Weiss Kreuz Fan Fiction ❯ Colours of my Life ❯ Feelings Resurface ( Chapter 8 )

Title: Colours of My Life

Author: Sardius

Category: Romance/Angst

Warnings: R for now (NC-17 later)

Pairings: Yohji/Aya(Ran) and hints of Brad/Schu

Disclaimer: I don't own Weiss Kreuz, it belongs to its creator and company. (sobs) if only they were mine….sniff sniff

Author's Note: Yes…its me…. I am even surprised myself. I wrote this chapter in like a day. Usually takes me a week to think of something to write…. are you all amazed!!! I can't believe it either……must be something wrong with me.

Oh and you are all too kind. Thanks for all the positive comments guys. I'm beginning to think I am rather spoilt with everyone's kind words. Sniff…. makes me cry! So silly me am here to entertain you again. I only got a week holiday so better write otherwise hv no time! Once again thanks for everyone's replies and emails….*face brightens up* you are the reason I continue to write this sad tragic story……..sniff

// // Mind Talking

Character's thoughts

Chapter Eight: Feelings Resurface

My eyes are nothing

But a lifeless sight

No more fire

In my eyes

It does not sparkle

Without life

Plain amethyst

Forgotten in time

Fujimiya Ran

Her face is so warm. So soft. I can still imagine the beautiful image of her with her eyes closed, her soft breathing, her silky long hair. I have memorised each feature so clearly, even now I can still feel her gentle breath on my skin.

"Ran….."

Who? Who is that?

A voice, whose voice, his voice……Yohji…..Sudden fear washed through me as I realised whom it may be. How dares he? How dare he followed me and call me….and call me that! I gripped onto the edge of my chair painfully as I search where the voice came from.

"Aya…."

"Get. Out."

I stood on my ground, facing away from him. Knowing he is right there behind me. I clenched my teeth so tightly it hurt.

"I said Get. Out."

"No! I won't get out!" he exploded. "Who is she Aya? What are you hiding? Why the hell is Schwarz trying to kill you? Who are you? I don't even know what to call you anymore."

Who are you?….I don't know. I have forgotten who I am a long time ago.

"Just leave me alone."

He grabs me by the wrist, spinning me around to face him. I can just pictured the fire sparkling in his jade eyes so full of emotions….and mine…lifeless, dull, empty eyes starring back at him.

"Don't try to run away Aya. Just don't."

His voice has a slight rough edge to it. Is he actually crying for me? No on has ever cried for me….not even myself. I flinched when he touched me, his fingers brushing away the hairs on my forehead. Some how I was leaning against him. My body started to relax under this gentle gesture. Soon my angered died away leaving me vulnerable in front of him. I let him continue to touch me as I let out my breath and spoked.

"Her name is Aya. She is my imouto." I took a deep breath.

Tell him. He won't lie to you.

"She is in a coma because of Takatori. Both my parents are dead….and… I am the only survivor."

His arms slowly circle my waist and tighten around me. This feeling….this experience…I have never felt more safe before……

Trust…is it so hard to give?

I leaned my head on his shoulder, my knees slowly gave way as I gave everything I had to him. Surrender. Guilt. Pain. Sin. Tears were formed in my eyes as I continue to be held in his arms. At least just for a little while. Just till I gather myself again.

"Aya…." He whispered.

I place my finger on his lips. So soft. So warm. So real in front of me.

"Ran…..my name is Ran."

And I shyly brush my lips against his.

* * * * * *

I felt as if myself was floating for the first time. I wrapped my hands firmly around him as I gently kiss him back in return. He began kissing me with the same passion, lips opening in submission as I dip my tongue inside. I have missed this taste. This smell. Everything about him. So beautiful, like I could kiss him forever.

His hand slowly touches me, starting from the back of my neck and onto my back, as if he is trying to memories every muscles and contours of my body. I opened my eyes and starred at his flush face. So pretty. His lashes brush softly against his cheek, his face slightly pink.

He continued to stay in my arms, afraid to move. He clutches onto me tightly as if he was afraid I would disappear. I rang my thumb against his parted lips. It was slightly bruised from our kiss before. I curled my arms around his waist and brought his lips to mine again. He let me kiss him softly, putting his trust in me as I felt something cold on my skin. I broke the kiss and realised what it was. Tears. It was his tears. Falling, sliding downs his pale cheeks. And for once I saw who he really was. What he might have been instead of Aya, Abyssinian, the cold emotionless leader…..

He was Ran. A young innocent boy he once was. So beautiful. So warm and loving, desperate for someone to love him, to show him what love can really be.

And something deep inside me began to burn. Before I knew what I was saying I whispered in his ear.

"I love you Ran."

He froze and trembles in fear.

* * * * * * *

"I love you Ran."

It's a lie. Everything is a lie. You don't deserve this love.

God…what am I doing? Why am I kissing him? Why do I want him so much?

[Begins Flashback]

"Tell me Ran. Tell me."

"Yuushi……love you….love you so much……."

"Shhh…..its okay. I'll always be here."

"Please…….I need…."

"Yes…..love you Ran. Always. Forever."

* * * * * *

"Who…who is he?"

"What? Can't I even choose who I want to fuck now?"

"Yuushi……why?"

"Stop thinking everything so seriously Ran. I told you to forget about it didn't I? It's over between us….."

[End Flashback]

It's over between us…..over between us…..over…over….

"No! Get…get away from me!"

I pushed his hands away from me, stumbling as I fell onto the ground. I flounder my way through, trying to hold onto anything to get up. My hand touches blindly on the cold tile floor……..

God! I can't even get up. I'm so fucking useless.

"Aya! What's wrong? Stop doing that!"

He grabs onto my arms, lifting me up. I struggled against him, hitting on empty air. I felt so stupid. I can't do anything. I won't see Aya again. Never see her face. Never see her smile. I hate this darkness. So dark. It's so lonely here. God….why…..why does it have to be me? Why am I still alive?

"Aya listen to me goddamn it!" He roughly pushes me onto the wall, leaving the breath out of me. I hissed in pain as his nails jabbed onto my shoulders. He seems to realise what he was doing and wraps me in his arms again.

"Sorry…..Shouldn't have done that……sorry. I shouldn't have followed you. I shouldn't ask you to reveal your secrets….I….I'm sorry Ran."

I don't say anything to him but wait till my breathing calms back to normal. I can't be weak anymore. I won't let him get close to me. Not like this. Not when I have nothing to give back. Not when I'm useless…a cripple…. someone to just take pity on me. He stops me again as I push at him, willing me to listen to his voice. So soothing in my mind.

"We won't be going back to Keneko for awhile. Omi has us arrange us to live in the safe house for a few weeks until things settles down. You also need the time to recover from your injuries. You may not see Aya for awhile." He pauses….I felt his eyes on me, as if he was reading my mind. "You are coming with us aren't you Aya?"

Should I? I don't have any reason to continue living anymore. Why not just end my life now? No more pain….it will be pleasant. I can see my mother and father again. Aya can still live….I have enough money saved for her to live a life time……it would be so easy…..so easy to just give up…..

"Aya?…….." He grips me harder, bringing me back to reality.

"Hai….."

I felt his breath let out in relief as if he was expecting me to leave Weiss. I raised my head to gaze at his face. Nothing. What does he look like? Is he still starring at me with those beautiful jade eyes, is his hair still as silky as before………

I reached out my hand, longing to touch his face. At least I can picture him in my mind before I die….but I stopped.

You don't deserve this Aya. He doesn't love you. No one does. You are nothing. You are just a murderer and paying for the sins you've done.

"Leave me."

"Aya……I don't want to leave you alone….you should be back in your room."

"I want to say good bye to Aya before I leave."

"Okay….I'll come back for you in awhile."

I hear the shuffle of feet as they made its way to the door.

"Yohji……." I was met by silence. "Don't……..don't tell Omi and Ken."

I can just imagine him smiling sadly at me. "Trust me Aya…you just have to trust me." And he shuts the door leaving me alone in the darkness again.

I felt my way towards the bed and sat down beside Aya. She must have heard everything. I touched her face gently, feeling her eyebrows, her eyes, the curve of her nose, the softness of her lips, memorising every feature in my mind. I kissed her forehead gently and rested my head against her cheek.

"I'm sorry Aya. I cannot be with you forever. Please forgive me."

I layed there against her body for awhile. Feeling her warmth touching my skin. Letting me know I am still alive. I starred at the never-ending darkness and closed my eyes, picturing the images of Yohji, remembering his lips on mine…….

It's time.

I gave Aya one last kiss as I slowly made my way to the door.

"Good bye Yohji." I whispered to the emptied room.

And closed it quietly behind me.

Aishiteru

~TBC~~~~

Hmmm……what am I writing? I have no idea!!! Don't worry…..Aya is not killing himself. I will let you know if this is going to be a deathfic. I guess I was focusing this chapter a lot more between Aya and Yohji relationship and try to link it all back to the previous chapters. So what did you think? How was it? Was it bad? Was it too sad? Should I make it a tad bit more happy? Let me know! Please……pretty please REVIEW ME!!!! You know I would love you for that! * HINTS * I promise I will write faster!!!!! O.o thanks for everyone replies before.

To Tierry: I tried your method. A nice cup of tea really does help. You know….tea is my favourite drink too. ^ ^;

To Morrison: You are too kind! Thanks for cheering me on…. * hugs *

To everyone else: Love you all! I feel happier now!