Weiss Kreuz Fan Fiction ❯ The War of the Roses ❯ Chapter 1 ( Chapter 1 )

Disclaimer: Their not mine, unfortunately. So don't sue.

Warnings: humor, some kind of silly, lemon (but censored to lime), uhm maybe language (not sure about that)

Summary: Schuldig gets caught by Ran - but instead of killing Schu (as Schu wanted him to) Ran persuades him to help him against a dangerous villain - one that makes even Schwarz look harmless. ;-)

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Chapter 1

Why did this kind of shit always happen to him? Schuldig stared over the railing of the bridge at the freeway under him. What crime had he done to deserve it? Yeah, sure, he was an assassin of Schwarz, but that could hardly be enough to justify such a cruel punishment! And to him of all people! He had always been so proud of it! And now this! How could this only happen? He had never really thought about it, had always took it for granted. Sure, he was young, and like every other youth he never thought that sometime something wouldn't function like it used to. And even if the thought had crossed his mind for seconds, he always had assumed that it would happen - if at all - many, many years in the future. When he would be old. And it wouldn't matter anyway. But not now!

Schuldig closed his eyes agonised and took another sip from the bottle. And it had happened all of a sudden. One day he was still able and the next day he wasn't. He clearly could remember the shock as nothing happened for the first time ever. First he couldn't believe that it wouldn't work. After all it never happened to him before. Never ever!

And then he had met that young man, had flirted with him, everything had been absolutely normal, but when it started to get serious and he tried to do it, he failed! He simply wasn't able to do it! And he really tried everything to make it happen. But nothing had helped. God, it had been so embarrassing! And that hadn't been the only time that it hadn't functioned. Later, when he had been alone in his room he had tried it again, but nothing had happened. He felt so terrible. What should he only do? Schuldig suppressed a sob.

`Realise it, Schuldig. Accept it. You are...' God, he couldn't even think the word!

Schuldig opened his eyes and stared down again. Since that horrible moment he had done nothing else than make himself drunk. To forget. But it didn't work, he hadn't forgotten anything. And just how could you forget anything like this anyway? That wasn't possible! He could impossibly go back to Schwarz like that. It was too embarrassing. And the others would surely notice something.

Brad was probably already guessing it, he had been looking weird at him, as if he knew that Schuldig was - only half a man. Schuldigs face burned at the idea that Brad had seen him in one of his visions, had seen how he tried to... Could there be anything more humiliating? Except if the other two would offer to help him with his problem. Farfarello's idea of help would probably include lots of knives, and to seek the help of an arrogant child like Nagi... He wasn't THAT desperate. Not yet.

Staggering Schuldig pushed of the railing and started to reel along the street. How much of that stuff had he drunk already? And just what was that stuff anyway? Schuldig couldn't remember were he had gotten the bottle. It tasted simply disgusting!

`If you drink too much of that shit it will probably kill you. But with my luck I'll only get blind by it. Great. That would fit. Then I'm not only an incapable but also a blind assassin. Just great.'

Schuldig staggered on. He didn't notice that he meanwhile was walking in the middle of the street. He noticed the honking cars and their cursing drivers but he didn't care. If one of them would furiously run him over, so what? It was of no use anyway. And at least his martyrdom would have an end. But unfortunately none of the car drivers wanted to do him the favour.

`Shit, then I have to think of a solution myself after all.' Deep in thoughts he murmured, "Perhaps if I... - no, too much trouble. Or I could... - no, that would be quite painful, wouldn't it? Better not. How about... - oh god no, that really would be too disgusting!"

Schuldig mumbled. Not one of his ideas was useful. Why couldn't he think of anything? He normally wasn't short on a good plan for murder. Maybe it was because of that cheap shit that he had been pouring into him for hours - or had it been days? Hadn't he somewhere heard that alcohol destroyed brain cells? Well, at least one of them who took care of his job! Schuldig grinned stupidly at the bottle.

Still giggling Schuldig raised his head to look around for the first time. Maybe his surroundings would offer a good opportunity that he could use. Surprised he realised how far he had come, being deep in thoughts. He was standing directly in front of the "Kitten in the House", the ridiculous flower shop that Weiß was using as disguise. As if Schwarz ever had been fooled by it! Schuldig snorted.

`I really wanna know who came up with this stupid name," he mused. `Probably all of them. A vote with ballots, very democratic.' He could imagine it quite clearly.

Schuldig started again to giggle. And then he had a truly brilliant idea! Right, he would do it like that! That he hadn't immediately thought of it! It truly was a masterly plan! And so clean and simple! He would simple break into the Weiß HQ and he would be so clumsy that they would catch him in any case! And of course Weiß would kill him when they catch him, a Schwarz, breaking and entering their headquarters. At least that was what Schwarz would do if it was the other way round and therefore Weiß would act as well. It would only be logical! Highly satisfied with himself Schuldig rounded the building to search a window which he could use to enter.

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Proudly Ran looked about the living room. He had really done a good job! The whole room beamed of tidiness, the furniture was polished, the carpet vacuum-cleaned and nowhere lay the scrawniest dust particle. He had also geometrically adjusted the furniture, the TV was standing parallel to the coffee table and both armchairs were standing in a right angle to the sofa. Now everything had a system! It was truly unbelievable how inaccurate the others took everything. They didn't care if the armchairs were standing askew or the table got stains because nobody thought of using coaster! Ran had needed ages to remove the stains but now the surface was shining again.

Yoji, Ken and Omi were away for some days and therefore Ran had finally the time - and the opportunity- to thoroughly clean the house. And in every room too! Usually the others always threw him out if he wanted to clean their rooms. But now they couldn't detain him and after the three had left this afternoon Ran and his lock picks had set to work. As if he could be stopped by locked doors! Ran had made an exact time schedule and if he would be able to keep it he would have enough time to attend to his little project. First he had cleaned the ground floor and now he could clean upstairs.

Ran took his cleaning utensils and went upstairs. Which room should he take care of first? Ken's room surely needed it badly. But the last time he had entered Ken's room unarmed he had been attacked by something that looked alarmingly like Ken's old gym trousers.

`If Ken is going to only throw his clothes into the corners instead of washing them after playing soccer they're surely going to evolve intelligence sometime. And then it really could get dangerous. Although,' Ran smirked, `it truly would be a change if at least some inhabitant of Ken's room would have intelligence.'

Still smirking Ran passed by Ken's room. Sure, it might be cowardly but he would venture into Ken's room only in the morning with bright daylight and not now in the late afternoon when it's getting dark already. After all he wanted to see what exactly attacked him! Ran decided to start with Omi's room.

Happily humming Ran got to work. He wiped dust, cleaned the windows, collected the laundry - after washing them he would check them to see if they needed patching - and since he already was at it he organised Omi's mangas and arranged them in alphabetical order into the rack. How could the boy only know which mangas he already owned and which not if he hadn't any system in his collection? Ran shook his head uncomprehending.

Suddenly his head came up. Did he hear something clang just now? Ran listened attentively but it seemed he had been mistaken. The noise came from outside probably. He adjusted the kerchief on his head and pulled the bed off the wall to remove the dust behind it as well. If he did something, he did it thoroughly! Ran was so lost in his work that he missed the rumbling first.

"Hey! Anybody there? I'm just breaking and entering! Hello!"

Ran was startled so violently he hit his head on Omi's bed. Damned! Did anybody just yell? Were the other Weiß already back? That early? Ran frowned. That couldn't be. Moreover, the voice didn't sound like the voices of Yoji, Ken and Omi. Ran didn't really know whose voice it was, but it sounded vaguely familiar - and definitely drunk. Ran went into the hall and opened his mouth to call downstairs when he heard things being thrown around and breaking to pieces in the living room.

That simply couldn't be! He just tidied the room! And wiped all the beautiful vases and put them into the cupboards! The clinking sounds got louder and Ran really became angry. The image of someone destroying the painstaking work of a whole day horrified him that much that he rushed down the stairs and into the living room without arming. He stopped abruptly.

The living room was a catastrophe. The table was overthrown, the cupboards opened and everywhere lay shards. Ran nearly cried when he saw it. He had really exerted himself to clean this room! Someone was going to pay for it! He looked round the room und discovered the destroyer at the bookshelf where he took one book after another out of the shelf, browsed the covers quickly and threw them over his shoulders on the floor.

"Hey! What do you think you're doing?" Ran hadn't been that angry for a long time. "Stop it at once!"

The other one turned around and grinned drunkenly at him. "Oh, someone here after all."

Ran couldn't believe his eyes. There, across from him, in the middle of the Weiß headquarter stood a member of Schwarz and clung unsteady to the shelf. That couldn't be true. Schwarz couldn't simply break into their house and destroy everything! That was outrageous, that was… Ran was at a loss for words. That was not allowed! Right! And less than ever after he had taken great pains to clean everything! That meant war! Without thinking further he jumped at the Schwarz and hit him on the head with the feather duster which he was still holding in his hand.

To his astonishment the Schwarz didn't defend himself. And although the blow hadn't been that hard - after all, it was only a feather duster! - the Schwarz keeled over like a cut down tree. Ran stood in the middle of the havocked living room and stared at the unconscious Schwarz at his feet.

"Damned! And what am I going to do with him now?"

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Schuldig slowly regained consciousness. The first thing he felt was a raving headache. He groaned. Perhaps he should cut back a little with the alcohol in the near future. It didn't help to forget and into the bargain he now had an enormous hangover too. The next thing he noticed was that he couldn't move. Strange. He had never heard that people got paralysed from a simple hangover. He tried again to move and now he felt ropes cutting into his wrists and ankles. Ah! So he wasn't paralysed but tied up!

Schuldig was relieved, tied up was always better than paralysed, wasn't it? Wait a sec! Tied up? Why was he tied up? Schuldig pondered over the question. What was the last thing he remembered? He had broken into the Weiß HQ, he still knew that. It hadn't been that difficult, he only had to brake a window on the ground floor, no problem at all. Then he entered. And from there his nice plan started to go wrong. Because nobody had been there! The headquarter was absolutely empty! He hadn't really been able to believe it! Those amateurs were all gone and had left their HQ unguarded!

This thought outraged Schuldig the second time just like it had the first time. So he had decided to spend the time valuable while waiting for the Weiß assassins. He had planned to trash the house a little bit to make them truly angry when they finally returned. But then it turned out that apparently not all Weiß were gone. The pretty, red-headed kitten was still there and had caught him wreaking havoc. Schuldig remembered everything now. The kitten had called something and Schuldig had turned around.

And then he had seen him. But what he had seen couldn't be true. That would be too kinky. Even for Weiß. Probably he had imagined everything. Right, it had been a hallucination! Others saw white mice or pink elephants when being drunk, and Schuldig saw…

`Right, definitely no more alcohol.' The consequences were too horrible. Anyway, shortly after that he must have lost consciousness. Or had he been knocked down? Schuldig wasn't sure, but one of that must have happened or he wouldn't lay tied up in the dark.

Schuldig frowned. It was really pretty dark in here. He must have been unconscious for a very long time. It had been afternoon when he entered the Weiß HQ and now it seemed to be in the middle of the night. Not even the moon gave some light. Or had the Weiß locked him up somewhere in the basement, without windows and light? Or worse, had he gone blind? Schuldig groaned horror-stricken. Had the alcohol after all…? He closed his eyes more tightly.

His eyes! That was the answer! Therefore it was that dark! He hadn't opened his eyes yet! Schuldig breathed a sigh of relieve, he wasn't blind after all. He blinked carefully to accustom to the bright lights and finally opened his eyes completely. Only to wish he had left them closed.

`Oh god, it wasn't an imagination!' In front of him stood the maniac for housework in person, properly dressed in an apron with small pink flowers and frills, matching kerchief and a big feather duster.

`I'm dead and in hell. Please, let it be hell!' Schuldig closed his eyes agonised. But it was too late. The image was already burned into his brain.