Weiss Kreuz Fan Fiction ❯ Shadows of the Heart ❯ Shadows of the Heart ( Chapter 1 )

Disclaimer: I don't own Weiss Kreuz.

Summary: Everyone has shadows, dark secrets, in their hearts. Even Aya.

Warnings: Rated R for attempted suicide, violence to oneself, and language. Mild Aya/Yoji pairing.

Shadows of the Heart

Rain.

It was pouring from the sky in delicate tear-shaped droplets, soon to be destroyed by some obstacle in its path. The ground was made slick with the water, sending obscure pictures across the concrete sidewalks and asphalt streets. Aya walked through the pounding rain to the Koneko, red hair sticking to his face.

The mission had been long and disappointing. The target had managed to slip under the radar and skip town before he even made it within a mile of the complex. To say that he was pissed would be an understatement. Still, he refused to let that extreme disappointment show on his face.

He brushed the excess water off of his trench coat and entered the apartment. The lights were off. He assumed no one was home. Omi and Ken had another mission and Yoji was probably screwing some easy chick until she was oblivious of her surroundings. He quickly forced Yoji from his thoughts. He was not going to go over his feelings for the man now.

Aya moved quietly to his room and changed out of his sopping-wet mission clothes. He had left out a pair of jeans and a black tank top. He quickly dressed and walked into the older blond's room.

A ritual.

That was how he was going to describe his weekly rounds. He knew Yoji's selection of alcohol was quite extensive. He normally helped himself to a good three bottles of the strongest tequila or vodka the blond had before hurrying to the bathroom.

It was just something he was doing.

<XXXXX>

Yoji blew out the last puff of smoke before tossing the butt of the cigarette over the roof of the apartment building. He felt the rain pouring down on top of him and hurried inside to prevent himself from getting soaked. The last thing he wanted was to get sick when he had a hot date tomorrow night.

A crash sounded from the bathroom and he cautiously walked over to it. He spotted Aya's bedroom door open and realized the redhead was home. Something wasn't right. He knocked on the bathroom door.

"Aya, you okay in there?"

Silence. The redhead was refusing to answer.

Yoji looked at the door and gathered a few tools to pick the lock. Something, Aya's body, was leaning against the door. Yoji shoved it but the stubborn redhead wouldn't move.

"Aya, get the fuck out of the way. What the hell are you doing in there?" There was a sound on the other side of the door. "Aya?"

"Leave me the fuck alone, Kudoh." Yoji flinched.

"Aya, what the hell is going on? You never act like this. Well, you kind of do but never this bad, except for that one time." Yoji closed his mouth and threw himself into the door. He heard Aya grunt. His shoulder throbbed dully.

"Kudoh..."

Yoji ignored the warning tone and rammed into the door again. It still wouldn't budge. Aya was a lot stronger than he was and was leaning heavily against the solid wood door. He hated when Aya acted like this. Perhaps if he told the younger man his true feelings, he wouldn't be such a severe pain in the ass.

Yoji slumped against it and listened.

Drip.

Drip.

Drip.

Yoji's green eyes narrowed in confusion. The facet wasn't known to drip. They had just gotten it fixed. It sure as hell wasn't the rain either. The rain was much louder. There was another crash and he jumped up, pounding on the door.

"Aya, what is your fucking problem? Open the damn door!"

<XXXXX>

Aya watched as the glass from the tequila bottle fell all over the floor. Blood dripped steadily onto the tile, staining the pure white stone. He frowned deeply and reached for the last bottle. He had downed two already. Flipping the cap off, he quickly swallowed half and grabbed a piece of glass.

He ignored the pounding in his head.

Fire coursed through his veins and more crimson stain fell to the floor.

<XXXXX>

Yoji stopped pounding long enough to hear a dull thump on the floor in the bathroom. He struggled with the door again and quickly found it unlocked. He tried to shove it open but something was in front of the door again. He heard Omi and Ken step into the apartment and ran to them, grabbing the younger blond's arm and dragging him to the door.

"Yoji-kun, what's going on?"

"Yeah, Yoji, what happened? One of your girlfriends lock you out while she tries to clean off?"

Yoji gave Ken a scathing look. Yes, he hated Aya at times but he had formed a type of friendship with the redhead, even a secret love interest in the man. He wasn't going to let the stubborn leader do something to die soon.

"Aya's locked himself up in the bathroom and he won't open the door." Ken raised an eyebrow.

"I didn't think you went for men, Yoji. Why do you want to know what he's...?" Yoji's look shut him up.

"I think he tried to...to commit suicide, Omi. I heard a crash."

Omi hurried passed the older blond and knocked on the bathroom door. He didn't get an answer.

"Aya-kun, open up. Please, Aya-kun."

Ken put a hand on Omi's shoulder. The younger blond moved out of the rain as the two older assassins charged the door and threw it open.

Aya was lying, bloody, on the floor.

<XXXXX>

Lined paper.

A black ink pen.

His journal.

Aya remembered writing. His poem. He couldn't recall what it said.

Everything was blank. He looked around. There was nothing within reach.

Pain.

White hot and fresh. Straight, thin, red lines across his pale skin.

Why?

He couldn't answer that. He didn't even know the answer.

Aya.

His sister. She was in a coma.

It was her birthday.

Why?

He didn't know.

<XXXXX>

Lavender eyes opened slowly, having a difficult time focusing. A soft beep came from his right-hand side, alerting him that he was in a hospital. He didn't remember going to one. 'How did I get here?'

A throbbing came from his head and he tried to move his hand to relax it. The appendage wouldn't budge. He was vaguely aware of a figure entering the room as he struggled vainly to get free of the restraints. A gentle hand landed on his arm, catching his attention.

"Aya-kun, just relax. You're going to strain your arm even more." Violet eyes turned angrily to Omi. "Don't be angry, Aya-kun."

Omi backed away from the redhead and took a seat. The door to the room opened again and a familiar older redhead stepped inside. Aya ignored her. She looked at Omi and then at Aya.

"Abyssinian, you do know the consequences of this, right?" The woman's crisp tone made him look at her.

"Why am I here?" Manx sighed and passed a hand over her eyes.

"Abyssinian, you could get yourself reassigned again. Suicide is not a way to go to get out of being an assassin. You hit a major vein. You were just lucky that you didn't bleed to death." Aya only stared at her. Inside, he winced. She always made everything sound worse than it felt. He pulled at the restraints and felt Omi's hand on his arm again.

"Aya-kun, why? I thought you were better than this."

He didn't know why. He couldn't answer it.

It was something that had started a few years ago, after his parents were murdered and his sister was placed in a coma. It just started it one day and found himself addicted. It was his masochistic streak.

"You have an appointment with a psychiatrist in two days, Abyssinian. I speak for more than just myself when I say that I don't want to get rid of you. You're one of the best we've had." Without saying anything further, Manx turned on her heel and left. Aya faced Omi.

"Who brought me here?" Omi blinked.

"Yoji was trying to get to you. He and Ken were the ones that broke down the bathroom door." Aya calculated what little events he could remember. He could recollect that Yoji had been pounding on the door. Did the man actually care more about him than those sluts he slept with? Did he care about the older blond? Love? "Aya, what caused you to do this?"

Aya's mind drifted further away from the present, back into the past.

The squealing of tires.

Takatori.

His sister in a coma.

The Crashers.

Weiss.

Murderer.

He shut his eyes. He couldn't take the memories. He looked away from Omi and gripped the sheet over him.

Murderer.

"Aya-kun, is everything all right? Aya?"

"Omi, leave me alone." The teenager nodded and stood up. Aya turned to him once more. "Don't you feel like a murderer?" Omi sat back down.

"Is this what everything's about, Aya?" Aya swallowed. "I do, Aya. I feel like one everyday. Believe me, I used to do exactly what you're doing now." Omi paused, his voice lowering. "It's not worth it. Stay with your friends, with us."

Omi got to his feet and headed for the door. He heard the thanks spoken softly to him and nodded. He left the room, leaving Aya to think about what had happened.

<XXXXX>

*A few days later*

Aya looked down at the notebook the psychiatrist had given him. Write his thoughts. He gave an annoyed grunt and flipped through the blank pages. He went back to the first page and picked up a pen.

Write down his thoughts.

His thoughts. His sister. Yoji. Possible love.

He began scribbling down words.

Walking the halls of my own misery
Remembering the unforgettable
Comatose
Like the wandering spirit
Of a virginal angel
Never knowing what I do
To
To keep her safe
Crimson death
Streaming everywhere
I have nowhere to turn
Having to speak in cold tones
Opening up only to my imouto
Despair
Wanting to be loved
Undeserving of it
These violet eyes of mine
Needing to understand
Remaining empty
I am an assassin