Weiss Kreuz Fan Fiction ❯ Falling ❯ Desires of the Damned ( Chapter 1 )

Falling

Fan fic by: Omni-sama

Part 1: “Desires of the Damned”

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Rated: NC-17

Reason: Strong language, sexual situations (of the male/male variety), violence

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Disclaimer: Omni-sama holds not rights to, nor claims to hold any rights to any part of Weiß Kreuz. Koyasu and other people own said rights. ______________________________________________________

 

You didn't go out tonight. Instead, you went up to your room earlier than usual. Perhaps while you were there you drank yourself into a temporary oblivion. Sometimes you like doing that better than the other way you use to handle things…your women. Whatever the case may be, you are in your room right now, most likely asleep. If not, then getting close to it.

 

I sit here on the edge of my bed and stare at the wall that separates our rooms. How many nights was I kept awake by the sounds of you with some nightly conquest? You know…I could swear once I heard two male voices…one yours, one that of a stranger's… You never told us you liked both. I always thought you hated men. I wonder who took who that night. Is it a frequent thing for you, but you just don't bring them here so often? Are you afraid that we won't understand? I think you underestimate us… I very much believe Ken prefers both, and I'm quite sure Omi only likes boys. Myself? I never cared for women in that way.

 

Usually hearing the noises you make with your one night stands makes me ill and I have to bury my head beneath the pillow in attempts to drown out the sound. One time I even put tape over the air vent, since that's where a majority of the noise was leaking from. But that night…that night was different. I remember lying there, facing the ceiling but not really seeing it…seeing instead the mental image of you and another man, bodies writhing, sheets twisting… Then I replaced that image of the other man with myself…

 

Do you think bad of me because I fantasize about a friend like this? But it's difficult not to think that way about you… You're sex on two legs, and you damn well know it. You sure as hell dress like you know it. And, god…but you look good in those damned crop-tops and low-slung pants… I know you and the others call me cold, emotionless…a real fucking Ice Prince… But, I'm not. I'm a man, too. I have desires just like any other man. And, it just so happens I desire a friend of mine… Is that so strange?

 

Since that night, I've noticed things I hadn't before. I noticed the way you look at me when you think I'm not aware. I hope the meaning of those looks isn't simply wishful thinking on my part. Maybe, just maybe, you desire me, too. If for nothing else, then at least as another conquest. Another one night stand to add to the score. And, if you do desire me, even if for something that will only happen once, then perhaps I should make my own desire known… I'm sure my aforementioned cold demeanor doesn't exactly encourage you to try your luck with me. I could change that…perhaps. If anything, it would at least provide you with a momentary distraction from your recent angst. God, I don't want to think about her and all of that shit now… Back to thinking of you. Yes. Back to thinking of the way your body moves while you do something as trivial as watering flowers…the way the muscles ripple beneath that tan skin…

 

I move my hand down along my own chest and abs, imagining that I'm doing it to you, and that you, in turn, are doing it right back to me. Keeping this mental imagery going, I lie back on the bed and move my hand even lower. I wonder how it would be if we did it… Who would be seme?... I always liked it both ways, you know. Or, I suppose you don't know. You probably think I'm still a virgin. A pure and untainted virgin that kills dark beasts with a katana. The image is absurd. But, no… I like it both ways. I love pressing someone down into the mattress and claiming him. But, sometimes I just like to be able to put the control into someone else's hands and not have to worry about it anymore… To just…give in… I release a moan at the very thought of giving in to you, at the same time slipping my hand beneath the elastic of my boxers. It seems that tonight's fantasy will have me on the receiving end. Yes, this isn't the first time I've thought of you like this… I've taken you and you've taken me so many times that I've lost count.

 

Does that make me even worse of a person? First desiring my friend, then repeatedly pleasuring myself to thoughts of him?... Why do I even care how it makes me look? I'm a fucking assassin for God's sake! I kill people in the name of some foolish ideal that there is an actual line between black and white, light and dark. No..don't focus on that now, Ran… Back to thinking of you, Yohji…yesssss… Back to thinking of how you look in those tight pants of yours…

 

“Oh, God…”

 

Mmm…didn't mean to actually say that aloud. I need to be more careful. If I could hear you easily through the vents and the wall, then I'm sure you'd be able to hear me. But it feels so good…and picturing it being your hand…or better yet, your mouth…on me like this. Hmmm…but maybe you'd like hearing me… If I was right about the looks you give me…then maybe you'd like listening to me moan out your name, to the ragged tempo of my breathing, to my breathy demands of deeper…harder… All of it coming together to form a strange sort of song….some bizarre, sacred anthem orchestrated for the sanctity of the bedroom.

 

In my mind I picture you over me, that smirk on your lips that you always have when you're being devious. You lean down and kiss at my abs, moving steadily up, flicking a tongue at my left nipple, then eventually reaching my neck. My hand moves faster within my boxers. Yes, you know I love it when you kiss my neck. Of course you'd be a great lover in that you'd recognize your partner's hotspots and exploit them. Why else would you possess the reputation that you do? So, in my fantasy you exploit away. You touch me and kiss me and nip at me in all the right places. You become a combination of all the best things from every lover I've ever had. Sex with you is always so perfect in my mind. It's the sort of perfect, blissful act that I thought it was when I was young, before I experienced the real thing. You become the perfect porn star, the perfect erotic hero. And you make me feel what I had always hoped to feel but haven't yet. And dear God is it amazing. Every fucking time. I never get tired of having imaginary sex with you. After all, it's so much better than real sex. It's always better in your head, you know. Always.

 

I should probably get the lube now. Fantasy you is getting impatient, I can tell. The way your eyes bore down on me, the way you work harder at driving me insane with want. Patience… Just a little patience. I need to reach over and get the bottle. Surely you can wait a few seconds. I release myself and twist my body so that I can reach for the nightstand. Pulling open the drawer, I grope blindly inside until my fingers locate the cool smooth plastic and pull it out. I snap the cap open with my thumb then exchange it to my left hand so that I can pour it out onto my right, but freeze.

 

There's movement coming from your room. It's a familiar sound, too. There's something happening on the bed, but it's not sex. Goddammit, Yohji… You pick the worst fucking times to have a nightmare. With a sigh, I close the lube bottle and toss it towards the wall separating our rooms. The loud bang it makes is immediately followed by you screaming her name in terror.

 

That was stupid, Ran. Really stupid. You know what he's dreaming about, so you make a sound that could be taken as a gunshot in his dream. Real fucking bright. I feel sick. My erection started to wilt as soon as I heard the telltale signs of the nightmare, and after my idiotic mistake it's now lying totally limp against my thigh.

 

But goddammit! Why, Yohji? Why do you still dream about her? We finished all of that. It's done. Why can't you just let her go? Was she really that great? Neu certainly didn't seem like anything particularly special. I've seen you with more attractive women. Just what is it about her that has you so fucking trapped?

 

“You know what you need?” I ask you in a whisper as I glare at the wall, “You need to find someone better who can help you fucking heal.”

 

The irony of me saying it is not lost on me, don't worry. I know very well that I'm not exactly a prime example of someone who can heal well and forget the past. But my revenge has been had, my sister is well, and though I miss my parents greatly I have accepted their deaths. I'm as adjusted as a hired killer can be. But you…

 

…You don't have a sister. You don't have anything left at all.

 

God, Ran, you're on a fucking roll tonight, aren't you? Maybe I really am the insensitive prick they all think I am. I'm just glad I haven't said any of this to your face. Ok... Amend that… I'm just glad I haven't said all of this to your face. With a sinking feeling I realize that I've said similar things to you quite frequently. It's a wonder you even speak to me. It's even more of a wonder that you still consider me a friend. I can fix that. I can make it seem a wonder that you'd not want to be my friend. Why not? After a couple of years of me treating you like shit and keeping you at arm's length, why not actually try the friendship thing? Well, we are friends… But I think it's a friendship born more out of necessity than anything.

 

Feeling somewhat restless now, I get up and walk to the window. I draw the curtains back and gaze out at the glowing Tokyo night. A chill seeping in from the window makes me wish I had put something on besides my boxers, and I'm suddenly struck by a memory. It was about a year ago, and I'm not sure if you'd still remember.

 

It was during winter, and it had been snowing for most of the day and on into the night. We had just finished a mission and a little girl was returned to her parents unharmed. As her parents embraced her the mother sobbed and thanked God for her child's safe return. I'm not sure what kind of expression I had, but Ken gave me the strangest look and asked “What's the matter? Don't you believe in God, Aya?”

 

I told him the truth, that I wasn't sure. I'm not sure if there's a God or a Devil, a Heaven or a Hell. He seemed disappointed in my answer. I hadn't known he was religious in any way until then. It confused me then, and it confuses me now. But you… Do you remember what you said? You lit up a cigarette and peered off at the black nothingness within the night sky, then suddenly said “Did you ever wonder if maybe this is Hell? I mean, maybe what we had in a past life was better, but we did something really fucked up and God or whatever put us here the next time around…”

 

Ken just laughed and motioned around at the snow, saying “Then does that mean Hell's frozen over?” He didn't get it. He didn't understand what you were trying to say. But you smirked and shrugged and brushed it off as if you hadn't really meant anything by it at all, just making conversation. But I stared at you, considering your words. And, if I hadn't already wanted to fuck you way before that moment, I'd have fallen in lust with you right then and there.

 

I touch my hand to the cold glass of the window. Frost is making intricate patterns along the edges of the glass, and the area surrounding my hand clouds over a little. Pulling my hand away, I watch as the imprint slowly fades. My attention then focuses on the city beyond.

 

Hell certainly is a strange place, Yohji.

 

 

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To be continued…