Weiss Kreuz Fan Fiction ❯ Insensitive ❯ whispered abyss ( Chapter 3 )

Whispered Abyss

Part 3 of Insensitive

Pairing YoujixAya

Rating: R

Hi people, sorry it took so long. I still don't like it! But then this was just supposed to be a one-shot Aya angst fest, then a Youji sequel, but nooooo you wanted it to end happy! And so it drags on forever! Anyways, the song is by Evanescence, a great band by the way, and is called Whisper. I don't own anything in relation to the story except for what little plot is involved.

Before you read this, I want to make a dedication. This is to Theory, for all the advice. I would have preferred to give you something better written than this but…Oh well.

Aya stared up at the starless void of a night and almost smiled, thinking that wasn't it the water not that sky that was supposed to reflect your image. The sky seemed to be doing a pretty good job. It was an indescribable colour, not black but so dark that it couldn't be called blue. Beautiful in a cold way. There were no sparkling promises to light up the night, nothing to soften the darkness surrounding him. So here he was, sitting on a park bench with his head resting on his knees, in the middle of nowhere, gazing at nothingness and thinking himself a part of it. And why not? What was he? Dead to most of the world, and to the rest, just a mindless assassin, emotionless, soulless, heartless, taking away precious oxygen. If no one notices your presence, does it matter when it's absent?

Catch me as I fall

Say you're here and it's all over now

Speaking to the atmosphere

No one's here and I fall into myself

This truth drive me

Into madness

I know I can stop the pain

If I will it all away

He had begged off going to Youji's tonight, claiming to have a headache, which was true enough. Although it wasn't that most prominent of all the aches he had. The man had given him an almost reproachful look when Aya had told him. He had thought about that look in between contemplating the atmosphere and had finally decided that it had been odd. The man certainly couldn't get annoyed with him for feeling like someone had hit the hilt of his katana over his head. Youji was probably off with some beautiful woman anyway, having a marvellous time without him, speaking sweet nonsense in her ear…

He closed his eyes briefly and imagined Youji there beside him. His heat, the scent of smoke and dawn and spring that clung to the man, the feel of his soft skin against skin…

Don't turn away

(Don't give in to the pain)

Don't try to hide

(Though they're screaming your name)

Don't close your eyes

(God knows what lies behind them)

Don't turn out the light

(Never sleep never die)

Everything was such a big tangle of complications. Here he was, missing Youji, when the blonde was the one that caused most of his problems. Well his own emotions had caused most of these specific quandaries, but those emotions were about Youji, so the playboy had to take some of the blame. Gods, this was pointless. He had wanted to make something close to a decision tonight. To decide whether or not to stay in this sad parody of a relationship or to just recognise the hopelessness of the situation and move on. Aya needed to make a choice, so he could hold firmly to the decision, so he could cling desperately if need be but, his thoughts just went around in circles until all he did was stare up at the sky, or a single falling leaf or something mundanely beautiful like that.

What was the point when he could be sleeping in those golden comforting arms by now…?

"I thought you had a headache." He turned his head to see the golden man walking down the path towards him, the park lights illuminating his figure every few steps before he would fade into the shadows. `Speak of the devil and the devil will come, bringing his temptations and offering them like a vendor at the market fair." He thought dryly, smiling oddly at the thought of Youji with devil horns, before he shook his head at his own fancy.

"It's quiet here." He answered finally, uncurling slightly on the bench.

"And lonely." Youji finished. The other glanced up at the blonde but the expression on that countenance was unreadable. He smiled a little, scouting over to offer some of the bench. He did that a lot, smiling in Youji's presence, although many of them were tinged with sadness, and offering things for the taking. They were normally taken for granted, or not taken at all but those few times, when Youji had offered him the same, made everything forgivable.

"It's lonely at my apartment as well …and it's less obvious here." The man sat down almost desperately, as if afraid he was about to fall, or the offer would be taken away. Which was ridiculous, considering the fact that Aya would give him everything he asked for. Considering that Aya would pay any price to make him happy, even his soul, and that he had already paid his heart. Aya leaned his head on the man's shoulder and Youji almost jumped, before relaxing. The swordsman scowled up at him, the motion not helping his headache. The man put his arm around slim shoulders as a show of his contrition. Aya curled up and closed his eyes, soaking up the other's warmth. Nothing had been solved and if they stayed like this forever, nothing would. `But,' Aya thought, `I could live with that.'

He wasn't the only one.

There was no conflicts here, no guilt. Just two men seeking comfort and warmth in each other's embrace. And he hoped that all the despair that had been parading around in his mind would take a break for a little while, would fade in the presence of an unaccounted for hope. Aya didn't seem inclined to leave him and that was all that mattered at the moment. Responsibilities be damned, he was content to remain here for eternity and let life pass him by.

I'm frightened by what I see

But somehow I know

That there's much more to come

Immobilized by my fear

And soon to be

Blinded by tears

I can stop the pain

If I will it all away

Youji looked at the man beside him, who was watching the sky with an awed fascination. He gently stroked a soft cheek and those amazing gemstone orbs turned to him, curiosity and wonder in his eyes. `Gods, the world had no idea what it's lost, to not be able to see behind his mask,' Youji thought, `damn fate for making it necessary.' He couldn't help but add, his thoughts tainted with bitterness.

"What does the sky have that has you so enraptured?"

"I was just wondering how far up you have to go before there's more than nothingness."

Youji bent down to capture his lips in a gentle kiss, mocking all those they'd had before. "Just a few miles." He answered, smiling slightly, almost his usual smirk. At the searching look he received, he stood up, offering a hand. Aya used it to help himself up but didn't let go, wrapping it over his shoulders again, fingers still tangled together. "Come on." Unlike Aya, he had his car on the other side of the park and they only broke apart as they reached it, still grasping at fingers like they were straws. Maybe they were. Neither of them knew of salvation besides their scorn of the concept so how would they be able to recognize it?

The two assassins' didn't speak much, but there was no discomfort to the silence, it had been pushed from their conscious thought at the moment. They reached a small house at the edge of Tokyo eventually. The redhead hesitated once outside of the car, looking up at the house with a flash of anxiety in those eyes before it disappeared, a bit of the ice coming up. He didn't know how to deal with this, but he would, Youji was sure. This would be okay, a good thing. He needed to figure out if this would be okay and he needed Aya here to do that. He just couldn't put himself on the line to say that. Just like he could only apologise to the redhead when h was asleep, when he was Ran again, and would surely accept the apology better than Aya.

Youji unlocked the door, dragging Aya inside, locking it behind them. He pulled them towards a door in the corner, ignoring the other as he took in his surroundings. Youji looked back at Aya after he opened the door, revealing a set of stairs going to the basement. He started walking down and Aya reached for the lights, more unfamiliar with the house than Youji seemed to be. But the blonde stopped him, giving him a beseeching look and said, "you'll ruin the surprise." The other sighed at the grin he received, a long-suffering sigh, but there was amusement in his eyes that faded along with everything else in the pitch-black as they reached the bottom of the stairs. Youji steered him slightly before pushing him down. He landed with an "ouff!" about to turn around and gain night vision to glare at the man when he felt a bounce beside him. It was then he realised that whatever they were on was bouncy, like it was filled with gel or water. A waterbed. `Surprise, riiight." He thought, acerbically. What else would Youji be after?

The blonde was wrong; the nothingness only increased a few miles out. Youji turned to him, or so it felt like in the darkness and whispered, "Close your eyes." He sighed again, this time with less humour but did as he was bid. Odd, it didn't feel like he was about to be pounced on. "It's not fair, I can't tell if they're closed or not." He could hear the pout in the man's voice and had to bite back a chuckle despite the heaviness in his heart. It wasn't fair, the way his heart always chose to absolve the man of any wrong doing. "They are."

Silence for a moment.

Then:

"Open `em up." He did so, only to see another set right in front of his. Verdant green orbs with little flecks of gold in them sparkled with mischief. Funny, he could see a little better than before. Youji gave him a quick kiss on the lips before rolling away a bit, giving him full view of the ceiling. Aya gasped, a loud sound in the quiet of the room. Above him were the stars, seemingly endless in their number and distance from him. He turned to the blonde.

Don't turn away

(Don't give in to the pain)

Don't try to hide

(Though they're screaming your name)

Don't close your eyes

(God knows what lies behind them)

Don't turn out the light

(Never sleep never die)

"Now it feels like your floating on a lake, looking up at the stars, doesn't it? See, there is Orion and Leo and…"

He couldn't finish anymore because Aya's lips had found his, expressing the man's gratitude and appreciation for the thoughtful gesture better than the man could ever say in words. They broke it off, gasping for breath. Youji reached down and grabbed a thick quilt, pulling it over them. Aya rested beside him, their bodies touching all as much as possible while still being able to see the false stars. `You're wrong Youji,' Aya thought, `it feels like I'm floating on air.'

Maybe their problems weren't as bad as he thought.

Aya awoke to a sense of contentment and a feeling of safety. An odd idea, this was waking up in someone else's arms. He had never experienced it before and revelled in it for just a moment. Aya untangled himself from golden limbs and stretched. The swordsman noticed that stars were gone and absently wondered if they moved with the day. He smiled because no one could see him. They had just fallen asleep after watching the stars. No sex. That had to be a good sign. He grabbed his clothes that they had taken off when Youji kept drifting off. Walking upstairs, he found the bathroom and started up a shower, searching for a towel while the water warmed up. Finally finding one, he stepped in, letting the water wake him up. It was early, they had the afternoon shift, all was good. Stepping out, he changed and walked into the kitchen, intent on making the other man breakfast or coffee at least to entice him to wake up. Not finding anything but coffee, he made that, when the phone rang. He let it go, knowing that there was no phone in the room Youji was sleeping in and not comfortable with answering the phone in a foreign place. It went to the answering machine.

A vivacious female voice played:

"Kudou and Murase Private Investigations. Please leave a message after the tone."

"Hi Kudou-san, this is the electrician you call…" Aya didn't hear the rest, too busy throwing on his shoes and grabbing his coat. He was out the door, slamming it behind him.

Asuka.

It was always that woman. Why had he believed anything else? Why would he ever believe that someone could love him? The idea was laughable. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Well now he knew, he never had a chance; Asuka owned the man's heart. He wasn't going to do this to himself any more. Useless false hope, was all he ever had in excess besides bad luck, no he would get rid of it. And on those nights when he felt like there was nothing worth anything in the world he could remember last night, remember waking up feeling protected and know that someone else had that at least.

Youji woke up sharply, as though a loud noise had just occurred and the smell of coffee. Good coffee, Aya coffee. He had asked a while ago how the man made such good coffee when he rarely drank it and Aya had explained that he used to work in a restaurant. It was all he said, and he had said it in a way that didn't invite discussion over his past but the fact that he had said anything at all was a good sign for the man.

All he needed was an Aya coffee, a cigarette, and an Aya. He sighed when none of the three were forth coming. Throwing on some pants he went upstairs. What had that noise been? The blonde expected to see Aya in the kitchen but the man was nowhere to be seen.

"Aya?" he called out. No answer, the coffee-pot was on so Aya should be here, he hadn't dreamed bringing him here. He was about to walk through the rest of the house, the man noticed a message blinking. Somewhat bemused, thinking Aya thought he had the early morning shift or something and now realised he didn't, he pressed play. "Hi…" Youji tuned the rest out, that voice was nowhere near Aya's. About to turn around and continue looking when something clicked in his sleep fogged mind.

Answering machine.

Message on machine.

He hadn't changed the voicemail; he had wanted to keep that little bit of Asuka's voice. Shit. Aya heard that. Aya, being Aya, would take it in a horribly bad way. In fact, he had. That was what Youji had heard, Aya leaving. Aya couldn't leave, not now. Not when he had realised that he had been going about absolutely everything wrong. Aya would want to hear that. Ignoring the fact that he wasn't wearing a shirt and leaving the coffee-pot on, he raced out the door. At least the man hadn't punctured his tires. Aya couldn't really outrun his seven. Screeching on to the main road, he could barely make out someone running along side it, ignoring everything but his feet. Not good. Pressing the gas, he reached the man, and immediately slowed to his speed.

"Aya"

Nothing, not even a glance or a glare.

"What are you going to do, run the whole way back to the Koneko?"

"If that means I don't have to spend a car ride with you."

"You don't even know the way. Just get in the damn car." That last comment bit, more than Youji cared to admit.

"No."

"How the hell are you planning to get back in time for your shift?" He wasn't going to explain about Asuka while half concentrating in driving. He wasn't sure if he wanted to explain at all. As it was the cars that had to pass him were getting pretty annoyed. He was half hoping Aya hated the attention enough that he would just get in the damn car.

"It is called asking for directions."

"You? Ask for directions?" Youji couldn't help but sound incredulous at that. It just didn't look right in his mind's eye. Aya glaring at some hapless person working at a gas station.

Aya's gaze finally lifted from his moving feet to glare at the man inside the car. Actually, Youji thought grimly, Abyssinian's gaze. The man had all his shield's up, the ice in his eye's as obvious as a do not enter sign.

"What will it take for you to leave me alone?" there was no emotion in his voice, just a nothingness that could haunt you.

"Just get in the car."

"Fine, just shut up." Aya slammed the car door after him, not even treating Youji with a warning look. The words, he had obviously thought, had been enough. Aya stared at the quickly passing scenery, not uttering anything else, remaining motionless. Youji fidgeted, desperately wanting a smoke to ease his nerves but hesitating because it would only piss the other man off more.

"Stop here," Aya already had his hand on the door handle, ready to escape the moment the brakes were put to use. Youji thought description was fitting for more than just this exact moment, before shrugging the idea aside. It wasn't useful at all. Well, it could be a small insight into the redhead's mind, but…then it hit him what Aya was saying.

"Here? Why here? We're still miles from the Koneko. The only thing here is a gas station and a coffee shop…" he babbled, only to stop short at the realisation that he was starting to sound like Omi for Christ sake.

"Here" was his only response.

Youji sighed and regrettably pulled into the coffee shop parking lot. The ride hadn't exactly been relaxing but at least he had known where Aya was, that he wasn't doing something stupidly Aya-ish. When had he started to worry about Aya?

He watched the other man leave, that vacant look still prominent in violet eyes, making him look achingly vulnerable and incredibly untouchable at the same time. Ran and Aya waging a war in one body. He lit a cigarette, smirking slightly at the `Players' package. Youji leaned his head on the headrest, staring up at the neon picture of a coffeepot pouring coffee into a pot, as most similar machines do, detachedly, wondering why it had snagged his attention.

"Fuck." He muttered as he pulled back into traffic and turned back in the direction he had left. He needed to go back to the house and turn off the coffeepot before it blew up.

Fallen angels at my feet

Whispered voices at my ear

Death before my eyes

Lying next to me I fear

She beckons me

Shall I give in

Upon my end shall I begin

Forsaking all I've fallen for

I rise to meet my end

He had never been here before. Manx had told him the location of it, years ago, but he had never wanted to come. Nothing good would come of staring at the stone marker of the man who had hated him. The man who had seen what he was at the very beginning of his existence. A failure. He remembered the man yelling at his so-called mother, asking what he had done to be given such a demonic child. He remembered his mother storming out of the room, time and time again, snapping at him, telling him how happy they had been before he had been born. Why was he doing this? Why was he torturing himself even more? What did it matter? What did it matter what a dead man thought?

Nothing.

He glanced at the gravestone of Fujimya Ran.

Nothing at all.

Fujimya Aya turned walked away.

Don't turn away

(Don't give in to the pain)

Don't try to hide

(Though they're screaming your name)

Don't close your eyes

(God knows what lies behind them)

Don't turn out the light

(Never sleep never die)

Okay there you go. I have started the next chapter. Hopefully it will have the happy ending and I can finish this thing. I apologise for the absolute crappiness of it all. Thanks for reading! I should post more soon.