Weiss Kreuz Fan Fiction ❯ Trust ❯ One-Shot

Trust

<A/N: A NagiSchu. Lots of exposition, lots of sex. I felt I ought to have a reason for the sex. I'm not a PWP person. You're welcome to skip straight to the sex, if you like.

Disclaimers: Nagi and Schu aren't mine. Or Weiss. Or anyone else in their world. It's a nice thought, but I don't even get any money for this. So suing me is an utter waste of time, though if you use this in the series I'll happily sue you. Make millions of raid yaoi fangirls happy, and me rich… go on, you know you want to.

Warnings: yaoi, lemon (my first real lemon, really), shounen ai, probable fluff though I've done my best to stay away, lots of really boring talk and theories taking up about the first three quarters… >

Nagi leant back in his chair. The back creaked as he stared at the pale ceiling, eyes tracing brown watermarks like storm clouds gathering on the once white surface. The computer hummed, an empty, lifeless sound. Contrary to popular belief, at least in the Schwarz household, he didn't like the toneless murmur.

A voice broke him out of his reverie. Nasal and accented, it intruded, unwelcome, on Nagi's solitary contemplation. "I suppose you're not doing anything illegal on there? And you should know better than to call anything `solitary' in this place." The smirk was evident in the tone.

"I should," Nagi agreed blandly.

"So, what are you doing, Bishie?" Schuldig grabbed a chair from under a nearby desk and swung it around to straddle the seat, arms resting on the back.

"Don't call me that. Reading."

"That's a computer. You read from books. Even I know that, and I'm luck to recognise my own name," Schuldig told him scornfully.

"Ebooks. I was reading Frankenstein."

"Why do you read so much?" Schuldig asked out of genuine curiosity.

Nagi picked up on the tone and found himself replying much more candidly than he would have otherwise. "I'm trying to replace the memories," he said softly. "The new ones ought to push out the old, eventually."

"You practically memorise those things," Schuldig observed.

"Exactly. I`m not likely to get any particularly positive memories of my own, so I might as well borrow other peoples."

"You're reading Frankenstein," Schuldig said, disbelieving. "Doesn't everyone die? I thought it was all about torture and pain and prejudice and crap."

"It is. I like Gothic Horror novels. I can identify." Schuldig didn't dispute that the teen assassin had a lot in common with the tragic, hurt creatures that roamed the gothic novels taking revenge on an unjust and unfeeling race.

"Not exactly positive memories, are they?"

"Still better than the ones I've got." Nagi's voice was calm and collected, not betraying a hint of feeling.

Schuldig let it drop. "So, what's in that window?" he gestured to the computer screen. "Hacking, right? At the same time as reading. "

"I'm taking a look at Kritiker's files." Still emotionless.

"Again?"

"Things change. Weiss had another mission."

"Anything interesting happen? Out of the ordinary?"

Nagi gave him a steady look. "How do you mean?" he asked. "It was no one we knew, or are connected to. Nothing particularly traumatic happened to any of the members of Weiss-"

"So something very unusual, then?" Nagi almost smiled at Schuldig's light humour. Schuldig caught the reaction suppressed a smile of his own.

"No one injured," Nagi continued. "Well, except the deceased." Schuldig didn't suppress the smile this time. Nagi's lips twitched, but he wasn't one to laugh at his own jokes.

"You want a Chinese or a pizza? Or we could get sushi, or there's that Indian that opened just down the road. What about Thai? Feelin' hot?" Schuldig touched Nagi and hissed, pretending to be burnt. Nagi gave him a look that read `this is very juvenile humour and I won't be amused by it'. Schuldig prodded Nagi's shields slightly. Oh yes, inside he was laughing.

"Why do we always have take away?" Nagi asked, slumping over the back of his own seat. "I mean, you can cook if you put your mind to it, Crawford always makes himself supper, I can boil and fry stuff, and even Farfarello can cook."

"Ja, because we really want to be eating food with names like `Toad in the Hole' and `Spotted Dick'. And haggis. You know what's in that stuff? You don't want to know!" Schuldig stuck his tongue out. "All those bits you wouldn't feed one of Masifumi's experiments." A tremor ran through Nagi's shoulders, but not a sound escaped his lips. When your life had depended on silence, you laughed and cried in silence. "And you don't want my cooking, chibi. I conform to the stereotype and do sausages. And they're just tubular haggis, when you get right down to it."

"So if I don't want takeaway I have to feed myself?" Nagi sighed.

"Like Crawfie." Nagi conceded the point.

"They practically live off the stuff," Schuldig said. Nagi frowned at him. Schuldig waved a head vaguely. "Weiss. They do have to have takeaways. You were thinking otherwise."

"True."

"You've been thinking about them a lot. Something I should know?" Schuldig cupped Nagi's chin in his hand. "You can confide in me, or you can let me find out on my own. Either way, I'm going to know."

"I know," Nagi sighed. "You know every fucking thing. What are you implying?" he asked bitterly.

"A crush? Omi keeping your hormones flying? Ken keeping you awake at night? Thoughts of Yohji invading your consciousness, or Ran keeping you company in the shower?" Schuldig leered, but he managed to look sympathetic at the same time. His fingers caressed Nagi's cheek.

"What? No!" Nagi stared at him, aghast. "I know you've made a pact with yourself to sleep with all of them, but some of us aren't such whores."

"Ouch." Schuldig withdrew his hand. "That's a bit low."

"Are you expecting an apology?" Nagi glowered at him. "I think about them because they are our mortal enemies. I think about them because they represent a threat to us. I think about them because everyone else seems to!"

"Conformist," Schuldig said it like a dirty word. "There's an emotion there, Nagi. I ain't a telempath, but it's like a current in a river. You can't see it, but you can see how it affects everything else, and work out that it's there. And all your thoughts are flowing with this current. You know what Crawford's like: he'll say it's unprofessional, to be anything other than apathetic towards those we're going to kill."

"I know. He wants us to be apathetic to pretty much everything." The bitterness in Nagi's voice stung Schuldig.

"You're still sore over the whole Tot thing?"

"That's how you all saw it!" Nagi accused. "A `thing'. Bastards!" Schuldig felt his chair start moving towards the door, but he grabbed the back of Nagi's and, as it was on wheels, Nagi found the distance between them getting no greater.

"He's right," Schuldig told him.

Nagi stared at him. The chairs slowed to a halt. "I know," he said sadly. Schuldig stood up, awkward with this almost display of emotion from Nagi. He pressed a hand to Nagi's shoulder, squeezing it gently. Nagi leant into the touch.

"Something else is on your mind a lot," Schuldig murmured. "Something about Schwarz?"

"We trust each other," Nagi told him. He gestured to the futon, and they both moved to sit on it. Schuldig sprawled out, while Nagi sat demurely, cross-legged, on a pillow.

"You think so?" Schuldig frowned at the ceiling. "I mean, we keep Farf in a straightjacket. Not exactly the emblem of trust."

"Crawford never tells us everything that's going to happen, but we trust him to tell us what we need to know and do what's best for us, as a group. You can read our minds, rape our minds, and we trust you not to. Farfarello could gut any one of us, but we let him wander around most of the time and trust we won't be hurt. I could kill all of us with a single thought, stop our hearts or cause blood clots in the brain or rip the spinal cords straight out of our backs, but you guys trust that I won't."

"To be honest, I never realised you could, or might, do that." Schuldig felt a little uncomfortable.

"Exactly. The trust is so implicit we don't have to think about these things."

"You did."

"I've never trusted anyone before."

Schuldig sat up. "Neither have I…" he murmured, suspicion lacing the edges of his voice.

"It's not Rosenkreuz," Nagi aid hastily. "They think competition and suspicion is healthy. They'd rather we fought each other."

"A distraction, to keep us from fighting them?" Schuldig watched Nagi's reaction to this. "I think Crawford has a plan," he admitted. "Perhaps the fact we trust each other has made it obvious that we can't trust them. I dunno. You can feel it, can't you? Something's going to happen and it's going to be BIG."

"Huge," Nagi told him. "Tot had an inkling of… something."

"Be honest with me," Schuldig said suddenly, "what, exactly, was going on between you two? She talked to a stuffed bloody rabbit, for fuck's sake. Not exactly an intellectual relationship."

"It wasn't particularly physical, either," Nagi placed his hands on his knees, looking like an underweight and miserable Buddha. "She was innocent. I felt that ought to be preserved. In our world, it's a valuable commodity."

"Yeah, like Nitro," Schuldig scoffed. "Still," his voice softened, "you did manage to demonstrate that there's something like hope left."

"Until she died."

"Until she died."

"Everyone does," Nagi murmured. "You noticed that? Every time a member of Weiss has attempted a relationship, the girl dies."

"That one girl got away, Ken's lass, you know?"

"Yuriko. Went to Australia. Still, not a good omen."

"Is this it?" Schuldig crawled over and wrapped an arm around Nagi's shoulders. "Life's futile and we're all going to die anyway? What's the point in being happy if it's only going to be taken away from you?"

"Something like that." Nagi pressed his head against Schuldig's side. "You know why most people fight? Because they have something to fight to save. It's when you've nothing to lose that you become really dangerous. None of us ever had anything to lose, so we joined Estet. Weiss have always lost things."

"We have everything to gain," Schuldig pointed out.

"But until we do, there's nothing to hold our affiliation. They have nothing to keep us with them, except our lives. And I don't think any of us are particularly bothered about whether we lose them or not," a hint of desperation eked into Nagi's tone. "We are free, Schuldig."

"Free to die any way we like? Yeah, we're free." Nagi's mood was bringing him down too. "What's the saying? It's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. If you never love anything, you've nothing to lose. You're right, Estet have no hold over us, not really. Our lives, our sanity, our power… they can take them away, but I don't think any of us are particularly in love with them." Schuldig frowned. "No wonder we're the bad guys. We've got everything to gain and nothing to hold us back."

"Tell me about it," Nagi played with one of Schuldig's buttons.

"On the other hand…" Schuldig frowned down at the young man next to him. "We have each other to lose. I doubt it would stop any of us, but it could hurt."

Nagi nodded. Schuldig studied him. Nagi had never been a child. Childhood is about innocence and love and joy, three things Nagi had never had. Nagi had never had anything to lose. It occurred to Schuldig that the saying might be true, except that it was better to have been loved and lost that love than to never have been loved at all. No doubt there were numerous psychologists to back that theory up, or rubbish it entirely, but the wretched image of a human leaning against him, world-weary at only fifteen, was proof enough for Schuldig. Nagi had suffered in fifteen years than most people did in fifteen lifetimes. He had every right to hate the world and want vengeance on those that scorned him. He hated them, but he didn't know what it was he hated, he'd never experienced what it was he resented them for having.

"Schuldig?" Nagi interrupted the older man's flow of thoughts. Something akin to concern hovered on the edge of his voice.

"I have to stop calling you kid," Schuldig said vaguely.

"Okay… Penny for your thoughts?" Nagi frowned worriedly, surprised at the unusual amount of silence for the German.

"You trust me, right?" Nagi nodded. "You never did anything physical with Tot?" Nagi nodded again, confusion marring his gentle features. "There's something about Weiss that bothers you?" Nagi nodded slowly. He'd thought he could predict where the chain of questioning was leading, but Schuldig's new tack had thrown him off completely. "Have you ever… have you ever wished you did have something to lose?"

"Yes," Nagi said hoarsely.

"What did you wish was yours to lose?" Schuldig looked at him, sincerely.

"You," Nagi murmured, blushing. He couldn't look Schuldig in the eye. He couldn't even sit next to him. He scrambled to his feet and stared around the room blankly. Should he leave the room entirely? Should he sit over there? Should he make Schuldig leave? Should-

"Sit," Schuldig commanded. Nagi's legs folded obediently. He frowned at the traitorous limbs. Schuldig smirked until Nagi frowned at him too. "Are you jealous of Weiss?" Schuldig hazarded an accurate guess. "Because I want to sleep with them. They're gorgeous guys, each and every one."

"I know," Nagi's voice was still rough.

"You're pretty stunning yourself," Schuldig told him. Nagi stared at him. "Your father `hurt' you, didn't he? And I'll bet some others have too. I know about living on the streets, and I sure as hell know about Rosenkreuz. You're not a virgin, technically."

"No," Nagi watched him warily. "Not technically, but I'm not sure I think of it like that."

"I know you don't," Schuldig assured him. "You're scared shitless right now. You want me, but the mere desire terrifies you."

"You're not that different from me," Nagi told him. "I know you didn't always go into those things voluntarily, when you were younger. You joined Estet because you gained that choice. You, more than anyone else, know what this is like for me. I'm scared shitless, as you so elegantly put it, but I'm scared a lot. I can work past the fear."

"You have to, or you stagnate," Schuldig smiled. "Stuck in one moment, unchanging. Humans weren't meant for that. You're right, it was rarely voluntary, but I still charged for it. I knew what I was walking into each time, and I knew I couldn't back out." He smirked at his own choice of words. "The past is history, bishie." Nagi's eyes widened, and he flushed.

"History repeats itself," Nagi pointed out.

"Stuff that!" Schuldig leant in and kissed Nagi, briefly, on the lips. The sensation was fleeting, and Nagi found himself leaning forwards, chasing Schuldig's lips as the German moved back to his original position. "I don't want to make you uncomfortable," Schuldig told him, "this is a very tall block of flats."

Nagi chuckled. Out loud. "I have a little more self control than that," he remonstrated Schuldig. He put a hand on Schuldig's hip. Schuldig couldn't suppress a grin at Nagi's `daring'. The sad thing was the chibi really did think he was being boldly flirtatious. Schuldig placed his fingers of Nagi's and entwined them.

Nagi fought the urge to shrink away when Schuldig moved to put his other arm around his slim waist, and Schuldig's hand hovered there, uncertain. "It's okay," Nagi murmured. Schuldig wrapped his arm around Nagi and drew him close to his chest, pressing them together. Large nervous blue eyes stared up at him so close the long eyelashes brushed Schuldig's cheek. Schuldig could feel his heart beating rapidly and an erection strained between his legs. Nagi could feel it too, pressing against his leg, but he forced the memories and the fear that always accompanied them away.

Schuldig kissed him then, pressing his lips against Nagi's. They were soft and silken and Nagi put his heart behind the kiss, opening his mouth to allow Schuldig to explore it. Schuldig could taste the heat of Nagi's body, and a shiver ran down his spine. Nagi put everything he could into the kiss, to get it out of the way. The fear, the longing, the desperation, and sadness and pain. Schuldig could taste it, and he tried to take it into himself. He wanted Nagi to know he was safe, and that he could trust him, and he could let go of it all.

Nagi pulled away. Schuldig let him go, cradling the slender adolescent close to his own slim torso. Nagi's eyes met his own. There was something there that hadn't been before: a confidence almost unseen in Nagi. He had put the fear and everything else to one side, and he was looking forwards to what he knew was to come. Schuldig could feel it, rubbing against his stomach.

"Nagi," Schuldig growled, nipping at the young man's collarbone. "Get those damn clothes off."

Nagi laughed, high on anticipation. "You too?" Schuldig gave him a look.

"What do you fucking think?" he grinned. He grasped the hem of Nagi's trademark shirt and pulled it over Nagi's head. The collar almost throttled Nagi until he managed to find the button while his nipples distracted Schuldig. The item of clothing off, it was tossed to the other side of the room. Schuldig's tongue traced the aureoles around Nagi's nipples, swapping between the two as if undecided which he wanted more. Nagi gasped at the pleasure, but retained enough presence of mind to start undoing the buttons of Schuldig's shirt. Schuldig helped, never taking his face from Nagi's chest, nipping and suckling on the dark nipples.

Both men sat topless on the futon, flushed and aroused. Nagi was breathing heavily, eyes almost shut as he stared at Schuldig's trembling body. One hand came up to caress Schuldig's nipples, uncertain as to what Schuldig expected of him. The uncertainty threatened to destroy the fledgling determination Nagi had gained. Schuldig couldn't let that happen, and kissed Nagi again. Nagi responded much more vigorously than either of their other kisses, battling Schuldig's tongue with his own and eventually taking control of the kiss, forcing his tongue into Schuldig's mouth. His hands dug into Schuldig's mass of hair, pulling slightly.

Schuldig's arms wrapped themselves around Nagi's and his hands slipped under the waistband of Nagi's trousers, fuddling his rear. Nagi's hips arched and he squirmed as cold hands roamed across the bare buttocks and slim thighs. Schuldig moaned into the kiss as Nagi pressed against his erection. Nagi's own hands untangled themselves form one coppery mass of hair to seek out another.

Schuldig broke the kiss to gasp as Nagi skilfully undid his trousers. Unperturbed Nagi moved on to his neck, sucking on the pale skin. Schuldig lifted his hips so Nagi could slide the trousers down his legs. Unable to multitask as easily as Nagi he relied on the younger man removing his own trousers. Nagi was perfectly capable of this, and before long they were both naked at the head of the futon.

Schuldig broke the embrace to regain his wits. Nagi was gasping for air, hair wild and eyes wide. Schuldig reached up to stroke Nagi's cheek.

"Are you absolutely sure this is what you want? I don't want to betray that much vaunted trust you were on about earlier."

"I don't think I could be more certain, Schu. I said earlier I've got a lot of terrible memories to replace. Please, let me replace them with my own, of you. Every time I've done this before it's been…. Well, you of all people know how it's been. I trust you, Schuldig, to make this a pleasant memory." Nagi gazed at him, hands entwined in his lap.

"No pressure then," Schuldig joked weakly, withdrawing his hand. He couldn't take his eyes off of Nagi. The slim pale body, surprisingly scarless despite numerous wounds over the years, the huge deep eyes, the eyes that convinced you they really were a window to the soul, the soft hair flopping over his face… Schuldig kept his sight high, forcing himself not to stare at Nagi's throbbing erection or silky thighs. He swallowed.

"Nagi," he said hoarsely, "I… I want this. I want you. I…"

"I'm not a child, Schuldig," Nagi said firmly. "Maybe legally, but we both know I haven't been a child in a very long time. You're the one at risk here. If I freak out, you could be killed."

"You said earlier none of us considered our lives worth keeping," Schuldig pointed out.

"I think your life is worth keeping," Nagi admitted softly. "I think I ought to warn you, I'm not enjoying being kept waiting like this." Schuldig glanced around. A few of the smaller ornaments were hovering slightly, and cracks were spiderwebbing across the small mirror over the sink in the corner. Nagi looked a bit embarrassed.

"We need lube," Schuldig said in a strangled voice.

"I have some!"

Schuldig stared at Nagi. "Oh," he said eventually. Nagi gestured, and Schuldig glanced around to see a discrete tube hovering next to his ear. He grinned. He could feel Nagi's impatience and need driving the teen wild, and his own wasn't making his life particularly easy either. He snatched the tube from the air and squeezed a liberal amount onto his hand.

It was cool and silky on Schuldig's bloated penis, and he moaned at his own touch. Nagi, apparently concerned he'd be forgotten, moved close to Schuldig again, wrapping his legs around Schuldig's waist and kissing him. Schuldig rubbed his hands together and wrapped one hand firmly around Nagi's erection.

"God, Schu!" Nagi leant his head back as Schuldig stroked the hard member gently. "Harder," Nagi moaned. "Faster, God, Schu, faster!"

Schuldig wasn't a fan of vocal sex, and silenced Nagi with a kiss. Nagi grabbed Schuldig's hand with his fist and tried to force Schuldig into a faster rhythm, but Schuldig refused to give into his demands. He didn't know what sort of stamina Nagi had, and this night was too precious to end too soon.

"Turn around," he growled. Nagi looked blank, lusty eyes dull with pleasure. Schuldig let go of Nagi, to a vehement protest, and used both hands to unwrap Nagi's legs from his waist and turn him so that they faced the same way.

Nagi stiffened almost imperceptibly as he felt Schuldig's slick erection pressing against his buttocks. Schuldig made a semi-soothing noise and started to pump Nagi's erection again. Nagi leant so his head was resting on Schuldig's shoulder, and nibbled the older youth's earlobe.

"Ready?" Schuldig murmured.

"Hell yes," Nagi said with a little false bravado and a lot of sincere enthusiasm.

"Scared?"

"Equally so," Nagi admitted.

Schuldig brought one hand behind Nagi and started to cup his arse, as he had when they'd both been still partially dressed. Nagi squirmed, and Schuldig slipped one finger in. A muffled groan came from Nagi as he bit back a cry of pain. Schuldig fought the urge to reach into Nagi's mind and make him forget the pain. He wanted it to be real, though, and that meant letting Nagi feel everything, good and bad.

A second finger joined the first, and a third. Gently stretching and teasing the narrow opening, Schuldig didn't neglect his other hand, stroking and caressing Nagi's penis, keeping his mind off what would be very painful, at least for a few seconds.

Schuldig explored with his index finger, forcing it further inside until he hit the place that made Nagi howl, in a good way. Nagi's hips bucked as he tried to force himself down on that now welcome digit, but Schuldig withdrew it. Nagi felt the head of Schuldig's erection between his buttocks, and he rocked back to accommodate it.

It hurt as it entered, there was no denying it. Nagi whimpered, and Schuldig felt a stab of his namesake, but he knew, even if Nagi didn't, that what was to come was worth a little pain. Schuldig had been on the bottom of most relationships, and it had always hurt, but after a few thrusts you forgot about the pain.

As he thrust up, Nagi thrust down, and they both shouted as pleasure engulfed them. Hand still wrapped around Nagi's penis, Schuldig thrust his own into Nagi time and time again, making inarticulate sounds as ecstasy washed over him. Nagi lost all coherent thought and groaned as Schuldig hit the place over and over.

Nagi came, unaware of anything except the release. Schuldig felt familiar muscles contract as Nagi jerked and bucked, semen spilling out over Schuldig's hand. A few more rapid thrusts and Schuldig came as well, filling Nagi.

Sweat glued the two bodies together. Schuldig was vaguely aware that his hand was sticky, and Nagi needed to wipe his stomach. He withdrew carefully, collapsing backwards across the bed. Nagi stretched, arms above his head, and turned to gaze down at him. There was a sudden, loud, crash. Schuldig gasped as the futon jerked against his back.

"What the fuck?" he spluttered.

Nagi settled down next to him, floating a cloth over. "I think the futon was floating," he explained lazily. He frowned at the cloth. "I need this to be wet," he said, as if he expected it to dampen itself. He floated it back to the sink, but the energy required to turn on the tap deserted him, and he collapsed against Schuldig, smiling.

Schuldig slid an arm around him. "Need to clean up," he told the youth. "Not good otherwise, take it from me."

"Later," Nagi moaned, entwining his legs with Schuldig's. "Now is time for indulging in after glow and post-coital stuff."

"Fags," Schuldig said, looking around for his trousers. Nagi frowned. "Cigarettes," Schuldig explained. "Not us." Having located the trousers just behind him, he reached pack and fished out a pack of said tar-filled killers. Nagi was studying the semen on his stomach. It was already beginning to dry.

The door opened and a wet cloth landed on Nagi's stomach.

"For God's sake," a peeved American voice came through the entrance, "next time can you wait until I've finished the very important phone call? Half the building must have known what you two were up to." Crawford shut the door firmly.

Nagi looked abashed, but Schuldig started to laugh. Nagi frowned at him. "We trust him to tell us what we need to know," Schuldig grinned. "He's been smirking all week, the jammy bastard. He fucking knew!" Nagi couldn't help but laugh as well.

"See how all this trust works out?" Nagi smiled. "I trusted you to be gentle, and you trusted me not to blow up the building, and it all paid off."

"Ja." Schuldig buried his nose in Nagi's fine hair. "This going to replace some of those bad memories, aye chibi?"

"I don't know," Nagi began. Schuldig looked hurt. "I think we may have to do it several more times, just to make certain," Nagi grinned.

"You little hussy!" Schuldig laughed. "Don't scare me like that! I thought you meant-"

"I know what you thought I meant," Nagi reassured him. "It was amazing, Schu. Rest assured, I have everything to lose now."

"Regular sex isn't everything, bishie," Schuldig warned.

"I meant you. I have you to lose."

"Lose? You won't be able to fucking get rid of me, whether you want to or not. Consider what you're letting yourself in for kid," Schuldig warned lightheartedly, but his heart was throbbing nervously.

"I have," Nagi assured him. He leant over and kissed Schuldig briefly on the lips, leaving Schuldig wanting more, a mirror of their first kiss. "I loved Tot, but this isn't like that. I barely knew her. You can't trust a stranger and you can't have love without trust. I trust you more than anyone else I've met."

"I `trust' you too, for what it's worth," Schuldig grinned.

"It's worth a hell of a lot."