X/1999 Fan Fiction ❯ Ces Larmes Je Pleure ❯ Yume ( Chapter 2 )

Author's Note: I'm really depressed now. You know how I have five muses? Three of them abandoned me for this fic. Yup. Aquaria, Orion, and Leon split for Europe. I'm stuck with Chibi Zelas and the Tree. Gods help me.

Warning: More angst and some SeixSu action.

Part Two: Yume

::He really did love you, you know,:: the Tree said.

"Then why did he do this to me?" Subaru asked, standing at the window that overlooked the city.

::Which `this'?::

"All of it. The bet, Hokuto-chan, using me…" Subaru paused, choking, "…like that."

::You'd better sit down,:: the Tree told him. ::This could take a bit.::

Subaru sat on the leather couch and pulled out a cigarette. He lit it and took a long drag on it, trying desperately to keep calm.

::The bet was something he came up with when the two of you first met. It was a spur of the moment thing,:: the Tree explained. ::I have no clue why he did it and I wasn't too happy about it either. It cost me a meal, but Seishirou insisted and when you met again, he fell in love with you, so I gave up.::

Subaru felt it was weird to hear himself referred to as a meal, but refrained from commenting.

::He lost the bet, but was too proud to admit it. SO, he told you that you were the one who had lost.::

"What about Hokuto?" Subaru asked. "Why did he kill her?"

::Hokuto asked Seishirou to kill her. Remember the spell that Seishirou activated to have you kill him?::

"Hokuto asked him to kill her for that?"

::Yes,:: the Tree said. ::Hokuto was crazy, no offense. But she was fun, even if she got ticked when she moved on to the afterlife.::

"Moved on?"

::I only feed on the magical energy of a soul. The actual soul is not harmed. So, your sister moved on eventually, though she asked me to tell Seishirou that he was a jackass on occasion.::

Subaru blinked.

::Now, as for why Seishirou used you as a suicide weapon,:: the Tree continued, ::he did it because you wouldn't kill him on your own. Are you familiar on how the position of Sakurazukamori is passed on?::

"All I know is that it's passed on by blood," Subaru said.

::To be precise, it's passed on when the previous holder is killed. Seishirou's mother, the Sakurazukamori before him, told him that it…::

"…is a beautiful thing, to be killed by the one you love," Subaru choked. He put out his cigarette. "I don't want to hear anymore."

::Go eat something,:: the Tree told him. ::Then I want you to go to bed.::

"I'm not hungry," Subaru said, standing up and heading through Seishirou's apartment, towards the bedroom. "I'll eat tomorrow."

::I'm going to hold you to that,:: the Tree warned. ::If you don't eat something tomorrow, I'll come over and make you eat.::

Subaru vaguely wondered how the Tree would do so, but said nothing. He threw off his jacked and flopped onto the bed. He buried his face into the pillows and found that they smelled of tobacco and Seishirou's aftershave. He breathed in the scent, holding it in for a while before starting to cry again.

He shortly fell asleep, his tears already beginning to dry.

*****

"Please, Kakyou?" Hokuto asked. "Sei-chan really needs to speak to my brother."

The yumemi looked at her. "I don't know. If the Dark Kamui saw…"

"Can't you block him?"

"Not for very long," Kakyou replied. "He can break through the Dreamscape and stop the Dream."

"We just need you to merge into one of Subaru's dreams long enough to get Seishirou in there. You can do that, right?"

"Yes, but it's still risky," Kakyou said. "The Dark Kamui often breaks into the Dreamscape and if he catches me doing anything else…"

"Look, I know I interrupted your job," Hokuto said, "but this is important."

Kakyou looked from Hokuto to Seishirou, who stood quietly in the corner of the Dream.

"I'll do it," he said, "but only as a favor to you, Hokuto."

The Sumeragi girl smiled and hugged the yumemi. "Thank you, Kakyou!"

Kakyou gave her a soft smile and began merge his Dream with Subaru's.

*****

Subaru's dreams had changed since that day at Rainbow Bridge. From the once dim dreams of his past, they grew dark, full of blood, rain, and sakura. He saw only images of the fight or an image of himself, alone, covered in blood and crying.

Tonight's dreams were no different. He stood on the bridge, the scent of sakura filling the air as rain poured down on him. His bloodstained hands covered his eyes as he dropped to the ground. His entire body shook with his sobs.

"Sei…shirou-san…" he whispered between cries.

"Subaru-kun," a voice behind him replied.

Subaru looked up and turned around. His eyes widened as he saw Seishirou standing behind him, looking at him with two perfect golden eyes.

"Seishirou-san?"

The former Sakurazukamori stepped closer to the younger man and kneeled down so they were face-to-face.

"You…" Subaru whispered. "You're…"

Seishirou put his arms around Subaru and pulled him close. Subaru clutched at the older man's shirt, burying his face into Seishirou's shoulders as warm tears ran down his face.

"I hate you…" Subaru mumbled. "I hate you so much."

Seishirou said nothing. He just held the younger man as he cried. The feel of Subaru being so close made Seishirou's heart hurt.

"God, I love you Seishirou-san," Subaru sniffled. He put his arms around Seishirou's waist, not wanting to let go. "Don't leave me again…please."

"Subaru-kun," Seishirou said, "I know you don't want to lose me, but…"

"Don't say it!" Subaru begged. "Please! I don't want to hear it!"

"No. You have to accept it," Seishirou told him. "I'm dead, Subaru-kun. Nothing can change that."

"No!" Subaru cried, looking up at his lover. "I can't! I won't accept it! You're here aren't you? You don't have to be gone!"

"Subaru-kun."

"Damn it, I love you, Seishirou-san!" Subaru said. "I never wanted you to die."

"It was my time, Subaru-kun," Seishirou told him. "I was ready to die."

"How can you say that?!" Subaru exclaimed. "You knew I loved you! You knew that I'd be miserable without you! And you just decided that you were ready to die, knowing that it would hurt me?!"

"Subaru-kun, I was hurting you."

"I don't care!" Subaru said. "What you did before was nothing compared to this!"

There was silence for a moment. Subaru held in his sobs, trying to calm down. Seishirou said nothing for a long time.

"You told me that you loved me," Subaru whispered.

"And I do," Seishirou said. "But it was my time to die. I was tired of hurting you. Though, I guess my death was just another wound for you."

"Seishirou-san…" Subaru whispered.

Seishirou looked at Subaru and saw at once what the younger man needed. Subaru needed confirmation. So, Seishirou leaned forward and gently kissed Subaru. He slid his tongue between the younger man's lips, letting the taste of his lover fill his mouth. He felt Subaru's desperation in that kiss. The younger man loved him, almost too much.

"Please," Subaru begged when the kiss broke, "please, don't leave me."

"Subaru-kun," Seishirou said, softly wiping the tears off Subaru's cheeks, "we can't keep this up. This is your dream. When you wake up, I'll be gone."

"And if I don't wake up?"

"Subaru. You have to let me go."

Subaru clung to Seishirou. "I…I can't."

"Subaru."

Subaru was quiet. He clung to Seishirou, tears silently rolling down his face. After a few moments, the tears stopped.

"Seishirou-san?"

"Yes?"

"Will you…? Just one more time?"

Seishirou looked at Subaru. "It won't be real."

"I don't care," Subaru replied. "I just…want to feel…what it's like for you to love me. One last time."

Seishirou hesitated, then nodded. Subaru hugged him as the Dream changed. No longer were they on a bridge. They lay on Seishirou's bed, just as it had looked before Subaru had fallen asleep. Seishirou kissed Subaru once more as he gently pushed him onto the mattress. Subaru put his arms around Seishirou, entwining his fingers into Seishirou's hair. The rain had long ago washed away the blood.

After removing the younger man's shirt, Seishirou began kissing a trail down Subaru's chest. Then he began kissing back upwards, nipping here and there, playing with Subaru in the most sensitive places, causing Subaru to gasp. He would make this last, a Dream that Subaru would never forget.

*****

When Subaru woke up in the morning, he remembered that last act of Seishirou's love. Though it had been a dream, he had felt everything. Seishirou's rough, yet still gentle kisses, each nip, lick, and thrust….all of it would be embedded in his memory. But he would never feel it again.

Author's Note: I always knew that I would someday write a depressing sex scene. This just seemed like the fic for it.

Thanks to Haru and Subaru's Voice for my first reviews on this fic!