Weiss Kreuz Fan Fiction ❯ Shattered Hope ❯ ...then, there were three... ( Chapter 1 )

Comments: Sorry, this is the same author as psychotic_farfarello. I stopped writing for three years because I've been very busy with my life. Unfortunately, the e-mail account I used for my farfarello account has closed, so I had to use another username.

Also, I skipped chapter 14 at the moment since I am in no mood to write a decent lemon scene right now, but I will get back to that. Plus I wanted to give the story more plot… for this chapter we have Youji's thoughts… and Schu's thoughts… and… ^__^ You'll have to read it to find out!!

Angst Angst and more Angst!! Please enjoy Shattered Hope Chapter 15!! ^_^

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My body hurt in more places than I ever thought I had, then again… I had undergone more things than I ever thought myself capable of in the past week. Nothing mattered to me tonight… I was too tired… too happy maybe~ at some point. I mused a little about what had transpired earlier tonight--- most of it was just a blur of sex, smoke, and untamed pleasure. God, that almost sounded like a title for a porn flick~ I laughed at my own joke softly as I wrapped Schuldich's coat tighter around myself. The German had lent it to me upon realizing that I was barely clothed against the near-winter coldness of the night. However, for some reason I felt all warm and fuzzy inside--- WARM AND FUZZY??! What the fuck~ oooooookay… I did NOT just say that, Damn!! This fatigue must be getting to my head. I heaved a soft sigh as I leaned back on the hood of the German's sleek, black car. But I yelped and jerked away as soon as my leather-clad bum grazed the unbelievably cold steel surface. “Crap.” I quietly cursed under my breath.

“You better not be crapping on my car Katzchen~” Was it just me or did my ears actually turn red? Tsk. It must've been the cold. I turned in the direction of that all-too-familiar voice and meekly shook my head. I simply stood there like a dumb-founded idiot as Schuldich walked towards me, his undeniably tight leather pants making small squeaky sounds as he walked, his fiery orange hair rustling against the material of his shirt--- his shirt which clung almost perfectly to his sculpted torso--- his torso---

“what's the matter Katzchen, cat got your tongue?”

I gave a whimper of surprise when I felt strong fingers cup my chin brusquely, interrupting my train of thought. The German broke into a grin, finding my current confusion amusing. I swallowed on a lump in my throat before attempting to answer his hanging question. “Iie.. I—I w-was just… uh… j-just thinking some uh… s-stuff over… master.” I stuttered almost incoherently. Fuck, I felt like a child confessing to stealing the tallest pencil from the teacher's pencil box. To my surprise, Schuldich's grin widened and I felt his fingers slightly caress my cheek. “Is my Katzchen tired? Had a little too much fun for the night?” I felt a weird current run through me from where his fingers pressed against my cheek. There seemed to be no teasing or mocking in my master's question so I found myself nodding before I could even think things over.

“Ja—then it's time for us to go home ne Katzchen?” Master suddenly placed both his hands on my cheeks and pulled me towards him. I yelped a little in surprise, but was quickly silenced when I realized that his face was so close to mind that I could actually feel the heat emanating from him. The telepath pressed his forehead against mine, his frame seemed to be looming over me and his hair fell around my face like a curtain of fire. I found myself unable to move, it was as if all my joints were frozen solid and my throat had dried up that I would only part my lips without eliciting any sound. I stood there frozen, even when I felt his fingers curling in my hair, his breath heavy on my face, his eyes staring--- burning right through mine. I was dumb-struck and I found my throat even drier than hell itself.

There was a tense silence between us as we stared wordlessly at each other for what seemed like aeons. I heard him murmur something softly, I didn't understand what Schuldich said but I simply smiled at him, because somehow I felt that it was the right thing to do. But when he looked at me again, he quickly pulled away and turned his back to me saying, “I'll just--- go pick up something… something I forgot inside. Be right back Katzchen.”

I felt so confused… what just happened??! Why did he suddenly pull away and brush-off what he did just like that? I could feel a heavy weight crash against my chest, but I didn't know what it was. I wanted to call out to him, I wanted to ask him so many questions, I wanted him to tell me why--- I opened my mouth and called out to him weakly. “M-Master…?” I didn't know if I even wanted him to answer at all. Schuldich stopped and fro a minute he seemed to want to look back at me, but his gaze was pinned to the ground. Then as if reaching a resolve with himself, he walked on… leaving me to plague over my thoughts which seemed to crash and burn inside my very head as I watched him walk away.

I felt my head throb as I watched the telepath disappear back into the building. I clenched my teeth as I ran my fingers through my hair. I threw my head back as if to scream, but I simply stood there--- staring at the seemingly starless sky. “What the hell is wrong with me??!” I hissed bitterly at the night sky. I bit my lower lip to keep it from quivering as I leaned almost bonelessly against the nearest telephone post, leaning against it like it was the only thing left that kept me on my feet. I heaved another sigh as I buried my hands in my pockets. “I am so fucked up…”

I let my eyes wander, not really focusing on anything--- I just let my eyes accept that flood of images which soon flooded my brain as well. Nothing… everything seemed to be so pointless at this point. More than that, I felt the familiar sting of loneliness welling up inside me… and I hated it~ more than this black hole that I've fallen so willingly into. I couldn't understand anything… couldn't understand the situation I'm in, couldn't understand HIM, heck~ I couldn't even understand myself. I need a cigarette…

I dug my hands into the pockets of my coats, looking for cigarette and a lighter. Once finding these, I placed the cigarette between my lips and lifted the lighter to it, then I realized that this was not my coat… nor my cigarette… nor my lighter~ these were Schuldich's things. I shut the lighter and took the cigarette from my lips then stuffed them back into the coat's pockets… I didn't need to get all the more infected. After a few more minutes of mindless contemplation, I decided to go home--- without waiting for the telepath. So without a second thought, I turned away from Schuldich's car and started walking home.

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The Koneko was dark, it didn't surprise me~ I doubt any of the guys would be up t his late… or this early in the morning. I groped my pants pockets for my key~ Oh shit… I forgot them--- again. I shrugged, might as well try to get in. I turned the knob and surprisingly, it was open. It must be my lucky day today I thought to myself with a smile as I entered the dark flower shop. But at the back of my mind, the fact that the door was open at this time bothered me… it wasn't like Aya at all to leave things so… so… “not right.”

Before I could even mull these things over, a sharp voice intruded the velvet blackness of the Koneko. “Youji.” Fuck… “Aya.” I managed to say clearly, even when I felt my stomach eat itself~ speaking of the devil… here he is now. My smile was clearly gone, replaced by a more serious expression--- but nothing like what Aya had on. Aya had a--- well… “Kudou Youji… You die tonight” look written all over his face as he turned on one of the dim lights by the counter, not once taking his eyes off me.

“Uh… Ohiyoo Aya…?” I made a pathetic attempt to start a conversation with out oh-so-stoic leader. “Nice coat.” Was Aya's sharp--- not to meantion deadly reply, I felt sarcasm drip all over his words. Shit, I had forgotten to leave the coat. “Uh, thanks~ I got it from--- uh…” Damn, I was fresh out of excuses~ great going Youji, that's strike 1 million and 2 with Aya. “I know where you got it, so you can cut the small talk.” Aya's voice sounded even colder than ever, so cold that I found myself slightly terrified. I was out of ideas… I was too tired to take this crap… so do I just come out and say it? Hey Aya, I've been fucking around with Schuldich! You know, MASTERMIND of SCHWARZ… our mortal enemy!! Isn't it exciting??! “Fuck up…” I said to the stupid little voice in my head. It's not like I can anyway… “Look Aya, it's just a dumb coat okay? Can we just drop this… I'm tired.” I waved my hand dismissively as I turned to leave.

I didn't get very far… more like two steps--- or a step and a half, before Aya's eyes made me stop against my will. “I know about you and mastermind.” Aya's voice made me wince. Holy… how did he--- “I saw you.” Well that answered my question. I wanted to dig a hole in the ground and hide there and pretend that this wasn't happening. I found myself speechless, unable to deny anything or even defend myself from the confrontation. The only thing that seemed to be prevalent in my mind that time was why Aya hasn't gutted me with his katana yet. “I---I…” I wanted to say something, I wanted to tell Aya it was nothing--- that I wasn't giving plans or shit or whatever to Schuldich… I wanted to tell him that nothing personal was going on between us~ We were just fucking around--- I wanted to tell him that there was nothing going on between us that was more than skin deep. I wanted to tell Aya all of that… but somehow I couldn't… I just couldn't.

“JUST TELL ME WHY YOUJI!!” Aya's voice grew louder as he slammed both palms on the counter, leaning over it as if it was the only thing keeping him from eating me alive. I looked at him, our faces mere inches from each other--- amethyst eyes seemed to want to look into my very being for the answer their owner wanted… but I had none… I had no answers. I leaned on the counter too… and looked at Aya face to face, I hated being in this kind of situation… and right now I was driven into a corner--- and I was making no attempt to escape.

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:: Schuldich ::

Shit Schu! Get a hold of yourself… my mind was a world and one more chaotic than it usually was--- my thoughts seemed to be in pandemonium and I couldn't control them. I was at a loss… I was getting confused and the feeling terrifies me more than anything. I was used to always being on top of the situation, everything and everyone was fair game--- but right now I felt otherwise… and it's killing me~ literally.

What the hell did I just do??! What the fuck did I just say to him just then… Schön Katzchen… Schön… WHAT THE FUCK!! And the way he smiled when he did--- the stupid lout was making it harder for himself… and for me. Fuck it--- I don't know what's going on with me. When I held him… I wanted to do it… I wanted to--- but I just couldn't~ I couldn't… God knows I couldn't do it. You're an idiot Schu~ why the hell are you messing up??!

He had called me back there… I wanted to look back at him~ I wanted to answer his unspoken questions--- which I heard all the more clearly in my head… which resound and haunt me even at this point. “Why…” I repeat to myself… Damn you Kudou, don't ask me that--- because I have no answers for you… I don't even have answers for myself.

I downed another shot… feeling the liquid fire burn down my throat. It felt good… but it didn't numb my mind. I was sitting by the bar--- I told the blonde to wait for me outside. Tsk~ I forgot something? Yeah right… I was just too fucking messed up to look at him, I'd probably mess up even more if I had stayed out there. A couple more minutes wouldn't hurt--- I just needed to clear my head~ the other way around wouldn't hurt.

After around three more shots and a ton of cursed thoughts, I decided to go back out there. Go back out to him… but when I went out, I saw my car--- but no Katzchen. Where the hell did he go? Tsk… just like him to just leave without a word--- just like me to do the same thing. To hell with this~ I briskly walked over to my car and got in. I felt something poking me in my back pocket, I fished it out and saw that it was my kitten's collar. Hmmm… must've put it in there a while ago… I guess I'll just have to return it ne? I felt my lips stretch slightly to form a smirk as I drove my car to the flower shop.

The flower shop wasn't very far… a few minutes drive actually. I parked at a rather far corner, just to avoid any suspicions… I can't take any more risks that I already am at the moment. I twirled the collar playfully around my index finger as I strolled down the street to the shop. It was dark inside the shop, but the dim light I could see told me that someone was up… and was talking. As usual, my curiosity got the better of me and I found myself peering into the slight opening of the partially closed door.

What I saw then made me freeze on the spot, eyes wide, and my mind trying to comprehend what I was seeing. Katzchen… and… and--- I felt an undeniable rage swell up in my chest and I had to bite my fist to keep from pounding the nearest object into pulp. I couldn't understand it--- it was almost uncontrollable… it was anger in its purest form… it was pain in its hottest form burning through me like I was made of hay and gasoline. I bit on my lip so hard to keep from shouting… so hard that it began to bleed and I could taste my blood on my tongue. I shut my eyes and tried to calm myself--- I pressed my palm flat against the wall, depending on it to keep me from going down on my knees and pounding the sidewalk to cement. I felt my chest tighten so much that I felt my heart would just leap out to avoid being crushed. Which… at this moment I wish it would--- I wish it would just leap out and die. I was breathing heavily, and I felt sweat drip down my face even if it was an unusually cold night--- I couldn't explain it… but I knew the feeling was there… whatever it was… I hated it.

I forced myself to stand upright, squared my shoulders and turned to leave for my car. Fuck this. I felt something crunch under my foot as I walked. I stopped and realized that it was the collar… the silver letter “S” completely torn away from the leather… Tsk. I looked at it bitterly, then walked on--- ignoring the only concrete proof of my hold over him. Scratch that… I owned his body… his body is mine--- but nothing more than that.

I got into my car and drove off… without a second glance at the dimly lighted flower shop.

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:: Youji :::

I looked away from Aya suddenly, I heard something… or I thought I heard something. I looked back at our stoic leader, who for some reason did not look stoic at all at the moment. He merely looked at me… as if he still wanted me to answer his question. “Why…” I looked at the pale surface of the counter, noticing slightly how much paler Aya was.

“I don't know… I really don't know.”

“Then at least tell me… Why him… Why not…

why not… anybody else…”

Fuck Aya… I don't know anything… I don't know how to answer any of your questions!! Anybody else??! Who else would I go to with this--- this thing that I have… this thing that I didn't even know I was capable of… Damn it--- I don't need this right now. “Look, I need to think a lot of things over okay?” I looked at the red-head before I walked back out of the Koneko.

I didn't go very far, something glinting on the pavement caught my eye. I bent to over to get a better look at it.

Leather…

Silver…

I felt my heart plunge into the deepest recesses of my soul… and shatter into a million pieces.

“Oh my God.”