X/1999 Fan Fiction ❯ Stigmata ❯ Chapter One ( Chapter 1 )

Chapter 1

It was quite amazing, to watch from afar Kamui's transformation from boy to man. And even more so to watch him as he threw his life away piece by piece.

Subaru had made it a hobby to watch the boy these past five years since they had departed from one another. There was nothing particularly gratifying about it, no particular reason why he did it at all… but it was at least amusing. Kamui amused him.

Of course, Kamui did many things that caused him many feelings, but he rather thought amusement was the primary feeling.

He could not help but be amused. Perhaps it was cruel of him, to find that feeling in what could be seen in the eyes of others, and most of all in Kamui's eyes, as a wretched existence. But there was not a person in the world to slap him on the hand and tell him he was being malicious. He allowed himself the luxury of watching the boy because of that reason; because there was not anyone to tell him not to and no one to be upset with him if he were amused by what he saw.

Still, Subaru thought, Kamui truly had become a piece of work.

Watching the boy through a single, feeble thread of farsight, he could admire him for what he had become.

He was still very small for his age. His body had the same painfully lithe frame he had always known him to have. The chocolate brown hair cascaded around his face in anything but a style. But his eyes had changed. Those matured over time, became hardened, revealed less of his feelings.

They kept only the haunted stare Subaru had always seen within them.

Subaru raised an eyebrow.

//So that's what you're up to.//

//Well… I'll wait until you're done.//

There was nothing morally wrong, in his opinion, to watch Kamui occasionally as he engaged in any typical day to day activities as any other person did. There was, however, to watch him as he engaged in anything remotely like sexual activity. When his shirt was stripped away by his companion of the evening, Subaru thought it was best to stop watching.

It was not something he did often. Kamui never seemed to have enjoyed the activity, from what Subaru saw written on his face when it was over and done with, but he was a healthy twenty-one year old male. He had particular needs and when he needed them satisfied, he had them satisfied.

He was only human, after all, 'kamui' or not.

"Six months," Subaru mused quietly.

He had hoped that when he saw Kamui again after five years, he would have changed far more than he had. Subaru had expected to be disappointed, but not nearly as much as he had been that day.

Kamui had not looked then any better than he did now. His health was not failing, but he seemed to be losing weight, and the dark circles beneath his eyes appeared more and more often. Were he not careful, he would likely have a complete burn out one of these days, and with the way he secluded himself from the world, there would be no one to care for him.

Well, maybe Kamui liked it that way.

He had too, once upon a time in a dreary world.

Really, the parallels between he and Kamui could be frightening sometimes.

Subaru smiled faintly. Those parallels had been lost to no one, not even the most naïve, dense girl of the Dragons of Heaven, Yuzuriha Nekoi. She had once told him of how she thought he and Kamui resembled one another, not in appearance, but in general air, within their 'auras' so to speak. Not anymore. Subaru had changed far too much to even remotely resemble Kamui.

"Six months," he repeated with a sigh. "Well… maybe I'll wait another six to see you again."

Just to be irritating.

But as far as the present was concerned, he was feeling the urge for a midnight stroll. Maybe he'd stop by the Starbucks down the street for a coffee.

He dressed warmly, but not suffocatingly. Winter was fading away these days, but there was still the occasional threat of snow or a late night chill.

The doorman of his apartment complex - there was one, of course, considering in what prestigious area he lived - gave him a nod and a word of greeting as he passed, which was returned with an equal greeting and a smile. Subaru did not consider himself a charismatic person, but he had been told that there was something dazzling about his smile, however rarely he did reveal it to anyone. That had always amused him, that someone as damaged as he had as remarkable of a smile as people seemed to believe he possessed.

Stepping outside of the warm lobby was a rude shock to him. It was much colder this evening than he had anticipated. He considered a moment to go back to his apartment for his scarf, but he shrugged and decided against it. If he did, he was nearly certain that he would not bother to come back at all, and so he settled for turning up the collar of his jacket to protect his face from the frequent bursts of chilled air.

He glanced skyward. There were no stars in Tokyo; they could not be seen through the pollution that hung heavily in the atmosphere, but if there were, he would not have been able to see them in any case. Thick, full gray clouds dotted the sky, foretelling a very likely fall of snow tonight. Subaru sighed. That would make traveling from job to job tomorrow a more difficult task than he would have appreciated.

He thought a moment to check on Kamui, but in circumstances like these, he liked to at least give Kamui an hour or two. It never lasted any longer than an hour, barely even a half hour, if Subaru's estimations were correct. That still gave him another fifteen minutes until he would allow himself a last glimpse to seal the others this evening.

He made a slight detour on the path he was taking. There was a bookstore-café not far from his apartment, and the thought of coffee /and/ a book was far more inviting than just a cup of coffee.

Fortunately for someone with as nocturnal tendencies as his own, the bookstore was open well into the evening. He wandered aimlessly the various sections until finding something that seemed interesting enough. Then it was a matter of purchasing his coffee and settling down comfortably to finish it and read his book. Interesting, he thought, glancing around, how many people had the very same idea as he did.

"This'll be one of the longest winters we've seen in years," the young man behind the counter at the café said conversationally. Subaru flashed him the same charismatic smile that attracted so many others.

"You're probably right," he said. "I might go back home to Kyoto to wait it out."

"Yeah, it should be warmer in Kyoto this time of year. Here's your change."

Subaru took the money being offered to him and nodding. "It usually is. You have a good night."

"You too, sir."

Exchanges such as these, as simple as they were, had once been hurdles for him to cross when he had been younger. Settling down in an open armchair near the glass windows overlooking the streets (the café being on the second floor of the bookstore), he smiled slightly in spite of himself, amused at how difficult the most common of things had once seemed to him. Now they came as second nature and were nothing more than miniscule, pointless things to him.

//You should be quite done by now, Kamui.//

He spun out his thread of farsight once again and sent it in direction of where he knew Kamui to be. As it always did, the view of seeing with a magical eye rather than a realistic eye took some adjustment, but soon the few blurs of color began to take shape. He never actually saw anything as it actually was - he had simply taught himself to see the colors and shapes as what they actually were.

He glanced around. It seemed Kamui was missing from the scene. His companion remained, fully clothed, and seemingly unconscious in bed.

Well.

Subaru dropped the second line of vision to revert to his natural view.

//Interesting.//

One could easily assume what had happened there. Quite likely, his bed fodder of choice for the evening had proved to not be what he might have seemed, wherever it was Kamui had picked him up in the first place. Had things gotten out of hand, Kamui would have reacted as he normally did when he felt in the slightest threatened, and that was to lash out violently. This time it had resulted in that man's current state of unconsciousness. Many times before, the result had been far worse.

//Twenty-one and still as reckless as ever, Kamui. I'd think you'd be more careful by now.//

//After the last time…//

Subaru shook his head and smiled. That really was not any of his business.

He inclined his head slightly and absently marked his place in the book with the in-fold. Whatever they were blaring over the loudspeakers, it was obnoxious to a remarkable degree, far worse than some J-pop he had ever been forced to listen to. Something happy, upbeat, and with a singer whose voice could have shattered windows.

Come to think of it, Yuzuriha had always been fond of this music. Subaru preferred things of a more Western flavor.

Again, he shook his head, and returned his attention to his book. Odd, that he should be remembering so much from five years ago, when he had lived with the other Seals for that brief time.

Now that he had thought of the inugami mistress, however, he was not able to banish her from his mind.

He had never been particularly close to her. He had not, in fact, been close to any of the Seals. But when it had all come to an end and traitors were labeled and the dead buried, Yuzuriha had accepted him and forgiven him. He saw her little and she saw even less of him, but he did appear every now and then. The last he had seen of her was when he had gone to see her graduate from high school and move on to college.

Five years really was a long time now that he thought about it. No wonder Kamui had been so shocked to see him only six months ago.

Curiously, Subaru sent another thread of farsight spinning through the air in search of the boy that so often occupied his thoughts. He did not have to search long. The glowing image he recognized as Kamui was not far, perhaps…

Right here.

"Convenient," Subaru murmured. He dropped the farsight for another time this evening and watched from a distance as Kamui stepped within the bookstore.

It was quite so convenient that Subaru thought it was decidedly inconvenient. For one brief moment he wondered whether or not Kamui had known he was here, if the boy was able to see him as he could see Kamui, but he dismissed that thought with a shrug. The battle was over and the two holy swords shattered. Whatever sense he had ever received from his Seven Seals was long gone now.

Which meant this was all the more amusing as it was inconvenient to him.

Well, better to not show Kamui that he had even noticed him. Subaru returned his attention to the book in his hands.

Either way, it did not matter to him. If Kamui approached him, than his evening would prove far more interesting than he would have imagined. If he failed to notice him at all, well, that would be fine, too. Subaru didn't care.

"Subaru."

That hadn't taken very long at all.

Subaru looked up from his book and pasted such a sincere expression of surprise upon seeing Kamui, he thought perhaps he was putting the act on a bit too well. Kamui did not seem to notice however, and that was what was important.

"Konban wa," Subaru greeted with a light smile. "Sit down?"

Kamui did, after a moment or two of hesitation. Subaru watched him as he did so. He did not move as though that man who had been left unconscious in his own apartment had done anything to hurt him. There were no signs of abuse on anything visible to Subaru either, and for now, that was good enough for him.

"You don't live in Ginza, do you?" Subaru asked.

Kamui shook his head.

"Shinjuku?"

Kamui nodded.

//Well… whatever happened it's made you very bad company tonight.//

Subaru sipped thoughtfully at his coffee. Kamui seemed more uncomfortable than anything else. He had always been able to tell with Kamui. He had a habit of sitting on his hands or looking at the floor whenever he was feeling that way. It was something Subaru had once done himself, a long time ago.

"Do you live in Ginza?" Kamui asked slowly.

"I do. Just down the street from here."

He didn't intend to give any more information than this. Kamui might feel the need to drop by for a visit if he knew where he lived, and that could turn up remarkably uncomfortable.

"Can I get you something?" Subaru offered, gesturing toward the counter.

"'m okay."

Kamui tended to mumble when he was uncomfortable as well. Subaru had forgotten that tidbit of information.

"What're you reading?" he ventured a question. Whether or not he was uncomfortable, he genuinely seemed to want to talk, or perhaps…

Perhaps he was trying to find a way to anchor Subaru here.

Subaru was flattered.

"Stigmata," he said, flipping the book over and revealing the cover to Kamui. The boy's nose wrinkled in apparent disgust.

"Why would you want to read about that?"

Subaru shrugged and set the book aside. "It intrigues me. It might you, too, if you bothered to read up on it at all. The exact places the wounds appear on those that claim to have been affected by it are in the same places as many of your scars."

Kamui flinched. His scars, those inflicted on him by the other 'Kamui', had always been an open wound for him. Subaru knew this and yet still poured acid into those wounds by bringing them up at all.

"A stigma was also a mark burned into the flesh of a criminal long ago," Subaru continued conversationally. "So, someone marked by stigmata, so to speak, could be a person that has committed a crime… perhaps not one against society, but against themselves, or against someone they cared for."

Amethyst eyes flashed up and burned into him.

//Oh, good. You are alive in there after all.//

"Well," Subaru said lightly, smiling, "it's just a minor interest of mine."

The fire in his eyes faded as the words were said. Still quick to flare, but easily diminished, it seemed. That was quite disappointing.

Subaru waited, to see whether or not Kamui intended to speak again. He did not. Subaru sighed. It was too bad that he didn't feel very much like conversing; he would have liked to talk to him more. But Subaru did not intend to sit there in this uncomfortable silence as though he enjoyed it.

He stood. "It was good to see you again, Kamui."

"Don't go."

He paused. Kamui drew a breath. It was said too quickly. Too quickly than was necessary, than was acceptable. Subaru raised an eyebrow.

"I'd like to talk to you."

Subaru sat back down. "Very well."

Kamui was not in any way less uncomfortable now than he had been before. He was worse than before, actually. Subaru almost wanted to shake him by the shoulders and tell him to relax. He knew that he was not the same person that Kamui remembered, only a shadow of that person, but /honestly/… this was ridiculous.

"Are you still an onmyouji?" Kamui asked. It was a pathetic stab at conversation of any kind, he knew that as well as Subaru did, but anything was better than nothing.

"I am."

Kamui seemed to breathe a sigh of relief. Subaru smiled, amused. He knew what he had expected to hear. That was not, however, information he would give over a cup of coffee.

"Did you think I had quit?" he asked, still amused.

He could, at least, keep taunting Kamui with the information. That would not be willingly giving it away.

"I thought…" Kamui faltered there and sighed. "I thought, since you… well, since that happened, you'd become…"

"The Sakurazukamori."

Kamui looked up at him sharply, with such a look on his face that Subaru had to laugh. Not cruelly, but simply a light-hearted, amused laugh. Kamui looked very much like the child that overheard his friend saying a curse word.

"Are you?" he asked finally, softly.

The smile did not fade. "Do you think I am?"

"I-I don't know!" Kamui exclaimed, frustrated. Several people glanced at them in surprise. Kamui tinged a rather unusual shade of red and ducked his head.

"Take a wild guess," Subaru said, waving a hand absently.

Kamui bit his lower lip. "I suppose… well, yeah, I suppose you are."

This surprised Subaru. He had thought that Kamui would have wished so strongly that his friend had not become the guardian of the Sakura, that he would have denied it to no end that he might have in fact become the Sakurazukamori. His willingness to accept it was remarkable.

"What makes you think so?" Subaru inquired curiously.

"You're just not the Subaru I remember."

"I was unaware you knew more than one Subaru to compare me to."

Kamui glanced up, some of that fire in his eyes again, slender eyebrows barely narrowed. "You know what I mean."

"No, I do not. There is no difference between the way I was 'then' and the way I am 'now'. You are simply seeing a side of me you did not want to think was ever there."

Subaru stood again, this time intending to leave, but again, Kamui stopped him.

"I tried to find you. After everything ended, I looked for you. I gave up after a year. Now that I've found you… you can't just walk away from me."

Subaru smiled. "When did you reserve the right to tell me what I can and cannot do?"

"Let me come with you."

The smile vanished.

Then Subaru laughed. "Out of the question, Kamui."

Kamui had stood as well by now, but with his back to him, Subaru could not see his face. But he could practically /feel/ those eyes burning into him, pleading with him, begging to be taken along.

He was lonely. And as he had done long ago, he needed and wanted someone to cling to.

Subaru refused to be that anchor for him.

"Subaru…"

"/No./"

Had Kamui intended to plead further, this single word stopped him. It was said firmly, without the mirth Subaru's laughter held, without the gentleness his smiles showed. He would have nothing of this. Kamui knew that and felt the fool for trying at all.

"Well," Subaru said, turning slightly to glance at him, "I'll see you later, ne, Kamui?"

He left with a friendly smile and a wave of his hand.