Weiss Kreuz Fan Fiction ❯ Don't Cry ❯ I Know How You're Feeling Inside ( Chapter 5 )

Don't Cry

By: Anna Hibiki

Rating: R, but it could perfectly be NC-17. I'm just not in the mood to change it yet.

Disclaimers : Weiss is not mine! It belongs to Koyasu-sama and other people with much more money than me (even if I want to own SchuSchu... and KenKen... and Yo-tan... and Brad-chan... and RanRan... well I want to own 'em all! ). The song 'Don't Cry' belongs to Guns N' Roses, and I don't own it either nor own Guns N' Roses.

Warnings : Shounen-ai/Yaoi, OCC, angst, torture, kawaii Crawford. If you don't like that, then you can go to read my other WK fics "...Lies Bleeding in my arms" and "KenKen" (I love to make publicity of anything I write or draw ^.^; ).

Notes : Anything written in Italic are thoughts. Things /written this way/ are mental talk.

This fic can be read in mediaminer.org and ff.net.

Arigatou for the reviews!! You all make me really happy! I'll thank all the revievers on next chappie, kay?

AH! BEFORE I FORGET. FF.net HAS REMOVED THE FIC KENKEN. I CAN'T UPLOAD THERE UNTIL DECEMBER 25. THAT FIC's GONNA BE PUBLISHED IN MEDIAMINER.ORG. AND THE OTHER WILL BE UPLOADERS IN MEDIAMINER UNTIL I CAN UPLOAD AGAIN IN FF.NET.

Gomen!

Chapter 5: I know how you're feeling inside

Ken let his body fall heavily onto his bed. He was tired, very tired. It wasn't strange.

It would have been strange if he wasn't.

I mean, he had spent half the day playing soccer with the kids. And after that, to complete the day, he had to face Schwarz. Even if that redheaded German looked like he was talking sincerely, he didn't trust him, and of curse he didn't trust that telekinetic brat. But since he seemed to be so important to Omi, and he couldn't say no to the little blonde, he had agreed.

But he didn't want to know anything when Aya or Yo-tan discovered it.

Yo-tan. Other problem.

It was nearly three in the morning and the blonde hadn't come home yet. He had gone clubbing, as usual, but it was starting to be late.

In the last seven months (the time they had been together) he always came home sooner, never later than two in the morning.

He always took a shower and waited until he was sure Aya and Omi were in their respective bedrooms and weren't going to bother him in the whole night.

It was then when he always left his room and went to Ken's, where the brunette was always waiting for him. And he stayed there with his love until the sunlight appeared again, that was when Ken woke him up everyday, so he was in his own bedroom again before Aya or Omi could notice.

Ken was thinking about this when he heard the house's door open. He looked at his watch as he put the bed covers over his body. Half past three.

Steps going upstairs. Now he'll go to his bedroom and to take a shower. He told himself, now used to that routine.

But the steps sounded closer now. And they stopped at Ken's door. The piece of wood was opened slowly, trying to muffle any noise it could make while being opened.

Then it closed as slowly as it opened, and Youji walked clumsily towards Ken's bed as he tried to take of his clothes.

"'llo KenKen... ya' awake?" he was very drunk. He wondered how he could make it to his room. The brunette could smell the alcohol since his lover entered the room. Not only the alcohol, he could also smell women's cologne and the inconfundible smell of sex. So, it was obvious, Youji had gotten himself very drunk, to the point that he ended up having sex with some woman. He sat on the bed slowly, trying not to disturb the aparently asleep brunette.

He kissed his forehead and rested his head on Ken's chest for a moment. "Gomen" he said softly.

Ken couldn't take it anymore. He didn't know if he was going to throw up or start to cry like a child. He couldn't stand the smell. "Go take a shower." He whispered, not opening his eyes. He felt Youji sitting on the bed and a trembling hand caressing his cheek. "Hai." He replied and left to the bathroom.

Ken was alone in his bed again.

He loved Youji, but it hurt him a lot.

It hurt to be with him only at nights, when the others were sleeping or out in missions. If he hadn't loved Youji so much, and the most important, if Youji hadn't loved him so much, he wouldn't permit this.

But he knew that Youji didn't want to do what he was doing.

He just needed to get used to it. He didn't want the others to know he loved Ken. But he had a reason. SHE didn't let him do it. Youji wasn't well. He wasn't completely insane, but he kept seeing Asuka's ghost everywhere. And the ghost controled him sometimes.

Like today, for example.

He said that Asuka made him do those things. That she told him that she would kill Ken if anyone knew.

Ken knew it was true. Obviously there wasn't any ghost, it was just Youji's mind, that proyected all of Youji's fears into that ghost.

And if there was something Youji was afraid of, it was of losing Ken. So he tried to make sure nobody knew he had him. That way, nobody was going to try to put them apart.

Maybe that way, nobody was going to hurt his Ken because of him.

Maybe that way, the could be happy someday.

It wasn't like they weren't, because when they were together they both were happy, but it wasn't enough. They couldn't be completely happy until Youji get rid of Asuka's ghost. He just had to accept that she was dead, then he could be happy again.

Here came Youji again, now clean and soaking wet. He didn't even use a towel to dry himself, he just left the bathroom and went to Ken's bedroom. When he closed the door after him he sat on the bed again. Ken was now looking at him and was making him some room on the bed. "Come here" he whispered, opening the blankets so Youji could enter the bed. He would put them to dry tomorrow, but now, the most important thing was the trembling blonde.

When Youji lied down, the first he did was wrap his left arm around Ken's body and lean forward to brush his lips against his lover's."I didn't want to." he finally said. "Gomen nasai, I drank too much." he whispered against Ken's lips. His eyes were tired and were a mirror of the pain and the guilt he felt.

Ken placed a hand in his wet hair, caressing the damp curls slowly and trying to dry his face with the other. "I know" he said sadly. "I was worried Yo-tan... I though you weren't coming back."

"Gomen ne.." he placed a little kiss on the soccer player's nose and then he pulled Ken tightly against his wet body. "Ai shiteru Ken... ai shiteru..." he whispered, the words melting Ken's heart. Youji kept saying that until he fell asleep. Ken continued awake.

I know you love me Youji... But you have to change. You're tearing me apart. Get rid of her please. She's dead! Why can't you see it?

/We all try not to see what hurts us, don't you think?/

You... Schwarz!! Let us alone! He yelled mentally, his arms tightening around Youji's waist protectively.

/If I let you alone, is that going to change anything? Is he going to change? Are you?/

Iie, demo...

/Believe me or not, I know how you're feeling inside/ a minute's pause /He's a very lucky man, I hope he will understand it someday. Good night, mein liebe./

You... What the heck.. No answer. Wait a moment. Did he just called me 'mein liebe'? What's with that Schwarz? Was the last thing he though while he drifted to sleep, the first rays of the sun were iluminating the room, but he didn't wake Youji up.

.::.::.::.::

Schuldig sighed softly as snugled up closer to Brad. At least his warmth was comforting. And now he needed that warmth. He needed to be warm to fall asleep and have his little moments of false happyness with Ken.

How can I help you Ken? he thought as he fell asleep in Crawford's caring arms.

tsu zu ku...

And other chappie finished! How was it? Not very long, but I wanted it to be focused only in Youji and Ken, with the little Schuldig thing at the end. The other reason I write so short chapters is that I'm slow when I write in English, for example, this chappie took me two hours.

I think I'm gonna hit my head or something, why can't I write a happy YouKen thing? I'm a bitch! I have to make my Yo-tan be a bastard.

But that's going to change. I've decided I'm gonna make a happy YouKen fic and am currently working at it. But for now we'll have to continue with the angsty here.

I'll probably won't update this fic until sunday or monday, because I want to write other Lies Bleeding In My Arms and KenKen's chapter before the weekend.

Next chapter, we'll know what happened when Schuldig arrived home, how was Nagi's first day in Weiss' house, and maybe a little surprise.

Until then, be kind and leave me a review, it makes me really happy the aceptation this fic's having, and it makes me even happier to know that you people like it.

Hasta el proximo capitulo!