Weiss Kreuz Fan Fiction ❯ I've Always ❯ Chapter 1 ( Prologue )

I've always wanted to make him happy.

I've always wanted to be the one that made him smile.

I've always had this need, ever since I meet him.

We had six months together before anyone else came, but I was young then and didn't know any better. Only six months where I knew his smile was meant for me. Six months when only I was there to make him happy. Six months in which I didn't have to share him. I treasure that time now and wish we had had longer together or that I had known better. At that time, I had thought we would always be together. Just the two of us. I'm not angry that the others joined in fact I'm glad that they're with us and hope we don't separate.

But now I have to share him.

The jealousy I felt quickly faded. He would still smile because of me and I knew I could still make him happy. Even though it wasn't the same, it was still enough. Then, it suddenly wasn't.

After the Kase mission, his smiles were empty and his happiness false. I wanted to help him but no matter what I did, it wasn't enough. I couldn't make him smile any more. But she could.

I wasn't jealous. I was happy he was smiling again, that he was truly happy. But it hurt to know she had caused it that he didn't need me any more. He was with her so much that I hardly ever saw him. The others noticed but didn't seem to mind, so I had to pretend. Pretend that things were the same as they always were. Put on the smile I always wore.

Then she came into my life. I seem to have changed roles because now she's always trying to make me happy. Of course, she's also always trying to get me to notice her. As long as he has that girl, I'm no longer needed. But she wants me and maybe I can feel the same. Feel the same way she does about me, and as I did about him. She's there for me just like I was for him. Well, as long as he no longer needs me…..

But there he is, alone again while I have her. I want to make him smile again, like he used to. But I also want her to be happy. I'm torn between them. His silent suffering and her persistent need. The same, yet different. They both need someone to help them; someone to be with them always. Yet he never asks; she does.

Now she's gone. She no longer needs me either. That's only because she's dead. The two I cared for most no longer need me. He's found somewhat of a peace and happiness within himself while she's found eternal peace. I'm not needed to make them happy. To know I'm the one that made them smile. I've always wanted to help people, what can't I do it?

"Omi, I'm going to get something to eat. You want anything?"

I look towards him. His eyes shining because of something, but it wasn't me.

"What was that, Ken-kun?"

"I'm grabbing some food. You want anything?"

'I want you to smile for me. I've always just wanted you to be happy.'

"No."

He frowns for a moment and then he's gone. I turn back to look at the paper in front of me and try to read, but I can't concentrate. The words blur and I rub my eyes to try to focus them. It's then I notice the wetness on my face. When had I started crying? Wiping the tears away, I open my eyes again and notice some boxes in front of me. I look up puzzled and see him setting some more food down. He quietly hands me some chopsticks before eating.

I stare for a moment before slowly opening one of the boxes. I wonder why he did this. I hadn't asked for anything.

"You looked like you needed some company."

His voice broke my train of thought.

"I did?"

"Aa." He waits until I start eating to continue, "You seemed kinda sad, so I thought maybe you needed a break."

"I'm fine, Ken-kun. Just finishing a paper." I shove some rice into my mouth, hoping he'll leave it at that.

"What kind of paper? Anything I can help with?"

I blush at the question, remembering what I had started to write. I try to nonchalantly hide my work while answering.

"No, I don't think so."

I'm a bad liar.

He knows it too. But instead of pursuing it, he changes the subject. The food slowly dwindles as we talk. His smile had hardly left his face and I don't want it to because at this moment, I know it's for me. I'm making him happy, making him smile.

He cleans up the table as I stare at my paper again. Whether he knows it or not, he did help. He walks back into the room and stops behind me. I look up and see him smiling once more. Smiling for me. I return it and turn back to my homework, his hands resting on my shoulders and his chin on my head.

"I hope you find what you've always wanted." he tells me before squeezing my shoulders and leaving.

I smile bitterly as I read back over my topic, 'What I've always wanted…."

I've always known what I've wanted.

I've always wanted him.