Shadows of Light

BY: MiniMorr

PAIRING: Eventually Schuldig, Yohji & Aya.

RATING/WARNING: NC-17. Yaoi. Angst. And those of you who don't like Sakura (is there anyone who do?)... Tough luck, she's dating Aya in this one. *ducks rotten tomatoes* But they will break up later! I promise!

DISCLAIMER: I've said it before and I'm saying it again - if I'd own them, I'd chain Schu, Aya and Yohji to the same bed. As that somehow haven't happened yet (except in some very explicit fantasies... *grin*) I'm drawing the conclusions that they aren't mine.

ADD. NOTES: Set about a year after Estet's fall. Schwarz are still in Tokyo, and Weiss haven't encountered them again. I'm ignoring Glühen here... :)

I'm also ignoring the fact that Schu's been messing with Aya's head the whole time since his parents died. Ahh, the advantages of being the almighty authoress! ;)

THANKS TO: Pandora for helping me with the German. Any inaccuracies in spelling and stuff are mine. And for loving the Schu/Yohji-angst as much as I do... ;)

Also thanks to nekojita (for listening to my ramblings about this one and others), Theory (for giving the best comments and constructive criticism a girl can get), Morgana (for being a wonderful friend and writing Borderline) and Ericedwyn (for always being there and inspiring Catfight). Thank you!

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Key: ~Telepathic speech~; /Thoughts/; emphasis

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Prologue

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"Bra~adle~e~y!"

Crawford closed his eyes momentarily as the voice of his redhaired teammate reached him through the open door to his office. He refrained from answering or even bothering to raise his gaze from the papers scattered all over his desk as Schuldig emerged in the doorway. The German had a pout on his face and even as he stepped inside - uninvited - he made several mental stabs at the older man's shields. Crawford looked up for a moment, glaring a warning that he knew was just a waste of time. Schuldig was in one of his "I'm-so-bored-I'm-going-to-lay-down-and-die-if-you-don't-entertain-me-now"-moods that always were the cause of the American's headaches. While he might not be as shallow as many would like to believe, the redhead still lived up to a fair amount of the assumptions about his personality. To ignore him when he was like this always proved to be more work than giving in from the beginning would have been, but there were principles to uphold too. Crawford therefore continued studying his papers as he silently counted down to the next whine.

"Braaaaad..." Ahh, right on time. He looked up again, meeting the green eyes without any expression whatsoever in his own. This was something he had perfected over the years - both with Estet and with his teammates - and Schuldig always took it as a challenge.

"What do you want?" Pronouncing each word carefully, he let the papers fall back on the desk and settled back to wait. This was a game they had played for almost ten years, ever since that cold day in January when Crawford's visions had led him to a rundown apartment in Berlin where a young redhead had just finished off his first kill. The boy had been barely fifteen but already knew the dark sides of life and had proven himself a survivor in more ways than one. Drugs kept the voices at bay, drugs he earned with selling himself and whatever goods he could get his hands on - Crawford had also learned over the years that Schuldig wasn't a half-bad pickpocket and had made good use of it more than once. At Rosenkreuz, he had been one of the students used as labrats, seeing it as he was already a junkie and there had been new drugs tested on him every week for almost four years before he had been deemed ready for the field. After that, it had taken Crawford almost two years to get the German clean again; there had been more relapses than he cared to count before he had been certain that he could trust the imp not to run to a dealer when his back was turned. He was lucky enough that all this hadn't left any lingering side effects except the occasional bouts of madness that even Farfarello in a rage was hard pressed to match. Crawford usually knew when they would occur and would have the redhead more or less chained down by the time they did. He knew that Schuldig couldn't cope with both the madness and the voices and while Farfarello may be mentally unstable, the German was both that and unpredictable - something that made him so much more dangerous.

Schuldig had been suspicious of him at first of course; four years on the streets had ingrained the mistrust so deeply that Crawford wondered if it could ever be undone. It didn't matter though, what mattered was the fact that the younger man would follow him because of the silence he could offer, the respite from the constant battering from the millions of thoughts of the people around them. Crawford didn't care about why he followed the orders, as long as he did. In turn, the younger man had taken to play games with him to show him that he was still independent, that Brad Crawford held no leash to pull him along with. Despite the fact that they had signed their contracts in blood, Schuldig was loyal to Schwarz whenever he felt like it, something Crawford knew. He also knew that the redhead would count on him to clean up whatever mess he could get himself into - because Schwarz needed him. Without him, they would never have been able to break the hold Estet had on them and in Schuldig's eyes, he had paid his debts by now. He had become more and more difficult to handle as the months passed by since the failed summoning and the American knew that it would only be a matter of time before he would try to break free once and for all. He was still pondering over what to do when that day came - to keep him or to let him go. Right now he wasn't sure that the bastard was worth the trouble, but a small gnawing voice inside told him to hang onto the fool for a little longer. Why, he couldn't even imagine, but he was certain that he would know what he needed to by the time the choice was really thrust upon him. Until then, all he could do was to keep the German as occupied as possible to stall any attempts to wreck havoc within the structure of Schwarz. Nagi and Farfarello would still follow him even if Schuldig left - neither of them had anywhere else to go and he knew that he could count on them to help him keep the irrational redhead in line as much as possible. But the temptation to just cut the line and watch the younger man sail away on his own was becoming stronger by the day...

"I'm bored!" Cocking his head to the side as he crossed his arms over his chest, Schuldig studied Crawford as if he was the solutions to all his troubles. In reality, he was the reason for them. After years of living on the streets and then at Rosenkreuz for his 'training', Schuldig had been all too pleased to find himself in a penthouse in Tokyo with everything he could ever want only a phonecall away. He wasn't as stupid to believe that it didn't come without a price though, and the rough edges the teachers at Rosenkreuz had tried for years to blunt had only been sharpened by his natural mistrust. Nonetheless, he had not taken lightly to be more or less confined into a small apartment in the rundown parts of town for the past year, deprived of all fun with the "kittens" as well. In some ways he was still equal to the Schuldig Crawford had picked off the streets of Berlin; the difference lay in that he was deadlier than he had been back then - mind and body shaped into perfect weapons. But along with that training had come the assumption that he was above other humans, that he had the right to play with them in whatever way he wanted to. Crawford had never put a stop to it before, but the older man had found it too dangerous to reveal themselves to still be alive and had forced Schuldig to give up his little "games" where the kittens were concerned. This was one of the things that had made the redhead more and more difficult to keep in line - if he couldn't play with them, how could he know that he was separate from the "normals"? Schuldig had spent far too long to work for his position to let it all go now - and if Crawford couldn't supply him with the necessary amusement... Then Schuldig would just have to find his "entertainment" somewhere else.

"And what do you want me to do about that?" Watching him over the rim of his glasses for another moment, Crawford picked up the papers again as he awaited the answer he knew would come. He didn't need any visions now; the game had been on since the German had stepped into the room.

"Entertain me?" The whining voice was replaced by a more thoughtful one and the American almost sighed as he waited for the rest. Schuldig could be so... blatant... sometimes. He once again counted down mentally as the younger man opened his mouth to let out another set of words that really had no meaning to either of them but were required according to the rules - one of the few the redhead had ever bothered to follow. "I would say 'fuck you', but then I would have to get passed that stick shoved up your ass so I'm just going to settle for..." a slight pause as Crawford counted backwards from thirty to keep himself from replying with something as equally childish, "... make me happy!" The German grinned and clasped his hands together as he surveyed the damage he had already done by interrupting the neat schedule that the older man had so painstakingly tried to fit together for the day. Of course, he had also taken this into consideration as he had planned it, but it didn't make it any less annoying to have to take the time off for his teammate's antics. He also knew that there was no way in hell they would end up in bed together - for one thing he didn't swing that way, and for another two dominants don't mix well. It didn't deter Schuldig from making his propositions a little now and then of course, but Crawford also knew that the younger man didn't really mean anything by them - to him they were simply words to be used and abused during their games. And Crawford had no wish to upset their team dynamics by allowing Schuldig even a glimpse of the possibility to become Alpha-male. With him, there had been no other way than to exert dominance in every aspect possible to keep him in line, something they both had learned painfully over the years that had passed since their first meeting.

"And I would say 'fuck off', but that would just be a waste of time and we both know it. Frankly, I don't give a damn about what you do on your free time as long as it doesn't interfere with work, so you might as well whine your way out of here right now." He watched as the pout changed into a scowl and managed to keep the sigh back as Schuldig glared at him. Sometimes, he wasn't sure if the man was thirteen or twenty-three - Nagi was more mature than this! Even Farfarello in his less-than-lucid days was easier to handle and waste time on - listening to the Irishman chanting in Gaelic or describing all the different ways to make God cry was way up on Crawford's list of "things-I'd-rather-do-than-have-Schuldig-in-my-office-when-I'm-working". Killing off the Elders, needle the stockmarket and even doing the goddamn laundry ranked well above his current situation. Hell, sometimes he even thought that torture at the hands of Weiss would be a walk in the park compared to the headache he knew the redhead was going to leave him with. Again, the "benefit" of their long acquaintance rather than a vision. Schuldig, of course, knew all this and went out of his way to keep the American as annoyed as possible. This game had only been initiated in the past few years as they had moved over to Tokyo and he was constantly walking the thin line of safety and pissing Crawford off enough for him to lose control and kill his teammate. It had escalated even more during this last year and the American found himself running out of excuses on a daily basis as to why he would keep the bastard alive. Except for that nagging little voice inside his head... A voice he was rapidly beginning to ignore.

"You're no fun!" the redhead stated, watching as the frustrated sigh the American had tried to keep back emerged still. The older man shook his head in self-denial before fixing his younger co-worker with a stare.

"I'm not supposed to be 'fun'. I'm supposed to be working so that we can have food on the table - and a roof over it. But, by all means, if you want to, I can go out and have 'fun' with you instead?" The voice was quiet, the tone the cold one that they usually associated with Crawford, the Oracle of Schwarz, and Schuldig fought to keep back the grin from his face. Now, it was beginning to get interesting...

"Bradley?" Waiting as the American stifled yet another sigh, the redhead sauntered over to the desk and planted his palms over the papers Crawford had just let back down. Knowing better than to give away any reaction at the use of his first name, the older man waited patiently, meeting the cold jade eyes and the smirk that seemed to grow with every passing moment. Sometimes, Schuldig reminded him of a shark - ready to slash out at anything and everything that could be a possible source of food and entertainment, circling the waters and waiting for an unwary mind to slip in...

"Go and help Nagi with his homework." A command to be ignored, judging by the pout.

"Aww, come on, Braddy-boy! Naggles can do his own homework! He's a smart kid, you know that!" Schuldig suddenly had the look of someone who had taken a bite of an orange only to find out that it was a lemon as he tried to find a way to avoid being coped up with their youngest member for the afternoon. While he might see the telekinetic as his sort-of younger brother, there was also no way in hell that he would exercise his "brotherly rights" enough to spend several hours "helping" him with his homework. He was more than likely to annoy Nagi into slamming him into a wall than help him, something Crawford knew and at times counted on. There was that kind of malicious joy when those visions turned up - and as long as he wasn't injured too badly to participate in a mission the American wouldn't object. He had been paired up with Schuldig since day one but they had never warmed up to each other no matter what they had been through. Schuldig was his subordinate, not his equal despite what he might believe at times, and Crawford counted on Nagi to bring him down whenever he took too many liberties and broke the rules the older man had set. Of all of them, the telekinetic was the one best suited to stop him - Crawford might see it coming as well as Farfarello could usually avoid having Schuldig mess with his head - but it was Nagi who actually had the raw power to keep him in line.

"On the other hand," he continued as he studied his teammate with a bored expression, "that would perhaps be too trying for you." He knew that it had been the wrong thing to say as the younger man grinned and he got a momentarily vision of the telekinetic's burning books. He had no wish to try and explain to Nagi's teachers what had happened to them - they already had their eyes on them for the simple reason that Nagi was underaged and was living with three foreigners - all male. And the way two of them could behave did nothing to help the boy's case... At times, Crawford was grateful that at least one of his teammates was sane enough to be relied upon, even if it happened to be the youngest one. The Japanese was at least quiet and would mind his own business, unlike some. He glared at the redhead again, locking his eyes with the cold jade ones again.

"You're no fun, you know that?!" Schuldig pouted angrily and crossed his arms over his chest as he tried to glare the American down. Crawford almost smiled at attempt - eight years and counting, the redhead had never succeeded. Not for lack of trying of course; this was another of the "games" they played frequently, and another one that Crawford was sick and tired of.

"That has already been determined. Now, get the hell out of here before I throw you out." His eyes became colder again as he met the younger man's and unsurprisingly, Schuldig held his gaze for a few moments before averting his own. He knew by now which battles he would win, and which ones he would lose and this was one of them. His eyes fastened on the desk again and the way his eyebrows furrowed told the American that he was thinking hard. Schuldig was so easy to read sometimes, when he forgot himself or was going to have an episode. No vision came to him about that though, so the older man shrugged it off as he pretended to study his papers again.

"But I'm boooored!" The whine was not totally unexpected and he looked up to see that the German was going to play his "I'm-a-spoiled-five-year-old-brat"-game that he hated more than anything else. It was time to give him something to do, or the ache that was already spearing though his head would not be gone for at least a day. He closed his eyes for a moment, checking on the future to see what it had in store for them and which action would be safe to take. Following the different threads, he ran his mental fingers along them as images flittered through his mind, images of the annoying bastard that almost had the American smiling again. Someone was carrying around on a lot of bad karma...

He opened his eyes again, the malicious heat lurking in their depths would have been enough for anyone to decide to tread a little more carefully. "Why don't you go and needle Weiss for a while? Keep them occupied..." Watching the words sink in Crawford barely caught the smile before it emerged on his face as Schuldig's mood changed from bored to predatory. The American had forbidden any contact with the other assassins for a number of months now and the German was not one to pass up an opportunity like this to antagonise the white hunters. He cocked his head to the side again, the grin widening as he turned on his heels and sauntered over to the door. Of course Crawford would have had a vision about it, or he wouldn't have given him "permission" to approach them, but at the moment Schuldig was bored enough to not give a damn about it. He knew that the older man wouldn't let any harm come to him, because how much the American might hate him, there was also no way in hell that he would take the time and the effort to search out another telepath or empath to replace him with. Crawford believed in efficiency and had spent far too long to mold the German into what he wanted - within reason, of course; no one controlled Schuldig unless he allowed it - to let him go now.

"You know, Braddy-boy... I believe that playing with the kittens might just be enough..." He caught the startled hum of the older man's thoughts as he slammed the door shut behind him. But he missed the smile on Crawford's face as he sunk back down in his chair.

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End of Part I

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Perhaps not the most original of beginnings, but I like to have my Schu-Schu playing with the kittens, the sadistic bastard that he is. ;)

Updates/Upcoming fics:

Shadows of Light - Chapter 2 in the works.

Catfight - still working on it. So far 10+ pages of smut… O.o Rewriting a bit to get rid of the spoilers for SoL.

Blood-timeline - still work in progress. Next up in that arc is "Fear" and "Rage" and the missing pieces between them.

Blood Tears - vampire AU that's bugging the hell out of me. Surprise pairings…

Several one shots in the making again - Aya & Crawford, Schuldig & Yohji… One of them is a deathfic … Not going to say so much more than that. ;)