X/1999 Fan Fiction ❯ Futile Wish ❯ Futile Wish ( One-Shot )

Summary: Have you ever wondered what Fuuma would say to Kamui when the two meet on the Promised Day? Here's my take. It's a sort of companion fic to my other story "Moving On."

Disclaimer: Clamp owns X and its characters. What happens in this story is pretty much made up since at the time of writing, Fuuma has yet to meet Kamui at Tokyo Tower. I really don't know what's going to happen, so please don't think I have some inside track to Clamp's plans on what's going to happen. I wrote this fic sometime in September 2002. However I am forced to release this story now because I just saw the December 2002 Asuka which pretty much has a very different conversation - arrgh!

Dedication: This story is dedicated to my friend K-chan MD. Why? Because I want to and I can! Cheers to MD.

Spoilers: None really, I made everything up!

Rating: PG

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"I wonder if it's time?" Fuuma thought to himself as he walked down the deserted streets of Tokyo city. The familiar skyline was now in ruins. All around, debris lay scattered -- all that was left from the destroyed buildings that had fallen casualty to the recent titanic battles between the Chi no Ryuu and the Tien no Ryuu. Both sides had borne heavy losses and now he was alone.

As he walked towards Tokyo Tower, the site of the last great Kekkai, Fuuma allowed himself to feel a pang of regret for the destruction of such a beautiful city. The feeling lasted only a moment, and then his resolve hardened.

With an effortless leap, Fuuma ascended the Tower, Shinken in hand and stood precariously on a metal bar to gaze out at the surreal landscape. A small sound soon alerted him to the fact that he was no longer alone. Without turning around, he said, "You're here."

"Why does it have to come to this?" Kamui asked.

Fuuma gracefully turned, took a step off into the air and landed lightly on the tower platform, a short distance from his opposite. It was odd for him to see Kamui without the now familiar surge of contrasting emotions flowing through him. Whenever they met previously, he always experienced a mixture of bloodlust and attraction; and a large dose of self loathing for what he was forced to do. Now he experienced a peculiar detachment to what was happening. He didn't even feel fear, despite the thought that one of them would not survive this day. "We are bound by destiny," he replied.

"I used to say I didn't believe in destiny," Kamui said with a particular catch in his voice.

Fuuma wondered, had Kamui finally accepted the situation? Had his twin star finally decided that enough was enough, and he would stop fighting against what fate willed? Fuuma knew he himself had given up a long time ago. All he said aloud was, "Used to?"

"I don't want to fight you." Kamui said stubbornly. But he was speaking with an air of one who was exhausted and near his breaking point, a point that Fuuma picked up.

"But if we don't fight, then what of the fate of the earth?" He asked sardonically.

"Why does it have to be us to decide? And if it were up to us, why can't we just decide to live in harmony?" Kamui responded.

"Can we decide to live in harmony?" Just for a little while, Fuuma allowed himself to seriously consider the possibility.

Kamui must have seen the doubt in his eyes and took a step forward, his hand reaching out to Fuuma. "If we really want to, we can find a way."

"But the earth will not allow this. You cannot understand the compulsion of destiny," Fuuma protested.

"Am I not Kamui, the one who reflects the will of God? I choose then not to fight you." Kamui insisted determinedly.

Fuuma tilted his head to one side as he examined his former friend. Kamui was certainly looking haggard, most probably from grieving the loss and injuries of his fellow Seals. Fuuma knew it was his own actions that had put the one whom he had once sworn to protect through such a wringer. Fuuma wondered if it was possible to avoid having to kill the one he cared for most in all the world. "After all that I've done to you, is it even possible to wipe the slate clean? How can you even forgive me?"

"It wasn't your fault," Kamui said gently.

"Then whose is it? Everything I did was unforgivable. I killed Kotori, wounded you grievously, physically and emotionally, and still why do you not hate me?" Fuuma was tempted, oh so tempted at the thought that he could escape destiny.

"How can I, when it was my decision to protect you that led to your becoming the Dragon of Earth?" Kamui said miserably.

"And what of my broken promise to protect you?" Fuuma prodded bluntly. He could not let Kamui do this without realising every aspect of the situation.

"I can never fault you, not when my own promise to take care of you and Kotori lies shattered as well." Tears were beginning to fall from those beautiful violet orbs.

Oddly enough, the sight moved Fuuma and his resolve faltered. Without even realising it, he crossed to stand before Kamui to wipe the tears away. Heaving a deep sigh, he found himself admitting, "I don't want to fight you too."

The hope that rose in Kamui's face was as bright as the sun dawning after a long winter's night. "Oh Fuuma," he said softly and moved to hug his friend. His Shinken slid from his hand to fall upon the floor with a clang.

Fuuma's sword fell down in an echoing crash as well. "How can we possibly make this work?" Fuuma wondered aloud, all his doubts and fears suddenly taking him over by storm. "One of us was supposed to die this day."

"No it's not true, if we really want to live, I believe there is nothing that will stop us."

"Oh Kamui, I want to have hope. I want to be able to escape these bonds, fate has placed on us," Fuuma heard himself confessing his most secret wish.

"Then let me free you, for this is my wish too," Kamui said as he pressed up against the one dearest to his heart.

Fuuma bent his head down towards the younger boy and kissed him, a searingly heartbreaking kiss of apology and regret. All too soon, the embrace ended and Fuuma took a step back.

"Unfortunately this wish can never be fulfilled," Fuuma said, as he felt the persona who was the Chi no Ryuu take over again. "And this is all a lie." He waved a vague hand at the scene around him.

Kamui's lips began to quiver, his despair evident on his face. He remained standing still, unresisting while the Dragon of Earth picked up his sword and ran it through his heart. Kamui toppled backward, his bloodstained body sliding off the Shinken almost in slow motion. But as he fell to the ground, the fabric of reality rippled. Within moments, the body that was Kamui began to fade. The backdrop of Tokyo Tower also began to dissolve before coalescing into a small room.

"How long have you known this was an illusion?" The gentle voice of the golden eyed yumemi broke into Fuuma's thoughts as he contemplated what had just happened.

"Just after I was tempted to not let Kamui fight me," Fuuma admitted. He lifted a hand to touch the cheek of his dreamgazer affectionately. "I appreciate your effort to give me a moment with an alternative destiny."

"Why can't you let this happen then?" Kakyou asked. He had still not given up trying to change the future, though time and again the truth of his visions were proven unalterable.

"The will of the Earth is too strong. I cannot withstand against it," Fuuma said sadly.

"But I know you do fight it. Otherwise why do you engage in battles with Kamui without killing him?" Kakyou pointed out.

"It is all I can do to manage that," Fuuma said grimly.

"So there is only one way out of this then? In death?" Kakyou lowered his eyes, afraid of the answer.

"If Kamui won't fight me, I will have to make him," Fuuma replied with determination.

"And you intend to be the sacrifice," Kakyou concluded resignedly.

"Would it be fair otherwise?" Fuuma asked. "After all I have done to him?"

"Oh I wish it didn't have to come this." Kakyou said brokenly. Fighting fate was like trying to get a grip on a drop of water in a waterfall. Time eventually wore the stone at the bottom of the stream down to nothing. He wondered why he bothered.

"I'm sorry you ended up caring," Fuuma said. He stroked Kakyou's soft golden hair in a particularly intimate gesture. It was all he could do to offer Kakyou comfort now. As it was he knew he would never be able to get the nerve up to grant Kakyou's death wish. Fuuma supposed he was being selfish, but in this at least, his own wish would prevail.

Fuuma's touch brought a rush of warmth to Kakyou's heart. The contact was all the more precious for its rarity, so few had found their way into his dreamscape. Only Fuuma had come for him, after all those years of loneliness. Then he had stayed and been kind to Kakyou, when he had no need to be. Kakyou found himself craving for every moment snatched with his leader, for so few were left. He could feel the looming weight of destiny as the time drew near when all that he had foreseen would come to pass. With a strangled gasp, he flung himself against Fuuma and held onto him, as if that could stop him from leaving him.

Fuuma hugged him back. Kakyou was the only one who understood the tinniest bit about what motivated him. With everyone else, he maintained a certain detachment. Oh he enjoyed sparring with his fellow Angels like Seishirou, or the company of faithful Nataku, who was now gone, having chosen to die while protecting the red haired Dragon of Heaven. But no one was like Kakyou, he discovered he was oddly protective of the yumemi. Fuuma understood the horrible hand fate had dealt Kakyou, just as Kakyou understood Fuuma's pain at his destiny to fight against the one he had once promised to protect. He marveled at how Kakyou had managed to keep the will to try to change the future despite failing again and again.

Tears were now streaming down Kakyou's face openly. "It's so unfair," he whispered through his sorrow. "I don't know how you can stand it!" He began hitting Fuuma hard on the chest with his fists in mounting hysteria. Fuuma let him. He knew no matter what the outcome, he was doomed. Either he killed Kamui and the world ended or he died at the hands of the one he loved. What sort of fate was that to look forward to? Fuuma knew the yumemi understood all too well. So Fuuma simply held onto him and let him work out his anger.

Eventually Kakyou calmed down. He stood hiccuping quietly. He swiped at his wet cheeks with a sleeve. Turning his face away he said bitterly, "You won't kill me, will you?"

"No." There it was out, the truth.

"Why? What have I to live for?" Kakyou said despairingly.

Fuuma took Kakyou's chin in his hand and turned him to face him. Looking down at him, he tried to explain, "I may be doomed but you're not. I want you to live. You might still have a chance at happiness."

"With my rotten luck?!" Kakyou practically exclaimed in surprise.

The outburst brought a smile to Fuuma's face. "Yes, even with your rotten luck. I want you to fight on. Will you? For me?" He asked hopefully.

Kakyou fell silent. He remained frozen for a long moment, considering Fuuma's wish. The one who went around granting everyone's wishes but refused to answer Kakyou's, now presented Kakyou with his own. Could Kakyou be strong enough to grant it?

Kakyou closed his eyes in resignation. He heaved a deep sigh and gave in. "I'll try my best."

"That's the spirit," Fuuma said gently.

There was nothing more left to be said except one thing. "The time is coming, will you be ready?"

"I will have to be."

"Don't forget your Shinken." It was all Kakyou could say to send him off.

Fuuma nodded and left the dreamscape to face his fate.

~~~~~

Notes: Well there you go, another one of my angsty fics. Poor Fuuma, I feel he's such a mass of contradictions and changing character. I hope I managed to at least supply some reason for his motivations in why he acts so in X. I do like the Fuuma/Kakyou pairing hence the ending. I'm hoping that if he survives the Final Day like what the anime portrayed in the last episode, at least he will come back and be happy with Kakyou. But knowing Clamp, it's unlikely the people in X will be able to have a happy ending, hence the title of this fic, Futile Wish. Sigh. By the way, the wish he entrusts Kakyou is only a minor wish, kinda like Subaru losing his eye. It's not his main Wish. I'll leave Clamp to reveal it to us. And yes, I know I killed Kamui off again, but please keep in mind, it's only a dream creation of Kakyou's and Fuuma knew it! Thoughts please?