Wolf's Rain Fan Fiction ❯ Love Object ❯ Chapter 40 ( Chapter 40 )

Chapter Forty

I must have been out of my damn mind. Let Tsume say goodbye. I knew damn well he wouldn't do it with supervision. I just fucked myself and didn't even know it. And now... that asshole is probably over there picking my little brother up for another roll in the sack. Kiba balled up his fist slamming it onto the dashboard of the car, growling. "I'm so stupid!"

"Kiba? What the hell?" Asked Hige looking over at the brunette.

"I'm just thinking about how badly I keep messing up," the teen explained. "I can never do anything right, and when I think that I made the right decisions they get thrown right back into my fucking face!" He clenched his jaw as though he were ready to break his own teeth by cracking them.

"Uuhh, you lost me again." Hige tried keeping his eyes on the road, which still have a little ice and snow down at the sides, but he continued throwing glances at Kiba anyway. "Mind taking it back to the start?"

"Yesterday, after I came from Tsume's penthouse..." He let out a sigh. "I sort of told him that he could say goodbye to Toboe-..."

"You're letting that guy say goodbye?!" Hige couldn't believe his ears. He thought for sure that Kiba would sooner lose an eyeball before he let Tsume see Toboe- even in thought. "Oh man Kib', you must have been hit on the head too hard during that fight. Do you hear yourself?!"

"I know... but at the time part of me kinda felt a little-... bad for him." Kiba explained. He gazed at his feet, hands in his pockets, fingering his wallet. The two of them were driving to a seafood place to buy dinner for his little brother.

"Bad?! You felt bad! Kiba, you're really scaring me here buddy... Why would you feel bad for a guy like Tsume. He's a sick jerk- like you said."

"I know what I said! I still stand by that..." Kiba snapped through a hiss. "...It's just that... something he said hit a nerve and..." He changed his wording. "Besides, he said that he was leaving which means he'll be nowhere near my brother... the least I can do is let him say goodbye. For Toboe's sake."

Hige nodded. The car pulled into the parking lot of the seafood place and the two got out, still at odds. "I guess I can understand that. Toboe is sensitive sometimes and he'd probably really freak out if the guy just up and left on him."

"Exactly." Kiba slammed the car door. "And anyway, now that he'll be out of the picture I can get my little brother back."

"Right. The runt'll forget that guy in no time... Kids usually do."

Yeah, and this whole bad experience will be just another nasty memory to forget. Thought Kiba.

..................

At the Wolf house. Toboe is beside his self with things to do. A tiny smile appeared on his mouth as he ran over to the couch bouncing up and down on it with his butt. "Hahaha!" He laughed joyously. He couldn't believe that Kiba really trusted him! Sure, I can't cook anything but so what... I'm alone with a house full of snacks until dinner. Toboe practically hugged himself as he hopped into the kitchen to the snack cabinet.

Outside. Tsume stood before the front door of the Wolf house. He had been rethinking his decision since after school, seeing how happy Toboe was. He didn't want to ruin that. Rrrr- shit! What am I thinking... he's got his whole life ahead of him... a life that he was probably starting to see with me. He sighed. It's my fault, the whole damn thing is my fault and he's gonna hate me for it... Kiba was right. I never should have started this, it never should have been this way...

The model turned on his heals to leave but his feet refused to go any further. I'm such an idiot, and now because of my own stupid mistakes I have to give up the one person who may be the love of my life. He closed his eyes turned back around and knocked quietly on the door.

Toboe froze, his hand just pulling open the cabinet, head turned toward the front door. Mrs. Cher wouldn't be here that soon..... Maybe, Kiba forgot something? Lowering his hand from the cabinet, Toboe slowly made his way into the hall, standing before the front door. "Hah!" He jumped when there was another sound at the door. "Wh- who's there?" He asked with a shaking voice.

"I-... It's me. Tsume."

The voice was a little muffled by the door, so Toboe wasn't exactly sure if the guy on the other side were telling the truth or not. "Hang on." Walking back into the kitchen, Toboe peeked between the blinds, confirming that it was true he smiled walking back into the hall. "Tsume!" He pulled open the front door.

Tsume took one look at his little lover then, pulling him into his arms he pressed the boys back against the wall, planting gentle kisses on his lips. Their kiss was passionate both of them feeling the warmth from the night before creeping back up on them as their tongues remembered the inside of the others mouth. "I love you." Tsume whispered against the boys lips.

"I love you too, Tsume but... what are you doing here- and what happened to your face?!?" Asked the young boy in disbelief, looking over the cuts and bruises on the beautiful mans face.

Tsume kissed Toboe softly on his cheek, giving an eskimo kiss to the boys nose. With their foreheads now pressed together, Tsume looked down at his shoes while speaking. "I um... got into a little fight with your brother earlier. And I came to talk to you, about something..." The model then looks up into his lovers eyes.

Toboe thought that to be odd, he wondered how Kiba had gotten those bruises himself but just figured it was from gym class or something. But he didn't read too much into it because Tsume is at his house! "All right, come in! Come on in." He couldn't hide his excitement. The boy honestly thought that he wouldn't see the man today, even though Tsume had told him that he would. Reaching for the models arm he tugged him further inside the house, closing the door behind him.

The man looked around the entry hall with a faint frown. He had seen the house so many times in the dark, but in the daylight he could really see the warmth and love that existed in the home. It made him feel even more ashamed. "Toboe, I have to..."

"Do you wanna look around? I can give you a tour." The boy, obviously too excited to wanna hear a word the man had to say.

"Yeah, I'd like that." His face may have smiled, but his voice remained flat.

"Cool. We'll start with the kitchen." He turned the corner beside them into the kitchen. "This is where the table is, the snacks are here... These cereals are mine." He pointed a finger. "Kiba has the flakes and stuff, I don't like those."

How am I gonna tell him? How do I start to say it, that I'm the one who should be hated, I'm the one who should be ignored... God, why did any of this have to happen?

Toboe was leading him out of the kitchen into the living room. "Here's the living room, we only got half the Christmas decorations up." He trotted over to the couch. "The couch is cozy." He flopped down on it. "Wanna sit?" Pats the seat beside himself.

"Uhh, I can't really stay long, how 'bout we finish the tour then we can visit with each other a little better." Tsume's voice was sad, as though every word from his mouth were killing him to say. Even the smallest things.

"Okay... Tsume?" He hesitated before asking. "Are you alright?"

The older man shrugged. "Yeah," he lied. "I'm fine."

"Well, come on I'll show you upstairs." His enthusiasm returning. "My rooms really cool, maybe not as cool as yours or Kiba's but I bet you'll like it." Taking the mans hand again, he led the model up the stairs and down the hall.

Tsume was taken around the familiar little house that he had visited late at night, usually during the times that Kiba was at work, and that blonde woman was babysitting. He could walk the place by heart with his eyes closed. Though he had never meant to enter their home without permission, but in those darker days in his mind, he had to know what it was like on the inside.

"That's Kiba's room- just glance though, I don't think Kiba would really like you in his room. There's the bathroom and last but not least," he pushed the door away. "My room." A grin spread across his face as he looked at Tsume for his reaction.

"It's great," He mentioned, blankly.

"Thanks!" He chuckled, obviously missing the distance in the mans voice. "Kiba let me decorate it myself. All the posters are mine, the bed was always like this but I don't mind it." Walking to one side of his room, he pulled a piece of scotch tape from the wall lowering the signed picture he had of the two of them. "See, I hung the picture."

"It's great," Tsume said, just as flat as before.

Toboe cocked his head. Something was obviously wrong with the man and he wanted answers. "Tsume, come sit with me... please." He climbed onto his bed, stretching his legs straight out.

Tsume reluctantly joined his young lover on the bed, extending one leg while bending the other. The young boy reached sideways wrapping his arms around the older mans neck, then he began to plant kisses along his jaw. Tsume held the boy close to him but didn't kiss back, even when their lips had briefly met in passing. He couldn't do it anymore- he couldn't give him hope for a future.

"I'm really glad you're here." Another kiss. "I kept thinking about the other night, when you and Iiiii..." He trailed off, hoping that Tsume would finish the rest. When he didn't he shrugged it off trying to regain the mans attention by kissing him. "I really liked it Tsume, and I hope that we could do it again someday."

"Toboe, we need to talk." Tsume interrupted.

The young boy wanted to ignore it. Whenever someone needed to talk, it is never good. "Okay, so talk." He climbed into the mans lap, keeping his arms around him as though he never intended to let him go.

Tsume nuzzled his face into the boys thick, soft hair, hands caressing down his back, though not in any sort of arousing kind of way. "I really don't know how to tell you this... and it kills me inside to even think about it."

Toboe could feel the tension inside of Tsume's chest, his heart seemed to be beating at a quick rate. "Think about what Tsume... please tell me?"

"I love you." Tsume was stalling.

"I love you too, but... That isn't what you wanted to say, is it?"

Tsume shook his head, glad that the young boy couldn't see his face when he felt tears welling up in his eyes. "And you know that I would never hurt you in anyway."

"Yeah." He leaned up to look into Tsume's eyes. "But what are you trying to say?"

Tsume took a deep breath, picking Toboe up setting him onto the bed beside him so that he weren't sitting on his lap anymore. "I'm gonna tell you a story and... I hope you know that, what ever happens afterwards, I'll understand."

Toboe just nodded, waiting to hear what Tsume had to say. Especially if it made his love this upset. Anytime Toboe saw Tsume he seemed to be happy, but now...

"Toboe, I'm not who you think I am." The model stated.

"Wh- what do you mean?" Playing naive. Toboe was too afraid to think that Tsume really was one of those people who killed you, or hurt you- all those things that Kiba had said. He knew that he wouldn't be strong enough to fight him off.

"I've been lying to you from the start- but I've stopped, everything that I felt," He shook his head correcting his self. "Everything I feel for you is the truth. I love you."

Toboe’s eyes welled up, turning his head up so that he could see Tsume's face. "I love you too, but Tsume please... just tell me?"

"When I first met you, it was at school... I lied and told you that I was waiting for someone but in actual I just wanted to see you."

"So what, I don't care about that-..."

Tsume hushed him, smoothing the boys hair down. "It was exactly half a year ago before summer vacation that I first saw you. I've been watching you since... School ended and..." He continued to pause because it felt as though his voice would just leave him and he'd begin to cry. He didn't want to lie to Toboe anymore but telling the truth is hard. "And I didn't know where you had went, figuring school had ended I stopped going to the building and gave up on you."

Toboe couldn't help his sniffles, the snot was beginning to come out of his nose. Tsume reached into his pocket, pulling out a tissue for him. "Thank you." He muttered sadly.

"About a week after that I went to the mall and I saw you again. You and your brother were trying on sunglasses. I wanted to get closer to you, for a better look... I thought I had died the first time I heard you talk. I didn't know how much you meant to me at the time I thought you were... were just... a toy." His tears streamed down his face, dropping into Toboe's hair, sliding gracefully down the boys silky hair.

"Tsume... what does any of this mean?" He asked through tears.

"I'm sick Toboe. I'm a pervert! Don't you understand that!?" He nearly shouted. Making Toboe cry a little harder. Tsume gave the boy a little squeeze, hushing him. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to yell at you."

He continued to let his tears fall into the tissue that was held up at his nose. "I don't want to hear anymore."

"I'm sorry, but you have to... I have to get it off my chest." He closed his eyes. "I followed you and your brother home- or at least to what I thought was your home, but it was actually Hige's house."

"Dooon't." The young boy pleaded.

"Ssshhh... Eventually I started to fantasize about you, in my home at work- everywhere." He licked his lips. "It became so real that I thought you were really mine, but you weren't. I thought up a plan so that you and I could be alone together."

"That's when you took me to your house?"

Tsume nodded. "Yeah, I lied about the time it was and got your brother in trouble so that he had to stay after... I'm an asshole I know."

"No your not." Toboe covered Tsume's mouth, having his hand removed.

"I am... I dreamt of having sex with you, dating you. I was thrilled when you became mine."

"Yes, I'm yours and you're mine- we're together now...." He held Tsume's face. "So what's the problem- that you're sick? I don't really care about that, okay. So stop it."

"I'm glad that you still feel that way... because what I say next is the reason why you and I can no longer be together..." Tsume opened his eyes, looking right into the young boys. He took in a breath before speaking and he said with so much sorrow in his voice it would have broken down a statue and made it cry. "I'm….” He swallowed hard. “I’m the one who started that fire in your parents cabin."