Weiss Kreuz Fan Fiction ❯ Playing the Part ❯ Part Nine ( Chapter 9 )

~*~Part Nine~*~

The kiss was so aching familiar that Ken found himself leaning into it before rationality kicked in. He wrenched away with more violence than was necessary. His head literally swirled. The shock on Ran's face mirrored his own. He touched his mouth with shaky fingers. As much as he didn't want to admit it, Ran's tiny kiss sent his heart pounding. They stared at each other.

"I shouldn't have done that," Ran whispered, plum eyes roving across Ken's face. "But I don't regret it."

Ken rubbed at his forehead and asked the only question his swimming mind could formulate. "Why?"

"I still need you, Ken." Ran didn't look away. His face was both ashen and resolved. "I still l-love you."

Ken jumped, as though a light bulb had shattered above him. The words jarred him like an electrical shock. His head screamed in sync with his heart beat while a noisy ringing whined in his ears. He sank down onto the hard, metal chair behind him, feeling sick and dizzy. "What did you say?" The words sounded very far-away.

"I still love you." Ran sat down across from his, his expression grave. The words that came from him were a jumbled rush. "I should have said that a long time ago and it might be too late now but I wanted you to know. I loved you then and I love you now. I need you and I couldn't deal with that before. It scared me...you scared me, so I lied. The way I treated you was badly and I know I have no right to ask anything of you but you loved me once and if you still felt the same way then I would hope that...maybe you could forgive me?" Ran pulled out a small, black book and thrust it at him. "This is what I-"

"Hey! What the hell are you doing?" Birman rounded the corner from the patient hallway and stalked up the hall, her heels clicking angrily upon the tiled floor. She was scowling.

"Phone me if you want." Ran spoke softly, only for Ken. He stood up, avoiding Birman's fiery glower. "I was just leaving. Good-bye Ken."

Ken looked at the book in his hands and then back at Ran. "Bye," he said hoarsely.

Birman watched Ran leave with great suspicion. "The nerve of that guy!" she fumed, slipping into the seat the redhead had vacated. "What the hell did he want?"

He couldn't seem to tear his gaze from Ran's black book. "He said he still loves me and he wants me back."

"A-ha! I knew it from he minute he phoned you that he was just using Aya's accident as a ploy. That cold, lousy asshat. Like he's quick enough to pull a fast one over me!" She gloated with great triumph. "It's a good thing he left otherwise I'd have ripped him a new asshole!"

Ken blinked hard and tried to clear his head. "I never thought I'd hear him say those words to me."

"Get your head out of the clouds, there's no damn miracle here," she ordered and then noticed the book he was studying. "What's that book?"

He shrugged, slipping it into the front pocket of his hoodie. "Ran gave it to me. I'll read it later."

"Oh spare me the friggin' cliché dramas," Birman scoffed. "He probably filled the stupid book with a whole bunch of lame-ass love mush. He's been pining for you and was wrong to give you up and loves you sssssooooooo much and all that tutti-frutti shit. I say chuck that crap straight into the junk heap, we're done here."

Ken had to laugh. No matter what happened to him, Birman's cynicism always cracked him up. "Yeah, let's go home."

~*~*~*~*~

By the time they got back to their apartment, it was late and the sun had set.

"You want anything before I leave?"

Ken shook his head as he fumbled for his keys. "I'm fine, thanks."

"Tomorrow morning I'll be over," Birman said, hunting for her own keys. "Then I'm going to have a chat with that German guy of yours."

"He's not mine." Ken finally found his keys, along with a good wad of pocket lint. "Anyway, thanks for coming with me today and all that."

"No problem." She leveled him a probing look. "If Ran decides to call, I trust you know what to say?"

Ken rolled his eyes. "He won't call me, mom."

"I'm just making sure," she huffed, unlocking her apartment. "I'll be here if you need me."

He nodded. "Goodnight, Birman. And thanks."

"Anytime."

He unlocked his own apartment and stepped on a piece of folded paper that had been shoved under the door. Locking the door behind him with one hand, he dusted his footprint off the paper with his other. He flopped down onto his couch and read the note. It was from Yohji, telling him that he wanted to make arrangements to pick up all his stuff.

"Fuckin' great," he groaned, crumpling the note. He tossed it onto the coffee table. A great end to a great day.

And here he'd thought that getting involved with Schuldich would bring unnecessary complications to his already pathetic life. But no, posing as Schuldich's boyfriend was really the least of his problems. And seeing Yohji kiss someone else, yeah he could handle it, why not? It wasn't like being dumped was anything new.

I loved you then and I love you now.

It was that shit that he could not handle. He had liked Kase and he had liked Yohji but he had loved Ran. Loved him in the sacrifice-all, incomplete-without-him type of way. How was he to go from finally getting over Ran, one of the hardest things he ever had to do, to knowing that Ran, the one he loved so desperately, still loved him? That all the reasons for their separation had been a lie because Ran had been scared? Was that enough for him to relent? Was a second chance in order here?

"But it's not fair," he said out loud, burying his face into the back of the sofa.

He wasn't a friggin' tap, he couldn't turn his emotions on and off. He was over Ran, had worked hard to move on and it had been painful. Now was he just suppose to turn his life around and go running back to Ran just because of a few words and a stolen kiss? No, that wasn't fair at all. Ran had no right to ask anything of him, none at all! He'd given up all rights ages ago.

"And that's that," Ken proclaimed, sitting up. The sound of his voice comforted him, made him feel stronger than he actually was. "I'm not gonna go back to him, he doesn't deserve a second chance."

Though there had been a time not so long ago when he would have given the world for Ran to change his mind.

"That's not now," he mumbled, rubbing at his eyes. "That's not now at all."

He forced Ran from his mind with as much resolve as he could muster and set about making something to eat. He cleaned up afterwards, took a shower and was in the process of getting dressed when there was a knock on the door. He rolled his eyes as he jammed on his Brazil soccer jersey. Birman really had no faith in him. What did she think he was gonna do, hurl himself back onto Ran without her august approval?

"No respect," he griped, tossing his wet towel onto his unmade bed. He headed for the front door. "I get no damn respect." He flung open the door. "Birman what-"

But it wasn't Birman who stood leaning against the doorjamb, it was Schuldich.

Ken blinked, taken aback. "Oh it's you."

"Is that any way to talk to your despairing boyfriend? You had me worried sick."

Ken peered at him. "You don't look despairing. Apathetic maybe but hardly 'worried sick'."

Schuldich swept past him. "We all grieve in different way."

"Excuse me?" Ken slammed the door shut. "You've been grieving, have you? I'm not dead, retard."

"So I see." Schuldich wasted no time making himself comfortable. He lounged on the sofa with his feet propped upon tiny coffee table before him. "You need me."

"What're you blabbing on about now?" Ken plopped down into his armchair. "I'm not the one with the poser boyfriend."

"I don't mean that. I'm talking about all the shit that's happened to you in these past few hours. You need me Ken."

Ken stared. "Don't tell me you can read minds across distances?"

"I'm not that strong," Schuldich answered. "I just came by to see what happened to you. Right now you're so confused and aggravated that you're blaring your thoughts all over like a foghorn. I can't help but read them."

"A foghorn?" Ken wrinkled his nose.

Schuldich shrugged easily. "A tuba then. Or Arch Enemy."

"What's Arch Enemy?"

"Only one of the best metal bands to ever come out of Germany. The lead singer is a chick and she's hot. Too bad Bard finds them annoying. The only music he likes is classical."

"Figures. I never pegged him for the heavy metal type." Ken poked at the carpet with his foot. "Did you talk to him again today?"

Schuldich looked smug. "He phoned again but I had Farf ham it up. He's gotta be jealous by now. Jealous and pissed. I'm evading him good."

"You know, I dunno if this scheme-boyfriend business is all such a good idea."

"Why? Because of what happened with Ran at the hospital?"

Ken sighed loudly. "I really wish you didn't know about that."

"Foghorn," Schuldich reminded him. "Besides, now you can talk it out or something. You know you can't go back to him."

"Thanks for the tip," Ken muttered. "But this is something I gotta figure out on my own."

"Figure it out with me. Seriously, I'm great at dealing with emotional shit."

"But I don't even know what I feel. It was all so unexpected, you know? He said that he loved me."

"I know."

"What am I supposed to do with that?" Agitatedly, Ken began wringing his fingers together. "I mean what does he expect from me? It's too late now, I'm over Ran."

Schuldich studied him. "Are you sure about that?"

"Well yeah, I should be!" His head sagged. "But I dunno. When we were together all I wanted was for him to be happy. I thought I could be the one to help him, to please him but in the end all he wanted was to be alone so I left. It was so hard, leaving him like I did. I gave up my own happiness for him. Doesn't that count?"

"You're a very caring person Ken," Schuldich said quietly. "That much is plain to see. These guys, that Yohji and this Ran fellow, they don't deserve you. Both of them gave you up and that's their tough luck."

Ken fiddled with the leaves of the wisteria that sat upon the end table beside him. "You don't think Ran deserves a second chance then?"

Schuldich snorted. "Hardly. You made it without him, despite how much it hurt. This guy couldn't do the same. I gotta wonder how much of it is selfish."

"Ran's not selfish," Ken defended before he could think otherwise. "He was thinking more about his little sister than himself."

"He didn't want to hurt his sister but had no qualms about hurting you, is that it?"

"Well it wasn't...I mean he..." Ken trailed off, slightly flustered. "It doesn't matter."

"But it should. All of this matters." Schuldich caught his gaze. "Do you want to go back to Ran?"

Ken thought for a few minutes before speaking. "I don't want to be hurt again. I don't think I could stand it. He put his sister before me once before and I know he wouldn't hesitate to do it again."

"That's your answer then Ken."

"I suppose," Ken grumbled moodily.

"If it's any consolation, I stand by what I said earlier. If you were my boyfriend, I wouldn't let you go for anything."

Except for Brad Crawford.

That thought did not comfort Ken.

~*~*~*~*~

When Ken awoke the next morning, he was shocked to see that it was already five past ten.

"Crappy!" he gasped, flinging off his blankets and jumping out of bed.

What the hell had happened? He always woke up at the crack of dawn, no exceptions! Or was it that all of yesterday's drama had taken a greater toll then he'd originally thought? Damn this was stupid. Most of the morning was already wasted!

Straightening his crumpled T-shirt, Ken headed down the hall and into the living room to find Schuldich. Last night he'd set his 'boyfriend' up in the living room to spend the night since it had gotten late. They ended up talking late into the night and Ken had to admit that he was liking Schuldich more and more as time went on. The guy gave good advice and since he was a mind-reader, Ken was unable to hold anything back. It seemed that Schuldich genuinely cared about him and wanted to help him. All in all, he wasn't too bad a guy.

Ken found Schuldich in the kitchen and to his surprise, Birman was sitting with him. Both were eating take-out breakfast from the place down the street, a favorite of Birman's. Upon catching sight of him, they snickered as though sharing some private joke.

Schuldich gave him a once-over. "Here's my sexy soccer stud," he leered.

Birman smirked. "Nice Spider Man boxers."

"They're Spider Carnage," Ken corrected automatically. He looked between the two, puzzled. Since when did Birman share her breakfast with anyone other than him? And along those lines, why was she acting civil? What happened to her? Had Schuldich goofed around with her mind?

"Hardly," Schuldich spoke up. "For your info, I don't 'goof around' as you put it, with other people's minds."

"What's going on here? Why're you two all buddy-buddy?" Ken looked at Birman. "I thought you were gonna kick his ass or something."

"You can't judge a book by its cover," she quoted.

He stared at her. "What the hell? You judge people all the time!"

"There's always some fact in stereotypes," Schuldich declared.

Birman pointed to the redhead. "This guy speaks some truth."

Ken shook his head. He didn't understand. "Whatever. I'm gonna go shower."

"I'll help you," Schuldich offered. "I mean you know...in a purely sexual way."

"Like I'm stupid," Ken scoffed. "I know that you somehow rigged a camera to my shower so that dear ol' Brad will catch us in the act or some shit!"

"Are you doubting my motives?"

Birman grinned proudly. "I taught him everything I know!"

Ken rolled his eyes and left the kitchen. He wondered what Schuldich had done to make Birman like him. It must have been something damn impressive, given Birman's previous thoughts on the subject. And then of course there was the matter of her sharing her breakfast with Schuldich...that alone bordered on a miracle. She never shared with anyone. Yes, these surely were odd times.

Fifteen minutes later, Ken was clean and dressed. He headed back into the kitchen for food.

"Birman left," Schuldich informed him, looking up from the newspaper. "She had to go to work."

"I can't believe she actually tolerates you," Ken said as he set about fixing himself a bowl of cereal. "She doesn't like anyone. She hates the world."

Schuldich chuckled. "Yeah, I noticed. You should have seen her when I first opened the door. Murder wasn't the only thing she had on her mind. She makes Brad look compassionate by comparison."

"Well?" Ken grabbed a can of cold coffee from the fridge and joined Schuldich at the table. "What'd you do to make her change her mind?"

"We had a grand time bashing your ex-boyfriends," Schuldich said, grinning. "Birman realized that anyone who empathizes with you couldn't be all bad. Plus I gave her my address so she'd know where to find me in case I ever hurt you."

"I gotta say...I'm impressed." He nodded around a mouthful of cereal. "The way she was going on yesterday, I thought for sure you were gonna be one dead carcass!"

"I was motivated strictly on self-preservation. I need you as much as you need me."

"I don't need you."

"You need me to pound Yohji and Ran into the ground."

Ken narrowed his eyes. "Don't tell me Birman put you up to some crap like that!"

"She didn't have to. I'd do that shit it for free."

"Oh for-"

"Look Ken, you're a nice guy. I know you didn't do anything and still you got trampled on. That isn't fair. I like you and I owe you so the least I could do is flay some ass."

Ken didn't know whether to be flattered or disgusted. He had to laugh, feeling a bit of both. "Thanks and all that but gimme a break. I don't wanna see either or them, let alone watch you fight."

"No one said you had to watch." Schuldich caught his gaze. "You don't even want to see Ran?"

Fiddling with his spoon, he said, "I told you last night that I didn't."

"So that's your answer? You don't want to get back with Ran for a second chance? For certain?"

"I don't-" Ken stopped, frowning. "What's with the sudden interrogation?"

"I promised Birman I'd get the scoop." Schuldich scanned his features. "But you're not one hundred percent sure. You don't know what to do."

"Well no kidding!" Ken nosily gulped down his cereal milk. "How much more outta the blue can you get, him telling me he still loves me like that! It's been better than a year since we broke up. I mean shit, what the hell am I supposed to do?"

Schuldich shrugged. "No one said you had to decide now. Take all the time you want, he's not going anywhere."

"You know what the worst part is though?" He opened his coffee can. "The uncertainty. I don't know whether I hate him or...the other."

"Believe me, I know the feeling kiddo." Schuldich reached out and patted his hand. "Why don't you come back home with me? We'll find something fun to do to take your mind of things. Plus Farf's been pestering me nonstop to bring you back. He's taken quite a liking to you, you know."

He smiled and hastily finished the last of his breakfast. "It's a deal."

Schuldich was kind enough to clean up the kitchen while Ken got ready. After donning his favorite black hoodie, he set about hastily scribbling a note to his ex, saying that he would call Yohji when he was free so that Yohji could pick up all his belongings. Ken stuffed the note into an envelope and addressed it to Yohji, feeling oddly detached. He stuck it under the mat outside his door, so that only the corner was visible. Then he and Schuldich left.

They were waiting for the elevator when Ken realized he had left his wallet back in his apartment.

"I'll be back in one sec," he said, turning to go but Schuldich grabbed his wrist.

"I've got money, don't worry about it."

Ken looked at the tall German and didn't see him at all. Ken was dragged down into the memory of yesterday, with Ran holding onto his wrist just like this.

I still love you.

The kiss was still fresh in his mind, as though etched. How could he forget it? How could he ever forget? Not with Ran, not him. Their history was too deep. It meant more than he would ever admit and that hurt. He shouldn't want because he knew how it would be but rationality was useless now.

~Forget Ken.~

He blinked and saw Schuldich before him, still holding his wrist.

~I'll help you forget.~

Forget?

~You're cute Ken. You don't deserve any of this shit.~

And what happened then was no more expected than what had happened in the hospital. Schuldich kissed him with soft lips. It was different but sweet all the same. Schuldich gave to him, touching his cheek with cool fingers. The kiss was a chaste one between friends and it was enough to forget, for the time being.

The elevator door opened with a little ding. Schuldich smiled and ruffled his hair. "Ready to go, kiddo?"

Ken touched his mouth, bemused. He followed Schuldich into the elevator.