Weiss Kreuz Fan Fiction ❯ Liebesträume (Dreams of Love) ❯ Part 3 ( Chapter 3 )
Anime/Manga: Weiss Kreuz Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Drama / Psychological / Angst | Type: Other | Uploaded On: 11.28.2004 | Pages: 3 | Words: 7.8K | Visits: 547 | Status: Completed
DISCLAIMER: Kyoko Tsuchiya and Project Weiß hold the copyright over all names, likeness and rights of Weiß kreuz. All these characters and materials are used without permission, and I'm not profiting from this piece of fan fiction.
Liebesträume
(Dreams of Love)
Based on the fic: Unterbewusst (Subliminal) by Chalcedony Cross
(NB: Passages marked off by #…# are prose by Chalcedony Cross)
Part 3
By Jacque Koh
March 2003
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Ken wished that Omi had yelled at him. It would have made the punishment easier to bear. The entire membership of Crashers was furious over what he had done. Queen, especially, was angry at him for violating the sanctuary her school had provided to her newest teachers. Ken had expected some form of chastisement for his stunt. But it hadn't come in a way he had anticipated.
Omi had grudging told Ken that the Crimson Rook and Knight were going to stay on at the school. Their cover was still secure against the public and both had professed a reluctance to leave, so Ken was now banned from coming within a 50-kilometre radius of the school. As that area also happened to encompass the park he normally used to coach his kids at, the restriction was a huge blow to him.
Adding to his troubles, some of the kids he coached had elder brothers and sisters attending the school that Ran and Yoji taught at. They had recognized Ken when the security guards escorted him from campus and handed him over to the Kritiker linked police officers. The result was that he had practically lost his entire after school soccer 'kid squad'. None of the mothers of the children he used to coach wanted anything to do with a man who had a restraining order placed on him against a popular high school teacher. Less desired any association with one who would violate such an order.
If Omi had yelled at him too, he might have tried to rationalize the injustice of the treatment and pleaded with the man for a reduced punishment. But the new Persia had been very gentle and apologetic in his sentencing and any defense that Ken might have mustered, had he had a chance to fight, evaporated in the face of his superior's sorrow over his own stupidity. Ken didn't doubt he deserved his fate, but he still thought that it was for all the wrong reasons. The only problem was, he couldn't prove it.
The one small mercy he had in his situation was that the new Weiß were not aware of what was happening between him and Kritiker. They may have puzzled over why he no longer had a contingent of kids clamoring for his attention for a game or two, but they did not intrude on his privacy. They did, though, occasionally drop a few hints that they'd be willing to lend an ear if he wanted it. Ken supposed that he would take up the offered hand of friendship one day. For now, he just wanted to 'enjoy' drowning in his own pool of pity and depression.
If anyone were to ask Ken who was the last person he'd expect to look him up for a talk, he would have said Yoji. So he was more than stunned to hear the shop's bell tinkle one lazy afternoon, while his colleagues were out on deliveries or away for one reason or another, and see the man stroll into the Koneko. It didn't surprise him though to notice that the playboy wasn't at all happy to be in his old haunt again.
"Ran asked me to come in." Yoji muttered when asked.
The two men stood in the Koneko in awkward silence for a long moment, not sure how to begin talking. As he studied the man, Ken's curiosity overcame him enough for him to make the first move towards conversation. He pointed to the hair. "Why?" It wasn't that Yoji was unattractive with short, curly hair, but it was very different and really not as flattering as compared to his longer honey blonde locks.
Yoji shrugged. "Didn't fit the school teacher image. Besides, why bother? The girls are all under eighteen."
"And--" Considering how violently protective Yoji had reacted over Aya, Ken wasn't sure how he would take his inquiry. "And what was with the braid?"
The blonde let it pass as a tiny smile pulled at his lips. "Just for something different and-- he knows I like playing with his hair."
It was hard, but Ken managed to suppress the stab of jealousy within him. "Heh, I never thought Aya'd ever get rid of his ear-tails. It was so much a part--"
Ken's words trailed off as he noticed the slight stiffening in Yoji's stance. He knew that there was something significant about Aya's ear-tails, but for the life of him he couldn't guess what. Ken heaved a big sigh to note that the man wouldn't look at him. He controlled it well, but Ken could nevertheless see that Yoji was plainly still angry with him.
"Look, Yoji. I'm sorry. I was an idiot to go after A-Ran when I was told not to contact you again. But I don't remember what happened during those two weeks. And-- and I wanted to at least know what I did to make you and Aya-- hate me…"
Yoji sucked in a deep breath before he answered. "We can't forget, Hidaka… We want to, but--"
"Yoji, I couldn't have been in control, I--"
This time the man swung to face him. "You didn't try to fight, Hidaka." The words were hissed at him with enough laden fury behind them that Ken was taken aback. "You resisted for the first few days. Then after that, you went with the 'game.' Because. You. Wanted. To."
"No! Damn it, Yoji. I loved Aya! I would never have--"
"So I heard from the German bastard! But you still raped him, Hidaka! And you enjoyed it!" In a sudden reversal of presence, it seemed as if Yoji had shrunk and deflated in exhaustion. "Look… I'm not saying Schuldig didn't mess with your mind, but… Damn it! You don't know how it was to-- to--
"I guess I understand a little-- Ran does too-- but--"
Ken stayed silent as he watched his one time friend struggle to keep a rein on his anger.
"He-- let Farfarello play with me at first, you know?" The blonde man told him softly. "The bastard was really only interested in Ran. And he-- loved your mind-- your angst over unrequited love… Eventually-- he stopped inviting Farfarello 'cause he wanted me conscious enough to watch. No good messing with you and Ran if his only witness was faint from blood loss. And because--
"I don't think Ran realized I was conscious when he made his deal, and I heard him plead with Schuldig not to let Farfarello kill me." Yoji told him in a strained voice. Ken could guess that the man was momentarily lost in his memories of that hellish day. "I couldn't get loose… Ran was chained too securely-- He gave up." The guilt that Yoji felt for Ran's decision fairly rolled off him.
That stance, however, was to change as Yoji turned his attention to Ken once more. "But You were free to move about, Hidaka. And you did nothing to help us. That asshole put you in your own little world in your mind and you embraced that dream. And you did everything you could to not wake up!" The anger and accusation behind the tone was unmistakable.
"You wanted him so much-- You wanted him so much… Even when the German bastard wasn't there, you'd force yourself on Ran.
"Do you know how they found us, Hidaka? Ran was in a fucking coma! And you? They found you balls deep in him and still-- and-- and--"
Ken kept shaking his head and mouthing 'No' to Yoji's story. The man was practically trembling in his effort not to give in to his desire to launch himself at Ken and strangle him.
Yoji chuckled shakily as he got himself under control again and pulled out a cigarette. "Ran made me come here to-- talk. He said that I had to learn not to fly off into a frothing rage whenever your name was mentioned." He lit the cigarette with a hand that still trembled slightly.
"I didn't see the point since-- how can there be any forgiveness for shit like this, Hidaka? I can't-- I can't forgive or forget how you made Ran suffer." Yoji looked at him sadly as he blew out a plume of smoke. "But--" He snorted in sardonic laughter. "I can't help but think now how it could have been different. How-- our roles could have been reversed…" He trailed off and for a long while, silence stood between them until Ken spoke.
"No." Ken shook his head thoughtfully. "I don't think Schuldig would have been able to pull it off. He-- he could imitate you. Think we both know he's sorta most like--"
"Don't compare me to that bastard!" Yoji didn't give him the chance to finish as he angrily caught hold of Ken by his shirt. "Don't you ever compare me to that bastard! You hear me?!
"Do you hate me that much, Hidaka?! Is that it?! Is that why you believed that I'd use Ran and enjoy making him bleed, like-- like he was some unfeeling toy?!"
Showing a rare moment of common sense, Ken stopped himself from making any sound of protest. Yoji wasn't finished with him and he could guess that if he made any attempt to defend himself, the man would go loco.
"Hell, yeah I know and I've played in the past. But this wasn't some S&M bondage game. Do you have so low an opinion of me you'd accept the illusion that I'd abuse Ran like that?! DO YOU?!" Yoji shook him in his grip. "He was in agony! In a game, that's the moment you safe-out, safe words or no safe words. This was abuse! Why couldn't you tell the difference?!
"You know what's got me most wound up with you? In that last week, he let you see Ran's real reactions. He let you hear his real suffering and only used his powers to masquerade as me, disguise the rest of the area and block out any reference to his name. And--" Yoji dragged him closer and pierced him with his emerald orbs. "You. Enjoyed. Hurting. Ran."
"No--" Ken shook his head as he gasped softly in Yoji's hold. "No!" He shoved the taller man away and fell back against the Koneko's coolers. Yoji let him go to turn towards the door, visibly trying to calm his anger.
"Yoji--" Ken kept shaking his head. "You've got to believe me, I would never have intentionally hurt Aya. I--I'd never…"
"If I thought that--I'd--You wouldn't--" Yoji took a calming breath, but he refused to look at Ken again. "Deep down… maybe we understand that, Hidaka." Yoji reached for the door to leave. "But--you didn't show us that-- that side of you existed at all… You basked in the power you had over Ran, Hidaka. You didn't show a lick of concern for his suffering, and you enjoyed it. We-- Hidaka-- Good bye."
The blonde man didn't look back as he walked away. Ken stared after him regretfully. Yoji had a purpose beyond coming to see him today and telling him his point of view of those hellish two weeks. He knew-- that with this meeting, both Ran and Yoji had shut the door on him; moved on and closed the chapter of their lives that connected him to them. Ken doubted that either man would ever seek him out again for any reason. He didn't know how wrong he was to think that.
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If one thing positive came out of the meeting with Yoji, it was that the playboy's words gave Ken pause to think about what he really felt about the two men. So setting aside his misgivings and embarrassment over the subject matter of his dreams, Ken did at last talk to his therapist about what he had previously withheld. The woman had been ecstatic to finally receive his trust and Ken had to marvel at how much they progressed after he made that decision.
Together, they had uncovered a lot of painful truths that Ken hadn't been consciously aware of. For one, he reluctantly had to give credence to Yoji's opinion that he had hated the playboy, or resented him at the very least. Once he acknowledged and recognized this emotion, it was fairly easy for him to work out why he felt that way.
Ken was very grateful to his psychiatrist for her gentle manner in forcing him to come to terms with himself. It was humbling to accept that it was his feelings of inadequacy and lack of confidence that made him envy and resent his former colleague. It made perfect sense though, after all, Yoji was 'everything' he wasn't. Sexy, charming, confident… He always had all the moves and he knew exactly what to say to win the attention of any woman, or a man for that matter. The blonde was never without a date on the weekends and he could clearly have anyone he set his heart on. And Yoji had chosen Ran, the man Ken had wanted himself.
The more Ken talked with the doctor, the more shocked he was to discover just how much he resented Yoji for capturing Ran's love without giving him a chance to fight for the man's affections. Ken came to recognize how much he demonized the blonde in his heart and in his dreams. In any thought he had of him, Yoji was the irresponsible playboy who made a game of 'love them and leave them'. Considering how devoted and faithful the man was to Ran after they got together, the image he had had of Yoji was an unfair representation and should have been discarded when the relationship between the two men had proven to solidify. However, because of his resentment, Ken's subconscious mind had kept its bitter view of the man. So it wasn't all that surprising that Ken's daydreams had events where Yoji would regularly abuse and beat up the one he desired.
The strange thing was why Ken never imagined himself to be Ran's knight in shining armor who could have rescued the man from his abusive lover. In all of the dreams that he could remember, Ken participated in the torture and sexual abuse. And he would even enact this torture when alone.
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"Ken-- please, let me go."
No, he wouldn't dream of doing so now, Ken decided as he looked upon his pale team mate who was so conveniently draped over the sofa in the mission room with his wrists secured over his head and with one ankle tied to the foot of the sofa. Yoji wasn't often absent from these little games, and when he was, Ken wanted nothing more than to savor these solitary moments with Aya.
On this occasion, the man had briefly taken off to do-- whatever Yoji-things he usually engaged in. The blonde, Ken decided, was a saint to drop him a note to let him know that he could play with Aya while he was gone. Ken thought that there wasn't a jealous bone in the playboy's body to so easily hand over his lover to another for his safekeeping.
He was going to enjoy this.
"You know the rules, Kitten. If you want to be released, you'll have to use your safe word." As he'd guess, Aya wouldn't use it. No matter how rough he and Yoji would get, he never did use it. Something to do with the Fujimiya stubbornness, he supposed.
Ken easily caught the flailing leg that was still free from restraints and bent it against Aya's chest so that he'd be exposed to his hungry gaze. "Naughty, naughty, Kitten" Ken licked Aya's captured knee as he settled himself on top of the bound man. "For that, I won't use lubricant."
"Ken!" Aya shrieked as he thrust in with one smooth, silken stroke. Ahh, as he expected, Aya was still wet enough from Yoji's earlier attentions to be well stretched and lubricated for him.
"K-- k--Ken--" He never got enough of the way Aya would say his name in the throes of sex. "P--p--please--" His hand obligingly reached between them to wrap around Aya's cock and begin pumping it in time to his thrusts. "K-- ken--"
Tears gathered and trickled down the sides of Aya's face. Before these games began, Ken would never have guessed that Aya was a crier when having sex. He didn't believe the prideful man could handle looking that vulnerable. But-- he hadn't thought that Aya and Yoji were into bondage either.
Live and learn… And as his Kitten moaned and gasped beneath him, Ken decided that this was a most enjoyable form of education.
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The elusive safe word… No matter how much Ken tried to think of it, he never could remember what Ran's safe word was supposed to be. How ever hard it was for Ken to recognize the truth, the doctor had presented him with enough piercing questions that he had to acknowledge that in his dreams, he never once had a clear indication that Ran was a willing participant. How ever much Ran was pliant to his dream figure's wants and desires, he was always coerced in one way or another to give in to them and cooperate.
Why? Ken wanted to know why he would fantasize about hurting the man like that. He couldn't understand how he could even consider being so cruel to Ran when he professed to love him.
Through intensive questioning and soul searching, Ken and his therapist determined that he truly believed he loved Ran. It was relatively easy for Ken to go on and on about the man's enduring qualities and how much he admired him. If there was anything about the former redhead that annoyed Ken, the traits and behavior were in someway related to Yoji and how the blonde would get a more positive response from the man than he ever could. So where did this underlying hate and desire to hurt Ran come from?
It was a question, which occupied him and the doctor for the next several weeks, though he would not discover the truth in her office…
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Well over a year had passed since Weiß3 dissolved.
Eventually, the ramifications of Ken's disobedience of Kritiker's orders, of not seeking out his two ex-colleagues, had worn off and his kid squad had been slowly restored at another park. The mothers of the kids may have become more watchful of him, but Ken didn't mind. He welcomed their caution and in truth encouraged them to keep up their guard with any adult who might take on their children as students for no other reason than to have fun. In this darker world, it did not pay to be naive about the dangers strangers could pose to trusting kids.
At the Koneko, Ken finally admitted that he liked his new colleagues and he was ready to take up Operational Status again as a member of the new Weiß. Over the months that they had been assigned to him, Ken had been slowly included in their mission discussions and research to a point where he couldn't imagine not being an active part of the team. With this final step though, Ken knew that he would be forever turning his back on his history with his old team.
As much as he had wanted to cling to the past and to the hope of forgiveness from Ran, it was time for him to move on. He neither saw Ran, nor Yoji, or any member of Crashers for that matter, since Yoji's visit to the Koneko so many months ago. It was time to close that door to the past and let go. If only it could be so easy… Just when Ken thought that everything in his world had settled down, a screech of tires and a lanky body barreling into his, shoving him hard against the glass coolers of the Koneko shattered this perception.
"Where is he?! You bastard! Where did your pal take him?!"
Ken choked on the arm that was pressed tight against his neck. He could see Utsusemi and Kagerou springing to his assistance to try and pull the hysterical blonde off him. While they struggled, Yuugiri had discretely shooed off the few customers in the Koneko and flipped the sign to 'closed' on the glass door. However, four more men were quick to dive into the shop before she could pull the grate down.
"Yoji! Put him down!" The bespectacled man whom Ken guessed was the Crashers leader raised his voice firmly as his colleagues assisted Ken's friends in trying to pull Yoji off him.
"Hidaka is involved in someway, Reiichi. I just know it!" Yoji struggled against the holds of the five men who grabbed on to him. It said much for Yoji's anger that he could hold his own against the adverse numbers to still keep Ken up against the Koneko's coolers. "Damn it, Hidaka! Where did Schuldig take him?!"
The chill that ran down his spine from Yoji's words made Ken stop struggling. The pure horror that showed on Ken's face at this revelation was the only thing that made the man grudgingly release him. "No-- No you've got to be joking, Kudou!" Ken croaked as he slid down the surface of the cooler. "This-- He--"
The hate and insanity that had filled Yoji's eyes trickled away at Ken's choked words. "I wish to God, Hidaka. Ran-- He was snatched out of school between classes-- right in front of the staff room."
"Yoji-- That German bastard wanted this…" Yoji's scruffy looking team mate told him softly as he released his arm.
"Yeah, yeah I know, Masato. He could have erased the memory of the snatch from the other teachers' minds if he didn't want us to know who took Ran. He wanted me to--" Yoji shook off the other arms that were holding him and turned toward the exit. "S-- sorry about that, Hidaka."
Utsusemi looked at the man Yoji had called Reiichi and spoke to him softly as the other three men escorted Yoji out of the shop. Though Utsusemi had kept his voice soft, Reiichi had spoken loud enough for Ken to hear his words.
"No, it's a Crashers matter. We take care of our own."
Ken sat on the floor as he was once again left with his three new team mates.
"Hey, are you going to be all right?" Yuugiri kneeled beside him.
"Ken-kun, you've told us enough about what happened with your last team." Kagerou told him softly from his other side. "Yeah, Kudou flew off the handle and-- I guess you can't really blame him for jumping to conclusions, but-- Even he realized it's not your fault, you know? You were used."
"It's out of our hands, but they can handle it, Ken-kun." Utsusemi tried to offer his reassurance as well. "Crashers has been together as a unit for over-- eight years, the way I heard it. They'll track down your ex-colleague. Whatever happens has nothing to do with you or Weiß."
Ken nodded numbly at their words. However, he couldn't help but dwell on how Yoji had called him by his last name, when it was quite obvious that he called the Crashers members by their first name. It struck him then that he truly was a stranger to his ex-colleagues now…
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He wondered the city in a daze, not caring where his feet were taking him. His new colleagues were concerned for him, but Ken decided that he needed to be alone for a while to think over the happenings of the day.
It had hurt. He couldn't deny how much it had torn his heart to have Yoji jump all over him after Ran's disappearance. And-- He felt sick with concern to know that Ran was in the German bastard's hands again.
Why? Why, after staying silent for over a year, did the Schwarz telepath have to reappear and fuck with their minds again? He was just getting over the mess. Yoji and A-Ran-- he was sure that they were working over their issues too. They were all almost ready to put it behind them. And-- Ay-Ran--
God… what was Schuldig going to do with Aya now…
Looking up with a start, Ken realized that he was standing outside one of the more extravagant love motels that dotted the city. With an air of bemusement, he found himself walking through the fancy lobby and taking the lift up to the thirteenth floor to stop outside a room. He entered, locked the door behind him, and let his eyes fall upon the two men who waited for him in the lushly decorated room with its spectacular picture window view of Tokyo Tower.
Ken sucked in a deep breath to gaze at the pale man whose wrists were tied to the headboard. Aya's long hair had been released from its braid and it now flowed in a fan over his naked body, offering him his only cover from the eyes of the other men in the room.
"Still beautiful, isn't he?" A familiar nasal drawl captured his attention and Ken turned to face the other man in the room.
The red-haired German was twirling a pair of glasses in one hand as he gripped the rim of his rakishly set hat with the other in greeting. Ken had to inwardly groan at the change in the man's appearance. The German lounged across from the bed in black suspenders over a yellow shirt and tight black pants. No one seemed to have wanted to stay with their familiar serviceable looks.
"You really are the only one who still looks the same, Hidaka." The German grinned at him and gestured towards their captive. "But people do say, the more things change, the more they also stay the same."
"No…" Ken was trembling as Schuldig moved to put the spectacles on the bedside table and sit in front of the unmoving figure. "Schuldig, get away from him."
"Greedy, KenKen?" The German didn't look at him as he reached for the pale face and tilted it up towards him.
Ken swallowed hard to watch as Aya's hair slowly fell away to reveal his face. "Don't touch him!"
Schuldig smiled as he leisurely nibbled on Aya's lips and gently coaxed him into opening his mouth to deepen the kiss. /You'll get your turn, KenKen. I swear-- you're so stingy./
"Schuldig." Ken growled under his breath as he willed himself to leap forward and tear the smirking German away from Aya. But he couldn't move.
"Tsk, tsk, tsk. You are so amusing, KenKen." Schuldig released Aya's chin to let him flop against the headboard again. If it wasn't obvious before, it was now clear to Ken that the man had been drugged.
"Of course I drugged him." The German grinned as Ken glared at him for reading his mind. "A right little wildcat he was until I managed to knock him out. I like a little bit of blood and resistance, but I'd rather not be the one bleeding."
Ken shut his eyes and took in a deep shuddering breath. He knew that he was as much a prisoner as Aya was. Even now, Schuldig was forcing him to move to join them on the bed. His mind was screaming at him as he felt his hand reach over to rest on Aya's naked thigh.
"Oh, yyeeesss. I've missed this so much, KenKen…" Schuldig purred as his hand rested over Ken's to stroke the smooth skin of Aya's leg. "You have an intoxicating mind, do you know that, KenKen? So sweet with angst and agony…"
Ken groaned to feel Aya's skin under his callused hand; he'd forgotten the experience. "A love still unrequited and a soul so unfulfilled, KenKen. Soo sweet…"
"No!" Ken wrenched his hand away and sat back on his heels to glare at Schuldig over Aya's body. "I'm not doing this again. I'm not going to let you force me to rape him."
"Force, KenKen?" Schuldig smirked at him as he started to play with Aya's long hair. "What ever do you mean? I did not make you rape Abyssinian, Hidaka."
"I would never hurt him." Ken snarled at him from between gritted teeth as he tried to muster his energy to break the hold Schuldig had over his mind.
"On the contrary, KenKen. It was all you."
"Bull shit! I--"
"Yes, it was. It was your dreams come true-- Okay, maybe I embellished it a little. It would have been too boring otherwise."
"You-- you--"
"Kenny-boy, you needed to let go. Your writing showed such potential. Your fans just lapped up your stories of angst and sweet pain." Schuldig reached across Aya's recumbent body to stroke a hand over Ken's cheek. "You'd have your protagonist inflict such exquisite torture on the poor Kitten he loved, but was too afraid to claim."
The man's purr made him shiver as he recalled that particular piece of fictional free expression. "That was fantasy. It wasn't real!" He managed to muster the strength to knock Schuldig's hand away from him. "God, no one could be that sick. Nothing was real!"
/You think so?/ The man purred in his mind as he took to nibbling on Aya's lips and down his neck. /What if we could make it real? It's easily arranged, you know? Put up a few pictures in choice locations to send out invitations. Find a little place somewhere for a private party. We could make one of your wet dreams come true. Have our own little barracks bang./
"Leave Aya out of this!" Ken was trembling with so much fury he could barely think straight. He just knew he had to get Aya away from Schuldig. He was not going to let the bastard hurt him again. "I swear I'll rip you apart, Asshole. Get away from him!"
The German snickered at his inability to move. "Are you sure you won't join me?"
"What ever happened the last time, there won't be a repeat of it!" Ken gritted in rage as he fought against his immobility. "I won't be forced to hurt him again."
"Tsk, tsk, tsk. But I didn't force you, KenKen. When will you get that straight?" Schuldig looked at him in pity as he shook his head. "Denial is such a sad state. You participated wholeheartedly, KenKen."
"No, I--"
"Everything you ever dreamed of… lusted for… I didn't make that up, KenKen." The German waved off his protests as he locked eyes with him. "You wanted to believed that it was all a game that Kudou invited you to participate in. "
No.
"You focused all your hopes and desires on the idea that it was a game and not real. So you believed, Hidaka." Schuldig snickered as Ken stared at him in horror.
No!
"Those tears and pleas for you to stop were real. But you listened to 'Yoji' instead. Believing it to be a game and that our dear defenseless little Kitten was just being naughty."
"I don't believe you!"
/I'm not lying, Hidaka./ Schuldig purred in his mind. /Here-- let me unlock those two weeks for you./
A flood of memories suddenly swamped him.
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#All Ken could do was watch, rapt with a sort of train wreck fascination, as Yoji guided his hand slowly across smooth, sweat-slick flesh, pale and flawless as wet marble. Dressed in nothing but metal and shadows, the body under their fingertips shivered in spite of the heat, radiating a feverish warmth everywhere they touched but especially from that one hip, from the faint pink impression that marred it with parallel stripes. Their tangled hands lingered longest there, tracing the outline of it.#
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What? No! He couldn't believe it was real.
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#"I didn't want to step on any toes, so I asked him about you before I made a move."
"What … " Ken cleared his throat, swallowing hard, irritated at the note of hopeful curiosity in his own tone but helpless not to ask. He glanced over at Aya, who again lay silent, face turned away, as if he couldn't care less about their touch or their conversation. Part of the game he and Yoji had set up, maybe? A show of resistance, or disinterest? But there was something … wrong about it, something that might have alarmed him more if he hadn't been so distracted. "What did he say?"
"That he knew it, too … but you'd never said a word to him."#
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Did he have that conversation with Yoji? In front of Aya? Wasn't that just a dream?
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Oh God, this was heaven on earth. Ken's fingers were tangled in Aya's ear-tails and he was using them like reins on a horse to pull the redhead's face harder against his groin. Yoji was such a lucky bastard. He couldn't remember the last lover who had given him as good a blowjob.
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Please God, that couldn't be real. It's a lie. It has to be! They're all lies!
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#A hundred more such lances of light dappled his body, from pinpricks to small spotlights, transfixing the shadowed haze around him: swords stuck into a basket to bloody an unwary magician. If he was careful, though, he could turn his face toward the bed without any of them piercing his eyes. Ignore how wrong the room looked and smelled and sounded all around him, the stir of a breeze from the foot of the mattress when there shouldn't have been a fan there to produce it. Just turn toward Aya and the naked figure sitting on the bed beside him - not even a bed, just a mattress, a bare mattress lying on the floor - tending to him, long hair come undone from the ponytail pouring across his shoulders and down his back. Very long hair … #
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No! That wasn't real! It couldn't be real! That never happened. It's a lie! It has to be a lie!
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Ken revelled in the power he felt coursing through him to listen and watch Aya shrieking and twisting in his chains with each loving caress of the Cat. Every so often, the redhead would call out his name with a horse croak, pleading with him to stop. But Ken would show him no mercy. After all, if Aya seriously did want him to cease the 'punishment', he'd use his safe word. Besides, Yoji was sitting on the sidelines encouraging him on and looking proud of his progress as a whip wielder.
A few dark red lines were showing up across Aya's back and buttocks, signs of his carelessness. But it wasn't entirely Ken's fault when Aya wouldn't keep still. It was hard to judge how to land his strokes with the redhead twisting in his chains like a man possessed. Ken supposed that he'd be hearing from Yoji later about drawing blood. For now though, the blonde seemed to be content to let him continue his 'ministrations'. He trusted the blonde to stop him if Aya started to show signs of real distress.
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No. No. NoNo. NoNoNo. NoNoNoNo. NoNoNoNo!
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Yoji's voice was nagging at him while he was in the throes of his orgasm. He didn't understand why the selfish blonde was suddenly reacting so possessively. It wasn't like Aya was making any fuss. The man was lying relaxed and as limp as a rag doll beneath him. The sex must have been really good to make him pass out.
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NONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONO!
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#:: God help me … ::
:: If it's the only way I can have this … then maybe … maybe … ::
:: God help me … maybe it isn't so bad … ::#
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Ken was screaming. He didn't care that his throat was hurting him, he was screaming for his own sanity. He was scarcely aware of the room, of Aya, or even of Schuldig. He was screaming and the little bit of reason left in his brain told him that he was moving towards the window.
One thing he wasn't doing was thinking. If he was thinking, he would have noticed and wondered how he could be carrying the struggling German over his head. If he was thinking, he would have noticed the blood that was gushing out of his nose and starting to trickle out his ears. If he was thinking, he would have seen and worried about the significance of the dull amethyst eyes which were watching him in fear. But he wasn't thinking. His mind had finally cracked under the stress of the last several months when he had seen his friends abandon and shut him out of their lives for something he couldn't remember; That and the memories that Schuldig unlocked.
Abruptly, the madness ended in a blinding headache. Ken sat on the floor amidst the broken glass and stupidly dabbed at the blood that was flowing from his nose with his sleeves. Heh, he hadn't had a nose - bleed - inducing - daydream in a long while. Granted that the last few fond dreams were really hot, but he had had better dreams before. In fact, his illicit collection of photo-manipulations and pictures of his redhead team mate could be much better than his dreams.
Stupid dreams. He was always dreaming of Aya, the man who couldn't be his. After all, he was already Yoji's, the selfish, sexy, confident playboy who could have any man or woman he set his eyes on. Why did stupid Yoji have to lust after the man of his dreams. Stupid Yoji… Stupid dreams…
"K-- Ken?"
He looked up and at the bed. Aya! A naked Aya. Wow! This was a great dream. When did his hair get so long though? When ever, it looked good on him. The long hair covered enough of that beautiful marble pale skin to conceal as much as tease the sight. Oh, this dream was nice. But where was the red? Didn't Aya have red hair?
Ken frowned as he pushed himself to his feet. Where did all this glass come from? Did someone break a window? He looked stupidly at the large hole in the picture glass. It was a big hole too. Wow! Wonder what just went though it? His foot kicked a hat as he thought to take a step closer to the window to look outside.
Ooo! It's a nice hat. Ken picked it up and brushed the glass off it. Pleased with the discovery, the brunet placed it on his head in a rakish angle and turned towards Aya. "How do I look?"
Ken frowned as he blinked at Aya. He didn't understand why Aya was looking so scared. Why should he be scared? Ken loved him. Didn't he know that? There wasn't a single bone of hate or upset in his body for the other man. There wasn--
"Aya?" A thought crashed through Ken's befuddled brain. "Yoji-- I remember-- Yoji telling me-- that you knew I was interested in you…
"Is that true, Aya?" Aya stayed very still as Ken came up to him and sat beside him on the bed. "Tell me the truth."
Aya flinched from Ken as he reached out a hand to brush his bangs out of his eyes. "Tell me." He was growling. He couldn't help it. He was starting to feel angry about being ignored.
"Yes. I knew, Ken." Aya told him carefully and softly. "But you weren't the only one watching me."
Before Ken could speak again, Aya continued. "You never said anything to me. So-- like the others, I-- I didn't think you were serious."
"And-- and Yoji was persistent."
Aya gave him a tiny smile. "Yes, yes he was."
Ken looked at him sorrowfully as he started to sniffle. "I-- I've hurt you, haven't I? I hurt you very badly."
Aya looked down, not wanting to meet his eyes. "Yes, yes, you did."
"I'm sorry, Aya. I really am." Ken could no longer see Aya properly because of the tears.
This was a lousy dream. He wanted to change the dream. So he put his head down on the bed beside Aya's feet and closed his eyes. He wanted this dream to be over, so he thought hard about something else. Something nicer. After all, dreams were supposed to be fun. Maybe he could have a dream that would be light and fluffy. He never did like dark dreams
~tbc~
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firewolf@pacific.net.sg