Weiss Kreuz Fan Fiction ❯ May you live in interesting times ❯ The girl with the kettle and the wall ( Chapter 1 )

Title: "May you live in interesting times"

Author: Lilla.

Category: Comic/Crossover/Hentai.

Warnings: PG13

Pairings: YxA, SxA.

Disclaimer: OK let's do this once more! The characters featured in this fanfic aren't mine. Suing me would be useless seeing as I am beyond broke at present! So be nice and let me just enjoy myself a little, please?

Author's Note: Craziness by the shovel full ! Abuse of Weiss characters, fusion of Weiss characters with Ranma ones… (Having said that OOC is about a given.)

You read the first instalment and came back for more? Well in that case I probably won't have to worry about frightening you… Evil Kodachi like laughter echoes.

A heavily bandaged Yohji is seen running after a female Aya/Ran, "Oh my Goddess, please come back to this most faithful of your worshippers!"

Lilla *sweatdrops* `No worries they are just getting in their new character roles…'

Many thanks to Sardius and Neko for the beta reading; an applause for the two great gals who risked life, limb and sanity to read a second chapter of this thing. As always any remaining errors are mine, feel free to point them out!

Anyone wants a table of the fused characters to know what they are getting into? Let me know and I shall put it up with the next chapter!

Having said all that hope you'll enjoy! And don't forget to let me know what you think!

Character's Thoughts

`Mind-speech'

Chapter one: A girl without the kettle and a wall!

The resident Don Juan proceeded to seal their `agreement' with a searing kiss.

It was then that a pair of unusual violet eyes opened very, very wide.

Upstairs in the somewhat dingy kitchen of the rooms above the Koneko, a young blonde was heating up a kettle beaming at the thought of getting a new Nii-Neesan. While he waited for the water to heat up, however, a furious shout of `Hentai' followed by the noise of several pots breaking disturbed the relative quiet of the late afternoon.

As he hastened to return to the shop leaving the now unwatched and thus blowing kettle behind, he narrowly missed being hit by a sort of vaguely human shaped missile, which, after impacting with the skylight, kept soaring higher and higher till it was nothing more than a faint black spec.

Wonder what it was… it seemed to be man shaped and I could have sworn that it was crying out something… something like Aayaaaa? Thought the young blond, while smiling sweetly if a bit obliviously.

Since no more noise seemed to be forthcoming from the shop and the shrill cry of the kettle was now making itself heard, Omi returned to the kitchen to pick up the house's most used electric appliance.

As he made his way down stairs though, he narrowly missed being impacted by the projectile on its return trip. With a shrill final "YAAA" minna no Kudoh Yohji landed head first in the pile of ceramic pots by the counter, and after flopping weakly in an attempt to get up, lay dazed on the floor.

With a chirpy "Yohji-kun are you all right?", Omi approached the older blond, soon enough to be reassured by the latter's moaning of, "such a wonderful and lovely redheaded girl. And so shy, she was overwhelmed by my kiss…" His trying to get up once more, however, resulted in him weakly uttering a reassurance that "it didn't hurt any" and passing out.

Given that nothing vital seemed to have been damaged with Yohji-kun, Omi decided that he had better take care of Ken-kun's little problem first thing.

There would be time enough later on to get Birman-san to drag Yohji-kun to the doctor if the chain-smoker had managed to acquire another concussion. It hadn't looked like a particularly hard hit; that Asuka girl, whose behind Yohji-kun kept touching, had brained him much harder just last week, after all.

On a side note, considered Omi, as he carefully sidestepped the heaving red-faced and red haired girl, Fujimiya Ranma if he had gotten the name correctly, to make his way to the still knocked out Ken-kun, they probably should stop making use of Birman-san's services seeing the price they came at.

A little hot water afterwards and carefully looking away from the all too nice view of his favourite jock's chest, Omi decided that maybe telling something to reassure the still struck dumb girl in the middle of the shop might be a good idea. After all, the young teen could imagine all too well what must have transpired while he was heating up the water.

"Uhm Miss?… Ran… erm Fujimiya-san this is Yohji-kun, our other co-worker," he started, indicating the wasted pile of human flesh lying amidst the scattered pots, "he is a raving sex maniac but if you give him a chance he can be very, very nice…"

Feeling that truth demanded he better explain that last statement, Omi felt the need to add, "to ladies especially… Or so he says."

Seeing as that statement did nothing to apparently reassure the still hyperventilating girl, and thinking that maybe her distress originated from the earlier assault, the smiling youth continued with the formal introductions. "And this is Hidaka Ken-kun. He is a violent maniac, as you must know by now, but he too has his good points. He… trains a lot," finished somewhat lamely the still smiling Omi.

As a last resort to snap his future co-worker out of his/her nearly catatonic state, Omi poured the last of the water on her head, watching in near awe the cutsey girl turn into a stunning man.

He shouldn't have bothered with speech, not a word of what he had said had registered on Ranma's mind, filled as it was with the image of a man kissing and even worse groping… HIM, as he now was.

And it was my first kiss too and it should have been given to… cried out Ranma's mind.

`Your cute fiancé' interjected an all too obviously pissed off mental voice.

While most people upon hearing a voice in their head would have concluded that they had bashed their head much too hard during the former fight, that statement gave assurance to Ran that all of his nightmarish recollection had indeed taken place.

He, Fujimiya Ranma, heir to the Formless Style anything goes blah-blah-blah, the fact that he could no longer recount the whole denomination of his school an indication of his extreme mental distress, school of martial art had been kissed by a MAN in a FLOWER shop!

This is not manly came from another little voice, this one sounding like his mother. As that reproving statement echoed in his head, our hero came to and had visual confirmation of the horrid truth.

A blond carcass was coming to and moaning something about his redheaded onna's[1] gentle love taps.

Under such duress Ranma did the only thing possible, for him. With a manly shout, of "Shi-ne!" he started walking very quickly in a random direction in order to `retreat' from such a crushing humiliation and to find his katana so as to skewer the damned hentai monster.

Unfortunately, or maybe fortunately, or else this story would probably have ended here with our hero running off into the sunset, or else killing gruesomely his love interest, Ranma ended up `walking' in a random direction which housed a wall. Even more unfortunately, taking in consideration some of the clientele of the shop, said shop's walls were reinforced with cast iron plaques.

So it was that our hero only succeeded in braining himself even more solidly and falling once more to the ground right on top of another water can.

With a benign smile, Omi considered that having Yusenkyo cursed people in a flower shop was a mark of a sadistic mind directing their team, this before patting gently the fallen girl's bangs back into place and making his way to the kitchen to heat up another kettle.

In the meantime, an old wizened woman, carrying an orange furred tabby cat and leaning heavily on a gnarled walking stick, made her way to her beloved flower shop. Today her old failure of a trainee should have sent the new recruit over.

She was impatient to see how this Ran kid would hold out against herself. It was rumoured that the boy had had some interesting training…

As she entered the shop, though, her smile faded to be replaced by a stony expression. Whoever had totalled her shop would find his life to be very interesting indeed, as an old Chinese curse was wont to say…

TBC?

Notes:

[1] Onna = woman

Coming next… Oh heck I don't know! Will see what the Muse and the readers like and probably write that one…

For Portrait lovers, though, it seems that the sequel will coming soon.

Anyone wants a table of fusions? If so just ask and you will either have it sent by mail or will find it at the end of next chapter.

Answers:

Many thanks to tlb for the pointers. Hope you will agree with the others fusions I have made…

Erm sorry for the Schu-schu in there Pax but well by my count Ayan is still missing a couple `girlfriends' and well Uk… erm Schuldig isn't going to go away. I am quite sure that compared to the other two forerunners Yotan will have to deal with for the boy's affections you will like him…

Yeah Ken gets stuck as Ryoga! Mon but no worries he will still be his `cute' porcine self.

Sardius! Well gal hope you survived this one as well as you did the first! Thanks a lot for the encouragement!

Romilly… How to break the news to you… Well in this fic your assessment of Yotan isn't entirely off, though methinks the boy protests a little too much to be straight in the series... Still, his buying a cue as to Ran-ma's real gender will be delayed for a while, if ever…

On a positive note, for you, Schuldig won't be giving up! And there are more roles for our fave evil guys of Schwarz!