[ Y - Young Adult: Not suitable for readers under 16 ]

DISCLAIMER: Kyoko Tsuchiya and Project Weiß hold the copyright over all names, likeness and rights of Weiß kreuz. All these characters and materials are used without permission, and I'm not profiting from this piece of fan fiction.

---

"I'm tired. Go away."

Aya flopped back into bed and turned his back on Omi-- Mamoru. He had little desire to look at the boy right now, or to dwell on the questions he had just asked him. It was difficult enough trying to avoid thinking of the past without having Takatori Mamoru standing before him and acting as a reminder to him of what he had given up.

"Aya-kun?"

Aya refused to look at him. Days had passed since the revelation, and he hadn't exchanged more than two sentences with Mamoru. He could hear the quiet sob of the boy as he left, but the weeping only echoed the pain he felt in his own heart. /I'm tired, Mamoru. It was all for you. I don't have anymore understanding to give to you./ Unconsciously, Aya curled into a ball in the middle of his bed as he once more found himself dragged into his memories.

---

[Begin Flashback]

"This is horrible."

Ran looked up curiously, pausing in his breakfast of natto, egg and rice. "What is it, Otosan?"

"The news-- Takatori-san's youngest son was kidnapped and the ransom negotiations fell through." The elder Fujimiya shook his head sadly, not noticing that his son almost dropped his chopsticks at that announcement. "The kidnappers broke contact with the family and the police have given up hope of even finding the child's body. This is a great tragedy. The Takatori household will be opening their estates this evening for well-wishers to pay their respects. We must send them our condolences, Ran. "

Ran's heart was pounding so hard he almost didn't hear his father's last few words. Takatori's youngest son-- Mamoru was dead. He wasn't needed anymore. After the last several months servicing the man-- Letting Mamoru's father work out his lust on him instead-- he was free.

"Ran?"

"Huh? I'm-- I'm sorry Otosan, I was-- I was stunned." He shook himself out of his reverie. "What were you saying to me?"

"That's quite okay, to learn of this... The family must be devastated." The elder Fujimiya nodded to his son. "For this to happen in such a short time after the previous tragedy too."

"Previous tragedy?"

"Can you not remember the scandal Takatori-san faced when his Okusan was found to have committed suicide? The poor woman was depressed and apparently, Takatori-san was too engrossed in his work to notice. That is why he became such a devoted Otosan after that. For him to lose his youngest as well..." Ran's father put down the newspapers to regard his son. "I had suggested that we visit his home this evening to pay our respects at the funeral."

"Little Orchid."

Ran tried not to stiffen as a familiar hand came to rest on his shoulder. His family had arrived amidst the crush of guests and well wishers several minutes ago. His father had left them at the buffet table to partake of the refreshments offered while he looked for Takatori Reiji to give his personal condolence. Seeing how nervous his family was with the huge crowd, Ran's father had promised them that they would leave after he had seen Takatori-san. Nothing prepared Ran to have the man suddenly appear behind him and surreptitiously pull him away from the crowd in the ballroom.

"Takatori-san." Ran's mouth went dry as the man pushed him into a vacant room and locked the door after them. "I-- I'm-- sorry about your loss."

"Don't be, Little Orchid." The heavyset man continued to guide him towards the sofa. "It was-- he was no son of mine."

"Takatori-san?" Ran's fingers couldn't pry the hand from his shoulder, he could feel a tide of panic rising within him.

The man's arms slid around him from behind to hold him in a hug. "I need you right now, Little Orchid." He whispered in his ear.

"Wait!" Ran tried to twist out of his embrace as he felt the man lifting him off his feet. "I thought-- You don't need--"

"I want you." Takatori allowed him to turn around so that they faced each other. "Mamoru ceased to be a reason long ago, Little Orchid. I thought you'd realise this." He carried the struggling boy to the sofa.

"But--Otosan-- He-- he'll be looking for me. We're not supposed to be staying long." Ran could feel tears of anguish and confusion welling up in his eyes as he struggled to pull free of the bigger man.

"I haven't seen him yet, Little Orchid. He will not leave without paying his respects to me first." Insistent hands pressed him into the sofa and began to undo the ties of his kimono. "I am far too powerful a man for your Otosan to slight. He will wait until he sees me before he'll think of leaving."

"Please--" Tears started to spill down his cheeks as he felt the rough hands start on the ties of his Obi. His arms now too tangled in the huge sleeves of his outer garment to offer any further resistance.

"Your Okasan dressed you in very fine clothes, Little Orchid. Do you wish to have them ripped, then be forced to stumble out leaking semen from your ass like a common slut? What will your Otosan think? What will his peers think?"

His heart gave a little jump in shock at the thought. "You-- they-- they will not believe me..."

"It is unthinkable--" The older man smiled at him in agreement. "For Takatori Reiji to be taking a little whore at his son's funeral. Little Orchid, I want you now."

Ran stopped struggling.

[End Flashback]

---

The sound of a fist pounding on his door woke him the next morning bringing his attention to the strong sunlight that was now streaming into his room. Aya blinked in surprise wondering how he had come to sleep in.

"Hey Aya! Mou, even I'm awake already. Where have you been?"

/Youji?/ He clambered out of bed in confusion, noting that he hadn't even changed out of his clothes nor taken off his shoes after Omi left the previous night before he fell asleep.

The chestnut blonde regarded him mischievously as he opened the door of his apartment to admit him. With his mind still a little hazy from having just woken up, Aya didn't notice how Youji was studying his rumpled appearance.

"Had company last night?"

Aya threw a scowl at him for that thought.

In the next moment, he found himself suddenly pressed up against Youji's chest with their faces just centimetres apart. He didn't struggle. Killing the reflex action to lash out and scream in the older man's face, Aya focussed all his attention on keeping his emotions under control. Youji wouldn't hurt him, he reminded himself firmly. He was an aggressive flirt. Far more so than Ken, who he also knew was not above subtly manoeuvring their encounters to get close to him. But distressingly forward or not, Youji *wouldn't* force himself on him. Even now, the older man's grip was loosening as he sensed Aya's distress.

"Aya, what's wrong?"

"Wh-- what?"

"Usually, you'd be blushing when I make a move on you." Youji told him worriedly. "You're almost white."

"I-- It's nothing." Aya looked away, angry with himself for sounding so scared and vulnerable.

"Aya-- do we disgust you?"

"What?"

"Ken and I-- This has been going on for quite a while, Aya. We know you're not sure, and maybe a little afraid..." Youji paused to see if Aya would challenge this statement. Hearing no words of refutation, he went on quietly. "No one's ever tried to get this close to you before, have they?"

"I--" This time Aya blushed. "I-- never dated before--" He knew that it made him sound all the more like an inexperienced virgin, and even perpetuate the impression Youji and Ken may already hold about him, but it wasn't a lie. In all the time Takatori dominated his life, he never dared to date or even wanted to consider a close relationship with any of his schoolmates, be they male or female.

"Aya--" Youji's hand touched his face and made him look up. "It's okay. We don't want to rush you. It doesn't have to go any further if you don't want it to, you know."

"I--" He forcibly stopped himself from flinching away from Youji. "I-- don't know-- what I want."

"So we *do* have some hope of seducing you, right?"

"Youji!" Aya pulled himself out of the older man's embrace. He was blushing as red as a tomato now. Youji smirked at him with a twinkle in his eye, while Aya scowled back. But it was a playful atmosphere about them now.

/Is it so wrong?/ He had to wonder as he regarded the older man. /To use sex as a form of stress release-- Especially with someone who would know and understand the kind of nervous tension we have to live with as assassins?/

"You-- you don't disgust me, Youji." Aya admitted softly before he turned towards his bathroom for a shower. "I'm just not--"

"Hey, we don't want to hurt you, Aya." Youji reached over to thread one of his momiage through his fingers and give it a playful tug. "We'll take it as slow as you like."

Aya escaped into his bathroom and leaned against the door. He was biting his hand, trying hard not to cry while Youji was still in his apartment and within hearing distance. It had been very close. Youji was so near him-- Confusion raged within him, past and present were jumbling in his mind now. It wasn't the man's fault. He couldn't have known how sensitive Aya was currently feeling about some of the words he used. He kept hearing Takatori's voice run through his head again.

//"I won't hurt you, Little Orchid."//

//"Still feeling sore? We'll take it slow, okay?//

Then, the feel of the man's fingers as they threaded through his hair-- Takatori Reiji did so love to play with his hair.

---

[Begin Flashback]

Per routine, Ran was again the last to leave after tennis practise. His team mates still teased him good-naturedly about being so vain over his hair and appearance that he'd take nearly forever to finish grooming. With another session over, they once more left him alone in the locker room to dress and comb his hair.

Ran studied himself in his mirror as the teeth of his comb gently pulled through the drying lengths of red. Soft and luxurious, his hair whispered like silk as it cascaded around his shoulders. His male classmates used to tease him about having hair that was nicer than what the girls have, but that didn't happen as often any more. Not since they noticed he had more girl spectators watching him at tennis practise than anyone else on the team. Now they teased him about deliberately cultivating a girl magnet with his hair. That wasn't the real reason he kept it long. It was something Takatori Reiji had suggested. Sometimes after sex, the older man would cradle him in his arms and find contentment in stroking his hair. Letting the silken strands thread through his fingers.

Was he used to this relationship now? Ran wondered as he touched the mirror and let his fingers glide over his reflection. In a way, he was proud of his achievement. No one knew about what was going on between him and the industrialist Takatori Reiji. His grades were still good; he still socialised and had many friends, though none were close; He was respected as a star player in the tennis team, with a reputation for ruthlessness against his opponent in a game. No one could ever guess how much pain he carried in his heart. His eyes flickered to the red wristbands that lay on the bench in front of his locker. /Not unless someone cared to look under these./

Ran turned his wrists over to stare at the faint lines on one wrist and the fresh, newly crusted cut that was on the other. His eyes glazed in remembrance of why he had started this self-mutilation. He had been shown yet another aspect of Takatori Reiji's power when he had visited his office not too many months ago. Then, he had been stunned to be introduced to the newly promoted Police Commissioner. To know that the younger brother, Shuuichi held this position-- It was clear enough to Ran that the man could guess what his elder brother was doing the moment he set eyes on him. Reiji even had a challenging glint in his eyes as he dismissed his brother's bristling glare. Nothing ever came of it. Any previous ideas Ran may have entertained of talking to his school counsellors or the police died with that visit. It wasn't very long later that he found one of Takatori's razor blades in his bathroom. Used, Ran did suppose, for rendering heroin when Takatori was in the mood for a hit. It was of some small mercy that Takatori didn't press Ran to give it a try. He wasn't stupid. Also, Ran could argue that he had to stay clean to be on his tennis team. It was too small a matter for the older man to notice that he was missing a couple of blades.

Putting the comb into his locker, Ran took out the razor that lay beside it and turned toward the sink. The blade ran smoothly across one of the faint lines of his wrist, leaving a trail of red that welled up and started to drip into the sink. Ran could still marvel at how little pain he felt from this action. It hadn't hurt the first time he tried cutting himself, and he was beginning to wonder if it ever would. Then again, Ran had pondered the thought that the physical pain was too insignificant to register to his mind as compared to the agony that was his existence. He took the razor and reopened the wound on his other wrist, noting as he did so that he felt it was painless.

Trails of red rolled down his arm and splashed on the white porcelain while he watched in morbid fascination. His eyes narrowed in thought as he studied the twin gashes. It seemed like such a small thing to add onto the already numerous bruises and injuries done to the skin of his wrists whenever Takatori Reiji decided he wanted to play bondage games. When the play got too rough, the older man would kiss his wrists and bandage them tenderly before he was allowed to take his leave. It seemed that he was genuinely sorry to hurt him. But Ran didn't believe the man cared about him. Troubled, Ran jerked his eyes away, quickly turned on the taps to wash away the blood and slipped on the wristbands, hiding the cuts and scarring from sight.

He pushed the rest of his gear into his duffel bag and exited the locker room, heading for the gates of the school. A chill washed over him when he noticed the black limousine waiting around the corner of the school fence. Swallowing his saliva and steeling himself for the encounter, Ran started his walk towards the car. He tried to remind himself that it still wasn't a frequent occurrence. Sometimes more than a month would past, before Takatori would send his chauffeur to pick him up after school. It-- had been a while since the last time Takatori sent for him.

"Genzo-san." Ran nodded to the old man as he opened the door for him and took his bag.

"Please, just call me 'Genzo', Fujimiya-san. I-- deserve no respect for these errands." The chauffeur could not meet his eyes. "T--Takatori-sama asks-- you tell your family that you'll be staying at a friend's home tonight."

"Ahh--" Ran accepted the offered cell phone before he took his seat in the limousine.

[End Flashback]

---

Aya drove out of the hospital's parking garage leaving Mamoru staring after him in shock. The boy's expression had revealed his utter devastation to hear Aya tell him that Takatori Reiji brought about his little sister's coma. //"*Your Otosan.*"//

When he looked back at the boy with his rear view mirror, a twinge of guilt tugged at him as Ken's words echoed in his head again. //"Aya, we cannot choose our relatives."//

It came back, all those memories-- Aya didn't want to think of the violating hands that touched him so intimately. He had stayed by his sister's hospital bed for a long while, letting her silent presence soothe his nerves. Just as her bubbly personality and general cheerfulness would bring a smile to his face in the past, the quiet serenity he found in her presence as she lay in her coma gave him just the few minutes of peace. Her silent company helped him not think about the more sordid past. But now that he had seen Mamoru, that calm was scuttled again. A trickle of a tear started flowing down his cheek.

---

[Begin Flashback]

"What do you think?"

Ran looked at his reflection in the mirror sceptically as his father stood beside him. "Otosan, what's so special about these golf clothes?" To him it looked like any normal white, long sleeved, collared t-shirt and brown slacks.

His father laughed at him. "Mostly the brand name. I know it doesn't look like much, but the cut of the pants is special and gives you room to adopt the proper posture when you swing your club." The elder Fujimiya adjusted the shirt on his son minutely. "Be grateful that Takatori-san has offered to bring you on a course and teach you a bit of Golf culture and etiquette, Ran. The most that the working classes ever see of the game are the driving ranges. It is an expensive game in Japan. Some can only afford to play by taking Golfing tour packages to other countries." The older man's mouth quirked ruefully at the thought. "Even I have never been to a Golf club in Japan before, and our family can be counted as being fairly well off."

"Why--" Ran wished he could somehow make his father understand that he didn't want to accept this 'honour'. But his father was so excited about the opportunity that had opened for him-- He didn't dare tell his father the truth. He reminded himself that it wouldn't be believed. And if anyone overheard, his family would be shamed. "Why didn't he invite you on the course as well?"

"I don't play, Ran. The marshals would never let me on the course without a handicap or at least a playing certification from a respected and accredited club. I never had a chance to learn before." The elder Fujimiya shrugged, not feeling at all worried or suspicious. "Besides, Takatori-san already has a full flight with his business associates. They will probably be discussing alliances and partnerships as they play. Pay attention to these four men while you're caddying for them, Ran. You could learn much about high level dealings in industry by listening."

"But--" Ran was getting desperate. "I've never caddied before. I wouldn't know what to do."

"Don't worry, Ran. Takatori-san and his flight are all single handicappers. The most they will ask of you is to bring them their clubs or drive the golf cart. You don't need to be nervous, they will make their own decisions about which club to use and how to line up their own putts." The elder Fujimiya patted him on the shoulder comfortingly. "Just watch them and learn. If Takatori-san brings you out often enough, you'll soon know how to be a good caddy and offer advice. I'll even buy you your own set of clubs to practise on the driving range.

"Now you'll need a hat to help you keep your hair out of your face. You should consider wearing it in a ponytail when you're on the course." He fingered his son's mid-back long hair wistfully. "I suppose the girls in your school would be crushed if you were to cut this. Ahh youth, I would never have kept my hair this long in my days. Your imotosan is starting to sulk over not having hair as nice as yours."

Ran kept his expression carefully schooled as his father left for a short while to look for a cap for him. He was trapped. Even his mother and sister were eager for a chance to spend a weekend as Takatori-san's guests at his golf club. Once they reached the club, Ran doubted that he would see them during the two days that he was to act as Takatori Reiji's caddy.

All in all, caddying wasn't as intimidating an activity as he had feared it to be. Ran's father was right about the four men being experienced golfers and making their own decisions on the course. They even good-naturedly explained their reasoning behind club choices to him and talked about how the lie of the land influence their decisions of what kind of wood or iron to use. They also explained the scoring system to him and Ran now had a better idea and respect for the skill that went into the mastery of the game. True, he had to do a lot of running back and forth from the golf cart to the players to deliver to them their club of choice. But after nine holes, he could begin to anticipate their needs and have the clubs ready for them with a lot less running. The men appreciated his enthusiasm and Ran was in truth quite comfortable with the event.

It was-- nice. The only things the men talked about were the game and a business deal, which as he understood it, began in a boardroom as an idea. The course was beautiful. And Ran found that a lot of the tension he had been carrying with him in the run up to the weekend had drained out of him as he accompanied the four men about the course. Unfortunately, that sense of peace and serenity came to an end at the last hole.

"You'll be staying with me, Little Orchid." Takatori had told him as they left the three men in the changing room at the club to walk to his private chalet to bathe and prepare for the evening's entertainment.

Ran nodded to this, having already been inwardly resigned to his fate before the weekend started. He even anticipated the man's wondering hand creeping under his shirt the moment they entered the chalet and closed the door after them. Ran had learnt that whenever Takatori called him 'Little Orchid' instead of using his name, the man, in short order, wanted to strip him down for sex.

This time, however, Takatori took his time. Showering with him first to wash away the suntan lotion, and sweat that accumulated over the course of the game. He even had Run scrub his back as they sat relaxing in the hot pool of the bathing room, letting the heat relax their sore muscles.

The steam and the hot water was getting to Ran's senses as he felt the tension that he had picked up again on entering the chalet ooze out of him. He was feeling sleepy both from the relaxed atmosphere and from tiredness, to a point where he initially didn't notice Takatori pulling him into his arms to kiss and fondle.

After so many years as his sex toy, Ran knew better than to protest or fight. It hurt less to let the man do whatever he wanted. When he was pliant and co-operative, Takatori would be considerate and take the time to prepare him for sex. It was just a matter of shutting off a part of himself now. Building that barrier around his heart, letting his body take over and betray him like it always did.

He didn't like sex. Ran would remind himself that he never liked whatever it was that Takatori did to him. The man always easily made him orgasm, and initially he was confused enough to think that his body was showing him that deep down he enjoyed it. He had passed out the first time he ever achieved an orgasm and woken up hours later, bewildered and scared over what it was he had felt. He knew better now, understanding that it was just physical stimulation. How ever many times they had sex, Ran would never say that he felt good about what Takatori was doing to him. He dealt with it mechanically. Taking it as a matter of course and learnt to ride the tide so that he'd stay awake long enough to see how else Takatori wanted to 'play'. He didn't like to be unaware of what the man was doing to his body.

Sex in the bath-- This was a new experience. The warmth of the water kept him relaxed and sleepy. It was almost an acute shock in difference to the raging climax he peaked to as Takatori held him in place, pumping into him in long, hard strokes. He was vaguely aware of how he must have looked with his head thrown back and long hair spread over the surface of the water like a silk screen, the expression on his face rapturous in his release. It must surely have been an intensely arousing sight to cause the three men entering the bathing room to discard their towels and splash into the hot pool so quickly.

"So-- You do have other uses for the boy, Reiji?"

"Will you share him with us then?"

Ran jerked upright and clung to Takatori's chest in his shock. He felt his blood chill instantly when he heard the familiar voices appear so close to him. The situation he was in sank into his heat-numbed senses with cruel clarity when an unfamiliar hand slid into his hair and pulled his head back for his assailant to plunder the depths of his mouth.

"Don't break him, gentlemen." Takatori easily prised his arms loose and delivered him into the clutches of unfamiliar hands. "I've spent a lot of time training him."

The mouth that was currently devouring his lips muffled any vocal protest he tried to make. He felt other hands catching his flailing limbs and groping him as Takatori released his hips to withdraw, allowing another to slide in his place.

Ran decided that he didn't like golf. Despite the many more occasions he would caddy for Takatori and the exposure to the various beautiful courses, the end of the day activities killed any liking he had for the game. He refused to let his father buy him his own set of clubs or go anywhere near a driving range. The elder Fujimiya would lament over wasting the opportunity to learn, but for once, he didn't care what his father thought.

[End Flashback]