Weiss Kreuz Fan Fiction ❯ I Want Love ❯ One-Shot

[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]

Set to Melissa Williamson's I Want Love (Studio Mix) from Silent Hill 3.

Disclaimer: I do not own them. I'm only borrowing them because I love them. They belong to Koyasu Takehito, Project Weiss, and Marine Entertainment.

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I want a cup that overflows with love

Although it's not enough to fill my heart

Isn't it enough that I've been alone all of these years? I've avenged my parents, taken care of my sister, and have even lived long enough to see her enter college.

She even has a boyfriend. They are getting serious.

I want a barrel full of love

Although I know it's not enough to fill my heart

Weiss is slowly drifting apart. Omi's become Persia. We don't see him much. Ken spends all of his free time on the soccer field with the kids or teaching physical education at the nearby private school. Yohji's always around here, helping me.

When I look at him sometimes, he's got this strange look on his face. He always turns away if he catches me catching him. Go figure.

I want a river full of love

But then I know the holes will still remain

I've tried dating. It didn't end too well.

The girl I was set up with by the agency was pretty and sweet. All of the things she should be but she did nothing for me. Then her ex-boyfriend showed up as I was leaving her at her home.

Yohji got a kick out of the black eye I had for a few days.

I need an ocean full of love

I know the holes will still remain

Am I destined to be alone? Isn't there anyone out there that would even chance their heart on a worthless piece of shit like me?

Some people say you have to love yourself before you can love another person. I have news for them. It's the other way around. You have to be capable of loving another person before you can even think about loving yourself.

And this Swiss cheese heart knows

Only kindness can fill its holes

I'd love to dry my tears

As pain disappears

I've rarely ever had a serious relationship with anyone. A long time ago, Yuushi decided he loved me. I was young, had no clue what that meant. In the end, it wasn't me he loved. It was the real Rook. I was a substitute, taking the place of the Crashers' Rook in more ways than just being a team member.

Then there was Botan. He died. We weren't very good for each other, both of us too filled with the horrible memories of the people we lost.

So you see, out of the relationship experience I've had, it hasn't been good. Tears and pain, that is all it has been. I want it to be something else. That's why I went out with that woman.

He didn't notice me when I saw the jealous look on his face when I went out on that date. I felt something change in me then. I wanted to go to him and tell him that it wasn't what it sounded like, that I didn't want her. I wanted him.

I need a miracle and not someone's charity

One drop of love from him and my heart's in ecstasy

The high that is sending me is most likely ending me

I need a miracle and not someone's charity, now

I wanted him to love me.

Not out of pity or me being the only available willing body present, but kindness.

We'd been fuck buddies at one point. It was a very, very short time. It happened just after Schreient kidnapped Aya and Neu had shattered Yohji's hopes of Asuka ever returning. It seemed like a good idea then.

I came back from searching for my sister and found him sitting on the stairs, staring towards the kitchen where Ken and Omi were laughing and having a good time. I was upset and so was he. It only took the locking of our gazes and we were upstairs in no time. We had each other stripped before we hit the cool, silk sheets on his bed.

We helped each other, I guess. It only lasted a very short time. We didn't sleep together after I got my sister back. He didn't offer, I didn't ask.

I remember one night. We had come back from a mission. It hadn't even been connected to Esset. I was upset, more than I usually was, and I was ready to go up to the exercise room and work myself into exhaustion when he took my hand and pulled me into his room. He helped me out of my jacket and boots before settling onto the bed.

All he did was put his arms around me and hold me. He just held me. No sex, just comfort.

It had been awkward then but it was what I needed. Yohji knew that.

I want to feel that again.

Fill up my heart with love

Oh you'd be amazed at how

Little I need from him

To feel complete here and now

I can't help but think about it. So many other people have people to love and to love them. I've never had that comfort. I wasn't in love with Yuushi or Botan. They loved me, found comfort in me, and I even found comfort in them, but that wasn't love.

You know, when I catch Yohji looking at me with that strange gaze, it makes me feel better. I like to think that he's looking at me, the real me, and is trying to figure me out. Just like someone who was in love would.

Who am I kidding?

Yohji doesn't love me.

I'm content with those thoughts. All I need is for him to just be there every day in the Koneko, slouching over the counter and flirting with the elderly ladies that come in just to buy flowers from him.

Stirring within me are,

These feelings I can't ignore

I need a miracle and that's what I'm hoping for

So I love him.

I'll admit that. Ran Fujimiya is not a coward and I can be honest with myself. Still, that isn't going to change anything. I don't even know if he likes other men. Maybe one day he'll really notice me and figure out that he has loved me all this time. Hope is such a foolish thing.

I need a miracle and not someone's charity

One drop of love from him and my heart's in ecstasy

The high that is sending me is most likely ending me

I need a miracle and not someone's charity, now

The last customer is on her way out the door. He flips the closed sign around after walking her out and sighs. I catch his eyes as they dart to me and slowly drift away.

I'm standing behind the counter, ignoring the open cash register beside me. I've realized that all he has to do is look at me with his bright, smiling eyes and I'm happy. I feel like a little piece of me that I should have lost a long time ago is still there.

"Hey, Ran."

"Hmm?" I snap out of it. He's on the other side of the counter. I watch with suspicion as he leans over and pushed the register closed. It had been making that annoying buzzing sound. We haven't bothered to get it fixed yet. "Sorry," I murmur.

I never would have apologized in the past but things have changed since that time. I'm more Ran than I am Aya now.

I find myself wishing that he would say something other than a teasing remark or make something other than a work related comment.

Anybody's love but his

Will never fill this place within...me now

Doctor give me what I need

To free my heart from misery.

I know there isn't anyone else. Even if I were to see Yuushi again or if Botan were still alive, I don't want them anymore. I've found the person that I want to be loved by. No one else will do.

"Ran?"

"What?" What's wrong with me?

Yohji chuckles. "Thinking of someone?" My eyes widen slightly and he gives a lecherous grin. "I'll take that as a yes."

He leans on the counter and I set my jaw. Yohji's being Yohji. "What of it?"

His grin fades a little bit. "I was just wondering who it was. Maybe... that Sakura girl?" He says her name with a bit of distaste. "Or that woman you went out with the other week, Miko, Maiko, whatever her name was?"

I find myself shaking my head slightly.

"Then who has you so distracted you don't remember to close the register? That has you losing track of the conversation at dinner? Who, Ran?"

I close my eyes and shake my head. "Who else," I murmur.

"What?" He's eager.

"You," I say. I open my eyes and really look at him.

He's startled but there is something else in his face. Relief? A little bit of happiness? I don't know, I just want this void inside filled before it joins the nightmares and swallows me whole.

Then, I'm remembering the past few weeks. He hasn't been out clubbing. No late nights. He hasn't touched a solo mission in all that time. Yohji's been here, in the shop, with me. Yohji's been here the whole time. Right here in front of me and I didn't see it.

"You've been waiting for me?"

Yohji nods. "I thought it would take longer. I figured if I chased you, then you'd just run."

I nod, understanding. No more endless waiting, hoping. He's real, it's real. "We aren't going to just be fuck buddies this time." A statement, not a question.

He tilts his head. "I was hoping for something more permanent." He moves around the counter and reaches for me.

With Yohji is where I need to be to be given what I need, what I want.

End.