Weiss Kreuz Fan Fiction ❯ Commemoration of the past ❯ Sympathetic Character ( Chapter 1 )

Title: Commemoration of The Past

Disclaimer: Sadly I don't own Weiss.....Schwarz....well, only in my dreams. ^^

Rating: PG-13, rating may change

Summary: Schuldig: The HOTT German redhead from our favorite dudes in white, Schwarz. Yes, Schudig is unmistakably 'too hott to handle' and could his past possibly be 'too traumatic to comprehend'? Nobody knows and we probably never will. So I, Otsune, have taken the liberty to scrounge around and have put this idea together. What was our Shu-chan's past like really? What about his home? Family? Well, here's a theory...

Otsune Says: English isn't my first language and apparently that's evident to a few people -.-' (ok, only 2, but still....) Um, well, no English is not my first language so, you will have to bear with my very horrifying grammar/spelling and phrasing of things. I try, really hard. Sorry if it doesn't seem like it. ^^' Anyway, now that that is out of the way...... 2 people, myself and my friend Alli, write this fic. Alli wrote most of this chapter and I'll probably write most of the next, just so you know why the styles are a bit different. Enjoy the fiction.

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"oi kaketeirunda

mada kimi no omokage o

osanai hanano nukumori

sugi satteku kumo o

boku o watteru yo

sayonara hakanai yume

- In a City Stained in Monochrome, Weiss Kreuz

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Reality, as they say, is a harsh mistress. Much like the feeling guilt. It stays long after the deed that caused it is gone and it plagues like a deadly disease. With guilt comes regret in most cases. Regret for having done such a crime as to inflict yourself with this guilt. It's a vicious cycle of life. You cause other misery, you receive guilt, you are freed of your guilt and the cycle starts over. Guilt is a constant thing in life, though it's not always so outright in its torture. You can't escape it; there's no hiding or running from it's shadow. Go ahead and try, but sooner or later, you will be consumed.

Some things are simply too much for people's mind to chew on. Example: one's past. Over thinking what has come to pass usually results in a fierce headache. Perhaps even a migraine depending on the person and their past; obviously. Right now a certain German telepath was in this predicament, much to his dismay (and that of his housemates).

"Schmerz viel schmerz!" the German whined loudly.

He currently lay on his bed, writhing in pain, hoping that soon these nightmares would end. Unfortunately, Schuldig would soon learn that nightmares, alcohol and bitchy American precogs did not mix. He'd gone clubbing the night before, hitting every club this side of Tokyo, and consuming more alcohol than a regular human would in their lifetime. He strolled (more like staggered) in at 4 o'clock in the morning, promptly got sick and went to catch a bit of sleep. Quite terribly his plan hadn't exactly gone as planned.

Stumbling into his room and slamming the door behind him he threw himself onto his bed, expecting a blissful unconsciousness to take over any time now. Well, it did so to speak and he fell asleep, however his plan didn't go quite as it should have. He was to fall into a very dreamless state of drunken stupor, not a deep web of nightmares. So, currently our German friend had it twice as bad as before: he went from sober and having horrific nightmares to completely plastered and having nightmares. Not what he was going for.

Hardly an hour in to what had been an ingenious plan several hours ago, Crawford decided to make his presence known to our poor drunken redhead. So with a grunt, grumble and curse, Crawford got out of bed at the insistent cries from the German's room and stalked down the hall frigidly. Oh no, Crawford was not happy. Not happy at all. Reaching Schuldig's room the pissed-off, sleep deprived precog banged ruthlessly on the door.

"Schuldig!" he bellowed gruffly. "What's going on in there? It sounds like you're being murdered and for your sake I hope you are."

Empty green eyes shot open at the sound of the American's booming voice outside his door and slowly came into focus on the white wall above him. Eyes open and aware of the reality around him did not deter the scenes playing themselves currently on his ceiling. It was all there, it wouldn't leave, not until he saw it all. Not until he was completely exposed to every last second of that fateful day. There was no escape, nothing could stop it. Nothing.

"Goddamnit, Schuldig, what the hell is happening in there? Do you really want me to come in there?" Crawford threatened.

"No need, Brady-kins," Schuldig said tonelessly. "I'm simply re-watching the death of my family and my soul, go on back to bed. Pleasant fucking dreams."

Crawford stared at the door in agitation. Well he could have said that the first time around. With a grunt and incoherent mutter of 'it's Crawford', 'dumbass German' and 'pleasant dreams my ass' the precog went slowly back to his room. Lately the telepath had been wearing on the American's nerves. Constant bouts of emotional instability, frequent fits of uncontrollable screaming in German, and his favorite so far; freakish zone outs in which he neither spoke or even acknowledged the existence of a world around him. Rubbing the bridge of his nose wearily, Crawford shook his head. Schuldig was certainly acting odd, but of course when approached with this information the haughty German simply denied it. Damn stubborn telepath, Crawford thought bitterly as he shut his door behind him. Another night of interrupted very much needed sleep. This had to stop soon……

*

It was still raining outside, not as hard as it had been, but hard enough to be echoed through the sparsely furnished living room. Shuldig watched absently as the tiny particles of water pelted against the windowpane. The skies were gray and the atmosphere thick with gloom, it was fitting he thought. He hadn't gotten much sleep the night before, needless to say, and currently he felt like crawling into a corner and dying. Maybe in death he could get some peace. More than likely not, with luck like his. His "fool proof" plan from last night had backfired at him and he'd been greeting what he'd digested the night before all morning. Not a very pretty thing.

Absorbed in self-pity and utter despair, the German failed to notice the insistent calling of his name by one of his teammates. It took a fierce shake before he even registered where he was. Looking over, a cool mask of agitation covering his weariness, Shuldig glared at the Japanese boy at his elbow.

"Ja?{1}" he asked snappily.

"Crawford wants to see you in his office." the boy answered the older assassin, raising an eyebrow. "And he says if you don't come right away he foresees a very sudden and painful death in your near future, although I don't actually think I was supposed to tell you that."

Schuldig looked at Nagi for a moment, slowly digesting the information before letting out a heavy sigh. Standing, the German ran his fingers through his messy oranges tresses, brushing past the younger assassin nonchalantly.

"Thanks, kind{2}." He muttered, sauntering towards Crawford's office.

Nagi watched him go, sapphire eyes following the German's lean frame across the apartment and down the hallway. Shaking his head, Nagi turned to the window, rain still pounding relentlessly against the glass. Touching his fingertips gently to the glass the young telekinetic frowned at his reflection. Shuldig had been acting so odd lately he seemed so distant. Screaming during the middle of the night, spacing out all the time and deathly silent. It was just so un-Schuldig like. Shivering slightly at the sudden chill he got, Nagi slowly traced his fingers down the window, shaky little lines left behind in his hand's wake. So much had changed since Esset's downfall. They were trying as hard as they could to stick together and find decent work, could this new way of life be getting to Schuldig?

Though he highly doubted it, it was the only thing the teen could think up. Sighing lightly, Nagi brought his fingers from the cool glass and let his arm fall back to his side. He stood for a moment, admiring the dark gray sky overhead before turning on his heel and making his way to his room. It was no use slaving for an answer, it would all become clear some time or another. Or at least he hoped it would.

*

Schuldig didn't bother knocking on the door to Crawford's `office' before he entered. The American sat behind his polished oak desk, sifting through papers and occasionally glancing at his laptop screen. Sashaying in a carefree manner to the chair positioned in front of Crawford's desk Schuldig plopped himself gracefully into it and settled in for a long lecture. Crawford's eyes flickered up from his paper work briefly, surveying the German, before finishing up his reading. Once he was done with the paper he set it aside and turned his attention to Schuldig fully.

Giving the man a hard look, Crawford folded his hands in front of him on the top of his desk. Amusedly, his trademark smirk in place, Schuldig tilted his head and mocked the American's actions, leaning onto the desk. Clearly aggravated by the other man's actions, Crawford glared at him and removed his glasses, rubbing his eyes.

"I didn't call you in here to sit and play little games, Schuldig." The man said sliding his glasses back onto his face.

"Well, I didn't expect that you did, Bradey." The German replied mockingly.

Glare worsening by a few degrees, Crawford looked the other man over. Schuldig stared back, clearly still amused by the whole situation at hand.

`So what exactly did you bring me in here for, almighty one?' Schuldig inquired, letting his words echo in the other man's head.

"I brought you here to discuss your behavior as of lately." Crawford said cutting to the chase. "Lately you've been acting far weirder than normal."

Schuldig was caught slightly off guard by this question and blinked at Crawford for a moment. He'd figured that his teammates would figure out that something was up sooner or later, but he hadn't imagined that they would actually confront him like this. Then again, his nightmares had been getting much more frequent and vivid now. If the constant headaches and faraway looks hadn't done him in, it had to have been the constant wailing in the middle of the night. These dreams-these nightmares just wouldn't end. It's nothing Schuldig could help quite honestly.

"So, what about my behavior?" Schuldig said with a shrug, his whole demeanor changing.

"Schuldig what is going on?" Crawford asked, eyes dark. "We've all noticed it, so don't you dare deny a thing. Spacing out, the wailing, the headaches- god damnit Schuldig! Schwarz's success is built on our teamwork and accuracy. If one person, just one, is inaccurate or insubordinate, the whole team suffers."

A tension filled silence hung between the two assassins, both glowering at the other with all their might. Finally Schulidg shut his eyes, covering his face with his hand as he let out a shaky sigh.

"Nothing is wrong. Nothing that you can help, so just back off, Crawford." Schulidg snarled, peering through his fingers.

The American shook his head. "You're your own worst enemy, Schuldig. I promise you that is Schwarz is injured because of you, there will be consequences."

Letting his hand fall to his side, Schuldig nodded. Damnit! Of all the times to get a migraine. Nodding his head hadn't done him much good either; the simple motion made him want to get violently sick. Noticing the sudden change in the redhead, Crawford stood and raised his eyebrows in question.

"Schuldig-"

"I'm fine, Crawford!" he snapped before he could comment.

Schuldig got to his feet quickly, immediately regretting it and made his way to the door. Laying his hand on the doorknob, Schuldig grimaced. Everything hurt suddenly; his world was completely spinning. Crawford made his way from behind his desk and towards the German, but suddenly came to a jerky stop, eyes going distant.

`Schuldig stumbled to the door, holding his head with a cigarette dangling between his lips. A knock sounded from somewhere down the hall and Schuldig grumbled in German under his breath. He finally came to the front door and slowly reached for the handle. The door came open and a green cloaked figure stood before the redhead, their face shadowed.

Porcelain liked hands slowly came to the person's hood and brought it down. Schuldig gasped and the cigarette fell from his lips, eyes going wide. The figure at the door spoke a language that was definitely not Japanese. Apparently Schuldig understood and he shook his head, hand coming to cover his mouth in devastation. Then slowly his eyes rolled back and then came to shut as he teetered forward onto the cloaked person. It was all black after that, except two jade green eyes………green eyes….'

Crawford nearly fell over backwards as the world dissolved around him and he stood before an open door, the German man nowhere in sight. Shaking his head fiercely, Crawford shut the door slowly, leaning on it as he did so. That vision……..that person in the cloak, who was it? Their face was blurry and he could barely make out anything about them. Everything was gone, everything except-- jade green eyes. Those eyes were startling and Crawford wished he could possibly remember something less haunting. Whoever it was, Schulidg knew, but were they a friend or a foe?

*

"Scheiße{3}." Schuldig groaned, pinching his eyes shut.

He sat beside the toilet, his head lying on the porcelain seat heavily. He felt so tired and weak, he could hardly move. Opening his eyes he let out a breath.

"I'm exhausted." He murmured.

"Well, that usually happens when you vomit up the contents, and then some, of you stomach." Said a small voice from above him.

Letting out a groan, Schuldig squeezed his eyes shut tightly. A girly giggle sounded overhead and Schuldig grit his teeth. Raising his head slightly he let it fall back onto the toilet seat with a `thunk'.

"Not you again, just go away……"

"Don't be silly." The girl scolded. "Oh and don't clunk your head like that. It'll make a dent and you don't want to be known as `dent man' for the rest of your pathetic, fucked up life, do you?"

Using as much energy as he could muster he sat up and leaned back against the bathtub behind him. His eyes slid open and he looked up onto the counter at a small girl sitting there, watching him.

"You're too young to be cursing, stop." He mumbled.

"It's your own fault I look this way. Could it have possibly killed you to make me more tall and desirable?"

Tilting her head to the side the girl shook her head slightly. Her eyes followed his every inch of movement eerily and she smirked as his eyes came to meet hers. His eyes narrowed in an attempt to glare, but the girl simply found it amusing.

"You are so stupid, Amory{4}."

Schuldig glared the best he could at the girl and she rolled her eyes skyward. Letting his head fall back, Schuldig closed his eyes.

"You're a hallucination. Therefore, I can make you go away. So…….go away." He said, concentrating.

The girl hopped down from her perch and shook her head, slowly making her way over to Schuldig. When the German reopened his eyes he came face to face with the girl. She looked at him seriously, a frown adorning her porcelain like face.

"I'm not a hallucination and I can't go until I tell you what I came to tell you. You must listen, I-"

A sudden knock on the door startled both of the bathroom's inhabitance and the girl let out another curse under her breath. She stood up respectfully and stared over at the door. There was a softer knock and the girl looked back over at Schuldig.

"Schuldig?" came Nagi's monotonous voice through the door. "Are you still in there, is everything alright?"

Schuldig stared at the girl for a moment, watching as she backed up towards the door, waving to the redhead. Her form slowly faded and the doorknob shook, the door slowly coming open. As Nagi's head popped in, the girl was gone and Schuldig was alone again. The Japanese boy slid inside and shut the door behind him, giving the German a once over. Trying to sit up better, Schuldig grunted.

"What do you want, chibi?"

Nagi semi-glared and kneeled down, cleaning up the mess the older assassin made in the bathroom. It was always Nagi stuck with clean up, Schuldig mused as he watched the boy work.

`And it's always me making the messes.' Schuldig thought bitterly.

"I heard you speaking……."Nagi began softly, keeping his eyes on the task at hand. "Like you were……..talking to somebody else."

The German visibly stiffened and turned his gaze from he younger boy wearily. Well, it was official; Nagi thought he was crazy too. However, no sooner had he thought so, the Japanese boy looked up at him, the smallest look of confusion laced into his boyish features.

"What's going on, Schuldig?" he asked, eyes softening. "You've been acting so.......off lately. You won't talk to Crawford about; is it really that horrible?"

"Bradley is just getting his panties in a bunch, it's nothing. I'm just tired lately-"

"Cut the bullshit, Schuldig." Nagi said in a rather authoritative tone, his eyes narrowing.

So the kind{2} did know what cursing was. Schuldig was almost worried for the boy; 15, nearly 16-yrs-old, and not one girlfriend or had he ever muttered an obscenity before. Despite the situation, Shuldig smirked and fought back a snicker. Nagi, however, did not look amused. Schuldig shook his head in a deliberately slow manner.

"He couldn't possibly understand, -you- couldn't possibly understand."

"Oh? Really now? Try me, you may find I'm more understanding than you thought." he said challengingly before adding in a more gentle tone, "We all have problems Schuldig, it doesn't do any one any good to keep them to ourselves. Let me try and understand, help me understand."

Did this kid honestly have any idea what he was getting himself into? Did he know exactly what he was asking him to do? Schuldig snorted and shifted slightly with a wince.

"You don't want to hear about my problems, Nagi. They're my own, you have your own to solve."

"They may be our own problems, but everyone needs help sometimes." he said quietly, standing and going to the door.

Schuldig watched him go, wishing he could get up as well, but his body wouldn't allow it. He let out a sigh and chucked the last of his pride down the drain as he spoke.

"Could you help me get to my bedroom, I don't want just anybody to walk in on us talking." he muttered.

Nagi gave a small smile of triumph and helped Schuldig to his feet, allowing him to lean on him as they slowly skulked to the door. Once inside Schuldig's room, Nagi set him down on his bed and took a seat at it's foot. Getting comfortable and doing as little moving as possible, Schuldig positioned himself. He could not believe he was going to Nagi of all people to talk about his "problems".

"Before Schwarz," he began quietly, immediately snapping Nagi into full attention mode. "and before Esset, there was no guilt, I wasn't Schuldig back then. I didn't have to be. I lived in Germany, near Berlin and I had a family."

He paused in speaking, letting his eyes rest in front of him on the bed covers draped over his body. Why was he telling him this again? What would this get him? Nothing. nothing, nothing, nothing at all! Schuldig shut his eyes and held his head. A hand came to rest on his shoulder and he jumped slightly as he reopened his eyes. Nagi's deep sapphire eyes were looking at him hopefully and he offered a rare little smile.

"What are you stopping for?" he asked. "Don't stop yet, why say that much just to stop there?"

Schuldig hesitated for a moment before covering his face with his hands. "I killed them, Nagi." he whispered.

The frown was clearly heard in Nagi's response, "Who Schudig?"

"All of them," he said bitterly, gritting his teeth. "If I wasn't for me they could still be happy and-"

"Wait a minute, Schuldig. We've all killed before with Schwarz, it's a part of life. Who did you kill that could be so wrong? Everyone makes mistakes-"

"I killed my father."

An overbearing silence filled the room and Schuldig could have sworn he could hear his own heart beat echoing in the sparsely decorated room. Finally gathering his nerve he opened his eyes to see Nagi staring off at the floor beside the bed. Had he shocked the kid wordless? Schuldig took a calming breath, the feeling of a weight lifting off his chest was filling his every pore. Somebody knew what he'd done. His emotions were jumbled somewhere between confused, afraid and regretful.

"Yeah, we've all killed, but what I've done to them, everyone involved........I deserve this guilt."

"No one deserves that kind of guilt, Schuldig," he said in a deathly silent whisper. "Why did you kill him?"

Schuldig stopped again, his head bowed. Should he keep going? What was there to lose at this point?

"Why do I trust you?" Schuldig asked, looking over at the Japanese boy.

Nagi gave a half smile and shrugged. "We all find a sympathetic character in the least likely places........."

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Note: Nagi seems very.......caring and motherly. This WILL change later. Just so you know. ^_^ Please leave a review! Good or bad! -Otsu & Alli

German words:

{1} Yes?

{2} Child or kid

{3} Shit

{4}a German name which means divine; brave; powerful