Weiss Kreuz Fan Fiction ❯ Zweiter Chancen ❯ Aya-san ( Chapter 7 )

[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]

*****7*****


"Please, don't make me go down there..."

"Sorry, Em, we made a deal. We swore to take turns watching over you, and...like it or not...today is Ran's day."

Desperately, Emery clings to Ken's sleeve, petrified at the thought of leaving the safety of the living room behind and climbing down those stairs into a very uninviting shop. "Bitte, Ken-san. I know he's been better, but...what if I do something to make him mad and he...I don't know...runs me through with a trowel, or something?"

"Being a little melodramatic, are we?" Ken laughs, grabbing Emery by the hand to drag him down those dreaded stairs. "Don't worry so much. Ran can be a jackass sometimes, but he's not completely heartless. Besides, they'll be somebody else in the shop all day. He won't try anything. I promise."

Emery is not soothed. He feels indebted to Ran for rescuing him from Youji the other night, but even with tempers calmed, he does not feel comfortable spending the day with someone who also recently threatened to kill him.

The choice is not up to him, however, and at the bottom of the stairs, Ken tosses him his apron while proceeding to push the trembling boy in Ran's direction.

"Stop sniveling like that." Ran growls, after a few tense moments of Emery staring frightfully up at him. "Put your apron on and get to work. We're doing inventory today, and I don't want to waste any time. Understand?"

"...hai." Emery squeaks, fumbling frantically with his apron to comply, and casting pitiful glances at Ken and Youji across the shop.

Omi is taking advantage of an advanced computer class today, and Ken will be leaving before lunch to buy next week's groceries. Basically, Emery will be all alone with an easily distracted Kudo Youji and the deadly Fujimiya Ran all too soon. The smart thing to do: listen to whatever Ran tells him and follow every order he is given.

Strangely enough, that simple code of conduct carries Emery through most of the day without incident. Ran yells at him constantly, glares like Death itself whenever he makes eye contact, and still clearly distrusts the boy in all possible ways, but hey, at least he's still alive.

Eventually, the day wanes on, and hours have gone by with moderate levels of peace and pandemonium. Ken has already left, been gone, and should be returning from the market any minute now. As for Omi, his class gets over in about an hour.

Carrying the last few cases of unused pots into the storage room, Emery feels he is nearly in the clear after a surprisingly uneventful day. That is, until noticing that a certain someone has followed him inside.

"Aya-san...you don't have to hound me like this." Emery shivers, eyeing the darkness behind him cautiously, where Ran has been silently lurking. Carefully, he sets the boxes down and turns to face his stalker. "You've been overdoing your job. You can watch me and trust me at the same time, you know?"

"Can I?" Ran sneers, stepping from the shadows. "Then why are you so eager to get rid of me?"

"Stop this. Please. I thought we had...an understanding. I mean...you...you came to my rescue the other night, didn't you?"

"Perhaps, but that doesn’t mean I trust you yet." Ran counters, advancing menacingly enough to back Emery against the store room wall. "This all seems too impossible. You. Schuldrich. Suddenly everyone’s best friend."

“It’s not a trick.” Emery flinches, forming himself more and more to the wall behind him. Ran’s close presence offers nothing but malice, even now that it is subdued more than it ever has been. “I really am Emery. Not...Schuldrich. You can trust me, Aya-san. I swear you can.”

"Hn.” Ran huffs, standing back ever so slightly, which at last allows Emery to breathe. “Maybe you are telling the truth, but the second you become Schuldrich again you will turn on us. I don't care if you don't remember now. When the time comes, you will change, you will betray us, and you will be gone."

Oh, how Emery searches and struggles for the strength to deny Ran's accusations. “You...you’re wrong!” he cries at last, staring up at Ran unblinking, which in itself is a difficult task. "You don't know me. You don't know anything about me. Not really. Not the way I am now. Even if I do change back, you can't know for sure that I'd betray you. I don't want to go back to that life. I want to stay here!"

"It doesn't matter what *you* want. Schuldrich is not welcome here, and Schuldrich would not want to stay."

"I'm not Schuldrich!"

"Yes, you are."

"No, I'm - !" Cut off. At that moment, Emery had unthinkingly raised his hand in anger, intending to strike Ran across the face, but the older man's quick reflexes caught him mid-air.

Emery's eyes become wide with fear; Ran's grip is harsh, but not nearly as severe as it could have been had Ran’s fury been on the level it was the day before.

"Yes...you are." the taller man breathes, more a warning than anything. "You can’t change that. Whatever happened to you will one day wear off, and when it does, Schuldrich will leave. Understand that. And understand this...*never* raise your hand to me again."

Blessedly, Ran releases Emery’s arm and spins around to leave the storage room behind. He doesn't get very far before a soft whisper reaches his all too often deaf ears. "You're wrong about me...about everything..."

At these faltering words, Ran halts his retreat, muscles tensing as he attempts to sort out his own feelings over this. “......” he opens his mouth, but no words come, not at first. A part of him has something to say, but most of him disagrees with the unformed words. “Emery - if you truly are who you seem to be - I...regret what I have put you through. But my hatred is justified. My reasons for being honest with you this way, brutally honest, are also justified. Maybe it’s about time you understood for yourself."

The eerie delicacy of Ran’s tone completely throws Emery off balance. It is still stiff and direct, still unkind in it’s harsh delivery, but it is also sincere, and that Emery has no choice but to take notice of.

"The locked door down the hall leads to our mission room.” Ran continues, still without turning around to face Emery eye to eye. “The key is in the cash register up front. Search the computer for 'Schuldrich' and ‘Schwartz’ and you'll find out just what kind of monster you really were."


Minutes pass like days before Emery realizes Ran has left. Has he just been given leave to find out everything he could ever want to know? Has he just been given permission to find out the truth about himself?

Harsh or not, he wastes not even a moment before leaving the storage room for the shop. Heading straight for the cash register, he plans to waste even less time following Ran's orders.

It's time to find out who he is.


-----


//Logging on...please wait...connecting...Welcome to Kritiker.//

FLASH! Up and running, all of Weiss' files are now at Emery's disposal. Where to begin? The folders read out in front of him as "Mission Logs," "Enemy Reports," "Special Cases," and "Operative Files." It doesn't take a genius to figure out which file he is most likely under, although he is just as likely to be under more than one.

The file that first catches his attention, however, is the one marked "Operative Files." In barely the blink of an eye, he could learn everything about his boarders. Everything.

Naturally, the pointer slides over to rest on the tempting folder, following the movement of his hand on the mouse. Just a simple "click, click" and...no. The pointer moves away. Curious or not, he feels it would be too much of a violation. Better to become friends and find out their truths as they are willing to reveal them.

Turning his attention to "Enemy Reports," he opens the file and scrolls down to the bottom where there is a file on "Schwartz" and a separate file on "Schuldrich" right above it. He clicks on "Schwartz" first. The safer choice.

//Believed for a time to be Taketori Reiji's personal bodyguards, this supernatural foursome was found to actually be working for a mysterious group known as Estet. Later, we revealed that they were not only willing to betray their benefactors, but had most likely planned on it all along. What they are truly planning, I cannot say, but I know it can't be anything good. That is, if what we are doing does any good. The members reflect us so well, sometimes I wonder if God created them just to punish us for being what we are.//

Emery leans back from the screen a moment. This narrative is more of a personal opinion than an objective log. But whose voice is this that pours through typed words so well? It has to be one of the guys. One of Weiss. But which one?

//The members consist of Brad Crawford, the leader and psychic, Schuldrich, the mind reader, Farfarello, the one who feels no pain, and Naoe Nagi, the telekinetic. The latter are discussed at length in personal files.//

His mind already wandering back to the previous page, Emery realizes that the file "Schuldrich" must hold the answers he seeks, after all. But he finishes the brief conclusion on Schwartz as a whole before returning.

//We have seen no sign of them since the incident with Fujimiya Aya and Estet, but we have no doubts that they survived and are plotting their next move. We can only hope that the next time we meet only one group will walk away alive.//

Click. Emery shivers, quickly going back to the previous screen. Suddenly, it dawns on him. The user ID was Bombay, but as he had found out through many observations, Omi is the computer expert. The title and typing must be his.

If even Omi can hate Schwartz enough to wish them dead, what does that say about Emery's true identity? Well, I guess it's time to find out.

Click, click. The file, "Schuldrich," is opened, and the real truth is printed before him.

//Schuldrich, a key member in our archetype group, Schwartz, is the one I fear most. He can reach inside your mind and force you to think things, do things, you would never dream of doing. He can read every thought and emotion you ever had. He can know you inside out and use it to destroy you, and he does. I have seen it. I have felt it. If it wasn't for him, Ouka might still be alive.//

Ouka. Omi mentioned her to Emery once, who she was, what she meant, and even...how she died. Now, it turns out he was one of the characters - names mysteriously left out as Omi told the tale - that caused her death.

//Schuldrich moves faster than my eyes can follow. He would appear weak to anyone who passed him on the street, but he is far stronger than he looks. I know. The night he abducted me for Taketori Hirofumi, his fist in my stomach was like a lead pipe. It moved so fast, so hard, I still find myself getting short of breath. Worst of all, I know he enjoyed every minute of it. He loved my pain. Devoured it. And I hate him for it. I hate all of them. How can they enjoy suffering the way they do? What kind of monsters are they?//

(...and you'll find out just what kind of monster you really were...)

Emery feels sick. Disgusted. He understands perfectly why Omi would hate him, why all of them should hate him, and as he reads through his long and painful file, he at last truly understands why Ran hates him most of all. He took away the one thing precious in Ran's life: his sister.

She was recovered. She even woke up. But the fear of losing her will never go away.

Schuldrich really was a monster. And in Emery's mind, he is a monster, as well. Not just because of what he did to Weiss, but for all the horrid things he can't stomach reading as the file and the night dwindles on.


-----


The night did indeed dwindle on...and on...and on. Only after he had consumed every file he could find on himself and his former team, did Emery at last trip his way back up the basement stairs, pass the concerned looks on the faces of three florists out of the four, and stumble up the next set of steps until reaching his bed and staying there.

No, he wasn't hungry when Ken came in to offer him supper. Yes, he was fine when Youji asked if everything was alright. No, he didn't want to talk about it when Omi insisted they work things out together. And yes, he was sorry he ever went looking for the truth when Ran passed his door…and silently walked away.

The pact had broken with a single challenge from Ran. Emery knows who he was now. He doesn't remember, but he knows. And the others all know that he knows. Things can never be the same.

At the stroke of midnight, Emery dresses for bed, pulling on a T-shirt to go with his blue boxers, and climbs under the covers on an empty stomach. Perhaps sleep will help him forget, at least for a moment, what he learned on that basement computer.


-----


"Es tut mir Leid..." Emery mumbles in his sleep, tossing madly on the bed, caught in the fit of a painful nightmare. "...bitte...ich...I...I didn't mean to...hurt you...please...forgive me..."

All night he has been plagued with resurfacing images and triggered memories, haunted by the screams and bloody bodies of victims he still can't put a face to, but knows he hurt.

"...my hands...so much blood..." he whimpers. "...can't you see...how sorry I am...please...leave me alone...I wish...I could take back what I did...but I can't...please...please, leave me alone...stay away from me...stop....let me go...please...don't hurt me...I...I'm sorry...I'M SORRY!!"

WHOOSH! Emery springs up in bed, his eyes wide, the covers tangling his limbs, and sweat from hours of terror slick on his skin. It was all a dream, but even the shadows taunt him now with his past, reaching out with claws to rip him apart the way he so often tore into innocent minds.

Thin arms wrap tightly around his even thinner frame, darting blue eyes flick from side to side anxiously, and Emery suddenly leaps from the bed, desperate to escape a fear he cannot give form to, but knows it is one he cannot face alone.

Out in the hall, the darkness is even more encumbering, and every corner is another dying prey he slaughtered, waiting to take revenge.

Groping for the first doorknob he comes to, Emery slips into a nearby room and slams the door behind him, leaning back breathlessly against it. Freedom. Anywhere is better than that void of lonesome grief. Anywhere...

"What are *you* doing here?" demands a sudden voice from within.

All at once, Emery remembers who belongs to the room that is closest to his, even though he hadn't remembered soon enough to choose a better sanctuary. "...Aya-san..." he breathes, squinting at the figure on the bed in front of him. "...go...gomen...I didn't...realize..."

"Get out." Ran grimaces, sitting up in bed fully now and turning to face the door. His bare chest is exposed as the sheets fall away, his flame-licked hair tousled, and his eyes are even fiercer and deadlier than usual while Emery's adjust to the dark and take in this oddly breathtaking sight. "What are you staring at? I said, get out! What makes you think you have the right to even think of coming into my room?"

"I didn't know it was your room. I swear, I didn't." Emery defends himself, clutching back against the door. "I know I shouldn't be in here, but...please, don't make me go back out there..."

As hard as he is trying to hold back his tears, they fall defiantly anyway, tumbling down his pale cheeks. He knows there is nothing to fear in that hallway, in his room, or even within his own dreams, but he still fears that fear, and it is not going away.

Even odder than his fright is the attention he can't stop focusing on Ran. The older man is irate at his presence, fuming for him to get out, but he can't. More than just being afraid, he can't stop tracing the ivory outlines of Ran's face, neck, arms, and chest, with his eyes. The way that blood-red hair rests on those shoulders, how those violet eyes glimmer. He fears the image and finds it beautiful at the same time.

(...what am I thinking...?) Emery chides, lowering his lingering gaze to the floor. (Real smart, Em; give him another reason to be sickened by you...)

"Don't hand me your sad excuses." Ran bites back in reply to Emery's plea, not having noticed the intent eyes that had remained on him for so long. "Stop crying over nothing and go back to bed."

But he can't stop crying; there are far too many reasons to let the tears fall. "I can't...I don't want to be alone." he sniffles. "All the things I found out about...myself...Schuldrich...I can't get it out of my head. I keep having these dreams...and...I know they're just nightmares, but...I'm so scared..."

"And what am I supposed to do about it?" Ran snaps. "You committed those crimes. I can't go back in time for you and save the lives you stole any more than I can do the same for myself."

A small intake of breath. (I was right...Weiss does kill when they have to...) dawns the truth, not that Emery is surprised. Even if he did skip over personal things about his new companions, it wasn't difficult to figure out who and what Weiss are.

Still, whatever they are, it is nothing compared to the sins weighing him down.

"I know you...hate me...Aya-san...and you should..." Emery begins softly, hopefully. "But...could I...please...sleep in here with you...?"

Shock. Ran's face washes over with pure shock. The very idea is absurd, but that Emery would even dare ask such a thing is even more foolish.

To Emery's own bewilderment, however, and perhaps a little of Ran's as well, the stern red-head does not scream for him to leave, never return, and hopefully end up dead on his way out. No. After a tense moment of utter silence, he actually pulls the covers back, slides over to one side, and waits for Emery to join him.

The younger boy doesn't move. He stares. Tears still falling, mouth slightly slack, he stares, and wonders if this is just another dream.

"Well?" Ran snarls, a bit softer, but not by much. "Do you want me to change my mind? Because I would be more than happy to-"

"No! I...I want to stay." Emery whispers, pushing away from the door. "Danke...Aya-san."

Ever so slowly, the boy moves forward, edging closer and closer until reaching the bed, climbing in, and snuggling under the covers left soft and warm by Ran's recent occupation of the same spot. The covers are saturated with Ran's scent, something like cinnamon and roses and bitterness, all taken in with one perfect whiff.

Not surprisingly, Ran turns away from Emery, facing the wall, and leaves space enough for an entire other person between them.

At last feeling safe-even in such dangerous quarters-Emery doesn't mind his companion's cold shoulder one bit. "A...Aya-san...?"

"Please, tell me you aren't planning to keep me up all night."

"I...just wanted to tell you...that you were right." Emery sighs, staring at the back of Ran's bright red head, brilliant even in this deafening darkness. "Schuldrich was a monster. All those files, they just kept getting worse the more I read them. I used to do such horrible things. But I want you to know...when I grow up...whether it happens over years like it should, or all of a sudden the way I suddenly became young again...I will never be *him* again. I want to stay here...with you." Blush. "I mean...with...all of you."

"...we'll see." Ran replies softly. Too soft. He reveals in those simple words that he might just be capable of believing in Emery after all.

"...Aya-san...?"

"What?"

"I'm sorry."

"Sorry for what?"

"For...everything. But especially...for taking your sister away from you. I'm glad she woke up."

Silence. For a long time, Emery is granted no reply. In fact, he is almost certain that Ran has fallen asleep until that deep and smooth voice at last answers his admissions. "...arigato..." Pause. Long pause. "...Emery. Now...shut up and go to sleep."

If he had been perhaps a little braver, Emery might have laughed, but instead he smiled, rolled cozily onto his side, and drifted into sleep. For reasons he can not yet understand, he feels more comfortable in Ran's company right now than he has with any of the others since first coming to stay in their home.