X/1999 Fan Fiction ❯ Ten Reasons to Love Somebody ❯ Guardian ( Chapter 6 )

Disclaimer: If X/1999 and TB were mine, I wouldn't have all those restraining orders from CLAMP.

 

Ten Reasons to Love Somebody

 

VI. Guardian

 

It was growing colder in Tokyo. A frosty breeze grasped the city and held on mercilessly so that no hidden crevice was left untouched. The bitter wind hissed and snapped at every window when the sun fled into the night. Yet in the gloom of Subaru's apartment, it went ignored with much of the rest of the outside world.

 

The rooms were gray and stagnant; the air hung listlessly, absorbing all the remorse and disgrace fed into the shelled atmosphere. In his room, Subaru lied on his back staring straight up from his bed. His sight was clouded and murky as he sensed the last of the daylight ebbing away until only the embers of his cigarette burned radiance against the walls of darkness.

 

His eyes had adjusted well from the hours remaining in that same, unwavering position so that he entertained himself with watching shapes twist together and apart in the rising smoke he exhaled. In it he saw the forms of animals and people, ruthless grins, and spirits he had long thought to be dispelled. Each came and went at its own accord before ultimately dissipating into nothing.

 

He had been smoking a lot these last few days; this was his second cigarette of the hour. It seemed that tobacco had little effect on his health. It was either that or his body was too occupied tackling other problems such as his starvation or newfound insomnia to bother with it.

 

Subaru now hated to sleep. At once it had been his escape from everything, but now it was the prison that bound him to reality. His dreams were merging with memories of the past and present so it seemed that wherever he went, he was captive to his own guilt and self-loathing. So he went nowhere. Subaru just remained lying, smoking, breathing, and little else.

 

But there was no peace in this, either. Across his room, lying on the wooden floor, his phone began to ring anew. Another call, another disturbance into his delicately constructed sphere away from everyone else. He wanted to pull out that wretched machine by its cords and toss it out of the window. But he knew that he lacked the resolve to do so.

 

As the phone kept ringing, he feared it may have been an official requesting his presence or, even less likely, his grandmother calling to speak to him the first time since that incident two nights ago. It was these thoughts that kept him from disconnecting the phone, even if he already knew who it was on the other line.

 

Finally the crimson light of his answering machine blinked on. “You've reached Sumeragi Subaru,” his voice announced over the recording. “I'm not here right now. Please leave a message after the tone.”

 

Subaru closed his eyes and fought back a cringe. No sooner had the machine let out a low beep did the voice on the other end call for him.

 

“Subaru…come on, pick up,” begged Kamui. “Alright… but I know you're there—just like the last ten calls.”

 

“Twelve,” Subaru corrected the message.

 

“Look Subaru, we're all worried about you. Sora wants you to live with us for a couple of weeks so you'll be safer. I think that's a good idea, too. We'll make sure that…whatever it was that he did to you—that it won't happen again.”

 

He really did cringe then. Whatever it was that he did to me. That was just it—Seishirou had done nothing outside of humiliating him as usual.

 

“Subaru…you're really not going to pick up, are you? Well, this'll be my last call tonight. I'm going to dinner with a friend. I'm…getting on with my life because of you, Subaru. I hope that one day you'll do the same.”

 

The sound of the phone on the receiver clicked over the recording, and Subaru was left in blissful silence. However, it was only a few minutes following that message that he had smoked down the cigarette he was holding, which he also knew to be his last. Without the smoke to distract him, Subaru knew that it would not be long before he fell into a much needed sleep or his own overwhelming thoughts and concerns consumed him. He reluctantly sat up from his bed, and walked to the bathroom sink.

 

His eyes burned as the blinding lights flashed on, and he buried his head in the sink. He splashed cold water over himself, slowly accustoming himself back to an alert state of mind.

 

Two nights: it had been only two nights since he last saw Seishirou, but he wished it was an eternity since he kissed the man, was touched and teased by him, so that maybe it could fade from his memories. Subaru often wondered how much further Seishirou would have went toying with him, and even more guiltily, whether he would let him if they had not been interrupted.

 

He kept telling himself it was a good thing that Kamui and Sorata had stopped Seishirou or else he did not know what might have happened. Yet what might have happened was quite different from what did happen, and he was no better off.

 

As luck would have it, his grandmother did show up at Sunshine 60 shortly after he left with Seishirou. And undoubtedly, Kamui and Sorata encountered her, either by chance or at her own request to search him out. But when they did find him, he could not have been in a worse situation. What did they now think of him after witnessing him being kissed and groped by the Sakurazukamori, another man, in a public alley?

 

He was somewhat fortunate that Sorata had misinterpreted the situation, and was convinced that he was being violated when they arrived. With great disgrace, Subaru did nothing to correct this, not even when Kamui had asked what happened with those big, violet eyes. He could not bring himself to say that he let Seishirou touch him, and that he kissed him back. He was pitied and regarded with unwanted concern by his fellow Seals; it was something he tolerated for not telling the truth, even more afraid of what would happen when they did realize how selfish and perverted he really was.

 

He raised his head from the sink, and winced at his reflection in the mirror. Across his pale face was a dark bruise. He gingerly ran a finger over the livid mark. It had hurt that it was his grandmother who had hit him, but what was worse was how her eyes lit up with such resentment and pain when she looked upon him.

 

I will not remain here and watch my grandson become a whore to that man.

 

She was not fooled like Sorata and Kamui; she knew exactly what had happened and exactly what he was. She read that ashamed blush on his face when he looked up at her, and knew that he had never said no, and was going to let the hated rival of their family continue ravishing him. She had every right to hit him and call him a whore; he was her only grandson and the head of the family. And he selfishly degraded all that he represented by submitting to Seishirou.

 

He deserved all of this.

 

Subaru's reflection was now blurred with new tears of guilt, but he ignored them and went back to his room. He needed another cigarette, and so he had no choice but to go out.

 

He went to his closet and carelessly selected a black shirt that zipped up from the front, and pulled on a pair of boots under his dark jeans. Once he was decent, he snatched his coat and threw himself into the wilting cold—

 

--and straight into the last person he wanted to see at the moment.

 

“Ah, Subaru-kun,” chirped Seishirou.

 

Subaru did not even bother with locking his door. He sped past Seishirou wordlessly, and rushed down the stairs with his head cast down.

 

Seishirou followed close behind, having no intention of letting his prey leave without so much as a `go the hell away' or `take your hands off me, Seishirou-san.'

 

“Why are you in such a hurry to leave? The world's not ending…yet.”

 

Subaru kept running. All he wanted was a pack of cigarettes. Whatever he did, he was not about to fall victim to Seishirou. Not again and not now.

 

But Seishirou easily kept up with the Sumeragi. “So it's another game we're playing, Subaru-kun?” He smirked. “What do I get if I catch you?”

 

Subaru felt sick. Everything was another game to Seishirou, and he was nothing more than a toy to play with and break. He hated him—he hated it all so much. He noticed Seishirou speeding up behind. Whether he wanted to or not, he would always be forced to play by the Sakurazukamori's rules.

 

Abandoning his path to buy more cigarettes, Subaru leapt high onto a rooftop. Without glancing back to see if he was followed, he bolted across building to building of the city with an unnatural burst of speed. He dashed through the stretches of night into the glaring city lights like a desperate, wild animal. The cold wind lashed at him, and he soon lost feeling in his body. He was flying through the darkness with the growing wish to meld with it entirely and disappear.

 

His dulled senses never noticed a black shadow creeping up before him until it was too late. A pair of arms caught him while he was jumping to the next building, and held onto him tightly.

 

“I've found you, Subaru-kun,” purred Seishirou.

 

Subaru did everything he could to attempt to shake away from the arms that imprisoned him. “Stop it! Leave me alone! I don't want to talk, and I don't want to see you! Let me go!”

 

Seishirou warmly smiled at this loud outburst. “Now Subaru-kun, I did catch you. You were an amusing challenge, but now you're all mine.” Ignoring further protests, he lifted up Subaru's chin with every intention of silencing him with a long kiss. However, his smile fell the moment he looked upon that beautiful face and the bruise that marred it.

 

“Subaru-kun,” he said gravely. “Who gave you that?”

 

Subaru quieted, and tried to look away. Seishirou unfortunately kept his eye leveled with his emeralds. The hand over his shoulder held him tighter so that he might have received another bruise.

 

“Answer me, Subaru-kun,” demanded Seishirou. His voice was dead of any warmth it previously held.

 

Subaru winced under Seishirou's grasp. Finally he brought himself to answer, his own voice withered with shame. “…Obaa-chan…hit me.” He whimpered with relief when Seishirou loosened his iron grip.

 

“I see,” he replied. He then pulled the Sumeragi against his chest, and laid his chin over that trembling shoulder. His embrace was gentle as he slowly brushed his hands up and down Subaru's back. Amazed at the sudden change in Seishirou's hold, Subaru began to cautiously relax as he continued speaking. “It must have been a rather nasty shock for the old woman.”

 

Subaru froze and glared up at him with rekindled fury. How much had Seishirou known of what was going to happen that night?

 

“Damn you,” he hissed.

 

Seishirou looked back at him with a sly grin. “Then let me be damned, Subaru-kun,” he answered while running a finger along the bridge of Subaru's nose.

 

He recoiled against him. “Don't touch me! I can't stand it when you touch me!” His breathing was serrated and hard as he spoke, and his voice rose in suit. “I hate it. I hate being your plaything! And I hate hearing your voice, seeing that damn grin of yours, and more than anything else…” Subaru was trembling when his eyes smoldered up at him. “…I hate you, Seishirou-san.”

 

At first Seishirou made no movement, and gazed back at him without betraying any expression. Then, his lips curved into a light smile. “I know,” he answered back.

 

Subaru's heart dropped, and he stared back at him shaking his head incredulously. He might have said something more, but Seishirou impatiently pressed his mouth over his. He squirmed against him, yet Seishirou roughly held him in place so that he had no choice but to lose himself in the warm feeling.

 

He broke away for a sharp intake of air, but Seishirou's ravenous mouth plundered his once more so that it was not long before he felt the ground below him spinning. Subaru hesitantly threw his arms around Seishirou's neck, which the Sakurazukamori ardently welcomed.

 

Yet a simple kiss soon was not enough for Seishirou, and he thrust his tongue deep into his prey's mouth. Subaru whimpered again, and squeezed his eyes shut as he fought against the other man's tongue pressing over and dominating his own. At last, he gave up struggling against him, too exhausted and weak to carry on. He sunk into those arms and savored how Seishirou's tongue continued to tease the walls of his mouth.

 

Seishirou's hands were moving everywhere, which he acknowledged with a chain of soft moans. The way his waist was massaged, the chaste pressure applied to his thighs by Seishirou's—it all felt so wonderful, and Subaru loathed himself for it. In his submission, he was nothing more than an object—a doll, and he reviled everything that he was becoming.

 

To his astonishment, Seishirou's hands stopped, and the kiss was broken. “Subaru-kun,” he remarked curiously. “You're crying.”

 

He opened his eyes and discovered his sight to be welled with fresh tears. Inside, his conscience swarmed back to life, and with every tear that rolled down his face he could hear himself screaming within. Finally, he lost control of himself, and broke into a hysterical sob.

 

“Subaru-kun…”

 

Subaru pushed him away and fled. He did not know where his legs were taking him, only that he had to keep running—keep running from Seishirou, running from his feelings, running from himself, if only he could be so lucky.

 

He leapt from the building and tumbled to the ground. At the impact, he merely scrambled back to his feet and continued fleeing. Seishirou made no effort this time to chase after him, but this did not slow Subaru. He could still feel Seishirou on his lips and recall the hot desire that ran through him as their hips touched. Each memory struck harder into him until he felt the very ground quake beneath him.

 

Subaru fell to the unforgiving earth, and it was there that he curled himself up and cried. Why couldn't he hate Seishirou!? His only wish was to be free, for everything to end because he could no longer stand himself and his thoughts of the man who had murdered his sister: the same man that he still loved. In the end, there was only Seishirou, Seishirou, and Seishirou.

 

His sobs tapered down to soft crying when he felt the earth tremor beneath him a second time.

 

He immediately sobered, realizing that none of it was his tormented imagination. A block away, he could hear the frightened cries of citizens. The sky thundered, and Subaru paled to see a band of lightning shaped as a dragon ascending at Sunshine 60.

 

Dragons of Earth were attacking Ikebukuro. If they were to bring down Sunshine 60, what would happen to all those people? At first, he was reluctant to stand, and he kept his eyes locked on the enormous building with the faint hope that a kekkai would rise so he would not have to be the one to go. However, the ground continued to quake, and Subaru knew he could not wait any longer. He darted down the sidewalk for the panicked city and the endangered structure miles away.

 

As he neared it, he could see a skirmish taking place that threatened to topple the building. His eyes widened at the sight of Kamui covered in blood, his thin neck tightly clasped by his twin star. His speed doubled until he was within an earshot of the battle.

 

“Let him go!” Subaru screamed at the top of his lungs with ofuda already locked between his fingers.

 

Fuuma turned his attention to him, and Subaru froze when he saw that face. It…couldn't be…

 

“Have you come to the rescue?” queried Fuuma with delight. “Or to play?”

 

“No,” whispered Subaru to himself. He could not have been seeing Seishirou. That was impossible. “A trick of the eye,” he tried to reassure himself while raising his kekkai.

 

“So…the kekkai's been laid…the quickest way out of here is over its creator's dead body.” Fuuma turned to the white-haired teen that accompanied him. “Nataku, will you do the honors?”

 

“Subaru!” screamed Kamui. He turned around as a swarm of ivory ribbons flew at him. Without thinking, Subaru let his ofuda fly in a flock of white doves. He winced as he saw every one of them being shred apart in the onslaught.

 

One of the ribbons tore through his defenses in the blink of an eye, and ensnared his left arm with enough force to snap the bone. He glanced into the dead, cobalt eyes of its owner, who was descending on him for the kill. He could not afford to be caught by surprise in such a deadly battle; Subaru shook his head and recollected his senses. Time seemed to slow as his nemesis flew down at him, and he calmly took more ofuda from his pocket.

 

He muttered a chant, and the white card engulfed everything with unworldly flames. Nataku fell away, and the ribbon that held his arm restrained broke.

 

Embers showered down over the building as the Dark Kamui laughed. Subaru glared; even that condescending chuckle was sickeningly familiar.

 

“Looks like he's a tough one,” remarked Fuuma. “Don't worry…I'll take over from here.” A web of thin strings imprisoned Kamui against the nearest wall despite the boy's frantic screams. With a sinister grin, Fuuma took the long ribbon from Nataku, and turned back to Subaru.

 

He gasped when their eyes met. There was Seishirou again, smiling at him with those mismatched eyes. He had to be mistaken or too exhausted to know what he was seeing, but he nevertheless swore that it had been the Sakurazukamori in his eyes.

 

Before he could think anything else, Fuuma threw a blast of energy his way, which he narrowly avoided. Subaru took five more ofuda from his coat and carefully laid his trap while evading the following blasts.

 

“I didn't come here to play dodge ball,” said Fuuma impatiently. “Aren't you going to fight back?”

 

That was all the provocation he needed. Subaru folded his hands together and ignited the ofuda. Each card flashed, and Fuuma was emerged in a bright pentagram of light.

 

The Dark Kamui merely laughed. “I get it; you've been laying a trap…thought you'd run circles around me.”

 

Subaru was about to throw another attack at him while he was still trapped, but he made the mistake of gazing into his face once again.

 

His breath caught. Seishirou smirked in the folds of his trap, arms folded patiently, mockingly. The white ribbon floated against his broad frame dressed in the same, sharp Armani suit. His black hair ruffled under the wind, and his single caramel eye pierced into him.

 

Subaru was paralyzed. He…looks like Seishirou-san!? Why…w-why does he remind me of Seishirou-san!?

 

Fuuma raised his hand, and the trap dissolved with a gust of cold air. “Don't lose your focus, dear Subaru-kun,” he teased. “We wouldn't want that kekkai of yours to come apart!”

 

The white ribbon flew forward with a crushing wave of energy. He could not regain his concentration quickly enough, and felt the full force of the attack hammer into him. Gashes opened up all over his body, and his blood spilt over the concrete as Kamui screamed for him in vain.

 

Subaru blinked, at first unsure of what had happened; his body was still too paralyzed and confused to realize it. But all too swiftly, the overwhelming pain set in, and he felt the hot blood gushing from him. No longer able to stand, Subaru crumpled to the ground.

 

He was not even able to take a breath when he felt the air being knocked from him. A rough kick at his ribcage lifted him from the cement, and mercilessly hit him again and again in the stomach. He noticed himself being pushed to the edge of a wall like a worthless stone on the sidewalk. His back collided with a wrecked railing.

 

The tip of Fuuma's boot pushed up his chin, and Subaru opened his emerald eyes.

 

He saw Seishirou grinning down at him.

 

“…Sei..shirou…san…” he murmured.

 

A fist snatched the back of his hair, and lifted up his head.

 

“Wh-why…why…do you…?” he cried weakly, unable to finish.

 

Fuuma laughed. “Why do I look like Seishirou? Isn't that what you want?”

 

Subaru's eyes enlarged at that. Seishirou…all he thought about was Seishirou. Seishirou's touch, his smile, his voice—all of the things he said he hated were there. And then he knew that it was because he wanted to see it all. He did want Seishirou.

 

Fuuma's fingers came together like a dagger, and he pulled back his hand to take aim at Subaru's right eye. “To see Seishirou again…isn't that your wish?”

 

Subaru watched as the fingers drove at him. He waited for the final, terrible pain to come as that hand sunk into his eye to forever blind him.

 

But it never came.

 

The smell of sakura perfumed the air, and the Dark Kamui halted his attack. He looked up at the sky, and Subaru feebly did the same, although he did not believe what he saw. Against the darkness, pink sakura petals were snowing down over them. Seishirou was there, watching over him all this time.

 

“Interesting. It seems we have another guest to this little show of ours,” laughed Fuuma. He disregarded the rain of petals, and repositioned his hand to blind the Sumeragi. However, the buds swarmed furiously, and the moment that he tried to deliver the blow, they descended over the teen.

 

The petals were razor sharp, and they wildly flew over the Dark Kamui, drawing blood until he released his grip on Subaru.

 

Fuuma lost his amusement at the situation. “Damn you, Seishirou.” Nonetheless, he gazed past the sakura to find Subaru's kekkai breaking away. The Sumeragi was drained of his strength, and could no longer sustain the barrier. He folded his arms in disappointment. “Nataku. We're finished here,” he said before walking away.

 

Subaru gazed up at the floating sakura as his consciousness began to wash away in the storm. He shrunk back as the petals began to float toward him, but when they made contact with his skin, he felt no pain. When they touched him, they were warm and sweet over his flesh. They were just like Seishirou's kisses.

 

In the background, he could hear Sunshine 60 crumbling beneath him and Kamui's cries rising. And his body was hurt and bleeding. But Seishirou was kissing him, and none of it seemed to matter. His eyes slid shut as the last of the sakura showered over him, and he drifted far away into an impossible dream.