Weiss Kreuz Fan Fiction ❯ Coming Home ❯ 44 ( Chapter 44 )

44

 

…silence that speaks so much louder than words

 

Brad was infuriatingly casual the next morning, as though daring me to bring it up. Nagi and Farf watched us with mild disinterest. No doubt they each had their own theory to explain the mayhem of the previous night. In any case, I knew Nagi hated to see Brad as weak, so he would probably try to convince himself he hadn't heard anything at all.

 

“I want you two to pick up some more film and sell a few things off today,” Crawford instructed our younger teammates. He gestured toward a small pile of tapes and unwanted clothing. “Just take a couple of items, see what you can get. Try to find buyers who are passing through. Remember, the idea isn't to get a lot of cash, but to send those items on a nice long journey. There are object readers out there looking for us, I want them to look far and wide.”

 

I watched as Nagi gave Farf an uncertain glance, then a nod. The kid wasn't comfortable around Farfarello lately. It bothered me to send them off alone, but they used to work well together, and we needed to get that ease back. We had to reforge the team, make Schwarz stronger than ever, to withstand what Brad assured us was just around the corner.

 

The whole situation made me very uneasy. We were relying on Brad's visions with very little outside information, and with too much at stake. Crawford had been under a great amount of stress since the tower, and stress could affect not only his sanity but his gift as well. If he were in the process of a breakdown, it would jeopardize all our lives. And if his nightmares were a symptom of trouble, we had to address them before it got any worse.

 

I picked at my breakfast, not watching as Nagi and Farf headed out on their errand. I sent a mental “good luck” to them, made sure I could hear them if they called out.

 

As Crawford shut the door behind them, I got up and paced over to my bag. I'd set the dictionary back inside, on top of my clothes; with the little book secure in my hand, I turned and confronted Brad. “I know what you were dreaming about last night.”

 

His back stiffened, but he didn't turn around, merely addressed his reply to the door. “Oh?”

 

“Yeah. Catch.” I threw the book at him, literally.

 

Brad whirled and plucked the little paperback out of the air without even looking at it. Glancing down, he frowned and said, “What the hell is this?”

 

“Nando,” I said, giving the word a proper Japanese pronunciation. “Several variations of what or quantity.” I paused a moment, for effect. “Also means a small back room, or a closet.”

 

He bowed his head, eyes closed. “I see.” He seemed relieved, probably because I didn't do this in front of the others.

 

“Brad, your team knows. There's no reason to be embarrassed.” I walked over to him as I spoke, whether to offer comfort or to retrieve my dictionary I wasn't quite certain. “But this could be a major problem. We're on the run, you don't have the luxury of a phobia.”

 

“I know, Schu.” He handed me the book, then looked into my eyes, his own eyes quite calm. “Just like Nagi cannot afford to be afraid of Farfarello, none of us can keep such weaknesses and be safe.”

 

“I can help you with it,” I offered, trying not to think of those times before, with Takatori. Esset had sold him Brad's fear, which he had used when beating the rest of the team with golf clubs wasn't punishment enough. “I'll keep you grounded.”

 

Brad nodded, then embraced me gently.

 

I gasped, startled. This was the first touch since Yohji.

 

“Schu, I'll make you a deal,” Brad whispered. “I'll work on the claustrophobia, if you'll quit smoking.”

 

I pulled back a little, to look into his face. He wasn't smiling. “Brad?”

 

“I'm totally serious. I want you to quit. Or at least cut way down. Do we have an agreement?”

 

A faint chill touched my spine, leaving behind a question I somehow didn't want to ask. Still, I couldn't just let it fester; I let the words spill out, then closed my eyes against his answer. “Brad, have you Seen something happening to me?”

 

Warm lips pressed against mine, stealing my breath away. Brad held me fiercely, protectively, and kissed me as though I were slipping through his fingers. His thoughts projected strongly into my mind. ::The future changes, nothing is certain.:: He repeated this like a prayer.

 

When he broke from the kiss, I leaned my head against his shoulder and whispered, “I'll try. I'll really try.”

 

“That's all any of us can ever do.”

 

We stood there for several moments, him strong and solid, and me resting in the comfort of him.

 

His lips tickled my ear as he asked, “Is that all you heard, then? Nothing too embarrassing, just that?”

 

“Why? Was there more?” I asked, curious what I might have missed.

 

“No. There's no more.”

 

It occurred to me that we had never really had the chance to discuss the things we'd been through before the tower, and those were the things most likely to come back to haunt us. “Brad, maybe we should all sit down and talk, figure out our weak points and how to fix them.” My voice dropped as I confessed, “You already know mine.”

 

Brad stroked my hair and murmured, “It's all right, Schu. I understand you. And frankly, sometimes I find that your weaknesses are really your greatest strengths.”

 

I looked into his eyes. “Brad, I didn't mean to hurt you, you know that, right? I just…”

 

He was still playing with my hair, and gave it a gentle tug. “Shh. I know you, Schuldig. I know what you need, and I couldn't give it to you. I don't know if I ever can. But I won't have you miserable, when so much is riding on your being with the team. Nagi needs you, he will always need you, and you know that sometimes you are the only one who can communicate with Farfarello. We have to be a team, Schuldig. We cannot fall apart.”

 

“So you're telling me you need me, but we still don't have the luxury of a relationship,” I mumbled, a little disgruntled. I didn't appreciate him patronizing me when all I wanted was his love. Well, maybe that wasn't all I wanted, but right now he was here and Yohji was far away, and tomorrow may never come.

 

Brad tilted my chin up and gazed into my eyes. His own were unreadable. “Are you willing to settle for stolen moments, Schu? Can that possibly be enough?”

 

I met his gaze unflinching. “If it's all we get, I'll take it. I've lost enough of myself over the years, I want to enjoy what I have left.”

 

He kissed me again, more softly this time, and I fell into him. His shields enfolded me, welcomed me into the sanctuary of his mind while showing me nothing of the man within. ::I wish I could give you more,:: Brad sighed, ::and I wish I could explain. I'm sorry, you deserve better than this.::

 

::No, I don't.:: Years of shame and disgrace welled up in my mind, flooded over me, left me shaking in his embrace. ::I don't.::

 

::The first step in being free,:: Brad stated emphatically, ::is to not believe the lies they fed to you. If you have any doubt as to the worth of your heart, look to Nagi. You'll see your best self in his eyes.::

 

I clung to him, barely able to register what he'd just said. ::So you're not mad about --::

 

Brad bristled a little. ::Hush. I don't want to think about it, if you don't mind. I've told you more than once already, Schu, I'm ready to tolerate it for your sake. I'm still not happy about it. I finally let you get to me, and I have to share? No, not happy, but…I'll take what I can get, too.:: As his thought-speech washed through me, his lips brushed against mine, his tongue teasing.

 

::Then take it,:: I offered, tilting my head back to let him kiss my neck.

 

::They will be back any minute,:: Brad told me, though he didn't stop.

 

::Then let's not block the door.::