Weiss Kreuz Fan Fiction ❯ Dark Moon Ascendant ❯ Meditations (Yoji) & Revelations (Ran) ( Chapter 3 )

Disclaimer: I don't own Weiss. I'm just borrowing them for creative purposes that generate no income whatsoever. Just personal satisfaction. Happy?

Chapter 3: Meditations [Yoji] & Revelations [Ran]

Glancing about in a furtive manner, Yoji reached into his back pocket to pull out the crumpled packet. Senses alert and wary, his fingers instinctively handled the cigarette packet and gently gripped the slender stick within. His eyes continued their careful search of the area and his body remained on high alert for any sound. Pulling out the lighter, he quickly brought both the cigarette and the lighter towards his mouth to perform the ritual smokers the world over did. An easy flick of the thumb and the flame leaped up to almost caress the end of the cigarette.

Gently pulling in on the filter, the cigarette tip glowing red-hot as the fire caught. Replacing the now unnecessary lighter in the back pocket with the crumpled packet. As the nicotine began to seep into his system, his paranoia began to recede. Leaning nonchalantly against the grubby wall behind him, Yoji allowed his mind to drift. That was one of the reasons why he couldn't quit smoking, nicotine relaxed him and allowed his brain to function better, or so he wished to believe.

Staring off into the distance, his eyes began to mist over as he zoned out. His shift at the shop was over and as he had no plans for tonight, he had the time to himself. Damn, but he missed the old days when they each had their own rooms. Taking a drag from the cigarette, he wistfully recalled the happy times of slipping in late and creeping up to his own room without the rest knowing about it. Well, Ken and Omi that is. Aya - no Ran, his mind automatically corrected, would know when he came in late. The man could never relax until he was absolutely certain that things were alright.

Yoji appreciated the concern but it annoyed him too. For Heaven's sake, he was older than him! 'The guy needs to get laid' his mind replied. Yoji's mouth curled upwards in amusement at the thought. What fun it would be to be the one waiting up as the redhead crept in with his clothes rumpled, lipstick on his collar and probably in other 'intriguing' places. Ah, that'll be the day. Ran was just as uptight and anal-retentive as the first time Yoji met him. The only difference now was that he didn't go into his periodic rages. Ran was calmer now, not colder which was a relief.

Since his sister's awakening, Ran had taken back his original name and continued to work with Kritiker. The only justification as far as Yoji could understand was his need to protect his sister even from afar. The fewer bastards out there equalled to fewer bastards to hurt his sister. Even though Manx promised to look after Aya's welfare, Ran did what he thought was best. The guy had no idea when to quit. In a way, this saved their collective asses from being blown away time and again but everybody needed a break from assassin work. Thinking about this brought another less than pleasant thought to him. Omi and Ken's current reticent nature was beginning to strain him. Before, only Ran was the glum chum but now Yoji began to feel the burden of carrying the 'genki' torch.

Sighing, he cursed that bastard Powell who screwed with them and blackmailed their friendship by holding that brother and sister hostage to his twisted plans. Because of that, the brother Akira was killed and his sister Kaori made an orphan. Scowling at the memory, he took another deep pull at the now shortened cigarette. Omi and Ken were the only ones who had got to know the two, and given their more friendly nature took the brunt of the fallout when Weiss stood on opposing sides. The resultant mock battle created more emotional wounds on the two than if it had been real and now tensions were strained. Which in turn brought him back to his guilty indulgence with the cigarette.

Flicking the still smoking butt down, he crushed it underfoot more vehemently than he intended. He knew that Omi and Ken disliked his smoking habits but had rarely voiced it when they were living at the Koneko. They had had their own space and would leave if the smoking got on their nerves too much. Now with their new home being the confining trailer, they had demanded that he stopped smoking in their presence. Ran too, was adamant that the disgusting habit end as he had curtly said that he had no wish to die of lung cancer.

Yoji's response was to laugh at the absurdity of it given their night time activities, but choked it back when Ran had pressed the blade of his gleaming katana against his throat. Not that it really mattered one way or the other, but Omi was fingering the large dart in his hand and Ken was flexing his bugnuks slowly, the faint scratch of the leather gloves deafening in the heavy silence that followed. The look in their eyes was not forgiving. Yoji guessed right that the confined space was seriously beginning to eat at their sense of privacy. And so he agreed under duress to quit cold turkey. Right, easier said than done. All it did was to drive him out of the trailer and skulk in alleyways to get his daily nicotine fix. Until they found out. Now, it became an unpleasant game of hide-and-seek with three highly skilled assassins hunting him down. Damn.

Suddenly sensing something, Yoji's instincts scrambled in record time. Eyes darting, he saw a figure standing below a low awning watching him. Slowly stepping out, Yoji made him out to be Ran. The impassive face gave no hint as to the man's thoughts, his lavender eyes shaded by the overhead awning. It seemed as if time stood still before Ran moved out from the shadows. Yoji knew that the man had probably seen him puffing away and waited for him to put out the cigarette before making his presence felt. Ran was very dangerous in that sense. Since the Estet fight, the new assassin Ran who emerged was even more ruthless than his predecessor who called himself Aya. Yoji was glad that he was his side. Even so, he didn't like antagonising the redhead more than necessary. Forcing himself to relax, he waited for the inevitable lecture.

Ran stepped up to him and held out his hand. Sighing loudly, Yoji reached into his back pocket and withdrew the crumpled packet. Sullenly handing it over, he was surprised when Ran took one out and placed it in his mouth. Signalling for the lighter, he took it when the chestnut blonde mutely handed it over. With a grace that almost floored Yoji, Ran lit up like a pro before tossing the lighter back. Fumbling as he caught it, his eyes widened further as Ran sucked in the smoke without flinching. This was too much for Yoji. Who was this guy?

"Where the hell did you learn to do that?" Yoji asked, his eyes never leaving Ran's face.

"Hn," was the non-committal reply. Breathing out the smoke, Ran leaned back against the same wall Yoji occupied earlier.

Frowning at the redhead, Yoji settled beside him. Folding his arms across his chest, he waited for Ran's response. Something was not right. His detective sense was buzzing and his curiosity whetted. Forcing down his impatience, he waited for his partner to speak. Since the Powell incident, Ran had become more open but only to him. Why the change, he had yet to figure it out. Whatever it was, he almost revelled in the trust the reluctant redhead placed in him. He was not blind to the fact that Omi and Ken had got closer together as if in response to theirs. As much as he valued Ran's trust, he was also afraid of the group's slow but steady withdrawal from each other. Unless they managed to pull through, Weiss was screwed big time.

Closing his eyes briefly, he wondered what would happen if this was to happen. The thought of not having

the people he cared about around him chilled his heart. Since Asuka, Yoji never wanted to be in a situation of helplessness. After Neu's death, that had apparently sealed his fate of not wanting to be with anyone beyond what was necessary. However, he forgot that Weiss was his family and would always be. Not by blood ties but by the fact that they shared more grief and heartache than any normal family did. Without realising it, Yoji was committed - and he would kill to protect them.

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Letting the cigarette hang loosely in his hand by his side, Ran quietly observed the chestnut blonde beside him. He had followed Yoji and took great care not to alert the man to his presence. He had earlier watched as the man's thoughts and emotions flickered across his expressive face, and the jade green eyes darken as his thoughts wandered into painful memories. Ran could only guess at Yoji's thoughts but did not press the issue. It was an unspoken rule between them since that fateful mission. Speak only when you wish to share. Yoji never forced Ran to spill his sob story and Ran in return, did the same. Slowly over time, they began to talk of certain things, the other party neither judging nor condemning. It was oddly comforting. Besides, Ran had followed Yoji not to catch him out with the cigarette, but to talk to him about his sister Aya. Seeing Yoji's eyes flutter open, he shifted slightly to get the man's attention. Raising his head, Yoji turned to look Ran in the eye. He was listening.

"I went to see Aya today," Ran began, his voice hesitant.

"How was she?" The subtle hint to continue was there.

"She looked happy. Sakura had just arrived to help her in the shop."

"That's good to hear."

"I miss her…" The pain in his voice was evident. "Even though I know that I can never be near her. At least, not without putting her in danger."

'Like the last time' the voice in his head added cruelly.

Yoji kept silent. It took a lot of guts for Ran to admit it but where his sister was concerned, the man would confess to making a pact with the devil without flinching. That was what Ran talked about the most. It was the only thing he jealously guarded from everyone else. Aya's well being was the only thing he lived for. If he couldn't be with her, the least he could do was to protect her to the best of his ability. That was the reason why he remained with Weiss. But even if he didn't want to admit it, the others also formed part of the full reason for him staying. And for that, Yoji was glad.

There was too much history between all of them, the Takatori incident, Schwarz and Estet had only served to strengthen the bonds between them. But the Powell incident was now threatening those bonds. It did not help that the claustrophobic living space and lack of privacy was hastening the deterioration of their friendship. 'Must get Manx to fix this if she wants to keep Kritiker's most successful team,' he thought. However, Ran's next words caught his attention and took his breath away.

"I'm thinking of leaving."

There was a long tense moment of silence. Finally, Yoji broke it with his question.

"Are you sure?" Yoji asked, his voice low to hide the sudden tremor. 'No Ran, don't leave us,' his mind screamed out.

"No."

"Then why even say it if you don't mean it?" Yoji growled back, forgetting their unspoken promise. He couldn't believe this guy. How dare he say such a thing without even thinking of the consequences! Omi and Ken needed him despite his almost frigid attitude, and Yoji knew that he himself had little ability to handle the potentially chaotic outcome from Ran's leaving.

"What do you plan on doing assuming you left Weiss? Set up a flower shop to sell pretty posies to little schoolgirls?" It was a low blow but Yoji was mad.

"I don't expect you to understand."

"You're right. I don't get it. Care to explain it to me, Ran?" he retorted still fuming. 'Calm down before you do drive him away,' his inner self cautioned. Taking a deep breath, he closed his eyes for a moment. Opening them again he looked the redhead straight in the eye, the gaze seeming to pin him to the wall.

"I want to be with my sister. I want her with me as close as possible. I hope to take her some place where we won't have to worry about someone threatening us. I need her Yoji, she's the only one who can heal me," Ran whispered, his lavender eyes now a dark swirl of emotion.

It had to be the hardest thing for him to say but it was the truth. He thought that Yoji would understand, perhaps he was wrong. He had told the blonde more than once that he couldn't be with her because of his past, but after seeing her… he wasn't so sure anymore. She had almost seen him that day, carelessness on his part but a small voice within said that he actually wanted her to. After Sakura went back in flipping the 'Closed' sign, he had crept round the back and listened to them by the kitchen window. He heard them ask Aya if she was alright and worried at that.

What few times he managed to secretly watch her, he could see how she would sometimes withdraw and her eyes would dim with sadness. He had at one point some time back overheard Sakura and Momoe-san voice their concern over her state of mind and it began to eat at him. He knew that he should let her grieve and then begin to pick up the pieces of her life and move on, but his selfish need to be near her was not helping matters. He knew that she had caught sight of him and only a quick duck behind the building prevented her from actually recognising him.

I can't let it go… I won't let it go!

It seemed as though this thought was the only thing running around in his head, accompanied by images of his sister laughing, crying, teasing him and calling out to him. That was the worse part; he heard it almost every night when he fell asleep, her voice crying out as he raced towards her desperately trying to grab her outstretched hand but always failing. It was terrifying in its intensity at times. The worst nightmare had twisted demonic forms writhing in the background almost seeming to pull her in and to swallow her with its darkness. Ran had woken up screaming her out name.

It took Omi and Ken to sit on him before he calmed down enough to order them off him. Yoji had quickly gone to the nearest all-night minimart to grab a couple of six-packs to calm everybody's nerves after that fright. Ran mumbled an apology and the others had accepted it. All of them had at one point freaked the others out with their occasional nightmares, but Ran's was different. Aya was safe now, wasn't she? Then why these cursed nightmares? Needless to say, it was an important part of Ran's decision to think about leaving Weiss. But how could he explain it to the tall blonde beside him?

Despite his aloof stand from the other members of Weiss, Ran was one of the more sensitive ones to be able to pick up on people's emotions. He was not blind to the fact that Omi and Ken were still dwelling on the fate of the two siblings who were caught up in the shady dealings of the Americans. Ken in particular has a sense of justice that burned as strongly as Ran's. The only difference was the intensity of the blaze; where Ran's burned cold and precise, Ken's was hot and sweeping. Ken had hated the deception; it was unforgivable no matter what the reason.

Unfortunately, Manx had been left with little choice in the matter as she was under the control of the fake Persia. Ran had had to handle most of the planning together with Yoji, perhaps that was how they began to get along better after that. Omi and Ken had had their hands full with the siblings, so that limited their participation in the mock battle that was to take place in the old carnival grounds. Ran never liked recalling that incident, it appeared as a possible prediction for Weiss' future if the members were unable to unite. How could one mission result in such a dangerous outcome?

Ran saw Weiss as his family but despite that, he knew that his loyalties lay primarily with his sister. Manx knew that as did the rest, and perhaps that was what that was further straining the situation between all of them. Ran admitted that he was selfish in sacrificing the group for the sake of his sister but wasn't it for the sake of his sister that he had joined in the first place? With Aya now awake and living he should be happy for her and move on, but why couldn't he let her go? He was supposed to be dead after all. He sighed in resignation. If Aya was in trouble, he would have easily dropped everything and head off after her ready to do battle. But she wasn't. She was sad and still grieving for him and their parents.

Then why in the world was he plagued by such horrendous nightmares? Ran did not believe in dreams predicting the future but after tangling with Schwarz, and in particular their pre-cog leader, he wasn't so sure. If these people exist, who is to say that such things are a lot of superstitious mumbo-jumbo? Damn, but he was starting to get confused. No wonder Yoji was mad at him, he could barely decide then and there with conviction if he was going to leave Weiss. And if he had to make a choice, it would have to be soon. He just wished that it didn't have to be so damn difficult.

Author's Notes: At last this chapter is done. I think Yoji's POV is fairly straightforward to understand. He strikes me as an honest thinker, in that he weighs his thoughts and conclusions without unnecessarily judging the other person. He's also especially honest with himself as it has been revealed through his memories of Asuka and Neu. He deeply regrets what has happened and he knows that he would have to bear these scars for as long as he lives. That in a way justifies his need to be in Weiss, the people around him share in his pain as he does in theirs. I suppose sharing the grief with those who can truly empathise helps to lessen the pain. At least that's what I've found. Misery does love company, especially if they share the similar type of angst. ^__^

It was easy to begin but it got harder towards the end, especially with Ran. I tried not to make him too soppy but I wanted to also heighten his need to be with his sister and to a certain extent want to leave Weiss. The dreams serve to confuse him and to challenge his loyalties further. True, I believe that Ran would leave Weiss for Aya-chan but only if it was crucial for him to do so. Ran deeply values his place within the group and knows that the others have some degree of dependency on him just by being there. As Yoji had made it clear, Ran was a crucial part of the team as with each of its members. Despite appearances, Ran is probably one of the best confidants to have around, especially where Yoji is concerned.

I hope that I did not confuse myself too much here. Sometimes working too hard on something can blind you to its faults. I really like this story and I hope to convey the same joy and excitement I feel in presenting it to you. Please let me know how you think it is going, motivation certainly helps with the flow of inspiration in setting the story out. I know where I would like to go with this, but I need to find the words to express it in the way I intend it to flow. I'll be returning briefly on the other members of Weiss and Schwarz in the next chapter. Till then, please let me know what you make of this story so far!