Weiss Kreuz Fan Fiction ❯ Little Miracles ❯ Chapter Three ( Chapter 3 )

Aya rode the lift up trying to ignore the chaos in his mind. He stepped off on the appropriate floor and made the journey he could of done with his eyes closed to his sister's room.

"Good morning Aya-chan" he sat on the bed and reached for her hand. "Well things are going well. You should see the flower shop it's full of summer flowers now. It's so bright and colourful you would love it. You always liked the flowers at this time of year. Then again, you liked the flowers no matter what time of year it was. The Sakura blossoms have been beautiful this year. I wish you could've seen them.

I really wish everything was that simple with life but it's not. I wish you were here I could use some of your advice. I don't know what's come over me. I don't know what to think or to do and it's driving me crazy. Your advice was always the best. You were so much wiser than me when it came to matters of the heart. Oh kill me know I sound like some air headed shoujo manga character.

I don't know what's come over me recently. I guess its him. I hate him so much but that's the problem I don't. He's self-centred, egotistical, lazy, smokes too much, drinks too much, believes he's gods gift to women and he is so damn annoying and I should hate him but I can't. I li- who am I kidding? I love him. No matter how hard I try not to, I love him.

I want to hate him but I find that I can't and I hate him for that. Does that make sense? I guess not.

I know I don't deserve love or happiness. I sold my soul to avenge you. My hands are dirty with the sins I have commitment and no matter how much I clean them they never will be untainted. I don't think I'm worthy of having something as precious as love, no I know I'm not worthy of such a thing.

He claims to love me. Him being Kudou Youji. I must have mentioned him before now. He works with me. Tall, blond, green eyes, which he insists on hiding behind sunglasses.

But what was I saying? Oh yes he claims to love me but I don't now if I believe him. I can't help but think it's all some big game to him. He likes to think he can bed anyone and I suppose I'm the ultimate test for him. Can he thaw the iceman? He already has even before this whole crazy thing had started. I've been to scared to admit that to anyone, even myself.

I can't let him in. I wont let him get close to me because I'm scared that if I finally allow him to get close he'll leave. He'll take what he wanted and abandon me. I don't think I could stand it if another person I love left me. I know I wouldn't be able to watch him move on to another. Although I suppose it would be a fitting punishment for everything I've done.

I've tried to stop it from happening. I even ignore him despite the voice in my head screaming at me that I was being a fool. I pushed him away but he wouldn't let me. He sat with me in the hospital and even waited downstairs after I demanded that he went home. He took me home and worked his shift followed by mine without any sleep and he kept coming to check on me to make sure I was ok. It's one of the sweetest things that anyone has done for me and yet I still ignore him and push him away. I'll let him get close and as soon as I feel his hands on me I melt but no matter how much I want it I still force him away or I go and hide I my room.

He's changed so much. He doesn't go out as much and if he does he's back at a respectable hour. He's stopped flirting in the shop and he's cut back on the number of cigarettes he smokes. I know I trust him with my life but I don't know if I can trust him with my heart.

I must sound so stupid going on like this. I wonder what you would say if you was a wake now. You'd probably laugh at me for being so stupid and you would be right I am being stupid. You'd most likely say something like 'get over it'. You would most likely tell me that I should trust him and not condone everything before its really been given a chance. He might have changed and he might really care for me.

You always did see the positive in everyone. I hope you can still see the positive in me despite everything. I wish you was awake. It's my Birthday tomorrow not that that is anything of importance. Youji doesn't appear to have remembered it. He hasn't mentioned anything about it and I'm not sure if I want him to or not but then again I think my constantly pushing him away is beginning to have an effect.

I wish none of this had ever happened. I wish tomorrow I would wake up to find you singing happy Birthday at the top of your voice; I would have you make pancakes for breakfast. Your pancakes were always perfect. Then again I most likely would be a banker like dad. I know he wanted me to do that. I wouldn't of met Youji.

I have to go now. I'm meant to be working in the flower shop. I'll be back soon." He bent down and brushed a kiss over Aya-chan's brow, "Goodbye"

***

Aya returned to the Koneko 10 minutes before the schoolgirl rush normally began. He went to change out of his coat and into his apron

"Hey, Aya!"

Aya turned to find Youji stood behind him blocking his way back into the shop.

"We have a mission tomorrow night", Youji continued "Manx came by while you was out"

"What's the mission?" Aya asked as he crossed his arms over his chest

"Oh its nothing special. It will be easy. I could do it by myself but Manx wanted someone to go with me and seeing as you never not accept a mission ." He turned and went back into the store.

Aya stared after Youji confused. Youji had been acting strange. They had been alone and Youji had attempted to kiss him or make any form of contact. Normally Youji couldn't go 10 minutes without doing that. Aya sighed s he realised he had agreed to do mission on his Birthday. Not that he had anything planned. Maybe he was right and Youji had been playing with him all along and now he was bored, admitting defeat and moving on but Aya couldn't help but think he was in the wrong for constantly pushing Youji away. Youji was now doing what he thought Aya wanted. He couldn't shake the feeling that he had blown things with Youji.