Weiss Kreuz Fan Fiction ❯ Mission: Midwest ❯ Chapter 3 ( Chapter 3 )

 

Schuldig snarled at the phone, which was ringing for the thousandth time since he'd gotten into the house with the groceries. Farf was at his play date, Nagi was at school and Brad at work, so it had been up to him to go grocery gathering. He briefly reflected that playing the good little hausfrau wasn't so bad most of the time. Except when the damn phone kept ringing off the wall.

 

He snatched it off the hook, “Guten tag, er, hello.”

 

Immediately a high and slightly panicked voice came from the other end. “Sasha?! Oh thank heavens you're home!” Mary Crane said from the other end. He inwardly groaned. The neighborhood busybody had taken their little “family” on as a project apparently, dragging he and Farf mostly all over the place to meet their neighbors, show him where the best places to shop were, etc. Overall, she was high strung and chattered more than a chipmunk on crack but she had also brought them enough casseroles and strudel to last until Nagi was middle aged, so he wasn't bitching. Much. He did wonder why he heard a small child screaming in the background and the conversation of several other people.

 

“What is it, Mary?” Schuldig asked, not really caring to know but if he didn't make all the appropriate noises she might get suspicious.

 

“Oh, Sasha, it's just <i>terrible</i>! I need you to come down to the church right away.”

 

“Is there something wrong with Jay?” he asked. Dear gods, what kind of havoc had Farf wreaked this time? He wondered.

 

“No. He's okay, just really shaken up and crying right now.”

 

<i>Crying? Farf? WTF?</i> “I'll be right there, Mary.” He hung up the phone and stood staring at it for a moment. “Damn it.” <i>Brad.

 

I'm working, what is it?

 

Apparently our little darling made his first kill in his baby body.

 

Should I be proud or appalled?

 

Both, I think. I'm going to the church to get him now.

 

I'll be there in a few minutes as well.

 

Why?

 

It will look better. The concerned father and all. Just tell them you called me. Are there police yet?

 

I don't know but there are bound to be soon.

 

Get down there. Rearrange anyone who starts to get suspicious if you need to.

 

Hell, I was going to do that anyway. Wonder if I can convince Mary Crane she actually is a crane.

 

Try a goose. Gods know she honks loud enough for one.</i>

 

Schuldig laughed and cut their connection before grabbing his keys from the table in the foyer, giving himself a check in the mirror. Once his lipstick and hair was perfectly in place, he walked out the door and got into the Suburban and started for the church. He made his way easily past the two squad cars already present on the scene and to the back doors of the church.

 

Mrs. Crane met him at the door carrying a still howling Farf. Schuldig immediately took him from her, squeezing him tight.

 

<i>If you kiss me, I swear I'll cut your Achilles tendons when you're wearing fucking stilettos,</i> Farf warned.

 

<i>Hadn't planned on it. Though it will look like it to her.</i>

 

“What on Earth happened, Mary?” Schuldig asked, shifting a now sniffling Farf to his hip.

 

“Well, I really don't want to upset you, dear. But it seems that while the kids were playing out in the garden with Lilian that the Reverend was . . . was killed.”

 

“Oh, good heavens! Was it an accident?”

 

“No. I'm afraid he was . . . murdered,” one of the other housewives, there were now three of them gathered at the door, said.

 

“Murdered?! Are you sure?”

 

“Yes. Quite sure. There's blood everywhere. It's just that, when Lilian came into the office to ask what he wanted for lunch she brought the babies. Well, needless to say, she was hysterical, which scared the children.”

 

“Do you think they saw?”

 

“I don't know. Either way it can't be good for them to be exposed to such trauma.”

 

Farf was earnestly trying to climb over Schuldig's shoulder when he suddenly squealed “Daddy!”

 

Schuldig turned to find Crawford striding up the walkway toward him. Wearing a dark suit, for once, tie neatly knotted as usual and wearing his contacts he looked like any other businessman would. Schuldig met him halfway down the walk. “Sasha, what happened?” he asked, addressing Schuldig.

 

“There's been a murder, Mr. Black,” one of the housewives, Carol, he thought her name was, answered.

 

Crawford frowned. “A murder? Here? We moved away from the city to avoid this sort of thing. Is Jay all right? Nothing happened to the children?”

 

“Not as far as I know. This is just awful!” Schuldig wailed, burying his face into Crawford's jacket.

 

There was a collective sigh from the women gathered around the door. To them it looked like a touching little family scene, the wife upset and crying while her husband hugged her and their son, stroking her hair and saying soothing words into her ear.

 

“Wish my husband was like that,” Mary said.

 

“Wish my husband <i>looked</i> like that,” Carol commented.

 

All the housewives nodded.

 

In reality, Schuldig had buried his face in Crawford's jacket because he was laughing so hard he was actually crying. Crawford had hugged him and Farf to get close enough to utter. “If you two screw up this mission I fully intend to shoot you both and find other team members. Understood?”

 

“Of course, my love,” Schuldig said, lifting his head. “Kiss for the eagerly watching matriarchs?”

 

Crawford suppressed the urge to roll his eyes and kissed him anyway. Making Farf try to squirm out of the hold Schuldig had on him. <i>Damn it, I'm going to be scarred for life seeing this shit.</I> he complained.

 

<i>Why were you screaming and crying earlier?</i> Schuldig asked, trying hard to eat Crawford alive.

 

<i>I couldn't kill the bastard on the first stab. Took twelve to the neck just to get him to shut up. Thankfully the office is sound proof to keep the choir from interrupting his studies of the Word. Gag.</i>

 

Crawford smiled into Schuldig's mouth. <i>I think that should be quite enough of a show for the bored homemakers.

 

Does that mean I can take you home and fuck you brainless?

 

It would take you forever to render me insensate in that particular fashion but you're welcome to try.</i> Crawford took Farf from Schuldig and swung him up onto his shoulders, putting both hands on his back to keep him steady.

 

There was another sigh from the doorway.

 

“I'm so jealous. Sasha gets tall, dark and handsome and all I get is short, fat and bald,” Carol said.