Weiss Kreuz Fan Fiction ❯ Kyoumade ❯ One-Shot

Disclaimer: If you think I own anything, you are seriously mistaken.

Note: I'm going to try to make this as pairing-less as possible. Oh, and if you don't know each Schreiend members real names, go look them up because I'm not going to refer to them as Hel, Schoen, Tot, and Neu. The Tot I'm writing here is a mix between me and a friend of mine in terms of personality. Also... this story will touch on self-mutilation and thoughts of suicide. Please, if you're deliberately cutting yourself or you're thinking about killing yourself, get some help!

Kyoumade

By Silver Angel

I wonder when it'll be alright to go home again. I mean, it really wasn't my fault. I didn't touch it. They can't stay mad at me forever... right?

Alright, so I'm delusional.

I hate days like this. Papa and the others always think that I can't do a thing in the labs when the truth is that I'M the reason everything's running smoothly. I'm not as retarded as Karen says I am. Hell, I'm smarter than that vapid little ditz is! I would have never have forgotten to give the test subject its dosage of sedatives just because I was too busy looking at my reflection. Bitch.

Papa always believes her too. He doesn't think that his precious Karen... or his precious Asuka... or his fucking beloved Chizuru could mess up his experiments that badly. Oh, yes, the young acting Nanami has to have fucked them up. It's the only thing that makes sense.

I hate my emotions. I'm such an emotional bomb at times. Of course, this is one of those times. My hands dig into my stuffed rabbit's simulated fur. It's already in danger of being drowned in salty water, how could my nails hurt it more? When Chizuru started yelling at me for neglecting my responsibilities (I decline to see how babysitting a blond ditz is MY responsibility) and Papa scolded me... I broke down right in front of them. Tears, hiccupping sobs, and wails... whole nine yards, really. Then I ran. I didn't want to be there anymore, and have Karen threaten me to keep me from telling them. And Asuka's silence...

My butt almost falls onto the ground, but I'm where I wanted to be. There's almost always a soccer practice when things get out of hand for me. And... yes, over there is the Weiß kitten. He's patiently teaching the children how to play the game, as he always is. Amazingly sweet. I push myself to my feet and walk over to the field. A gust of wind blows my dyed hair into my face just as he turns around. I think he noticed the death grip I'm inflicting upon Rabbi-chan, because he instantly drops what he was doing and firmly grabs my elbows.

It's nice, having someone that actually cares about you. It's overwhelming when his soccer students do too. They recognize me from all the other times I'm come here to cry on the Weiß boy's shoulder. I feel little arms hugging me as I tuck myself into their teacher's arms. I can't ever hide how much I want to cry when I'm here. It's never pretty, but he says I should just cry myself out.

"Nami-chan, are you OK?"

I love that sweet voice. It belongs to the nicest of the students, Hiro. One of my hands slowly comes out of Rabbi-chan and rests lightly on his head. "I'm sorry, Hiro. I'm going to have to cut your practice short." My wood colored eyes look up into his intense blue-green eyes. Oh crappy crapness, he's angry. He doesn't get those color eyes unless he's furious enough to kill. I remember that from the battlefield.

He sends the children on home, and Hiro gives me a kiss on the cheek as he leaves. Again, I love him. If I really wanted to go through that pain, he could have been my child. If I had gotten pregnant, run away from my real father, and never joined Schreiend... Yeah, if my life hadn't happened, I would have had borne someone like him.

"Alright. You don't come and interrupt my practices without good reason. What happened, Nanami?" Have I mentioned that it's nice having someone care about you? Slowly, I get out sketchy details about what happened at the lab. He doesn't mind that I don't tell him everything. After all, in battle, we're on opposing sides. He doesn't know everything about me, and I don't even know his codename. OK, sad, I know.

My next words are deafened by my stomach. I swear, my face must be the brightest shade of red now. The Weiß kitten just starts leading me to his... motorcycle. I'm not getting back on that. He drives like a maniac. Short while later and other face reddening stomach plea, I'm hanging onto him for dear life as he weaves in and out of traffic. And he says out of all the others, he's the best driver. I'll believe it when I see it.

We actually make it to my favorite restaurant alive. I see my prayers actually work for once. He finds it so amusing. Of course, he knows better than to tease me about it. After the first few times, he realized bruised shins aren't fun at all. More power to me.

I like this restaurant. It's quiet, not too crowded, and the owners know me well enough that if I start crying it's because I've had a really bad day. I actually make it past my miso soup before I start sniffling again. "She was so mean to me," I whisper. "And Papa wouldn't listen to me. They don't believe I can do anything..." I take one of the extra napkins they give to me and start wiping my eyes. "I want a real job, where I don't have to pretend. Where I don't have to carry around a stuffed rabbit everywhere because they think that's who I am... where I don't have to try to be young again."

"Nanami..." He's going to ask again. I don't remember, I really don't!

My head shakes back and forth. "I don't remember more than what I already told you. My real father beat my mother and did something to me that I don't want to remember. I just remember... when I was four, I was the happiest girl ever. Nothing hurt me then. And that's what I want again, is nothing to hurt me..."

One of his hands squeezes mine. "Nanami, we need to get you a boyfriend. A real one, not someone you met during a business meeting."

My tongue lashes out before I can reel it in. "And then you can pick him up when I dump him, right?"

He blushes, and pulls back. Heh, tease me about my love life, will you? I'll tease you about the fact you have a crush on one of our enemies. No, I don't know who it is. All I know is that it's Schwarz. If it's the same guy I liked I'll... hand him over with instructions to make each other happy. Oh, why not? Besides, it isn't like the Weiß kitten is my type, or that I'm his. I'm too perky and childish for him, not to mention female, and he's too muscular to be attractive to me.

"Nanami, how are your arms?" Oh, he had to bring it up. I pull on my sleeves self-consciously and look away.

"Fine, never better," I mutter, not wanting to talk about it. He grabs my right arm, and pushes the sleeve up slightly, baring my scars to his sight.

I was so stupid then. Before I met him, I didn't have an outlet. If I cried, Papa would scold me more and everyone would punish me. I didn't want to go berserk, so I kept it all inside. All I had left that wasn't a mask was my pain. So I'd cut thin, long lines into my upper arms. The pain was mine, and the wounds wept for me. I shudder to think what would have happened if Asuka hadn't walked into my room one day, unannounced as always, and witnessed me in the middle of slicing open my arm. I probably would have lowered the razor to my wrists... Of course, it didn't help in the fact that I lost all my privacy thanks to that stunt.

Irritated, I wrench my arm out of his grasp. "I haven't cut myself in a long time, since before I met you." How did we meet, anyway? Must have been at least half a year ago, a year at most. Chizuru had yelled at me for giving the wrong dosage to our subject when she had checked it and injected it herself. I was tired of it all, and packed a small bag before I snuck out. I really thought I was going to run away and live all on my own.

I managed to make it to the park before the time of night and my emotions caught up with me. Without paying attention, I sat down on a bench, dropped my pack, and started sobbing. I didn't know there was another person on the bench until he started comforting me. We didn't know who the other person was, except that we were both hurting. I didn't know at the time, but he had just killed his first person that day. He did ask why I was running away, but I never told him. To this day, he still doesn't know. My stomach had growled, because I had started this little adventure before I had a chance to eat anything. And I have to eat at regular intervals, or I get headaches and/or faint. It's NOT fun.

That's how I had my first terror-filled motorcycle ride. I'm never buying one of those.

Oh, he's trying to get my attention. "Sorry," I say sheepishly. "I was just thinking."

"So THAT'S what I was smelling."

"Very funny." I start on my sushi, primly ignoring him. Mm, wasabi...

Which I instantly choke on when I see a red momiage walk through the door. No, no... I can't let him see me. If he did, I wouldn't have to worry about Papa and the rest, I would be dead...

"Nanami?"

I can't answer him... I can't breathe...

"Slow down. It's alright, breathe slow deep breaths." He grabs my chin and forces my gaze onto his and when did he end up beside me? Oh... probably when I was starting to panic. I force myself to take in my breaths slowly as I concentrate on his face. I'm crying, when did that happen? He wipes my cheek dry, and asks me, in that concerned, big brother voice, "What is it? What happened?" He looks up, into cold violet eyes. I struggle to keep my breathing even as I look up as well.

"What are you doing, Siberian?"

Pretty cat name... I stifle a hysterical giggle. Well, I know his codename now.

"Comforting a friend that panicked at the sight of you. Do you have a problem with that, Aya?" Ooh, forgoing codenames altogether. A small sound escapes my lips.

"W-well? Are you going to save Papa and the others the trouble and kill me now?" Ah crap, my voice is back to the little girl inflictions. "Well, Aya?" My voice is more challenging now, yay.

Instead of answering me, he turns to his teammate. "How long has this been going on?"

"Hey!" I stand up, and whittle my voice into a sharp, cold icicle. "Don't talk over me like I'm some stupid kid that doesn't understand what's going on. And you, my dear, are intruding on our nice little sob session." I take some pride in watching him jump at my tone. "What, kitty lost his tongue?" And mine will be the death of me someday... he's glaring at me...

Siberian pinches me, trying to warn me to keep my temper. It's already lost, sorry. "Nanami, I'll take you back to the park, alright?" He scowls at Aya, and starts to escort me out.

"W-wait, I can't go back. They're going to check my arms first thing, and then put me in my room so they can lecture at me. I can't go back, or I'll have another breakdown..." I'm really trying to stop him. Stiff legs, fighting, letting my legs collapse, I've tried it all. He still gets me on his transportation, though. "Um, can I just ride in Aya's car, please, not another ride on this thing..."

"And how do you know he has a car?" Siberian asks, amused.

"I do. Let me off, please..."

I hear a snort of laughter behind me. He's laughing at me. Now, if that isn't out of character, I don't know what is. Oh, never mind. I just thought about what this looked like, and it is pretty funny. "Ken..." Ooh, Aya's forgoing codenames too. Spiffy. "Until Weiß knows everything that's going on, we cannot let her go home."

Huh?

Oh, I think I get it. Mr. Icicle has a heart under all that. He turns to me, and indicates his car with his head. "I'll drive you, Nanami." Calling me by my real name too. My, he's going all out on this. Uncertainly, I start over, and Aya grabs my arms. Crap, I knew he would want to know what I meant about my arms... He traces one scar that runs close to my elbow. "If you had done that on your forearm, you would have been dead now."

"Oh, thank you so very much for telling me something I know." Lacks sarcasm, though... "You don't know anything about what's going on," I whisper as I settle myself in his very nice, very expensive car. "Why are you helping me?"

Aya looked over at me, his eyes soft. "When you started to hyperventilate in there, I recognized the look on your face. You aren't the only one who had to deal with an abusive team." We look at each other, a common bond linking our eyes together. Of course, he has to break the gaze to drive, but the bond remains.

You know, some days really aren't that bad...

The End