Weiss Kreuz Fan Fiction ❯ Close Your Eyes ❯ One-Shot

Rating: R

Warnings: Language, implied abuse and violence.

Pairings: Implied Aya x Ken

Archive: My site and White Illusion by default. All others, please ask first. I'm likely to say yes. ^_~

Disclaimer: To quote another fanfic writer, these puppets do not belong to me. I can only claim Kanzaki Kanna as my own, and her name's not even original. The W. B. Yeats poem quoted here is "Adam's Curse", and the song "Crucify My Love" belongs to X-Japan. As a side-note, let me just say that I actually like the band.

Notes: Sequel to Bridget Dooley's "To Protect You..." (available at http://blackflames.net/ranken/), posted with permission. This isn't how I usually write Aya and Ken, let alone Yohji, but the story begged to be written. Not quite for catharsis, at least not of the directly personal kind, but close enough.

I'd like to thank Bridget for writing the story that inspired this, and for letting me post it. Thank you! *glomp*

You're a fucking idiot, Ken. You're in a coma and everything, but I thought you should know.

Y'know, being my friend and all that jazz.

Love you. In a strictly platonic kinda way. Might as well tell you now. Bit late to worry about the Kudou curse, na?

Fuck. Fuck this to fucking hell, and Aya with it. That sorry fucker of a man's never gonna touch you again, Kenken, I swear on your soccer ball. It's safe for you to come back.

Son of a bitch, don't make the great Kudou Yohji beg, okay? I'll never live it down.

No, I mean it. Come back, Ken. Please. Omi's flipping out, and he's this close to turning psycho -- had to pull him off Aya when he found out. Kicked him right in the balls, that's a good genki assassin.

Going for coffee now. Back in a sec, don't go anywhere!

Four days and counting.

Ken, if you die now I'll know for sure numerology's not just a crock of shit. Don't. The Kritiker quack tells me it's a good sign you lasted this long, even if you don't look it.

He also told me about the last time you broke your ribs, and the time before that.

So, what'd you like me to read to you today? Manx dropped by with more books today. Hey, look, poetry! Omar Khayyam, Basho... Yeats? I don't even know if you understand English, but I like how it sounds. So here goes:

I had a thought for no one's but your ears:
That you were beautiful, and that I strove
To love you in the old high way of love;
That it had all seemed happy, and yet we'd grown
As weary-hearted as that hollow moon.

... Maybe not.

How about Murakami Haruki?

Who knew you like X-Japan? Omi had a look at your CD collection today when the doctor suggested that music might help. I wonder... what else were you hiding under your soccer jersey?

Aside from the obvious, I mean.

We'll skip over this song. I don't think you'd want to listen to "Crucify My Love" just now.

Or maybe you do. I could never figure out whether you're a secret brooder, and trust me -- I'm good at reading people. I had you pegged as the open sort when I first met you. You didn't have the sort of skin that hides scars very well.

I guess that explains why you wore that fucking ugly gray sweater well into spring.

Though I don't mean just the physical scars.

Why didn't you tell us, goddamnit? Why were you so stupid? Why didn't you stand up to that asshole? I know you could've, should've done something. You're an assassin, for fuck's sakes. You're a man. You're not supposed to just-- just accept something like this and not do anything. You're not supposed to be a fucking victim.

You're... you're...

Sorry. I'm sorry, Ken. I really don't think you're pathetic or unmanly or anything like that. It's just...

You're supposed to be smiling.

Hey, Ken. D'you think the doctors will mind if I sleep beside you tonight? I think we both could do with the company.

I don't see how it can be any worse than Yoshiki torturing two languages at once. Remind me to show you what real music is when you wake up.

Oyasumi.

Afternoon, Ken. How're you feeling today?

I've been doing some thinking since the last time I saw you. Shut up. Flirting's an art, y'know. Art needs brains.

Like I said, I've been thinking. Maybe it wasn't really all that far-fetched how you-- got into this. You tried so hard to believe Kase was innocent, even when it was obvious he had a pretty large rat stuffed in his pocket. Then there was that Yuriko chick. You would've done anything for her dream, wouldn't you?

I never apologized for sticking my foot in, by the way. Sorry, Ken. You could be Australia by now, drinking beer with koalas and Yuriko. Do what all good Australians do and have barbecues in your backyard and get skin cancer at the beaches.

Still, for a hospital room, this isn't bad. White sheets don't do anything for your complexion, but it's nice and airy here. It's neater than your room. Hello, someone's left you a bouquet: zinnias, raspberries, forget-me-nots -- and there's a card, too.

I'll read it for--

Fuck.

Forget me not, my ass.

'Scuse me, Ken. I gotta go take care of a certain red- haired Prick That Walks Like A Man.

He's not gonna like where I shove his fucking flowers.

Aya... is still on the team, in case you're worried. You shouldn't have been, if that's why you protected him in the first place. Kritiker needs him to kill for them. All he'd ever get -- did get -- was a slap on the wrist and Mama Persia telling him never to do it again, you naughty boy.

Why couldn't you let Omi and me protect you?

We're not entirely self-centered, y'know. We would've done something, even if it means taking Aya out the back door and letting him use us as practice dummies once in a while.

Next time, trust us. Omi and I are assassins. We'll survive. We're not the kids you teach soccer to. You don't have to be strong for us. Just... I just want your smile to be real. Was it ever genuine, Kenken?

I brought you a bunch of irises and gilliflowers today. We're going on a mission tonight and I don't know when I can drop in on you again. Omi's going to stop by in about 20 minutes, so grab your earplugs.

I'll let him fill you in on the details, but I can tell you we're going after a big fish tonight. Only vaguely connected to Takatori, thank the gods. I don't think I can stand Aya in full "Shi-ne!" mode right now.

I hate this. The bastard broke everything you gave him and spat the pieces in your face. How the hell does Manx expect me to trust Aya to watch my back? Every single time I see him I remember the way you looked when I found you, and god-- I want to smash that asshole's face into fucking pulp.

Get well soon, okay? I gotta go. Ja.

It figures you'd wake up while we were slicing through gangster goons and getting blood on my designer boots. The doctor told me you were conscious for about five minutes before going under again. I hope you didn't see that giant pink teddy bear Omi dragged in.

Oi, Kenken, open your eyes.

I think I lied, the other day. We do need you to be strong. We want you to be good ol' dependable Ken, the cheerful friend. Loyal little Kenken. Far too generous for his own good, far too good at hiding under smiles and a baggy old sweater.

I can't recall the exact colour of your eyes. I didn't think I had to memorize it -- we all assumed you'd live to be an old man who spoils his grandkids rotten.

We -- Omi and I -- shouldn't have assumed you never needed our attention. Maybe if we hugged you more... fuck, that's stupid. Forget what I said. We should've just listened to the words you didn't say, y'know? Maybe you were trying to ask for our help all along, subconsciously.

I knew from the beginning when Aya started fucking you. Give me a little credit, I was a P.I. before I killed people for fun and profit. Besides, a blind man with duct tape over his eyes could see you were in love with him. I saw the way you hovered on his every word, and the possessive way he'd watch you when you dealt with flirting girls.

I should've paid as much attention to how you sometimes flinched from him, how clumsy and small you moved around him. The uncertainty in your eyes, the way you tried to hide in the shadows even outside mission briefings. I thought you were just being-- fuck, I don't know. Modest. Shy. Or something.

Yeah, I know. I'm a stupid fucker too.

Idiot or not, it's no excuse for failing miserably to notice how subdued you've become in the last few months. Omi and I made a list one night of all the signs we should've recognized, but ignored. Fuck, the clothes you wore should've tipped me off. No one will ever accuse you of being a hedonist, but you're never body-shy -- goddamnit, you're an athlete. I knew you're a very physical person, and I should've known it wouldn't make sense for you to just... withdraw.

Unless something ripped you apart and crazy-glued you into a broken doll.

Domestic abuse.

See, I can admit it now. Domestic abuse. You were abused. We love you but we let it happen anyway, because we didn't care enough to be your shield where you were most fragile, even while we demanded that you prop up our weaknesses. I think... I think that's what you were trying to do with Aya.

Did you know Aya-- doesn't love you?

Maybe you did. You're not as naive as you look, Kenken, even if we all prefer to believe you're still pure under the blood on your hands. You wouldn't have lasted this long as an assassin if you didn't believe, deep down, that people will let you down.

Did you try to defend yourself, or did you just lie there and take what he dished out? Did you sneak out to a 24-hour pharmacy when he was done with you? Did you cry? Did you fall asleep at night wondering how to hide the bruises on your body? Why didn't we ever realize you needed our help?

Please tell me you really don't think you deserve Aya's fists. You don't. Do you hear me, Ken? You don't. Not you, never you.

Come back.

I can't tell, but the doctor assured me you're sleeping normally now. He said there wasn't any irrepairable damage done to your brain, so you'll be fine. Right. Fucking quack. I'll be the judge of that.

Hmm. Maybe there is just a hint more colour on your cheeks. They've taken you off the machines, and in a few more weeks you'll be as good as new.

Except... you'll never be the old Ken again.

Oi, Ken, guess what? I met a woman recently, and I didn't sleep with her. Ha! Seriously, she's Kanzaki Kanna, a counsellor. I didn't name any names when I talked to her, so don't throttle me. She said you're probably still in love with Aya, that the first person you'll look for when you open your eyes is likely to be that goddamned asshole who nearly killed you.

She didn't actually say that last bit, but I'm sure she was thinking it.

When you wake up, Kenken, Omi and I will be there for you. But we can't do it all ourselves, so meet us half-way, okay? Promise me you'll give Kanzaki a chance. Let her help you. And please, whatever you do, don't go back to Aya. Please, Ken. Promise me. You don't ever have to worry about him touching you again, because we'll raze Kritiker to the ground if that's what it takes to keep you safe.

I hope... I hope that's enough.

It has to be, because I don't know what else to do.

-owari-

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