Weiss Kreuz Fan Fiction ❯ Here With Me ❯ Kitten's POV ( Chapter 1 )

[ Y - Young Adult: Not suitable for readers under 16 ]

Here With Me

Author note: first time writer, not first fic I wrote but the first one up. Anyway, animation's not mine, characters' not mine, the song's not mine; I'm poor, so don't sue me... ...anything I forgot to mention?? Ahh... the story!! It's MINE!!

Part 1

I didn't hear you leave
I wonder how am I still here
I don't want to move a thing
It might change my memory

It's been a week since he left.

He left quite early in the morning that day. Though I told him to wake me up when he left, he chose to leave in silence again.

Every time I asked him why he did that, he always said he didn't wanna disturb my "beauty" sleep.

Gods know how I could ever fall asleep without him beside me.

But I conceded. I always slept through him leaving the apartment. Never had I woke once when he left.

So strange, that I always came awake the second he came back. No matter how sleepy I was, no matter how drunk I got, I always sobered up enough to jump him the moment he opened that goddamned door.

And always got us goose eggs in the heads and several bruises with all the tumbling down the stairs.

Luckily, none of us ever got a broken neck, or he's gonna nail me with his katana.

Demo ne...

He always nails me when he gets back anyway, not that I mind, mind you.

Funny, wasn't it... The supreme Playboy, the Casanova - minna no Yohji, got nailed by a man and happy with it.

To make it worse, minna no Yohji was happy to be nailed by the biggest icicle the world history had ever known...

I missed him.

I never went out drinking, dancing, bedding tons of women, getting a thorough debauching life like I said I would if he wasn't around.

I always threatened to leave him if he went for those fucking missions again.

Demo ne...

That's an empty threat and we both knew it... as if I could live without him any more than he could me anymore. I could barely sleep a wink as it was when he went out like that.

I just... never left the apartment when he's out.

I paced the floor until I worn a path on it. I didn't sleep. I barely ate. And I drank myself to a stupor so I could get some much-needed sleep.

That's a vicious circle. And no one, not even him, had ever managed to break me out of it.

The chibi had tried to cheer me up once, not that they knew why that pig-headed lover of mine had to leave. And you wouldn't believe how hard they tried...

They were trying so hard that I nearly strangled them with my garrote. Quite literally, mind you, and I would have left them hanging like rag dolls if the icicle hadn't chose that moment to walk through the door...

I collapsed then. I clung tightly to his blood-splattered body and slept, while the chibi fled the apartment like they had hellhounds biting their asses.

Oh I am what I am
I'll do what I want
But I can't hide

You get wiser when you grow older, or so say the oldies.

Well, me think you will have to learn the lesson well before you get wiser.

And I guess...

I guess I just never learnt my lesson well enough.

One would think, after what happened with Asuka, I would be wiser. I would lock away my heart in a safe and throw the keys away.

Demo ne...

I'm a sucker for beautiful things.

I have always been and I know I will always be.

And thus... I fell head over heels for him the first time I entangled him with my garrote, even if he was giving me a death glare that could kill without that sharp stick of his at the moment.

A definite hook, line and sinker episode for me.

And I just... dropped like a stone and sunk like the legendary Titanic - never getting back up to the surface.

I won't go
I won't sleep
I can't breathe
Until you're resting
Here with me
I won't leave
I can't hide
I cannot be

I had thought it was mere lust at first.

God knows I have lusted over how many guys since I first got laid.

Not that I'm THAT interested in getting laid with a guy. It's kinda embarrassing to do the work with someone as "equipped" as you are and well, I'm not exactly the uke-type, you know.

And somehow... most of the guys I have ever laid eyes on, they looked seme to me...

Now, let's be realistic: if I could get what I want with all those beautiful young ladies, why would I wanna get struck in some situations that might get me nailed in the ass?

Not amusing. Definitely not amusing at all.

So I thought, if I spent enough time away from him and enjoyed myself, I would get over whatever it was I had for him.

That's one of the best ideas I had had in years.

It really was.

And it would still be if he hadn't got himself shot in one of the solo missions Kritiker sent him to.

We didn't know he was injured when he first got back.

After all, us covered in blood and other unmentionable after a mission happened more often than not. And we thought that even the Mr. Icicle-up-his-ass-Fujimiya would be smart enough to ask for help if he was hurt.

Well, think again!!

He walked in here without a falter. His shoulders squared like usual, and he gave us the death glareâ„¢ when we asked him how it went with the mission.

So we thought, what the hell, it had to be the post-mission brooding mood or something. He was known to do that quite often after a mission.

Imagine how freaked we got when we heard him crashed in his room and didn't get back up.

I still have nightmares about that night when I broke into his room, only to find him out cold in his own pool of blood. He had looked so deathly pale then. If it wasn't for his laboured breathing...

He was unconscious for nearly a week.

What did you expect? That icicle got himself shot in the gut and leg, and he used his bloody coat to hide them from us.

He nearly bled white.

Just a few minutes, just a few more fucking minutes and he would be dead!

I was so scared then.

I was so freaked out that no one could tear me away from his side.

I stayed in his room nights and days. I couldn't sleep. I couldn't eat. Hell, I could barely hold plain water down in my stomach for a few minutes.

Omi was so worried about me. He couldn't understand why I got so freaked when it was obvious that I couldn't stand being in the same room with the icicle before.

Never had he thought I was avoiding the redhead to stop myself from loving him. Nor would he believe it if I had told him the truth then.

Yes, love... that's the first time I finally understood what I felt for him.

If I could change the past, if I could undo what had happened, I would gladly take his place and die for him. I would stand by him and try my best to make him smile. I would stay so close to him that he would kick my ass for being so close.

And I was afraid that I would lose him before I could tell him I love him.

And so... when Weiss disbanded a few years back, I was crushed.

I never got around to tell him I was in love with him.

After all, who would believe those magic words that came from the ultimate Don Juan himself?

So I flirted with him.

I teased him with stupid jokes that had him blushing for days.

I touched him like a lover would sometimes and ran like hell before he could shi-ne me for doing so.

And most of the time, I got away with what I did because I was quick as an eel.

Or so I thought...

After the disbandment, we went on our own separate ways. I never knew what had become of the chibi, nor did I care. All I knew was that I would never see him again.

I knew I was being stupid. There was never anything between us. There wasn't even an "us" in the first place. But still, if only I could see him and be around him...

I became unbalanced then. I got depressed. I drank myself to a stupor. I went on days without food. All in all, an agonizingly slow process of self-destruction.

I would have succeeded too, if he hadn't found me when he did...

Until you're resting
Here with me

I didn't remember much of the details. My memory was all mumbo jumbo when it happened.

All I remembered was a furious redhead stood in the broken doorway of my apartment and hurled me out into his Porsche. After that, I got wheeled around by a lot of people in white. In and out of a lot of flashing rooms. Got poked by quite a number of sharp objects. Then got my ass throw back into my disheveled bed.

I didn't know how long I slept then. But that's one of the most sated, peaceful slumber I had ever had since I lost Asuka.

When I woke, I found myself naked in his arms.

To say I was shocked would be the understatement of the century.

But then, who wouldn't when you found yourself lying naked within the arms of a gorgeous redhead sleeping in his birthday suit??

I thought I was dreaming.

It had to be.

Why else would he be here otherwise?

Not only sleeping beside me, but naked in my bed???

I'd be damned if I didn't do a thing about it.

So I kissed him.

I touched him like I had always wanted to.

And I woke him...

When I looked into his eyes, I knew I couldn't be dreaming - he didn't look at me with soft lusty eyes that begged for my touches like his dream self. Instead, there was an icy fury blazing in those incredible amethyst eyes.

A deadly fury with longings.

I thought he's gonna tear me up from limb to limb for whatever reasons he thought I did wrong. And...

Did I say longings?

I think I did.

And I was incoherent for the next few hours.

It would be something short of miracle if I could recall my own name at all, what with the way he pounced me and devoured me with a ferocity that could hardly convince anyone he'd been the innocence one.

I certainly wasn't.

But I knew for a fact that I had been his first.

He was stammering and flushing for a whole week after that. He couldn't hold a staring contest with me for more than three seconds before bolting straight into the bathroom, looking for something to stop his nose bleeding.

What a shy little creature he was...

And there started our strange little dreamlike romance...

He would stay with me for awhile to make sure I took care of myself. We would go to bed together at night, and wake in each other's arms in the morning.

We didn't talk much. Most of the time I just babbled to fill in the silence. I would just talk about everything and anything that hit my fancy at the moment and he would listen.

When he thought I needed a break, he would seat himself in my lap and give me sweet, chaste little kisses to shut me up.

And NO, you HENTAI!! We didn't do the bed-sheet tango then!

As much as I want to, we always leave that in the bedroom at night.

After all, he was more of the conservative type. To sleep with a man, and a playboy no less, was very trying for him.

God knows how hard he had fought with his inner self...

The rest of the time, he disappeared.

He never left a note.

But he always left a little something of his behind. So that I knew he'd come back.

His favorite mug in the cupboard; his favorite shirts hanging in my wardrobe; his toothbrush in my bathroom... all the tiny teeny little things that swam my apartment to remind me of his coming return.

I just never made much of a fuss about his disappearance.

After all, he's a private person, and he needs his breathing space...

And I hated myself for not questioning about his disappearance the day Schwartz came charging into my apartment, with his bleeding body lying limply in the German bastard's arms.

I would have killed them for hurting him. I would have made their death so agonizingly slow and painful that they wished they burnt in hell for the rest of eternity. I would do anything to get them for touching him.

But Nagi was quicker than I thought.

He had pinned me down with his power long enough to get it through my thick head that they hadn't hurt my love.

In fact, if it weren't for them, my redhead lover wouldn't make it through the night.

He had taken up the nightly job again.

I wasn't surprised he managed to get offers and money for the 'jobs'. But with Aya-chan living a happy life with her husband, I failed to see why he needed those disgusting, bloody missions again.

Money was NOT a valid reason.

We might not be taking as much missions as before after Takatori's demise. But Kritiker had always paid well. The money we got for every successful mission could easily cover a few years worth living expenses.

What's more, with an investment genius like Omi planning your future, living your life out like a spoiled brat could hardly be mission impossible.

I just never figure out what motivates him so, but it hardly matters. All I want is to keep him safe. Who's better at the job than Yohji the Balinese?

I whined, I cried, I yelled. But he never budged.

Until I threatened to vanish on him and that he would never find me again. Even with that lousy carrot-head telepath's help!

Yep... that's how he had found me in the first place. He had the telepath searching for my mind.

And surprise, surprise... they had formed some sort of partnership when my koi became a freelance again. He simply gave it up and held no grudges against them since the fall of Esset.

That's why the German was there to get him out before his target got him.

I was jealous.

I should be the one who watch his back.

I should be the one who get him out of any tight spots.

And I should be the one whom he turns to when he needs help.

I was so determined to do it my way that my redhead could do nothing but humor me. So I followed him out on his next mission.

I was still good with my assassination skill.

I had never been better with the use of my garrote.

And I was fast and quiet with my little kitten feet.

But I couldn't take the stress anymore...

I got a bullet in the chest before the night was over.

When I finally came to, all I found was the tear-streaked face of my lovely redhead.

I got "house arrested" to my bed until the doctor announced that I have made a full recovery. After that, Ran never let me go with him anymore.

I tried to argue. But this time, he turned the table on me.

He sworn to desert me forever and see to it that I would never find him for all my PI skill worth.

I hadn't believed him then.

But he proved himself.

He left me.

Everything of his was gone the next morning.

I don't want to call my friends
They might wake me
From this dream
And I don't wanna leave this bed
Risk forgetting all that's been

I slit my wrists.

That's the other only time I did something so stupid that had Ran so scared he couldn't stop crying and damn near killed me with his hug when I came to.

He barely snatched me away from the clutch of Shinigami that day. I wouldn't make it if he hadn't come back when he did.

It still gave him one hell of a nightmare that had him crying through the night when the missions he had taken hit him too hard.

But...

If I were to do it again, would he come for me once more??

I wonder...

No.

No... I shouldn't have wondered about that.

I know better: Ran will come for me, no matter where I am.

The only question is, can he come for me?

Strange thought ne... to doubt his ability to do anything...

After all, he was the ever efficient and practical cold leader of Weiss - there was no stopping him once he made his decision.

And that pig-head had made me a promise to stay with me forever.

Oh I am what I am
I'll do what I want
But I can't hide

I ache...

My head, my heart, my mind... they HURT.

They are throbbing so badly from the void he left in me that drinking myself unconscious barely helps...

He's gone...

I could feel it...

I didn't know why. I didn't know when. I didn't EVEN know how. But I knew he's gone.

I just... couldn't feel his presence any more.

And it felt like someone has ripped my heart out and grounded the pieces into dust...

Sounded horrible?

It felt a hell lot worse than it sounded...

Ran koi??

Wherever the hell you are, come back to me???

I won't go
I won't sleep
I can't breathe
Until you're resting
Here with me
I won't leave
I can't hide
I cannot be

He's gone.

He. Is. Gone.

Those three meaningless words were all I knew...

They were all that left in my mind.

I could barely think.

The void of his absence was drowning out everything.

And I lay in my bed, our bed, waiting for him to take me away from all this loneliness, this madness...

I wasn't sure how long I've been lying on our bed, nor could I remember the last time I ate anything.

It could have been hours. It could have been days. It could have been weeks. Hell... it could have been months for all I cared.

Nothings mattered anymore, if he never made it back to me.

And I knew...... he never would.

Ever...

A feathery caress.

I startled awake, as I blinked my eyes open. I barely aware I had fallen into a dreamless slumber.

It didn't help much, since my sight were all blurry and my eyes sore. I squeezed my eyes harder. They barely focused enough to outline a gorgeous face topped with flame-like mane.

That pretty face looked familiar. Where had I seen it before?

Hmm... I must be getting old. My photographic memory has failed me.

Ran must be rolling on that floor laughing his head off to hear me say that. Me, Kudou Yohji, of all people, admit that I'm getting old.

Hmm......

Where did he go?

I didn't hear his laughter.

Strange...

Maybe there's something wrong with my hearing too?

"Yotan?"

Hmm... nice voice too, I see. Now really, where had I heard that voice before?

And where the hell had that frosty redhead of mine gotten lost to?

I could certainly use some help from that fabulous memory of his.

Until you're resting here...

Another dreamless slumber... and another strange room too, I see.

To say I was confused would be another understatement of the century.

But it wasn't too difficult a guess to know I was in a hospital.

White ceiling, white walls, stiffy bed, annoying beeping sound from monitoring machines... you would have to be a retard to not know where you were.

I hate hospitals.

Did I tell you how much I hate hospitals?

Who wouldn't? When all you could see was the worry, teary face of your loved one?

But for the first time since Ran left me, I felt content... alive. And I wondered why.

I won't go
I won't sleep
I can't breathe
Until you're resting
Here with me
I won't leave
I can't hide
I cannot be

I found my answer.

And God I wished I have never EVER found out...

Ran was sleeping in a bed right beside me...

I didn't know how I did it, with my body weaker than a newborn kitten, I managed to get out of the bed and stumbled toward his. Though I did knee over on the way and had to crawl the rest of it to get to my destination.

His skin was cool to touch. His heartbeats were strong and stable. But he didn't stir when I kissed him.

My eyes were tearing up, but I refused to cry. Ran was here. He was right here sleeping in front of me. I kissed him again, and again, and again...

No response... he always answers my kisses with one of his own.

No... he wouldn't leave me.

He promised.

He never made any promises if he couldn't keep it.

No... No no no nonononononononononono............

Coma, it said.

The clipboard had slipped from my hand somehow without me knowing.

Serious head trauma...

Tremendous blood loss...

Internal bleeding...

And a hell lot of injuries that my mind didn't even bother to register.

A miracle to be still breathing, it said.

I stared at the life support as I lay on his chest, listening to his heartbeats.

Strong...

Stable...

Yet empty...

Ran's not here...

The spirit...

The personality...

The heartbeats that defined Ran Fujimiya were gone.

Until you're resting
Here with me

Aishiteru, Ran... Itsumo... aishiteru...