Weiss Kreuz Fan Fiction ❯ Colours of my Life ❯ To Love, To Hate ( Chapter 10 )

Title: Colours of My Life

Author: Sardius

Category: Romance/Angst

Warnings: R for now (NC-17 later)

Pairings: Yohji/Aya(Ran)

Disclaimer: I don't own Weiss Kreuz, it belongs to its creator and company. (sobs) if only they were mine….sniff sniff

Author's Note: Hey it's me again! Anyone missed me? *smiles* Sorry about the delay, had a few assignments to hand in and such, also had to fixed my prologue…thanks for Aisha Max for reminding me…if u guys didn't figured the prologue already, it didn't really fit with the story…I guess cos I was making the story up as I went along and tend to forget to link it back to the beginning….oops….sorry guys….but hey I'm only just started writing two months ago I think so I can make mistakes.

Please let me know what you think. Arigatou!

Character's Thoughts

Chapter Ten: To Love, To Hate

Show me what it's like

To see the colours in you eyes

Tell me all the secrets

Without any lies

There's no need to pity

The sorrow in your eyes

I can see it all clearly

The colours of my life

Fujimiya Ran

It had been a week since I have came home from the hospital and settled at the safe house that Omi has arranged us to stay. Yohji had been with me almost every single day, never leaving my side, watching me when he knows I can't see him…but I know…I can feel him when he's watching me, helping me when I can't handle the work load. I try to be independent and not be anyone's burden…and sometimes I hate myself for not able to handle things right.

They don't seem to understand that it hurts when they help me from time to time. Sometimes they treat me as if I'll break any moment but I can still live by myself….I don't want to be treated like a child.

But things have changed since then…

The house was very quite as I sat in my room starring into nothingness. Everyone is out at the moment and I was alone…and it feels different. Throughout the whole week even in my room, I can always hear the chatting outside. Ken breaking things and complaining as usual, Omi typing away in his computer, Yohji making smart remarks whenever the chance comes up. It strange how I have never noticed these things before. Little things I have grown to admire and it scares me to realise I need them more than they need me.

Yohji insisted on staying with me but I don't want to be a burden to them than I'm already are. He tries so hard to help me regain my life again but I know deep down inside that I mind how much I depend on him. Yet I don't want him to know that….

Because you're afraid to lose him.

The wind blew softly on my face as I continue to lie down on my bed. They won't be back till late afternoon. Manx had wanted to speak to all of them and I…I would only be in the way. What good could I have accomplished? It's not like I can fight with my katana again.

So where do you stand now?

No more the fearless cold leader. No more Abyssinian. Just Aya…Ran. Gods knows how I missed Aya terribly. I want to see her again. But I have left everything behind when I decided to come with Yohji….when I decided to choose life instead of death.

[Ring…Ring…]

I could hear the phone started ringing beside me as I felt my way along the desk and answered the call. How typical. They must probably think I can't get to the phone properly without it right beside me.

Thinking it must be Yohji to see how I was coping, I spoke.

"Hello…."

"Fujimiya-san is it?"

I froze. Who could call me at this hour? No one knows where we are except Manx and the four of us. Subconsciously my hand tightens on the phone.

"….Hai."

"I am Dr Fujishima. A unit of Kritiker. If you remember I was the one treating you back at the hospital…."

I don't want to know.

"…. We did some research on your injuries and it seems they are some problems we may like to discuss with you…"

I waited and continue to listen to her voice as every word sunk into my heart. I trembled despite the warm sunlight on my skin. Everything was forgotten except the voice whispering in my mind, turning my life upside down.

* * * * * * *

It was late afternoon by the time the guys' and me head back to the safe house. Each of us was tired from travelling in the car for hours and listening to the mission plan Manx had Persia ordered us. It appears Schwarz does not know where we are yet. It would only be a matter of time for them to track us down. And when that happens we will be ready to fight them back. At all cost. Yet sometimes a life of an assassin can really get to you. Everything is always set out and we just follow by the rules. No questions whatsoever. I'm getting so tired of it.

I opened the door and walked into the dime hallway. The safe house was quite considerable with two rooms, a small bathroom and kitchen. Of course Ken and Omi shared a room knowing full well Aya would be with me. It was enough for four assassins to hide away from the night.

You mean three assassins.

We all know by now it would be difficult for Aya to be part of Weiss again. I know deep down inside that he feels so weak whenever we try to help him too much. It's just he looks so venerable, sometimes I'm afraid if he will try to kill himself again. And it scares me.

The house was very quiet and I imagined Aya must have been asleep in our room. The door was closed. Thinking I didn't want to interrupt him I opened the door slightly and was amazed at what I saw.

He was sitting next to the window, his head resting against it, the sun casting upon his high cheekbones and his beautiful crimson hair. His eyes glittered brightly against the light, as the swells of sadness overwhelm me.I knew instantly there was something wrong. Aya was being very quiet. Too quiet in fact. As if he didn't know where he was at all.

"Aya can I come in?"

He stayed there still. Not moving a limb but continues to stare outside the window. I tried speaking to him again only to receive silence in return. What is wrong with him? He looks defeated like he was back at the hospital again. And it pains me to see him like this.

"Aya…."

There was still no answer.

I was getting frustrated. Not only have I got to worry over our last mission with Schwarz but also now Aya wouldn't even talked to me. Maybe something happened while we were gone? I didn't know what to do except for one thing. I wrapped him up in my arms. I was relieved when he responded and started to lean back against me instead of pushing me away. His body was cold, like ice as he rest his head under my chin. We continued to stay like this for a long time, me holding onto him as the silence stretches onwards. I ran my finger through the soft silky strands of crimson hair, his sense overwhelming me. I need to know if he is all right. I want to know.

"Aya…." I hesitated. Nothing. "What's wrong? Tell me…. God…please don't shut me out again…let me help you …don't do this to yourself."

I hope to God that he can still hear me as I tighten my grip around him. God please don't act like this again…. instead he was still facing away from me and whispered, "It's okay. Everything is okay."

I paused. I didn't know what he meant for he was quiet again. It seems like he was trying to reassure himself more than talking to me.

Talk to me Aya. I'm so tired of guessing any more.

* * * * * *

[Flashback]

"We have looked at your record and are pleased to let you know there might be a cure to get your eyesight back."

"….what do you mean?"

"If you agree, we will undertake a surgery for you, however the chances of succeeding will be 50%. If you are available we can arrange a time to meet and discuss this in more detail if you want......"

"….what…what if it doesn't succeed."

"I am sorry to say but you will be blinded for life."

"………."

"Fujimiya-san?"

"Let…let me think about it."

[End Flashback]

* * * * * *

What does he want me to say? How can I tell him that I may never see him again. Maybe…maybe I should just leave it as it is. At least there is still hope. He may not leave me so soon…

"Aya?"

"......."

"God Aya! Talk to me! Don't fucking ignore me!"

"Yohji…..I.." I whispered.

Don't tell him. You will be all alone again.......

"......Please just take it all away." I felt him stiffen behind me as if he was surprised at what I just said. Not only have I just offered myself to him, but also I made him different from everyone else. I let him inside my heart that was so use to pushing people away. And now I am so tired of it. So tired of being alone. So tired of trying to be strong. I want to be loved.

"Aya…." His breath tickles my ear as he slowly turns me around. I was berley aware when his fingers brushes my hair and sliding down my cheek. "You are still so beautiful to me even now." And he kissed me softly on the lips. I let him. It was something I needed it at the moment. To feel needed. To feel loved. I want him to love everything about me. To love Ran.

He began to kiss me more roughly, passion seems to flare between us. I let him guide me as I opened my lips to let his tongue caress my mouth. His hand rested against my shoulder, his arm wrapped around my waist as we slowly began to explore the sudden sensation our bodies were feeling. Everything in was mind was quiet. So peaceful. Only he can bring me peace.

"Aya…." He whispered huskily on my ear as he broke the kiss and panted roughly against my body.

I don't want him to talk. I just want him to shut up and give me more. I grabbed him roughly by the head and pressed my lips against him. I don't want the darkness to sink in. I want to see the light he gives me. So warm. His body was so warm and I felt the heat in my body began to rise.

I felt myself lying down on the cold wooden floor and he pushed our bodies slowly forward. His hands travelling down my chest and pulling the shirt off my shoulders. I tried to reach him as my hand touches his face .So afraid he would be gone. I don't want him to leave me alone in the darkness.

His kisses travelled down along my neck, exciting gasps and moans from my parted lips as he removes my shirt slowly, revealing my pale chest to him. He travels down my chest, kissing every parts of my body, his tongue swelling them around my nipples, as I arched back in pleasure. This feeling. This experience....so much like....his hands slid down my drawstring pants.....

[Flash back]

"Always so beautiful in my eyes."

"Yuushi.... you'll always be here won't you."

"Of course why would I leave you. I love you Ran. You're so beautiful to me."

"......Yuushi...I......"

"Shhh....it's okay. I can take away your pain."

[End Flashback]

"No!" I pushed Yohji away as I panted for breath. A sudden chill swept through my body as I lost contact with him. I trembled as I hugged myself tightly. No...no...Yohji's not like that. He's not like him.

They are all alike....why won't he be the same.

But he said he loves me. He loves Ran. He won't hurt me.

Didn't he said that as well? And he left you for another man. You think this won't be the same.

"STOP!" I screamed. I clutched my hands on my head, hoping to dear God to stop all this pain. It hurt so much. Why does it hurt so much. I do trust him but part of me doesn't. Why....

His hands grabbed onto my fingers and released them as I was pulling painfully onto my hair. His touch was gentle and I'm surprised he hasn't gotten sick of me. Some days I ignore him, other days I think my life is back to normal. But every time I'm alone, the darkness comes, just like what I see everyday....for the rest of my life.

"......you will be blinded for life."

"Aya..." he grabs onto my chin and tips my face up. I can just imagine his jade eyes boring into mine. The twinkle in his eyes, his beautiful soft honey lock hair.....his gentle features.

"Let it out." He brushes the wet tears forming in my eyes. "Just let it out."

And I did. I grabbed onto him and cried. I don't think I have ever cried so much since the death of my parents...since the night Yohji came into my room and tried to help me. My tears just came pouring down my face as I told him. I told him everything between Yuushi and me. What happened in Crashers and how my life had just turned upside down when everything I had ever loved were lost to me. Afterwards I continue to choke as I broke down. My tears staining his shirt as I let myself go. My hand clutches tightly on his shirt, my body shaking from the sudden release. I cried for so long I cannot remember. And yet he didn't leave me. Except he continue to hold me tightly in his arms, moving his hands in smooth circles on my back and whispering soothing words in my ear.

I continue to sob till my energy faded as I clanged limply in his arms. He kisses my forehead, his arms never leaving me. He had stayed.

"Why.....why are you still........"

I felt him press his fingers to my lips, forbidden me to silence. "Because you are everything to me and even if you leave me I will find you. I will never let you go. I will always be here. Never leaving your side. I love you Ran. Remember that."

I bit my lip as guilt rise up my heart. I long to tell him. Long to let him know I have a chance to see again and yet I'm afraid to take it. However when his lips brush mine once more everything was forgotten as his warmth engulf me.

I love you Ran. Remember that."

I let him kiss me softly and slowly withdrew. His taste still lingered inside me and I know this is what I want. This is what Ran craves for.

"Show me Yohji...show me."

And he did.

~TBC~~~~~

*wipes head* Oh we are finally getting somewhere. Yes....the nice sad depressing lemon is coming people. (Sees people running) No come back! Sniff.....okay...after the lemon I should start heading back to the bad guys....we can't let Schu get away for hurting Aya. Did anyone get any hints for the ending??? *laughs* Oh well...please REVIEW me ne. You know you want to eh (HINTS) Thanks for everyone support! You are all too kind. I will try to fix up any mistake so let me know if there is any....and now.....I'm off to write my other fic. *waves* Ja

Also if anyone noticed I changed my email to sardius21@hotmail.com. If you wanna sent me emails please don't sent them to my yahoo anymore cos it always stuffs up on me. Sigh....See ya next chap! *smiles*