Weiss Kreuz Fan Fiction ❯ Twice Through ❯ Prologue

Twice Through

*A/N: Usually disclaimers. Not mine. Any of it. Well, `cept the plot.You could sue, but I'm pretty penniless. If I was doing this for money, I'd have to have enough imagination to think up my own characters to do it with. *

Warnings: AU (with emphasis on the alternate), character death. I guess slightly citrusy, but not much.

"Ken? Ken? Kenken!"

Ken blinked up at the familiar face. Well, face shaped blob.

"Don't scare me like that!"

"Sorry, he said sheepishly, stil trying to get his bearings. Strong arms embraced him and pulled him from the unqeilding pillow. Relxaing into the sincere hug, ken caught a glimpse of his surrounding. Hosipital, it seemed. Ah, now he remembered. He winced.

"Ken, are you okay? Did I hurt you?"

"No, Kase, I'm fine."

"I can take you home, the doctors say."

"That's great."

"They say I should just talk to you, like a normal conversation. I can't really think of many normal conversations, I mean, they generally involve more than one person talking. There's nothing normal to talk about! Omi's quit school to help out. Please, come back, please. We need you, Kenken…"

"Ken! Ken!" ken found himself being roughly shaken awake.

"What?" he asked, more than little grumpily.

"You were having some kind of nightmare," Kase told him. "You were crying." He wrapped his arms around his lover. "What's wrong? Was it the accident?" he asked soflty.

"I, I don't know," Ken stammered. "I don't remember. It, it was just a voice. I don't get it."

"Look, if there's anything you want to talk about…" Kase trailed off. He felt all the guilt of the accident on his chest. If he hadn't called Ken, if ken hadn't come running, if those idiots in the car had swerved… wait, they had done that, clipping Kase's lover in the ribs before slamming into a wall.

"I just want to go back to sleep," Ken murmured.

"Oh. Okay," Kase settled down amongst the sheets, one arm still draped protectively over Ken.

"The flower shop's doing okay, I guess. Yohji's barely flirting any more. He practically ignores the girls. Everyone says we should just try and go back to a normal life, but it's hard. We never had a normal life, I guess. We miss you, Ken-kun."

"You were crying again," Kase informed him. It was the fifth night running. "Please, if it's anything to do with the accident, tell me. The doctor's said you should talk. You should probably see a psychiatrist."

"I don't need to see a psychiatrist." Ken frowned at his Bran flakes. Why did he eat this tasteless brown gunk anyway?

"Ken, I love you, and I'm worried about you. This isn't like you!"

"Those guys, Kase. You expect me not to feel bad?"

"It was their fault! Please, don't brood." Kase wrapped an arm around Ken's neck. "I have to go now, my agent said he had some news. You feeling well enough to coach today, or do you want me to call round again?"

"Don't bother. I' be fine. You go." Kase gave him a reluctant kiss and set off out of the door. Ken stared at his cereal. He was so tired! No matter what he said to Kase, these nightmare's really were getting to him. he felt torn in two, somehow. But so tired! Perhaps a nap before he left? Catnapping was supposed to be good. Cat… Huh. Yes, he had an hour before he had to go. Nap.

"Ken, you've been through so much for us. It hasn't always been fair on you, we haven't alwas been fair on you. I always wondered why you didn't go to Australia when you had the chance. I'm not so much of a fool that I didn't know you'd already made up your mind when I spoke to you. No one would have blamed you for leaving. After that whole Kase debacle, I mean, it must have been hard enough finding out it was him who drugged and betrayed you like that, but having to kill your best friend? I would have left. I mean, I know, Neu, Asuka, that whole thing, but somehow it seems worse for you. Maybe because you never let anyone see how much you were hurting."

Was Ran doing what Ken thought he was doing? He risked a glance at the redhead's impassive face. It was as stony as ever, but his eyes were sparkling. Ken glanced ahead. The road was clear. And Ran was good at this! Then…

Person!

Car!

Wall!

Darkness!

"Ken! Ken!" Kase was shakig him roughly awake. "I don't believe you! Have you been here the whole time? F course you have! I've just hd to deal with a hoard to furious parents!"

"Whu?" Ken blinked his boyfriend into focus.

"Don't `whu' me! You never turned up to coach! You said you were okay. You were sleeping, Ken, again!"

Ken sat up. Kase looked furious, but also a little scared. He'd never had much patience, and Ken guessed the parents had shredded the little he possessed. Something about him nagged at the back of Ken's mind, and he gasped as the memory of his dream hit him.

"It was you!" He said dazedly. "You drugged me. You did it."

Kase fell back, shocked. There was no doubt as to what Ken was talking about. But how had he known? He had thought, he thought… he had thought Ken would never find out. What would Ken do? How did Ken know? "How dare you say that!" he heard himself saying. "How could you even think that? I love you, Ken!"

Gult assailed Ken. It was stupid to think that Kase, diligent, caring, faithful Kase, could have done it. Kase, who had helped him try and uncover the truth. Kase, who had saved him from that burning building. "I, I'm sorry, I'm not thinking straight right now. I had another nightmare, Kase," Ken gazed up pleadingly.

Kase glowered at him and stalked into the bedroom they shared. He flung himself on the pillows and began to cry. Why hadn't he just woned up? Why couldn't he admit he'd been jealous? Ken was happy with his new life, Ken would have forgiven him. But now he had lied outright to the man he loved, and he didn't think Ken would find that so understandable.

"Ken, we need you. You're not just staying in there because of the guilt, are you? Ken, please, come back. It can't be that much better, can it? Where you are? I mean, can it?"

Was Ran doing what Ken thought he was doing? He risked a glance at the redhead's impassive face. It was as stony as ever, but his eyes were sparkling. Ken glanced ahead. The road was clear. And Ran was good at this! Hey, what was that idiot doing, stepping out? Ken yanked the wheel to avoid the stranger. Then…

Car!

Wall!

Darkness!

"I made your favourite, Kase," Ken hovered I the door, plate held out as a gesture of peace.

"Tortillas? They're the only thing you know how to make, and even the only when they come out of a packet with complete instructions," Kase commented wryly, taking the plate. "Thank you."

"I really am sorry about earlier. All of it." Ken sat beside him on the bed. "I didn't mean to fall asleep like that. I was tied and I just meant to take a short nap. I, I had another dream." For some reason, he couldn't bring himself to say nightmare anymore. He wasn't scared, just sad. "Then you woke me, and I was confused, and I snapped at you. I shouldn't have accused you of something as ridiculous as-"

"It was me," Kase said around a mouthful of salse. It felt so good to get it off of his chest.

"You, you?" Ken stared at him incredulously.

"I'm sorry. You have no idea how sorry I am. The guilt's been killing me. I was just so jealous, and remember that `bad crowd' I fell in with…" Kase trailed off.

"So, you lied? I think I'll go for a walk. I need to think."

"Take all the time you need," Kase stared at the tortilla, suddenly not hungry, as the front door to their apartment swung shut.

* * *

Ken stood at the site of the accident. Apart form the damaged wall, there was no sign it had ever happened. He sat heavily on a bench and stared at the road. Here, more than anywhere else, he felt out of place. The dreams crowded the edges of his consciousness, but he fought them off.

It was cold. It was a crisp autumn day, and Ken was glad of his thick coat, but he was still cold. Shoving his hands deep into the pockets he came across a pair of gloves. They were Kase's. He pulled them on, and froze. He stared at his hand, baling them into fists and relaxing them again. Something felt so almost right when he did that. So almost…

He yanked off the gloves and stood up, shoving them deep into the pockets of the coat. It was just guilt at walking out like that, he decided. He had always known how competitive Kase could be, and he should have known those creeps Kase had started to hang out with had had something to do with it. And he really did prefer coaching to playing. He had that to thank Kase for, really.

As he wandered slowly back to their apartment he made a point of dropping into a florists. He had always liked flowers and gardening, and it was their standard way of making up, to offer flowers. He'd never been in her before. A cat rubbed itself against his legs as he made his selection. The young man at the counter gave his the strangest look, and Ken felt almost overwhelmed by déjà vu. His voice, it sounded so familiar. And he looked so sad. Ken was glad to get out of there.

"For me?" Kase took the flowers from Ken's proffered hand. "I ought to be doing this for you. I don't deserve them."

"Yes, you do. I shouldn't have walked out like that. I don't care about it any more, it's in the past, and if you hadn't… if you hadn't done what you did, I would never have become a coach. So, thank you." His tone made it clear the case was closed. They would not discuss this again.

Kase put the flowers in a tall vase, taking his time. He was putting off telling Ken, he knew, but he knew he had to say something soon. "Ken?" his nervousness showed clearly in his tone. "Remember I said something my agent wanted to discuss?" Ken looked up, interested. He'd completely forgotten, of course. "I, I've been offered a, a place in, um, in one of the, uh, Euro, European teams." Kase managed to stammer.

"English?" Kase nodded. "Of course. Their foreign players out number their native players." Then it dawned on Ken. "You're moving to England? Leaving?"

"I'll never get another chance like this." Kase looked miserable. "I had assumed you'd come with me, but, now…"

"I see. When?"

"Day after tomorrow." Ken sat down, silent. Europe? With Kase? A few hours ago he'd have thought it a given that he'd go too, but, as Kase pointed out so articulately, now… So much had happened.

"Ken?"

"Uh huh?" ken stared at his hands.

"I want you to come. But…" Kase swallowed. "You have to drop this whole accident thing, you have to leave it behind you. I can't like with you like this." So, the ultimatum, Ken thought dully. Carefully phrased, but the `but' showed it for what it was.

"I need to sleep," he told Kase.

"Ken, excessive sleep and tiredness can be a sign of depression, you know. I really think…" Kase trailed off. Ken had lain on the bed and closed his eyes, originally just intending to make his point, but within seconds he had drifted off.

"When we talk to him, the doctors say, his brain activity gets more intense. He might wake up."

"Omi, the longer he's out the less like he is to wake up"

"I know, but sometimes… sometimes he seems so close, you know? I think he wants to come back now, Yohji. I really do. Wherever he is, he's not happy, not anymore."

"I think so too, Omi, but we have to bear in mind…"

Was Ran doing what Ken thought he was doing? He risked a glance at the redhead's impassive face. It was as stony as ever, but his eyes were sparkling. Ken glanced ahead. The road was clear. And Ran was good at this! Hey, what was that idiot doing, stepping out? Ken yanked the wheel to avoid the stranger. He swerved again, to avoid the oncoming car. Ran yelped, his broken arm, the reason Ken was driving, hitting the side of the car. Then…

Wall!

Darkness!

Ken stared at the sleeping form. They'd barely spoken all yesterday. It had been so subdued. He'd heard Kase sobbing in the bathroom, and Ken had locked himself in the kitchen twice for a quiet cry of his own.

Whatever happened now, Kase would be getting on that plane tonight. Ken fought tears as he dressed. Kase was still in his clothes from last night. He was hugging a pillow to his chest.

Ken opened the front door, careful to lock it behind him. he needed to think. He wasn't happy, even the voices in his dream had known that. He felt ripped in two. Part of him wanted so badly to be with those voices, and whispered it might even know how to get there. The voices that cared for him and missed him and needed him. Not like Kase. Kase who betrayed him and lied to him and was about to run off to Europe without him. Kase who had already packed.

Ken stared at the site of the crash. He hadn't even meant to come this way. He'd wanted to go to the park and run until his mind cleared, as it did when he ran. But it made sense he was here. It all lead back to the accident. That was where the dreams originated. That was where his problems with Kase came from. And that strange dream, where he was the driver. He'd heard that when you dream, you're subconscious can project itself as any character in the dream, not just yourself. But this felt different, and he didn't like it. He didn't like the way he felt he knew the cold redhead next to him as intimately as he knew Kase. Was it cheating, if you only dreamt it? He didn't like the way the blame spread itself so evenly. He didn't like the way that florist's had made him want to put on an apron and help out. He didn't like the way he felt when he'd put on Kase's gloves.

He sat on the bench, resting his elbows on his knees and his head in his hands, drowsiness began to overcome him.

Was Ran doing what Ken thought he was doing? He risked a glance at the redhead's impassive face. It was as stony as ever, but his eyes were sparkling. Ken glanced ahead. The road was clear. And Ran was good at this! Hey, what was that idiot doing, stepping out? Ken yanked the wheel to avoid the stranger. He sweverd again, to avoid the oncoming car. Ran yelped, his broken arm, the reason Ken was driving, hitting the side of the car. Ken saw the wall rushing towards them, and pulled the wheel over further. Not far enough. Then…

Darkness!

"Yohji! Look! Ken-kun!"

"Kenken!"

"Ken blinked in the harsh white lights. Hospital again. Hadn't he already done this? He couldn't remember, but it seemed like this had already happened. His team mates stared at him, joy painted across their faces. He raised a hand to shield his eyes.

"What happened? I had the strangest dream," he murmured.

"You're not to worry about that," Omi insisted. "The only important thing is that you're awake."

"We missed you, Kenken." Yohji looked embarrassed at the sentiment, but sincere, nevertheless.

"I know." Ken sat up, struggling slightly. "Tell me what happened." It was beginning to come back to him.

"You mustn't worry about anything," Omi fretted, "especially not that."

"Ran broke his arm…" Ken began.

"Ken, please…" Yohji took his hand and squeezed it.

"No. I need to remember," Ken insisted. "And id o. It's you who need to know what happened," ken realised. "I was driving, because Ran couldn't. You… you never knew. We, ran and I, we were lovers." Yohji dropped Ken's hand with surprise. Omi sat down with a bump. "I told you you needed to know what happened," Ken remarked wryly. Now it was coming back to him, everything was starting to feel wrong.

"Ken…" Yohji began.

"he, he picked that day, that day of all days, to show he, well, cared, and show off a little of that nature his parents' death almost destroyed. I should have told him to stop when he opened my flies, but I only really realise what he was doing when he began to stroke me." Prudishness seemed ridiculous now. Why should he pretend something didn't happen when it did? "The road was clear, and there were almost no pedestrians, so I figured, why not? What was the worst that could happen?

"And then that guy stepped out. His lover called him from the other side of the road and he didn't look and I was going just a little faster than a should have been."

"How did you know…" Omi trailed off. How could Ken have known about the other guy? The one who had called out?

"I said it was a strange dream I'd been having. I, I swerved not to hit him, then there was oncoming traffic. I swerved, and hit that wall. I kinda missed it, but the passenger side went straight into it." Ken's eyes widened. "Where's Ran?" he asked slowly. "Is he okay?"

There was silence.

"He isn't okay?"

Ken looked from one face to the other. Omi was crying. "I, I killed him," Ken whispered, "oh, I'm so sorry."

"No, Ken, you mustn't blame yourself," Yohji said forcefully. "Not at all."

"What's going to happen to Weiss?" Ken tucked his knees under his chin. Memories were crowding in on him, threatening to drown out what Omi was saying through his soft sobs. Fighting Aya. Fighting beside Aya. Schwarz. Aya-chan. The crash. Kase. Aya comforting him awkwardly. Their first night. The crash. Kase. The dreams. Aya's insistence on secrecy. Aya reluctantly becoming Ran again. The Crash. Kase. Europe.

"Kritiker says they can find a replacement for Ran, but they won't do it immediately. We're all on a sort of sabbatical. They want to give us time to recover. Ken, please…" Omi stared at him.

"They can get you replacements?" Ken made a decision.

"Yeah. We're pretty expendable," Yohji said bitterly.

"You? Replacements? Plural?" Omi's voice went up an octave with each word.

"I love you both, remember that. Promise me you'll remember that."

"Ken?"

"I can't be here any more. It's too much. I promise I won't forget you, I promise, or Weiss. I'll miss you, but I can't do this…"

"Ken!"

"Goodbye…"

"Ken?"

"Kase." Ken raised his head, tears glistening on his cheeks. Kase sat awkwardly beside him. "Kase, if it's okay with you, I'd like to come to Europe."

"I, I'd love for you to come! Come on, you better get packing!"

Kase pulled him from the bench. As they walked home, had in hand, a car passed them. Ken watched it pull in at the florists. One occupant was crying freely, the other soon would be.

"I'll never forget you," he murmured, "but it was always too much for me."

* A/N; well, what do you think? I felt it was about time Ken had some happiness so, um, I turned him into a vegetable? Well, at least he's happy. *