientated.

`Honestly,' the caretaker muttered before stalking off. Aya got to his feet.

`A dream?' he thought to himself. But then he ran his fingertips over his mouth and smiled as he felt a slight indentation in the yielding flesh of his bottom lip. It hadn't been a dream, Yohji had been there and he had told him to move on, to stop blaming himself for something he had no control over. Aya knew now that it wasn't wrong to fall in love with someone else and right now, there was only one person on his mind.

`Yoshi,' he flushed as he said his name out loud but felt his heart sink when he remembered what he had said to him and the animosity of their parting.

`He cant forgive me, not after what I did,' his thought despairingly as he walked back to his car. Almost immediately Yohji's voice rang clear in his head.

`I handpicked him for you Aya…..and he cares for you…'

`I hope your right Yohji,' Aya sighed.

`I hope that it's not to late.'

*

X Japan were due to start the second leg of their DAHLIA tour the following Tuesday, but during morning rehearsal a thick poisonous tension seemed to hang in the air, which curtailed the ordinarily rancorous yet pleasant atmosphere. And it didn't take a genius to figure out that it originated from Yoshi, although to be fair Toshi too seemed a little off that day.

However most of it definitely came from the drummer, who under even under normal circumstances was a right bastard at rehearsals, his naturally demanding nature making him intolerable at times. But the situation became more aggravated when he was in bad mood, arguments escalating into full-fledged fights when he wouldn't get his way.

However that paled in comparison to his present state of mind, which alternated between moody and brutally cutting when things went wrong. As a result everybody gave him a wide berth and did exactly what he wanted. Even so, he wasn't the only one who was relieved when he finally called it a day.

A few hours later, the backstage area was once more a hubbub of activity, but the earlier bad mood seemed to linger with the band who went through their pre-show routine like zombies. Yoshi especially chose just to sit by himself in a corner silently chain-smoking.

The crew were baffled but the rest of X Japan knew why their leader was acting the way he did.

It had been Pata who had found him on Sunday. He had happened to drop by to pick up a guitar arrangement Yoshi had promised him and found the front door slightly ajar. He had walked in to find the living room in a complete disarray and Yoshi's drum kit totally destroyed, reduced to a pile of twisted metal frames and plastic. Pata found the drummer himself hunched over and barely conscious in a corner, his hands a torn and bloody mess.

If it had been Toshi who had found him, he would have probably left there and then to confront Aya. Hide on the other hand, would have come up with half a dozen revenge plans before even crossing the room while Heath would have most certainly blanched and called one of the others.

But because it was Pata, he did none of the above. Instead, he simply fetched a bowl of warm water and the First Aid kit from the kitchen, knelt down next to the drummer and silently washed and bandaged his injured hands. After that, he had just tucked Yoshi's stubborn bangs behind his ears, placed a packet of cigarettes next to him and left him alone.

However he was never further than the next room and watched over Yoshi all night, leaving only on Monday morning. Yoshi hadn't moved much from the living room but occasionally he heard Pata talking softly on the phone, the words `koi' and `aisheteru' telling him who it was on the other end.

During one of the times when Pata had come to check on him, Yoshi had said to him in as a calm voice as he could muster that surely the guitarist would prefer to be with his lover than here babysitting him. Pata had just looked at him with those wise brown eyes and said, `Heath has me for the rest of his life, he wouldn't begrudge me a day with you.'

In a way Yoshi was grateful that it had been Pata who had found him. Either Toshi or Hide would have certainly demanded a full explanation from him, which he was simply not ready to give. Pata also made it easier for him by giving the others a condensed version of what had happened.

But the petty side of him couldn't stop jealousy from rearing its head every time he saw the two of them together, envious of the clear love that was there despite the multitude of problems that it would cause if their relationship were to ever be made public. Heath wasn't blind; he saw his resentful looks and was about to answer back when a soft shake of the head from Pata stopped him.

`Yoshi..'

Yoshi was pulled out of his trance by Hide who tonight was dressed in blinding lime green, which clashed sharply with his hot pink hair. However his looks were the last thing on his mind as he looked down on his friend with concern.

`Do you want to tell me what happened?' Hide asked quietly taking the seat next to him, the playful child gone replaced by the older brother.

`No,' Yoshi replied shortly, not in the mood for the guitarist's mother hen routine, `why do you want to hear what I fool I was?' he said looking away.

`I'm sure that's not true,' Hide said softly.

`Bullshit!' he exploded sharply turning around, `God I was such a….complete fool to believe in that….that…fantasy!'

`I should have listened to Toshi, he was right,' he angrily ran his hands through his hair but Hide could hear how miserable he really was. `How could I let myself be so foolish…to think that Aya would be different, that he was worth…'

`Yoshiki,' Hide spoke with such uncharacteristic seriousness that Yoshi had to look up. `I know you, I've known you for over ten years now. You're like me; you don't give your heart away easily or often. If you said you felt something for Aya, then I have no reason not to believe you.'

Yoshi twisted the hem of his shirt between the palms of his hands.

`That's not much of a comfort,' he said evenly. Hide sighed.

`Then for what its worth,' Hide started softly, his tone devoid of any of its usual teasing, `there is someone here who has always loved you.'

Yoshi looked up in shock.

`Hide…do you mean…you have…'

Hide blinked not quite understanding but then his eyes widened.

`Idiot! Not me you arrogant prick!' He gave him a hard shove that almost dislodged him from his chair. Yoshi glared at him in surprise as Hide folded his arms and pouted.

`Your ego Yoshi, I swear if it were up to you we'd be called Yoshiki featuring some other guys who play instruments AKA X Japan,' he huffed. But the jibe wasn't a malicious one and Yoshi smiled despite himself. Hide smiled back.

`I do love you Yoshi but not like that. I'm talking about someone who has always been there for you. Who loves you more than anything although he himself isn't aware of it,' Hide glanced over his shoulder at the rest of X Japan, one person in particular. Yoshi followed his eyes and inhaled sharply.

`You mean…Toshi?'

`He broke up with his girlfriend you know, a couple of days ago,' Hide calmly announced the news as if Yoshi hadn't spoken. `This thing with Aya, you should have hurt him rant and rave. I could have sworn he was jealous,' Hide tweaked a lock of pink hair.

`Really,' Yoshi commented softly.

`I'm not saying you should do anything about it,' Hide glanced over at the vocalist, `I just thought it would make you feel better to know.'

With that Hide stood up and walked away leaving Yoshi to think about what he said. He winced a little as guilt unexpectedly stung him like a little barb. Well, maybe not completely unexpected, he never did like lying to the drummer.

`But I wasn't lying,' he staunchly told himself, `I just…didn't tell him the whole truth that's all.'

Hide had loved him once upon a time. Had fallen for Yoshi pretty much the first time he laid eyes on him, startled by how stunning his new bandleader was. But at the time, he had just been added to the X Japan's line up and the last thing he wanted to do was create a bad first impression by hitting on his boss.

So he had kept his feelings quiet, his crush only fading when he realised that what he had with Yoshi would never be anything more than friendship. But he knew that it would be different with Toshi whom Yoshi had a clear soft spot for. And because he had once loved him, he was able to recognise the appearance of similar feelings in the vocalist. But that hadn't been the main motivation for telling him.

Hide did so because he still cared enough about him to want him to be happy. Not that Yoshi would ever know, but then Hide wasn't the type to tell anyway.

Yoshi however was lost in his own thoughts, still trying to wrap around his mind what Hide had told him. Toshi had been jealous…..Toshi actually loved him…..Toshi who had been his friend since childhood actually cared about him that way.

`Hey..' Yoshi jumped when as if on cue Toshi appeared next to him.

`Hi,' Yoshi replied swallowing nervously, unused to feeling quite so shy around his best friend.

`I just wanted to see if you were ok Yoshiki. I mean…of course your not,' he added hurriedly, `but I wanted to see if you felt up to performing tonight. You know we can still cancel if you really don't feel like it.'

`And incite a mass riot? No thanks Toshi,' Yoshi said wryly but quickly sobered up. `Hide told me about your breakup, I'm sorry that it didn't work out.' And truly he was, he felt a little ashamed at how self centered he had been acting. Toshi was his oldest friend and he didn't even realise that he was hurting. He spontaneously gave him a hug like he would on stage.

`I'll be all right Yoshi, I'll get through this,' he declared, his voice strong save for the slight waver at the end. Yoshi smiled his first real smile of the day and released him.

`We'll get through this,' he corrected, ruffling Toshi's dark hair making him grin. How come he never noticed how handsome the vocalist was when he smiled?

`I better go warm up,' he lightly patted Yoshi on the forearm as he rose to his feet, `see you on stage.' Yoshi answered with a passing swipe to his shoulder, which Toshi neatly avoided, and felt his smile become affectionate.

How could he have been so blind? Perhaps what he had been yearning for had been right there in front of him if he hadn't been so oblivious to it. Yoshi felt happiness steal over him at the simplicity of the answer to his problem. Toshi, whose voice he composed for….who was almost constantly in his thoughts….who had covered his ass more times than he could count…..who knew him better at times than he knew himself.

But most importantly, Toshi would never hurt him. He wouldn't belittle him like Aya had…or purposefully break his heart. He had always felt safe around him and wasn't that all that mattered?

`But he isnt Aya is he?' a voice inside said calmly.

`Shut up!' another voice retorted. `Toshi has always been there for me….and I've always cared for him, this is simply the next step.'

`Were you lying then when you said you loved Aya?' the voice countered. Yoshi gritted his teeth.

`Aya made his feelings abundantly clear. That….that was just a momentary lapse in sanity, I was wrong.'

`What about when you were right?' Yoshi closed his eyes, suddenly bombarded by images from that night. Aya smiling at him from across the table…..laughing with him at the photo shoot…..playing his drums….melting in his arms….telling him he was beautiful.

`Stop!' the other voice shouted sounding pained, `Aya will never change, with Toshi I have a chance. Why are you doing this?'

`Because you wont see the truth…'

`Yoshiki-san,' Yoshi's head jerked up sharply as the stagehand cleared his throat, `its time.'

Yoshi nodded tersely as he did up his embroidered white jacket. He would decide what to do later, for now he was going to be true to his first love. He walked purposefully towards the stage with the rest of X Japan, flanked by his bodyguards, his head held high.

`Hey,' Toshi patted him on the shoulder and gave him an encouraging thumb's up, `break a leg.' Yoshi nodded and reciprocated with a thumb's up of his own, his answer suddenly clear to him.

Yoshi felt that familiar crackle of electricity course through his veins as he waited to be raised on stage. He could hear the opening strains of `Amethyst' playing as he was lifted through the floor. He stood in total darkness until the floodlights were hit and was instantly deafened by the roar of the crowd.

He tossed his hair and smiled at the mass of people surrounding him, drawing off their excitement, which caused delicious ripples of anticipation to wash over him. He raised his hands in a wave as he started to walk up towards the main stage.

He absently scanned the faces around him, seeing joy, seeing rapture and felt those emotions seep into his bloodstream when a familiar pair of amethyst eyes came into view. Yoshi almost tripped over his own feet in shock as a sense of de ja vu came over him. It couldn't be…..how was it possible….that in a crowd of millions he was able to see him.

Yet there he was, front row, looking straight at him.

But this time, his eyes weren't sad….they were hopeful.

*

//Earlier that same evening//

`Nagi? Nagi it worked!' Omi almost squealed down the phone, `my plan to use Schuldig's telepathy actually worked. Aya came back different and he said he would try and see Yoshi. Schuldig must have followed my instructions to the letter…'

`Omi,' the blonde froze at his lover's ominously quiet tone, `I didn't get in touch with Schuldig.'

`Wh..what?' Omi said not comprehending.

`He and Brad are out of town this week and are not contactable. I tried telling you earlier but I couldn't get in touch with you.'

`Then, what happened at the cemetery?' Omi sat down heavily, his knees suddenly giving way.

`I don't know but I'm sure there is a logical explanation,' Nagi said calmly trying not to sound as spooked as he felt. `I'll come over soon and don't get to freaked all right?'

Omi nodded dumbstruck forgetting that Nagi couldn't see him. After putting the phone down, he slowly walked over to the mantelpiece and picked up the photograph that was in the center. Taken by Aya-chan on a sunny day outside the hospital a few months prior to Yohji's passing, it showcased all her `favourite' men she joked. Him, Ken, Aya and of course Yohji who was leaning against a tree.

Omi affectionately traced the outline of Yohji's face and felt his eyes water as the sadness he had felt just after losing him came back in a rush of nostalgia. For a moment, the pain was a real and as fresh as that day and Omi found himself missing him all over again.

`Yohji,' he pressed the photo to his heart and closed his eyes, `thank you..'

~Owari~

AN: That's all folks! Yup that was pretty much how I planned for it to finish with an open ending of sorts. But if I get enough reviews, I will write an epilogue if enough people want one. Thanks for reading!