Weiss Kreuz Fan Fiction ❯ Why Ken Shouldn't Drink Chu-Hi ❯ Aya Thinks Too Much ( Chapter 10 )

[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]

Warning: Saaaaap!!! Gah!!! And if there's one thing I suck at writing, there it is (love to read it of course, but can't write it properly if my life depended on it). I guess that's why this ended up so drawn out and angsty. I can do angst, oh yes, lovely lovely angst. But I hate angst if it doesn't get a happy ending so I sort of wrote myself into a corner here, and this chapter is the result. But in my defense, I think it needed to be all drawn out as it was. I mean, c'mon, do any of you for even a second think that Aya would just instantly have a magical transformation into a touchy-feely happy guy? I truly feel that in my last chapter if he had been put on the spot and forced to make a decision he would have gone the safe way and rejected Ken. And none of us wanted that, eh? So I didn't realize if I was sort of repeating the plot…I was just trying to stay true to how I felt Aya would genuinely act. I left the chapter off at a bad place though, sorry. It made his walking out seem a lot worse. It was supposed to keep going onto this chapter, where Aya has a nice little think and then goes right back to Ken. Heh heh. Well, I'll shut up now before I give away any more of the end of the story.

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Aya sat on the edge of his bed and starred out the window. He felt bad for walking out on Ken, but he just wasn't good at handling confrontations like this; violent ones where his life hung on a moment's decision, yes, but emotional ones where someone's feelings where on the line, no. He needed time to think before he could handle something like this, and Ken should know that.

He tried to get a handle on how he felt. Shocked? No. Subconsciously, he had known. It was probably why he had denied it so much. He didn't want to deal with the complications that truth would bring. If he truly hadn't believed it, Ken's behavior wouldn't have bothered him so much.

So what is it then? Disappointment? Anger? No....well, he was a tad angry, but it was at himself, for refusing to accept something right in front of his face because he was scared. He was scared? Was that it? A little...well, more so now that he had that gruesome mental image of Ken bleeding to death and doing nothing about it. Ken had defiantly become unhinged.

Because of me? Did I do that just by doing nothing? By being myself? Am I even myself anymore?

He was going to have to make a decision, but he wasn't even sure how he felt. And every minute he took would make things worse with Ken. Not that things aren't already bad enough.

Aya remembered the look of utter hopelessness that had been on Ken's face. It was obvious he wasn't expecting anything of him. It would be so easy to say no.... Ken would probably be content just for Aya to continue to treat him as normal.

But then, look at where treating him normally had got him already.
Seeing Ken like that had really hurt. He never wanted to have to see Ken like that again. He wanted him to be happy. But wanting Ken to be happy did not necessarily mean wanting to be with Ken...did it? Was such a thing even an option to consider?

Aya reflected back on the history of his love life...the one whole relationship that it consisted of. A relationship that mainly came to be because a high school classmate had asked him out, and Aya (or Ran) had been flattered and didn't know how to turn her down. This classmate, who Ran had barely even known, turned out to have three hobbies. The first was pursing boys. A boyfriend caught, she now had more time to focus on her secondary interests; namely fawning over J-pop stars and trying to persuade her new boyfriend to win her prizes out of UFO catchers. Hobby number two left Ran bored to tears, and hobby number three left Ran broke. He wasn't sure if he was an utter failure at the catcher machines, or if Keiko (that was her name, right?) just picked the heaviest, and most difficult prizes to pursue. Either way, Ran decided that having a girlfriend was entirely too expensive and dumped her in favor of being able to afford to eat. It had been an unrewarding experience, to say the least.

But things would be different with Ken....

Heh, it was hardly possible for things to be any more different with Ken. Aside from the glaringly obvious point that Ken is, well a guy, there is also the point that he has a personality...and well, he's basically only seen the bad sides of me...and he likes me anyway.....

Aya let himself fall backwards on his bed and crossed his arms over his face. He wasn't ready to deal with this yet. He needed a chance to be himself again; he needed Aya back, he wanted Takatori dead. How could he start a relationship while he still had baggage like that?

But what if Aya never wakes up...

What if I never get Takatori...

Do I really want to risk spending my whole life like this for...nothing?

Ken is one of the only people who could ever actually understand why I'm like this...it might be my only chance to be with someone who wouldn't be endangered by being with me...who wouldn't interfere with my goals....

But what if it doesn't work out? That might just take enough out of me to ruin my chances of ever getting Takatori. It might even start to interfere with missions. Without missions, I'd have no way to keep Aya in the hospital...and....

I think way too much.

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"It's awful quiet in there."

Omi shifted the tray of tea he was carrying which served as their makeshift excuse for intruding on Ken's room. Yohji pressed his ear closer to the door. "Nope. Not a sound. That means they're either too preoccupied to talk (heh heh) or Aya's gone."

"I'd put my money on number two." Remarked Omi.

"Sadly, so would I."

Yohji coughed very deliberately and counted to three before opening the door. Aya was most definitely not present. Ken appeared to be lying in his bed. He was very, very still.

"Uh, hey, Ken-kun, we brought you some tea." Omi peered over the lump on the bed. "Ken-kun?"

Yohji poked the lump with his finger. "Hey, com'on, Kenken. Talk to us!"

Ken just starred fixedly at the ceiling and refused to move.

"Ken-kun, you're scaring me!" Omi shook him. "Keeeeen-kun!"

Ken didn't even blink.

"Shock?" Asked Omi, turning to Yohji.

"Hm, looks like it. I think I need to have a little talk with our friend Aya. It appears that he failed miserably at fixing him up."

"At least he didn't kill him, huh, Yohji-kun?"

"No, not yet."

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Aya jumped at the unexpected intrusion of banging on his door. He had no intention of answering it, but Yohji had accounted for that and immediately burst in, invited or not.

"Alright, what the hell did you do to him?!"

"Nothing."

"Ken going catatonic does not constitute 'nothing'!"

Aya scowled. "Stay out of this, Yohji."

"NO. I will not stay out of this." Yohji pulled Aya off the bed and kicked him towards the door. "Now you are going back to Ken's room and you're gonna fix this. Or you are not going to be very popular around here anymore."

Ooh, now there's a threat that really scares me. Aya thought to himself sarcastically. But he said nothing and headed towards Ken's room without a second glance at Yohji.

Aya lightly knocked on the door. "Ken?"

There was no response, so he opened it and cautiously stepped into the room. "Ken?" he asked again. Still no answer.

Aya approached the bed and leaned over Ken. "Ken, I'm sorry." He said quietly. Ken turned on his side and pulled the blanket over his head.

"Ken, I'm sorry I left. I needed to think things over. I'm not good with emotional confrontations."

"Obviously."

"That's how I am and I'm sorry. C'mon Ken, look at me."

Ken pulled the blanket further over his head and mumbled, "Just leave me alone. You can forget what I said, don't worry about it."

"Ken, I wouldn't have come back if I wanted to forget it, and you know that."

Aya gently yanked the blanket down off Ken's head. Ken immediately winced and shut his eyes; partly because of the sudden glare, and partly because he didn't want Aya to see how red they were.

"Ken, please look at me."

The nearness of Aya's voice startled him. Ken cautiously opened his eyes only to find Aya inches away from his face. eep. What is he doing? Thought Ken apprehensively.

"I'm really sorry Ken, but if you're going to like me, I have to warn you ahead of time that I really suck at handling people's feelings...."

"Heh," Ken laughed nervously, "I sorta figured that out already."

"...So it's probably in your best interest to get out while you can."

"What's that supposed to mean?" He's trying to talk me out of how I feel?! arrgh, I can't take much more of this!!

"It means," Aya said, as he leaned a little closer to Ken's face, "I'm still not sure if I can handle this, but I'm willing to give it a try."

Ken most definitely did not need a mirror to tell how red his face must be at that moment.

"uh....'it'?" Ken knew he was pressing his luck, but he wasn't going to let himself believe that Aya really meant what he seemed to be implying until he heard it spelled out.

"Us."

Aya really meant to close the gap and...(he felt weird even thinking this)...kiss Ken. The timing seemed perfect (well from what he had inferred from movies and books on how such a scenario ought to play out)...but he just couldn't do it. It wasn't him, at least not yet anyway. Maybe it's cause I'm still thinking too much...

But Ken decided to solve that problem, leaned forward, and kissed Aya first. Well, sorta. He was shaking so much it was hard for him keep contact with Aya, and he broke it off fairly quickly so that he could start apologizing for what a lousy kisser he was....

...Which was just enough to snap Aya out of his lengthy internal monologue (or was it a debate team?) and decide that their 'lousy first kiss' was actually quite nice not to mention that Ken's reaction to it was adorable...wow, when was the last time I used the word 'adorable'?! and decided to make a proper job of it. Ken's protests were abruptly cut off, as Aya made sure to thoroughly preoccupy him.

Ken slowly started to calm down, but didn't completely stop shaking. The realization suddenly dawned on Aya that Ken was probably going to need to take things even slower than he was.


Here I was so concerned about how this would effect me, and Ken wasn't any more certain about his feelings than I was.

Aya wrapped his arms tighter around Ken in attempt to quell the shaking. Ken once again broke off the kiss (this time to Aya's disappointment) and tilted his head so that his forehead rested against Aya's. Aya looked up and was met with the first look of genuine affection he'd received since losing his sister.

Idiot. Aya told himself, I just couldn't accept that for once things might actually turn out ok.

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Finito!!!

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I did it! I actually finished this! (I didn't think I would when I started, you know). Reviews have magical motivation powers, or something.
I even went back and fixed the html code so the whole story is consistent. I did a slight bit of edititing as well.
My editor (a.k.a. my-younger-sister-who's-a-better-writer-than-me) confirmed my suspicions that the confession conversation sounded really fake. I warned you, I suck at sap. I made some very slight changes, but for the most part I just couldn't figure out how I could change it and still arrive at the end scenerio I wanted. I tried, I really did. Maybe someday I'll figure it out and go back and fix it. For now I'll just appologize in case you found that scene painful to read. Soooorry!
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